Flame and Phoenix
by SimplyLaurel
Summary: The first of September, 1976, saw the beginnings of many things for Lily Evans and James Potter. Friendship, strife, laughter, heartache, and maybe, just maybe, love.
1. Chapter 1

I don't own anything you recognize. Happy reading!

Flame and Phoenix

Chapter 1:

Lily Evans was not perturbed. Not perturbed at all. She was not the least bit apprehensive to arrive at Platform 9¾ on the morning of September 1, 1976. She had certainly not been dreading the end of her summer holidays, and she had not felt the slightest squirm of anxiety when she woke that morning and realized that that was the day she would reenter the wizarding world after a months' long absence.

True, her morning had not gotten off to a good start: Rose Evans, Lily's mother, has woken up in a bad state and hadn't been able to accompany the rest of the family to see Lily off to school. Then Petunia, her sister, had started in on Lily. It began with the insults hissed across the kitchen table at breakfast, then the not-so-subtle hints that it was the stress of Lily's unusual lifestyle that was behind their mother's ailments, and culminated in a shouting match in the front hall between Petunia and her father over whether Petunia would go with them to King's Cross, or indeed, whether she would say goodbye to her sister at all before she left for her sixth year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. In the end, Lily would almost rather have preferred that her father, Ralph Evans, hadn't bothered with the row at all. Petunia had consented to acknowledge Lily's departure, but her peevish "you should find out if they can keep you next summer, too, so mum won't have to deal with your abnormalities until you're done with that freak place," had not exactly been the sentimental parting that Lily had hoped for. Though, she'd had to admit to her father as they loaded her trunk and her tabby cat, Radagast, into the car, she probably shouldn't have expected much more from her sister.

Petunia Evans had never been exactly keen on Lily being a witch. It wasn't entirely her sister's fault, Lily knew. Lily had learned of her abilities when she was eleven years old, and Petunia thirteen, from Severus Snape, a boy in their neighborhood, and fellow wizard and Hogwarts student. Petunia and Severus had never taken to each other, despite Lily's efforts. And though Lily had orchestrated to let slip to Petunia that she was no longer friends with Severus (though the fact that he had stopped coming round the house should have been sign enough of their fractured friendship), Petunia still seemed to associate magic and all those who used it with the same mistrust she had regarded Severus with from the moment they met. No, Lily should have known her sister wouldn't like her on the morning she went back to school any better than she had done every other day that summer.

But Lily tried not to think about that as she and her father slowed to a stop before the barrier between Platforms Nine and Ten. "Well, this is it, darling," her father said, taking his hands from the trolley and putting them on either of Lily's shoulders. "We'll see you for the Christmas holidays in a couple of months. And we'll write to you until then. Send me on owl if you've forgotten anything, right?"

"Right, dad." Lily smiled up at her father. But even as she did so, his smile faded.

"I'm sorry your mother wasn't able to come with us," he said. "I know she was as disappointed as you."

Lily felt her own smile slide from her face. Her mother had been unwell for quite some time. She had good days and bad days, though as much as they tried to deny it, the bad days were slowly creeping up and starting to outnumber the good. But, Lily told herself, hopefully that would be changing soon. "It's alright, Dad, I understand," she said. "Maybe she'll come with us next year."

Mr. Evans hitched his smile back into place and Lily pretended not to notice that it didn't quite reach his eyes. He pulled her into a warm hug. She breathed in the smell of his aftershave, musty where it mixed with the wool of his sweater vest, trying to commit it to memory so she could keep some small part of her family with her while she was at school. She loved Hogwarts; the castle, the lessons, her friends, and, of course, magic. But she couldn't help miss some things about the Muggle world while she was away from it, especially her family. Her father released her and gave her a last smile as she turned away, checked that Radagast's basket was stable on top of her trunk, and then pushed the trolley forward, through the gateway to the magical world.

Steam from the scarlet engine swirled through the air as Lily emerged onto Platform 9¾. The crowded space was filled with students and their various parents, siblings, and other family members. Owls hooted from their cages and a couple of cats had escaped the confines of their carriers to wind between the legs of the people milling about. Lily looked quickly around for her friends, but none of them stood out among the hundreds of people packing the platform. Undisturbed, she steered her trolley toward the open door of a train car and unloaded it heavily onto the ground. Radagast's basket wobbled precariously as the trunk thumped off the trolley, and Lily dropped the other end as her hands shot out to secure the cat. It struck her that this was the first time in six years of September firsts that she had not immediately run into a friend, or at least someone with whom she was civil and could comfortably ask for help.

"Want a hand with that?" a voice asked.

Relieved, she looked up to see who had spoken. Her face fell.

One of her fellow Gryffindor sixth years stood next to her, leaning a shoulder against the train with a wide, cocky grin firmly in place. Lily looked down again. In all of the excitement and drama of the morning and her farewells to her father, she had almost forgotten why she had been dreading her return to Hogwarts: James Potter. Her cheeks burned as she remembered the end of their previous term. She had shouted at him in front of practically their entire year, called him arrogant (which he was), a bully (which he was), and big-headed (which he definitely was), and told him that he made her sick. Since then, they had had practically no contact; for once in the five years they had been together at Hogwarts, James Potter has spent the law few days of term avoiding Lily just as diligently as she avoided him.

Apparently he was done with that. But Lily couldn't look at him. She couldn't meet his eyes. She willed her cheeks to keep from going pink as she gave her trunk another hearty tug. It didn't move. James chuckled.

"Is that the only greeting I get after nearly three months apart?" he asked. She could practically hear the smile in his voice.

He waited for her to respond, but she didn't. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw him fold his arms across his chest. "It's alright, Evans, I understand. I frequently render girls speechless."

Her eyes shot up to his face and she crossed her own arms. "You're something else, Potter, you know?"

"'Something else?'" James repeated, straightening up from where he had been leaning. "Not quite what I was hoping for, but I suppose it's better than 'arrogant, big-headed bullying twat.'" He winked at Lily as she scowled. "As I asked before, do you want help with your trunk?"

Lily just glared. "I did not call you a…a you-know-what," she muttered.

James chuckled. "A twat? Maybe I imagined that one, then. Well, good. I'm glad to know you don't have _that_ low an opinion of me. Now, your trunk?" he gestured again to the luggage on the ground.

Lily sniffed. She looked again from James to her trunk, then to the steep steps leading up to the train, back again to her luggage, and then to Radagast, who meowed loudly. "Fine," she said, she picked up the cat's basket.

James grinned even wider. She expected him to make a show out of hoisting the trunk up and carrying it onto the train by himself (no doubt he would have loved to show off his strength), but to her surprise, he instead pulled out his wand, flicked it, and said "_Locomotor trunk_!"

The trunk lifted up from the ground and, at James's direction, floated up the steps and into the train. James made to follow it, but Lily stopped him. "James," she hissed, grabbing the arm that held his wand aloft and pulling it back down. "You can't do that! We're not supposed to use magic here!"

James cocked an eyebrow at her. "Says who?" he asked.

"The Ministry! We're not back at school yet, are we?"

"We can use magic on the train," James countered. "Do you really think the Ministry cares enough about a little Locomotive Charm to quibble with me about the two feet of distance from the platform to the inside of the train? I mean, the object of the charm is currently on the train, even if the wizard casting it is on the platform. What's more important to those old Ministry toads: the location of the magic taking place, or the location of its caster?"

Lily stopped. She didn't know. "That…that isn't the point, Potter."

"Then what _is_ the point?" he asked.

She stopped again. He smiled.

"You know, Evans, if you wanted to hold my hand, you could have just asked."

Lily blinked. "What?"

James looked pointedly at his wrist, which Lily still had clamped in her hand. She released him at once and took a step back, cheeks burning again. She looked at the ground.

"I think we'd better move," he said after a moment. "We're blocking the door."

And so they were; Lily looked behind her to see a couple of students, first years by the look of them, waiting to board the train with trunks of their own. Lily jumped and took another step away from James, got a better hold on Radagast's basket, and followed her luggage onto the train. James climbed up behind her and guided the trunk into the nearest empty compartment. Lily deposited Radagast on one of the seats and turned back to the entrance of the train. "Come on," she said to James, once he had released the spell on her trunk.

He stopped, having just taken a step toward the opposite end of the car. "Where are we going?" he asked, sounding not altogether disinterested.

"To help the new students with their trunks," Lily said patiently, gesturing toward the platform they had just left. One of the first years was standing on the bottom step, struggling to lift his trunk up.

James rolled his eyes. "They'll manage. It builds character, lugging trunks."

Lily glared at him. "I'm a _prefect_, Potter. Prefects help first years."

She made her way over to the first year, slipping around him and hopping back onto the platform. "I'll get the other end," she said to him kindly. He looked at her warily. He was tiny with hair so blonde it looked like corn silk. His brown eyes were huge in his face. Lily remembered her first day and thought, with a pang of sympathy, that she knew how he felt. "Lift your end and I'll lift this end; we'll get it inside."

The first year pulled. Lily pushed. The trunk didn't move. James had followed her to the mouth of the train's central corridor, and he leaned against the paneled wall, watching her efforts with a smirk. She tried as hard as she could to ignore him as she and the scrawny boy struggled with the heavy trunk. It still didn't budge. "Oh, sod it," she finally muttered after another minute of fruitless effort. She pulled out her wand, swinging her long red hair to the side and letting it fall in her face so she couldn't see that stupid, smug grin as she waved her wand and said, "_Locomotor trunk_!"

The trunk immediately jumped into the air and Lily directed it onto the train. The first year watched with his mouth hanging open. With another pang, Lily realized that he must be Muggle-born to be so surprised by the simple spell. "Come on," she said over her shoulder. He picked up his second bag and followed her onto the train. She glared at James as she reached him, and he moved aside to let her pass, still smirking. "You could have helped, you know," she said to him.

"But you were doing such a good job yourself," he replied. "Besides, I am helping. I set the example for you."

Lily sighed and shook her head. She settled the trunk down in another empty compartment. "Is this alright?" she asked the boy. He nodded timidly and mumbled his thanks. Lily gave him an encouraging smile, wished him luck at Hogwarts, and left him in the compartment. She met James back in the corridor, where he had been watching the exchange without comment.

"I suppose we have to help the other one now?" he asked.

Lily nodded, arms crossed.

He rolled his eyes and walked to the door of the train. This time he jumped down and walked over to the girl waiting there. "Need help with your trunk?" he asked. She nodded wordlessly. James looked over at Lily again, smug grin still in place. But this time, he tucked his wand back in his pocket and grabbed the handles on either end of the trunk, hoisted it up and carried it to the train and up the steps. _That's more like James_, she thought as she made room for him to pass with his burden. The girl followed and James tucked the trunk away in a third compartment. He glanced at Lily, looking a touch unsure, then back at the girl. "Erm, good luck with the rest of your first day, then. D'you, er, know what House you want to be in?"

The girl raised an eyebrow. "I'm in Slytherin. I'm a second year," she said coldly.

Lily clapped a hand to her mouth to restrain a giggle. James's face dropped and he knotted his jaw and stalked out into the train's corridor. Lily followed and had barely escaped earshot of the compartment before she burst out laughing. "Bloody Slytherins," James grumbled as he jumped back onto Platform 9¾. "Didn't even say 'thank you,'" He turned back to Lily and crossed his arms, face expectant, clearly waiting for her to get down from the train.

She jerked her head back toward the compartment where she had left her trunk and her cat. "I've got to stay with Rad," she said. "I'll see you at school, though."

James lifted his foot and made to take a step back toward the train. He opened his mouth to say something, but at that exact moment a figure detached itself from the greater crowd of people still milling around and wrapped an arm around James. "Prongs, there you are; it's been an age! And, oh, Lily! It's good to see you! Had a good summer? Call anyone else an arrogant twit?"

"Arrogant twat," Lily and James corrected him at the same time. Then Lily, realizing what she had said, blanched. James shot her a grin and a wink, but Sirius put on an affronted air.

"Why Miss Evans, I'm offended!" he said, a twinkle in his eye that Lily recognized all too well. "They let you be a prefect with a mouth like that?"

She crossed her arms. "I have a cat to get back to," she said, and she left, mentally berating herself for thinking she could have a positive, no, even a _neutral_ interaction with James Potter.

* * *

James Potter and Sirius Black burst into a compartment further down the train and collapsed into seats, scarcely able to breathe from laughing. "Did…did you see her face?" Sirius finally wheezed out after a couple of failed attempts.

"See it?" James gasped out, clutching his sides. "Of course I saw it! I've been looking forward to nothing but seeing her face for nearly three bleeding months!" he said after his mirth had subsided somewhat.

From their seats, Remus Lupin and Peter Pettigrew barely looked up, so used they were to their other two best friends bursting into rooms in hysterics over one thing or another.

"Hello," Remus said after a moment, folding up his newspaper and tossing it onto an empty seat. "Had a good summer?"

"_I_ did," Sirius said, sitting up straighter and straightening his robes. "After a fashion, at any rate."

Peter looked up from his comic book. "What d'you—" he started, but James cut him off.

"We've just been to see Evans. Lily Evans," he said.

Remus rolled his eyes, but Peter looked interested. "What happened?" the latter asked, tucking the comic book into his trunk.

James grinned. "The last of her, that's what happened!" he said, triumphant.

His two friends stared at him. "What?" Remus said after a moment.

Sirius rolled his eyes, and before James had a chance to reply, he said, "James has been going on, and on, and on, and _on_ about Lily Bloody Evans for nearly three solid months!"

Remus nodded sympathetically. Peter looked confused. "What—"

Sirius cut him off. "The Evans Incident," he said, with a meaningful look at the other two. "James had been obsessed. All summer, it was "well Lily this,' and 'but Lily that.' Ten bloody weeks of it!"

Peter said "oooooooh," and Remus nodded again, as though they were suddenly all on the same page. It irked James.

"The Evans Incident?" James asked, indignant. "What's that mean, 'the Evans Incident'?"

"The Evans Incident," the three other boys chorused back at him.

"From his letters," Remus said, pointing to Sirius.

James rounded on Sirius. "What letters?" he asked.

Sirius raised his eyebrows, looking quite unabashed. "The letters I wrote to them. Telling them all about my summer. A summer spent listening to you talk, and talk, and talk about nothing other than Lily. Bloody. Evans!" his friend explained, shoving against James's shoulder. "I swear," Sirius said, looking to the other two boys, "rejection does not do James any good. Prongs here could get a date with any bird in the school, no problem, and afterwards he couldn't care whether he ever saw them again of not," ("Hey!" James said then, thinking that was a bit much.), "but one girl calls him names and turns him down, and he can think of nothing else the entire bleeding holiday!"

"_But!_" James interjected, putting a hand on Sirius's chest and pushing him back against his seat before he could continue. "That's all over now. I just met with Evans, just now, and I've put the whole thing to bed!"

"So to speak…" Sirius muttered, and he, Peter, and Remus chuckled.

James glared at them. "What I mean," he continued loftily. "Is that I'm done with her. With Lily Evans. She doesn't hate me. She wouldn't rather date the Giant Squid than me. And I must say I rather impressed her by gallantly helping a couple of first years load their trunks onto the train," he explained, not bothering to mention that one of the first years wasn't a first year, and that he had had a rather second-hand role with the other.

None of the other boys said anything in response. He looked up. Remus and Peter were looking skeptically at Sirius, who raised his eyebrows. "I wasn't witness to any of this," he said, in a tone that clearly said, "don't look at me."

James frowned. "I'm telling the truth! I helped Evans get her trunk onto the train, and then we went back to do the same for two first years! And I was perfectly pleasant, and she was perfectly impressed. _Really!_" he added, for all three were looking at him dubiously. He crossed his arms. "Ask Evans, then, if you don't believe me. And by the way, what's this 'the Evans Incident' rubbish, anyway?"

Peter and Remus grinned and Sirius snickered. "I wrote them over the summer about how you'd been obsessing over what Lily said to you at the end of term," he said.

"What?" James asked. "What do you mean obsessing? I wasn't obsessing!"

"Obsessing, fixating, thinking and talking of nothing else, whatever term you'd prefer," Sirius said with an easy grin. Then, turning to the others, he added, "I told you, didn't I? All summer long I had to listen to this."

James threw his arms up. "I was not obsessing, or any of the rest of it! And even if I was, all that's over now. I've talked to Evans, she likes me again, and that's that. I can move onto other birds and other things, and I'm absolutely _not obsessing_."

Sirius rolled his eyes. Remus looked pointedly at the ground, raising his eyebrows when he thought James wasn't looking. Peter just grinned between the three of them. "Anyway," Remus said after a moment, looking back up at Sirius. "What did you mean that James talked about Lily _all summer_? How much time did you spend at his place?"

Sirius chuckled, and James finally settled back into his chair, subdued and more than a bit curious as to how much Sirius was going to say. The truth was that Sirius had shown up on the Potter's doorstep scarcely a week into the summer holidays with two broken ribs, bruises around his neck, and more deep gashes across his face than James cared to remember. James's mum had screamed when she'd opened the door and saw him there, barely able to stand up. James had arrived at the source of the commotion just in time to hear Sirius mumble, "I've had enough. I'm done," while staring down at the doormat. Then Euphemia Potter had stepped forward to hug Sirius, who'd winced and pulled away when the embrace pressed on his ribs.

Mrs. Potter had then hurried Sirius into a private room and set to work tending to his injuries. James hadn't seen the extent of it, and he didn't think he wanted to. After what seemed like an hour, James's mum had come out of the room looking angrier than James had ever seen her. She'd turned to her son with a blank look in her eyes, said, "Sirius will be staying with us for the remainder of the summer," and then shut herself in her room for the rest of the evening.

Sirius hadn't talked to James about what exactly went on at his house, and James had made a point of not asking, but he knew that _something_ must have happened to Sirius when he was home with his parents. And he knew that whatever it was, Walburga and Orion Black, as concerned as they were about keeping up appearances of family loyalty, had not bothered to reach out and see what had become of their eldest son.

"I spent almost the entire summer at the Potters'," Sirius said casually, stretching out on the seat and resting his hands behind his head. "Every day after the first week, actually. And I'm surprised I lasted at home as long as I did, to tell the truth."

Remus and James exchanged a significant look. "Why, what happened at your house?" Remus asked after a moment in a rather guarded tone.

Sirius rolled his eyes, trying for nonchalance and almost getting it. "You know how my parents are. Every day was the same: the snide comments, suggestions on what I could do to better myself, everything I _should_ be doing differently. I had enough."

Remus looked at James again, but James looked away, not trusting himself not to reveal anything.

"And your parents just let you go, just like that?" Remus ventured again.

Sirius sighed. "My parents don't want any more to do with me than I want to do with them. As far as they're concerned, I am no longer their son, and I can't say I'm entirely opposed to the idea." His tone made it clear that he was finished discussing it.

By now, Peter had caught on to James and Remus's silent exchange. He looked between his friends with a curious expression, but fortunately knew better than to comment further. Beneath them, the Hogwarts Express jolted forward, the engines coming to life with a burst of steam that they could barely hear through the windows.

"So," James said bracingly, ready to shift the conversation in a more pleasant direction. "How were your summers?"

"Fine," Peter said, closing his comic book and tucking it away in his trunk. "My mum is seeing some new Muggle though, and he doesn't know about me being a wizard, so I didn't spend a lot of time at home. I spent about a week at Remus's, though."

Remus nodded. "Yeah, I had him round last month. I'd have invited you two if I could, but we don't have the space at my house, and Peter sounded like he was really in a pinch," he said.

"I'm sorry I never had you lot come to my place," James said, uncomfortable. The fact was he _had_ planned on having them stay, but his parents had been unusually busy that summer and weren't often home for long enough periods for James to have friends over. His mother, Euphemia Potter, headed the Department of International Magic Cooperation at the Ministry of Magic, and had spent a good part of the summer in Eastern Europe, hoping to enlist help from foreign wizarding governments in the battle against Voldemort. His father, Fleamont, was working on selling his potions business and had left the house almost daily to attend various meetings with potential buyers. The one week that they had both been available to host had coincided with the full moon, and James forwent the entire idea of having company rather than allow one of his friends to be excluded.

Remus and Peter did not seem bothered. "Believe it or not, James, we get rather enough of you at school," Remus said jokingly. "Somehow, we survived going two months without seeing your face. Besides, I know your mum was away a lot over the summer. My dad," he added when James stared, confused.

James thought he understood. Lyall Lupin, Remus's father, worked for the Ministry in the Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures. But the mention of Mr. Lupin reminded James of something. "My mum said that your dad told her that St. Mungo's was doing a test on a new potion. It was supposed to be a 'lycanthropy inhibitor,' and that you might try it. Did you?"

"Yeah, but it didn't work. None of those potions and spells they come up with ever work, though," he said with a shrug. "I wasn't expecting that one to be any different."

"Why did you do it, then?" Peter asked.

He shrugged again. "I figured I might as well. For one thing, St. Mungo's doesn't get a lot of volunteers from the werewolf community, so it can take the Healers awhile to run enough tests whenever they think they've discovered something. For another, doing those studies ensures I have a safe place to go during the full moons while I'm away from school. And whenever anything new comes out, my dad hears about it and gets excited. That's probably why he mentioned it to your mum."

James nodded, always privately impressed that Remus could talk about his condition so casually. He and his friends had known that Remus was a werewolf since early in their second year, and Remus had only ever seemed uncomfortable talking to them about it when they first confronted him about it. Still, James and the others avoided asking for too many details about what their friend went through every month, both to spare him having to tell them, and because they honestly didn't like to think about it.

But James was not left to his brooding for long. "Anyway," Remus continued after a moment. "If what Padfoot here says is true, all we would have done if we'd gone to your place is watch you mope around over what Lily said to you last year."

James scowled. So they were back to this again, were they? "I did not _mope_," he said hotly, but his friends only smirked at one another.

"You did so," Sirius said to him. "All bloody summer! I'd swear, mate, it was like you've never been told off by a girl before."

James didn't say anything. In fact, he never _had_ been told off like that by a girl before, and now that he had, he didn't care to repeat the experience. But that was all over now, because he had seen Evans, talked to her, impressed her, and set everything right with the world. If only…

"I just wish I knew why she won't go out with me!" he burst out. Sirius chuckled and shook his head. James ignored him. "Really, every other girl I've asked to Hogsmeade said yes, but not only has Evans said no _three times_, she'd apparently prefer that spotty, stringy _git_ Snivellus!"

"As much as I hate to head-off another excellent and well-rehearsed rant about our esteemed classmate," Sirius cut in. "Evans and Snivellus aren't dating. They're not even friends anymore, supposedly. They haven't spoken since the last day of term."

James turned to him, hopeful for the first time in months when it came to his prospects with Lily Evans. "Who told you that?"

"Mary, of course," Sirius said, referring to Mary Macdonald, fellow Gryffindor and Sirius's girlfriend of about six months. "She said that Lily told Snape last year that she doesn't want to be mates anymore. It was after that day at the lake, when he called her a…well, you know."

James did know. And he should have expected Sirius to have heard more on the topic: Mary was one of Lily's best friends, and of course they would have talked over the summer about what had happened. "Where is Mary, by the way?" James asked. He should have realized already that it was odd that Sirius was spending the beginning of the trip with them. Ever since he had started going out with Mary last year, he typically met her first and caught up with his friends later.

"She's at the castle already," Sirius said. "She wouldn't tell me why, she just wrote me yesterday that she would see me when I got there. I think she has some sort of surprise, though bugger me if I can figure it out."

The rest of the trip passed uneventfully. James and Sirius entertained themselves coming up with more and more outlandish reasons for Mary to be at the castle. Remus disappeared for an hour to attend the prefects' meeting. Peter got into a spot of bother with the trolley witch over the price of a packet of Every Flavour Beans. The scenery outside the window grew wilder as the Hogwarts Express wound first through the city and then north toward Scotland. Inside the scarlet train, James, his friends, and the rest of their schoolmates talked excitedly about the summer that had passed and the year before them. There was scarcely mention nor care of the troubles stirring in the outside world. There would be time enough for that in the coming months. For James and his friends, the entirety of the world fit within the confines of their compartment on the Hogwarts express, and the plans they had for the remainder of their evening; plans that they wasted no more time before delving into.

Author's Note:

Hope you enjoyed the first chapter of this thing. I'll try to update this weekly, but I have an unpredictable schedule, so no promises. I can't say I'm 100% happy with James's section, but I've fiddled with it to death and can't decide what it still needs. Let me know what you think!


	2. Chapter 2

Flame before Phoenix

Chapter 2:

"Are you done yet, James?" Sirius complained, his voice carrying back into the musty carriage from outside the window. He pulled his head back inside, looking windswept but exhilarated. "We're almost there."

"One more minute," James replied. He held a small vial of clear liquid up to eye level, squinting. "Remus, how many drops of salamander blood do I add?"

Remus consulted a minuscule book in his lap. "Two, and a pinch of niffler fur. 'For voracity,' it says here."

James held his hand out to Peter, who passed him a filled eye-dropper. He took it and added two drops of green liquid and a few short hairs that he accepted from Sirius. The potion turned pale blue and opaque. James lifted the glass up to the window and swilled it anti-clockwise five times, as directed in the recipe. He held the vial up as their carriage passed the lanterns from the castle's wrought-iron gates, and the light struck the glass. "Excellent," he said as the potion within turned from blue to green. He corked the vial and slipped it in his pocket. "It's done."

"So we just need to figure out how to apply it." Remus said, closing the book and slipping it into the pocket of his robes.

"Don't worry about that," said Sirius with a grin. "I have a plan."

Remus looked at him, his face conflicted. "Do we want to know what this plan involves?"

Sirius grinned wider. "You, Mister Prefect, probably would not. James and Peter will definitely appreciate it, though." Remus considered him for a moment, but, evidently deciding that pushing the subject would do nothing to set anyone's minds at ease, did not reply.

The remainder of the ride to the school passed in excited tension. None of them said a word. They reached the front steps of the school and climbed out of the carriage. Preparation and experience had taught them better than to draw undue attention to themselves, though in James and Sirius's case, it would have been more suspicious to _not_ draw attention to themselves, if given the opportunity. Which, in their trove of experience, they surely were to be.

Sirius glanced around and nudged James in the ribs, nodding to the next carriage as it pulled up. Lily Evans was just emerging, followed by Dorcas Meadowes, Mary Macdonald, and Alice Fortescue. James, seeing the girls, fought his dueling urges. On one hand, he'd love another opportunity to talk to Lily again and to impress upon her that he wasn't an insufferable show-off. On the other, he was reluctant to use her as a pawn, even if it was in service of what was sure to be the prank of the decade. Though surely, he reasoned with himself, she wouldn't mind having a hand in what was to come, when all was said and done. When she saw what she would have been involved in, wouldn't she be glad to have played a part? He smirked, suddenly sure of his decision. Anyone would be proud to be even partially to thank for what was coming. Besides, he _was_ an insufferable show-off.

"Oy, Evans!" he called. "Did you miss me?"

Lily spun around and, seeing who it was that had called her, huffed out a frustrated sigh. She tried turning around, pretending she hadn't heard him, but James caught up to her. "Wait, Evans!" he said, reaching out to her.

He caught her by the sleeve and she spun around to face him, hardly noticing the defiant look in her eyes. "What do you want now, Potter?" she snapped, trying to pull her sleeves from his grasp.

James fixed her with his most appealing stare. "Nothing," he said innocently. "Just wanted to talk to you more about how much you missed me since we last chatted." He shifted his hand from her sleeve to her wrist and pulled her towards him, intending to turn the motion into an elegant dip. Unfortunately, his confidence, as well as his coordination, was not quite what he might have wished, and instead of sending Lily swooning into his arms, he sent her tumbling to the ground.

"Potter!" she shouted from where she sat on the stone steps, spitting strands of auburn hair from her mouth, "What are you playing at?"

"I—uh," James started, looking wildly around him for support. He offered a hand out to Lily, who ignored it and sprang up on her own. His eyes caught Sirius's, who gave him a thumbs-up and mouthed "nice cover!"

James stammered out an apology as Lily brushed herself off and hurried into the Entrance Hall to rejoin her friends, glaring behind her as she went. A few students around them chuckled and rolled their eyes. But before James could sink too far into his spiraling depression, Sirius appeared again at his side and groped in James's pocket, extracting the vial of potion before James quite knew what he was doing. "Wait—" he began before Sirius loped off again.

"All part of the plan," his friend muttered before making his way to the other side of the crowd.

At that moment, Professor Flitwick appeared, carrying the Sorting Hat and ancient three-legged stool. Sirius, reaching that end of the Entrance Hall at the same moment, stumbled out of the mass of students and toppled over the miniscule wizard. "So sorry, Professor Flitwick!" he exclaimed, offering a hand up. "I didn't see you there." James thought he saw an empty vial slip back into Sirius's cloak while the Charms professor dusted himself off. Sirius, however, simply helped Flitwick to his feet and handed the hat and stool back to him, and the professor carried both ahead of them into the Great Hall with a word of thanks.

Sirius waited at the door while James, Remus, and Peter caught up to him, and they made their way to the Gryffindor table, eyes bright with anticipation. It was another few minutes before the remaining students filed in and took their seats. Soon a buzz of conversation filled the Hall, and James tried to join in, realizing it would be conspicuous if none of the Gryffindor sixth year boys, usually the centers of attention, were too silent and reserved. However, when the doors opened and Professor McGonagall lead in the long line of scared looking first years, James, Sirius, Remus, and Peter all broke off and turned to watch their progress across the Hall to where the Sorting Hat sat on its stool. "Everything alright, James?" asked Dennis Finch from across the table, noticing the four boys' abrupt silence.

"Yes, fine," James said, turning back to face him. "Just excited for the Sorting. Well done on making Head Boy, by the way!" he added, noticing the pin gleaning on Dennis's robes. Dennis thanked him but still looked slightly suspicious. After another moment, he gave James one last appraising look and turned back to Florence Everhart, sitting on his other side. James and Sirius locked eyes. Sirius smirked, and nodded toward the head of the Hall, where McGonagall and the first years had stopped, eyes on the old hat.

The Sorting Hat twitched, lifted its brim in a grin, and began to sing:

"Of Houses, hopes, and hair-do's,

I've discovered a great deal.

The workings of the mind,

Are based less on _thought_ than _feel_.

The mind and soul and heart,

All have feelings of their own.

And how to read these feelings,

Is a skill I've long-since known.

"In fact," said the Hat, breaking abruptly from its song. "it's been over a thousand years! Oh, I remember it like it was yesterday! One moment I'm sitting on old Godric's head (he never had much sense for fashion), and the next I'm being jabbed with a wand and suddenly I can talk! And let me tell you, I wasted no time in giving those curmudgeons a piece of my mind! I recall Helga, dear, sweet woman she was, said that..."

The teachers looked around at each other, faces blank with surprise, while students across the chamber began to laugh. The Sorting Hat never deviated from its song; not once in what, it was right, was more than one thousand years. And yet here it was, chattering away:

"But that's what Salazar said, if you can believe it. Now, he was most adamant that I only admit pureblood witches and wizards to his House, but that was just silly! Even I thought so. I told him, if a student shows ambition and determination, I say it's Slytherin for them, and never mind their blood! Can't say he was too pleased, but there you are. And Rowena could be impossible at times, too! She had only patience for the very highest scorers in her exams, but grades aren't the only measure of intelligence, and that's what I told her! She, at least, had the sense to agree."

Professor McGonagall was looking up at Professor Dumbledore, seemingly at a loss for what to do. Meanwhile the Hat prattled on. "But none of them would listen to me when I suggested that eleven might be a bit too young for all this Sorting, anyway. 'I know it's not ideal,' Helga had said, 'But they have to have houses, and it would be too confusing to let them all switch later.' And I suppose she was right. Afterall…"

The students were all laughing now. Dumbledore made his way around the head table and approached the Hat. He picked it up ("I say, unhand me!" exclaimed the Hat) and examined it. "I rather think," he said to McGonagall, "that this hat has been given a Babbling Beverage." He shot a quick look toward James and the others, a twinkle in his eye. "Professor Slughorn," he turned back to the staff table and called. "Might you be able to whip us up an antidote?"

Professor Slughorn sputtered an affirmative, got up at once from the table, and trotted out of the Hall. He returned several minutes later with a slightly smoking beaker. The Hat, having filled the time recounting various other conversations it had with the school's founders and exactly what it thought of the wisdom of taking advice from an article of clothing, seemed to be rather enjoying itself and all the attention. As the Potions master approached it with the beaker, it began to twist and wriggle in Dumbledore's hand. "Now wait just a moment!" it shouted, evidently trying to break free from the Headmaster's grasp. Professor Slughorn took advantage of the hat's protests and tipped the potion into its open mouth. The Sorting Hat shuddered, and after a moment it's endless narrative was choked off into a few quiet grumbles.

It was some time more before the Hat seemed ready to finish its song, which it did rather half-heartedly. The first years were looking up at it even more apprehensively than before.

Professor McGonagall, back at the head of the line a minute later with her list, seemed to have taken pity on the new students, and it was with what she likely thought was a reassuring smile that she began calling names. The first student, "Abernathy, Antioch," still approached the stool with obvious trepidation, and it was with a bit more aggression than usual that the Sorting Hat proclaimed him a Ravenclaw.

At last, ten minutes later, the Sorting complete and the Hat stationary and subdued once more, the feast began. Laughter still filled the Hall in gales, and James, Sirius, Remus, and Peter were accepting pats on the back from their fellow Gryffindors. Every year since their very first night at Hogwarts, the four friends had been responsible for some sort of commotion. Their first year, Sirius had inadvertently set off several enchanted fireworks in their dormitory, which then shot through their window and across the grounds, to general appreciation by the student body at large. Their second year, they started a rumor amongst the incumbent first years that the only two Houses were Gryffindor and Not-Gryffindor, and their third year, they spiked the pumpkin juice with fart powder.

Professor McGonagall was glaring down at them from the Head table, apparently also recounting the past years of mayhem orchestrated by the Marauders. It was also at McGonagall's hands that the Marauders had their nicknames. After the welcome feast in their fourth year, where James and his friends had arranged for the house-elves to present only anchovies, plain lettuce, and tripe to the Slytherin, Hufflepuff, and Ravenclaw tables, the Head of Gryffindor had appeared in their dormitory for the fourth year running to lecture the four boys on their rule-breaking; "I simply cannot allow you to continue traipsing wherever you please like a band of mayhem-spewing, mischief-making marauders!" (Though, to their great disappointment, she did not repeat the title in her lecture the next year, when she again came in their dormitory to tell them off for Confunding the thestrals so they brought the school carriages deep in the heart of the Forbidden Forest instead of to the steps of the Entrance Hall.)

But James felt it was more than worth being told off by the Transfiguration professor in their dormitory that night as he had his hand ringed by Dennis Finch over a slice of treacle tart.

* * *

Lily Evans stomped up to the Gryffindor sixth year girls' dormitory, folding her arms as the giggling of her classmates followed her up the circular staircase. She sat down hard on her bed, already ready for the night to be over.

"Who would have thought the Sorting Hat was so opinionated?" Mary Macdonald giggled as she skipped into the room and crossed to her own bed.

"Those poor first years," Dorcas Meadowes chuckled, kicking her shoes off as she opened her trunk in search of her various toiletries. "They must think the school is a mad house after all that!"

Alice Fortescue laughed along as she followed her classmates into the room and closed the door behind her. "Then they'll have the rundown of the place earlier than they might otherwise have done," she said good naturedly.

Radagast jumped onto Lily's bed and stretched. Lily petted him, glad to have something comforting and familiar after an altogether disturbing first day back. She tuned out the sounds of her other roommates settling in as she pulled off her school robes and changed into pajamas.

"But really," Alice said after a few minutes. "Were any of us expecting the Marauders to _not_ pull something like that? I mean, they do something every year; none of us was really expecting them to skip it this time, right?"

Lily didn't say anything. In truth, she had been hoping that James and his friends might forgo their usual start-of-term prank in light of her interaction with James earlier that day. But she should have known better. If Remus being made prefect the previous year hadn't kept James and his friends from their annual mayhem, something as inconsequential as a conversation with Lily and a favor to a first year or two (only one first year, really, though a quiet second-year was just as good, she thought) wouldn't have been enough to dissuade them.

"Did you know what was coming, Mary?" Dorcas asked, having extricated her toothbrush from her trunk. "Did Sirius tell you?"

"No," Mary said. She had stretched out on her bed, shoes and socks off and hands underneath her head, while still wearing her full school uniform. "I've barely seen Sirius at all today, actually. And even if I had, I wouldn't have asked. I like to be surprised by whatever he and his mates plan."

Lily looked over at her. "You haven't seen Sirius today?" she asked. "Why? Didn't you sit with him on the train?"

Alice looked over as well. "I thought you spent the ride here with Sirius!" she said, sounding almost offended. "And that that's why you weren't with us!"

Mary shook her head. "No, I wasn't on the train at all. I arrived here this morning, with my aunt," she said.

"Your aunt?" Lily asked.

Mary stared at them. "Yes. Professor Macdonald," she said, looking between the three other girls. "Surely you lot put that together when Dumbledore introduced her earlier."

Lily, Dorcas, and Alice exchanged blank looks. She _hadn't_ made the connection when the headmaster had introduced the stately, blond-haired witch during his speech that the surname "Macdonald" signified a close relation to her friend. And based on the other two girls' blank looks, they hadn't put it together either.

"Well," Dorcas defended herself after a moment. "'Macdonald' isn't that unusual a surname. I just thought it was a coincidence."

Mary chuckled. "Nothing is a coincidence here, I thought you'd have realized that by now. And yes, Professor Macdonald and I are related. She's my Aunt Diana; she's an auror from America."

"Really?" Lily sat up straighter. Radagast, who had just settled down on her lap, stood up and gave her a reproachful look. "An auror? What's she doing here, then?"

"Teaching," Mary said with a trace of humor. "And consulting with the Ministry on the whole You-Know-Who business. The Ministry brought her in, since she's pretty high-up with MACUSA. The wizarding government in America," she said, looking a bit impatient at their blank looks.

"So she's American?"

Mary shrugged. "Well, she's lived there for about ten years, ever since she left Hogwarts, so I guess you could say she's American now."

"Why did she move to America?" Lily asked. "I thought all your family was close."

"She moved for a bloke," Mary said, rolling her eyes. "He started out as a penfriend while they were in school, but then she moved there to be with him once she graduated. He ditched her within a month of her moving, of course, but she liked America, so she stayed. And we're still fairly close with her. She comes to visit at least twice a year, and my dad and grandparents go to visit her sometimes."

"Did she come back for the teaching post, or to work with the Ministry?"

"The Ministry. I heard Dumbledore met her at the Ministry one day and talked her into coming to teach."

Lily stopped petting Radagast and looked up. The cat turned its face to her and meowed in displeasure. She ignored him. "Because he specifically wants an auror at the school this year, or because she expressed interest?"

"I dunno why Dumbledore picked her, but I know he was the one who asked her to take the job. Still, it probably isn't a bad idea, having some extra security round here."

Lily agreed. "And it will be good to learn Defense from someone with practical experience for once." They had had a different Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher every year since Lily had started at Hogwarts, and the last few were barely qualified, in her opinion. They had spent most of their lessons the previous year copying notes out of their books.

Mary nodded and stifled a yawn. "Well, she definitely has that. Experience," she agreed. "You should hear some of the stories she's told me."

Lily wanted to ask more, but at that moment, Radagast, apparently tired of waiting for her to start petting him again, reached up with a paw and tapped her on the chin. Startled, she looked down. He meowed again. Lily smiled and pet the cat until he began purring. The comforting sound filled the dormitory as Lily and her friends got ready for bed, heads filled with the babbling of hats and the excitement of a new year.

* * *

The next morning dawned bright and clear. Lily woke early and headed down to breakfast alone, leaving the dormitory to her still sleeping roommates. It always surprised her how easily she was able to get back into her school routine. Indeed, she seemed to be one of the only students already adjusted to the earlier hours, she noted as she reached the deserted Common Room. At first glance, Lily thought it was completely empty, but then she saw someone standing in front of the notice board, pinning up a brightly colored sheet of parchment. It was James Potter.

She stopped with one foot still on the staircase to the girls' dormitories, wondering if she could sneak back upstairs before he noticed her, but he looked up. "Good morning," he said with a smile.

Lily fought back a sigh as she returned his greeting. The last thing she needed on the first day of lessons was another confrontation with Potter. The two the day before had been taxing enough. Perhaps if she could get the thing out of the way quickly, she could avoid any further theatrics. "What's that?" she asked as she joined him in the corner of the room.

"Quidditch try-outs," he said, holding up a second sheaf of parchment for her to read. "We need a new Beater and a Chaser. Digby finished last year, and McGonagall told me last night that Emerit isn't coming back this year."

Lily didn't bother asking when James had spoken to McGonagall; she had heard their Head of House shouting at the boys over the babbling Sorting Hat in their dormitory the night before. But his other news piqued her interest. "Emerit isn't coming back? How come?" she asked, remembering her past interactions with Eva Emerit, who should have been starting her fifth year. She had played Beater on the Gryffindor team the year before.

James frowned. "McGonagall said her parents pulled her out of school; they didn't think it was safe. She had a little brother who was supposed to be starting this year, too. He didn't get to come either."

She frowned too. "Well that doesn't make sense. Hogwarts has to be safer than their home."

"Yeah," James agreed. "There are dozens of new security measures in place around the school this year; my mum's department at work helped arrange some of them."

"And we have Professor Macdonald now," Lily said.

James nodded in agreement. Apparently, he had heard about Professor Macdonald's background as well.

"Well, I'm going down to breakfast," Lily said and gestured toward the portrait hole. She crossed her fingers inside her pocket that James wouldn't insist on coming along, and, for once, she got her wish.

"I'll be down in a bit. I've got to hang the rest of these," he said, waving the other flyers for team try-outs.

Lily smiled at him and crossed the Common Room to the exit. She let out a breath the second the portrait of the Fat Lady was closed behind her. So she had discovered a way to get James to talk to her like a normal person: be nice and play along. She shook her head at the irony; in order for James to leave her alone, she had to make herself more willing to talk to him.

Still thinking about the injustice of it all, Lily made her way down to the Great Hall. She looked across the room at the nearly empty House tables and wondered. Maybe she was just imagining it, but she thought they looked rather barer than usual, even accounting for the early hour. How many other students had been pulled from school due to the threat of You-Know-Who, and was it possible that their parents had the right idea?

Lily had not told her parents about the growing conflict and danger in the wizarding world. She wasn't sure how much they would understand, and she didn't want to worry them about something that none of them could do anything about. She had to trust that, while she was in the wizarding world, she could rely on the safety provided by her school. When she was home, she would only have herself to rely on; but surely the worries of the magical world would not follow her to her ordinary home in Cokeworth.

She sat down at the Gryffindor table and was just tucking into a plate of scrambled eggs when Dorcas dropped into the opposite seat. Alice trooped in a moment later and took the seat next to Lily.

"Good morning," she said to her still-groggy friends. Dorcas, who was pouring a large mug of coffee, merely grumbled in response. Alice said nothing but blinked vacantly at her empty plate. Lily smirked. "Where's Mary?"

"Probably still saying a thoroughly non-verbal 'good morning' to Sirius in the Common Room," Dorcas muttered, jerking her head back toward the Entrance Hall. Sure enough, when Lily looked toward the doors, she saw James, Peter, and Remus coming in without the last member of their gang.

The boys made their way over to the Gryffindor table, accepting another few calls of "great job" and "congratulations" over their stunt with the Sorting Hat. James grinned at Lily as he passed, and Lily scowled as she remembered the trouble from the night before. But if James saw her scowl and interpreted it correctly, he didn't let on.

"Has McGonagall given the schedules out yet?" Alice said, apparently having woken up enough to form words.

"Not yet," Lily said. "But it looks like she's about to."

Sure enough, Professor McGonagall had come down from the head table and was busy passing schedules out to the students further up the table. Lily watched as James took his schedule and ran his eyes down it. He grinned and said something to Peter, who eagerly consulted his own schedule before returning the smile.

What the two boys were so excited about became apparent a moment later when McGonagall reached them. "Your sixth year schedules, ladies," she said, handing out sheaths of parchment. "You were all approved to pursue your chosen subjects." And she moved on past them to a couple of third years who had hailed her.

Lily inspected her schedule. Her first lesson would be Defense Against the Dark Arts with Professor Macdonald. Alice leaned over to compare schedules. "Blimey, Lily, are we taking all of the same subjects?"

She looked over at Alice's schedule: Defense Against the Dark Arts, Charms, Potions, Transfiguration, Herbology, and Ancient Runes. The only difference was the last subject: Lily had elected to take an apprenticeship in Healing under Madam Pomfrey, the school matron, in lieu of a sixth subject. The apprenticeship would take up her afternoons on Tuesday and Thursday.

Lily was about to say so when Mary appeared, holding hands with Sirius. She stopped on the other side of the table, stood on her toes to give Sirius a parting kiss, and smiled at him as he went to meet his friends. Then she sat down, still watching Sirius go with a blissful smile on her face. It wasn't until her boyfriend reached James and the two exchanged schedules that Mary turned to her friends.

Dorcas and Alice were watching her, Alice with a faintly nauseated expression, Dorcas with an amused one. Mary looked between the two of them, abruptly self-conscious. "What?" she asked, defensive.

Alice rolled her eyes. "Are you two ever going to stop being so bleeding moon-eyed and adorable? I think I'm getting cavities just being near you."

Mary sniffed, reaching forward to grab a bun from the basket on the table and adding a liberal amount of jam. "Just because Frank's left and you don't have anyone to snog doesn't mean we all have to don a habit along with you."

"Frank hasn't _left me!_ He left _Hogwarts!_" Alice said, leaning forward to slap the bun out of Mary's hand, but Dorcas interjected before Alice could respond further.

"Nobody is giving anyone else cavities and nobody is joining a nunnery," she said, looking sternly at Alice and Mary. "And, most importantly, none of us are getting into this on our first morning back at school."

Her tone made it clear that there was to be no disagreeing. Lily was privately surprised that no one muttered "Yes ma'am," under their breath. But fortunately, Alice still seemed too drowsy to get worked up, and Mary still too blissful.

"So," Dorcas said when she was apparently satisfied that she had tamped down the conflict in their ranks. "Alice, Lily, you have all the same lessons?"

"Mostly," Lily said, glad to latch on to the change in subject. "Defense Against the Dark Arts first thing this morning, then a free period after lunch. I'll be going down to the Hospital Wing to meet Madam Pomfrey this afternoon, though."

"Ooh, I forgot you were doing that! I—" Mary started. She reached a hand forward for Lily's schedule, but at that moment Sirius called her name, and she turned to look at him.

He walked over to their section of table and shot them all grins, though he saved the biggest grin for Mary. "I'm heading down to Professor Macdonald's room now. D'you want to come?"

"Yes!" Mary trilled, and she stood up from the table, grabbed her bag in one hand and Sirius's hand in the other and started away from the table.

"Wait, you've forgotten your breakfast," Dorcas called, half-standing as she picked up Mary's discarded bun and held it out. Mary reached back and took it from Dorcas with a wink.

Lily shook her head and went back to her breakfast, eager to get a start on her own first day back.

Author's Note: Apologies for the multiple uploads this morning. I'm still trying to figure out 's formatting and how to convert this without it turning to gibberish. Anyway, I hope this is legible, and I hope you enjoy it.


	3. Chapter 3

Flame before Phoenix

Chapter 3:

Lily and Alice made their way to Professor Macdonald's classroom on the third floor, having said goodbye to Dorcas in the Entrance Hall before she hurried off to Muggle Studies. When they arrived, they found most of their class already waiting in the corridor.

Excited murmurs filled the hall. Clearly their new teacher's reputation had spread among all of the sixths years, not just the Gryffindors. Lily looked around at the assembled students, curious to see which of her peers had chosen to study advanced Defense. Most of the Gryffindors were there; it seemed only Dorcas had wanted to drop the subject, never having had a knack for it in the past. James, Peter, and Remus were laughing at something that Ravenclaw's Natalia Lee and Rob Hart were discussing. Also present were Corban Yaxley, Albert Runcorn, Adonis Greengrass, Merita Picardy, and Reginald Cattermole of Slytherin, Ellen Hall, Morgan DuBois, Vander Vicks, and Flora Spinkle of Hufflepuff, and three other Ravenclaws that Lily recognized only by sight. Mary and Sirius had disappeared again.

Alice had just leaned over to ask when Professor Macdonald would get there when the witch appeared at the end of the hall, carrying what looked like a hatbox. She smiled at the students as she opened the door and stood aside to let them enter. Lily and Alice took seats at the front of the room. Mary slipped into the seat on Lily's other side a moment later, her face a bit pink and her normally sleek dark brown hair just slightly disheveled.

Professor Macdonald placed the hatbox on her desk and turned to face the students, looking around at them closely but pleasantly while the last few students found seats. "Good morning, class. I am Professor Macdonald, and I will be your Defense Against the Dark Arts professor this year," she said. She had a strong, confident voice, and an odd accent. Even if Mary hadn't told them that her aunt had spent the last decade in America, Lily thought she might have been able to guess as she listened to the professor introduce herself and further address the class. "I understand that you have had no fewer than six professors in this subject so far?"

They nodded.

If Professor Macdonald was surprised to have this confirmed, she did not say so. "And I understand that you have chosen to study Defense Against the Dark Arts past your O.W.L. year, which is to say, you have an interest in the subject beyond the standard level required for Hogwarts students. That is good, especially considering the state of the country at present time. I need hardly tell you that we are living in dangerous times, and it is wise of you to want to learn everything you can to protect yourselves."

Here, Rob Hart raised his hand. Professor Macdonald called on him. "Please, professor, why did Professor Dumbledore appoint at auror to teach us this year?"

So she was right, Lily thought. News of their new teacher's background had traveled among the students.

Professor Macdonald smiled. "I see rumor still spreas through Hogwarts as they did when I went here," she said. She sat back against her desk, a gesture clearly meant to put the class at ease. "While it is true that I am an auror, that is not the reason the headmaster offered me the teaching position. As you may also be aware by now, I have spent the past ten years working in America. In have seen, in that time, the way non-magical forces can influence the magical community just as thoroughly, and at times with just as much destruction, as magical forces. I believe, rather, I fear, that similar forces may be at play in this country. And I have seen the way these forces affect young people in particular, but also the ways that young people can be particularly effective at mitigating these forces if they have been taught to recognize them. It is my hope that I will not only be able to give you the magical tools to help you defend yourselves against what you may face when you leave these walls, but that I will be able to impart practical advice that you can put to use even sooner."

Behind her, Lily heard whispering. She glanced back and saw Yaxley and Runcorn with their heads together, muttering and shooting furtive glances at Professor Macdonald. She turned back to the front of the room, trying to ignore them.

"Does anyone have any more questions?" Professor Macdonald asked in a louder voice, looking past Lily as Yaxley and Runcorn, who stopped muttering.

No one spoke. After a moment, Macdonald went on. "I thought we would use our first lesson to tackle one of these destructive forces. This force exists in both the magical and non-magical world. It had many sources, and we cannot possibly hope to eradicate them all, but I want to make sure each of you know how to combat it in its purest form. This force is despair."

There were more whispers around the room at this, but they were quickly stifled as the professor picked up the hatbox from her desk and held in in front of her. "I have a boggart here that I was fortunate enough to find wedged inside a suit of armor when I arrived at the castle yesterday. I'm planning on using it with some of my younger students, but I thought it might help with another demonstration for my N.E.W.T class as well. I trust you all know what boggarts are?" she asked.

Remus put his hand up and she called on him. "A boggart is a shape-shifted. It's method of defense is its ability to send the fear of the people around it, and it then shifts into whatever form it thinks will frighten that person the most."

"Excellent; that's exactly right. And your name is?" she asked.

"Remus Lupin," he replied.

"Ah, Lyall Lupin's son, I presume?" she said.

Remus nodded.

"I have had the pleasure of meeting your father. I see he has taught you well. Five points to Gryffindor." Here, she turned up the corners of her thin lips, and her eyes twinkled. "I've always wanted to say that," she admitted in a quiet voice.

Lily grinned. A couple of other students laughed appreciatively.

"Now," she went on, brisk again. "When I release this boggart, it will take the shape of a dementor."

At these words, another round of whispering swept the room, more tense than before. Lily exchanged a look with Alice, who seemed downright terrified.

Professor Macdonald again ignored the interruption. "There is a spell that can be used against dementors. It is called the Patronus Charm. It works by creating a Patronus, a form made of light and, for lack of a better word, hope. It is a positive force that counteracts the dementor's weapons, namely darkness, cold, and despair. The incantation is 'expecto patronum," but simply saying the words and waving your wand will not be enough to create a Patronus. In order for the spell to work, to really work, you must think of something happy while you are casting it. Your Patronus, for each one is individual in form to the witch or wizard casting it, will feed on your own hope and happiness to fight the dementor." She paused there to let the effect of her words sink in. Lily heard Runcorn scoff and Yaxley snicker, but the rest of the class was silent, still staring at Professor Macdonald.

"If you will please stand up," Macdonald continued after a moment. They did so, and with a wave of her wand, Professor Macdonald sent the desks and chairs soaring along the walls, creating a wide empty space in the middle of the room. She replaced the hatbox on her own desk.

"I want you all to think of your very happiest memories," she said. "That way, when I release the boggart, it won't be able to sense your fears and it will not attempt to target any of you individually. I will force the boggart to take the form of a dementor, and we can all practice the spell as a group. With all of us here, I do not expect the boggart-dementor's effects to be overpowering, but if anyone finds themselves getting upset or overwhelmed, please back away or leave the room if you need to. I have chocolate if anybody needs it, and you should all have some when the lesson is over. Wands out, if you please!"

Lily pulled out her wand and tried to think of a time when she was the happiest. When she got her letter to Hogwarts? No, because that was when Petunia liking her. Her first night at Hogwarts, when she met her friends? But then, she remembered, her first night hadn't been all good; she had been separated from Severus. Her thoughts then turned to him and everything that had happened between the two of them, and it definitely did not make her happy. Something not related to school, then. She eventually settled on the summers she spent with her parents.

She looked around. Everyone seemed to be thinking of their own happy memories. Alice was smiling dreamily and Mary was standing next to Sirius, holding his hand again. Both of them looking like they were holding back giggles.

"Everyone ready?" Macdonald called, then she grasped the lid of the hatbox and pulled it off. At once, a large, dark figure glided out of the box. It was hooded and black, and it stared around at them as it drifted down and into the center of the room. There was something distinctly unsettling about the way it moved, and Lily could tell she wasn't the only one who thought so. She and her classmates instinctively took a step back and raised their wands. Lily readjusted her grip, clenched her fist, and tried to focus on a happy memory . The dementor took a deep, rattling breath and she felt the room grow chill.

She forced herself to think of her parents' faces. Professor Macdonald was watching the boggart-dementor intently. "Expecto patronum," she instructed them quietly.

"Expecto patronum," the class said as one. A thin white vapor shot out from a few of their wands, but Lily's was not one of them. James Potter gave an exhilarated chuckle from somewhere to her right. She blocked out him and all the other sounds around her, focusing only on her memories.

If Professor Macdonald was disappointed by her class's progress, she did not know it. "Try again, everyone. If you are not getting results, try thinking of another memory," she said.

"Expecto patronum!" they tried again, to little change. Another plume of vapor shot from one of the Hufflepuffs' wands, but still nothing from Lily's.

She screwed up her face, trying to ignore the cold creeping into her fingers and toes. Her thoughts shifted through happy days she had spent at home during the holidays. She suddenly remembered her fifteenth birthday party; she had gone home for Easter and her parents surprised her with it. That was the day she got Radagast, a tiny wriggling ball of brown fur and distinctly feline attitude. It had been a day full of delight and love and comfort. It was also one of the last good days Lily could remember with her mother, the last family occasion she could remember that wasn't marred by her mother's illness.

The dementor turned toward Lily. Its form shifted. Before she quite realized what was happening, someone else was standing in front of Lily. She was thin and pale, and she stood slightly hunched. Her hair was wispy and streaked liberally with grey. She looked at Lily with wide, confused eyes, eyes exactly the same shade of green as Lily's. "Who…who are you?" she whispered.

Lily screamed. She backed away from the stooped figure, pushing past her classmates until she couldn't see the front of the room. Her back hit the far wall and she collapsed down to the floor, tears spilling down her cheeks. She buried her face in her hands and shook, only distantly aware of her classmates murmuring to one another and Macdonald speaking in a ringing voice. Then she heard a pop and a moment later felt a hand on her shoulder.

"It wasn't real, Lily," said a voice that she was vaguely recognized as Professor Macdonald's. "You can open your eyes and see; it wasn't real. It was just the boggart."

But she only buried her face deeper into her arms. "It is real," she sobbed.

She felt an arm wrap around her shoulders and strong arms helped her to her feet. "Everything is fine, Lily," Professor Macdonald said. "The boggart is gone and you are perfectly safe."

The rest of the class was still muttering at the front of the room. Lily took a couple of gulping breaths and wiped her eyes. She looked up into Professor Macdonald's face. The older witch was watching her with a concerned expression.

"Are you alright, Lily? Would you like to leave for the rest of the lesson?"

But then Lily looked past her to her classmates. They were all staring at her. Most of them broke off from their whispering when they saw her looking, except for James Potter, who was looking over at Sirius and chose that moment to say, in a carrying whisper, "figures Evans wouldn't be able to handle a boggart. What was so scary about that; it was just some old crone?"

"James!" Alice hissed angrily, spinning to face James with a look in her eyes that was part indignation and part fear. "That was Lily's mother!"

* * *

"Bloody blooming bleeding hell!" James shouted, storming into their dormitory and ripping open the curtains on his bed. He flung himself forward and shoved his head under his pillow.

He heard Remus, Peter, and Sirius enter the room behind him, but he didn't bother acknowledging them.

"Calm down," Remus said from somewhere behind him. "It wasn't that bad."

"Not that bad?" James shouted into his mattress. He ripped his head out from under the pillow. "Not that bad? I called Evans's mother a crone, Moony. A crone!"

"Well, it wasn't really her mum, was it?" Sirius said. James looked over; his friend had sprawled himself out across the bed. "It was just a boggart pretending to be her mum," he said reasonably.

James scowled. "But it was pretending to be her mum for a reason! She must be worried about her something happening to her mum. Maybe she's afraid of her mum getting old," he said desperately.

Peter sat down on his bed across from James, looking thoughtful. "Why would Lily be scared of her mum getting old, though?" he asked.

"Bugger me if I know!" James cried, throwing himself back onto his bed, facing the upper canopy. He put his hand over his eyes. "She's going to hate me forever!"

"James, you're being dramatic," Remus said firmly. "It wasn't a moment you're going to tell your children about, I'll grant you that, but—"

He shot up and gave his friend as patronizing a look as he could muster in his current state. "Children? Ourchildren, Remus? Really? I'll be lucky if Lily will even speak to me again, much less have children with me!"

"I meant your children, not the hypothetical children you and Lily would have—" Remus grumbled, crossing his arms, but Sirius cut him off this time.

"Anyway," he said, pointedly. James peeked through his fingers. Sirius was looking between Remus and Peter with a look that clearly said "let me handle this." He cleared his throat. "Operation Woo Lily is still on, mate."

"How?" James asked. "How am I possibly supposed to convince Evans to go on a date with me now?"

Across the room, Peter sighed. "You're not still on about that, are you?"

"I still think it's a bad idea," Remus added.

James crossed his arms over his chest but didn't say anything.

Remus continued. "You said it yourself, James: Lily Evans just doesn't fancy you—"

"Actually, what I said was that Evans doesn't want to fancy me," he interjected.

Remus rolled his eyes. "Either way, if we take her at her word from the, er, Evans Incident, she doesn't like you because she thinks you're a bit full of yourself and don't care much about what other people are feeling. How is tricking her into going out with you just so you can ditch her supposed to help that?"

"And why are you trying to get her to go on a date with you, anyway?" Peter asked. "I thought you didn't want to date Evans?"

James put his hand over his face again. Sirius chuckled. "I don't want to date Evans long-term, Wormtail," he said with as much patience as he could muster in his current state. He felt like he had already explained a dozen times, but his friend, who was lucky to even make it through a whole conversation with a girl, was not grasping the concept of not wanting to keep a girl. "I just need to get her out of my system. One date, and then I can stop…"

"Obsessing?" Sirius offered.

He scowled into his hand. "Stop wondering," he finished, taking his hand from his face and sweeping his hair back from his forehead. "Wondering what we would do together, where we would go, what she would say, how she would look at me like she just couldn't believe her luck."

The dormitory fell silent. James realized a moment too late that a beautific smile had spread itself across his face as he spoke, and that his roommates were probably staring at him. He looked over at them. They were. Sirius was wearing a faintly nauseous expression, "Yeah, James, you need a date bad, if you catch my meaning."

James snorted and rolled over again. "Which is never going to happen now! Because I insulted her mum!"

"It was a boggart, James, not her actual mum," Remus said patiently.

"But it was a boggart that was pretending to be her mum," James grumbled into his pillow.

He heard the squeak of bedsprings from somewhere to the side as Sirius sat down heavily on his bed. "Was it, though? Maybe Alice was wrong; why would Lily be afraid of her mum?" He sounded skeptical.

"Dunno, but whoever it was, it was the bleeding nail in the coffin for my romantic prospects for the entire bloody year," James muttered. Why was he incapable of spending a single day in Lily Evans' presence without doing something to cock it up? The day before, their first day together after a summer apart, he'd managed to offend her with what, for him, was a moderate joke at best. The very next day, he'd gone the gamut from cordial to catastrophe in less than two hours. And then, why did he care so sodding much? Ever since that day on the grounds the previous year, James Potter had been unable to get Evans out of his head. He'd thought that seeing her again when the summer was over would help put the matter to rest, that if he talked to her, showed her that she didn't hate him as much as she thought, dazzled her with his gallantry and wit, then he could stop being so bloody preoccupied with the one bird in the school who didn't fancy him.

Well, that hadn't worked. All that day on the platform had done was cement a new memory in his head for him to pour over. And worse, because this new memory-Lily was one that actually seemed to have been enjoying herself, who had laughed at his jokes (if not his misfortune), who had traded banter willingly! So, James and his mates (or he and Sirius, really. Peter hadn't understood the goal of the plan, and Remus was maintaining a stony disapproval) had been forced to come up with a new plan: to get James to forget about Lily the same way he'd always gotten over girls: One date, ideally one snogging session. Then James could move on to new prospects.

There was just one continuing problem: Lily Evans was bloody perfect, and she hated his bloody guts.

* * *

Lily followed Professor Macdonald to her office and sat down in the seat across from the mahogany desk. She felt exhausted and embarrassed. Not only had she completely fallen apart in front of her entire class and their new, impressive professor, she had done so over a boggart; something she had known how to handle for years! And in doing so, she had revealed much more than she had ever intended to a room full of people she barely knew, and, in a few cases, actively disliked. She rubbed her eyes and sighed, wondering how long Professor Macdonald would keep her there before letting her go back to her dormitory.

The older witch moved to the other side of her desk and sat. She looked at Lily for one long moment. Lily braced herself for the inevitable: prying questions, pointless reassurances, vague affirmations, and dismissal. She had had these sorts of meetings with teachers before, both at Hogwarts and at primary school. She was always left with the impression that they took place more for the teacher's benefit than her own; she wasn't being spoken to because her teachers cared about her. They were just satisfying their own curiosity, or conscience, or some requirement of their job. Proving that they were a professional.

So when Professor Macdonald folded her arms behind her head, leaned back in her chair, and rested her feet on her desk, Lily was caught off guard. Macdonald sighed. "Did Mary ever tell you why I moved to America?" she asked after a moment.

Still rather surprised, Lily nodded. "She said you moved to be with a bloke."

Professor Macdonald laughed. "That's half true; probably the more amusing half. I had a penfriend in America, Walt. He was a student at Ilvermorny, the wizarding school over there. We started writing to other in my fifth year. I was madly in love with him. When I finished at Hogwarts, I convinced my mum and dad to let me move to be with him. I had no doubts that we would fall even more in love, get married, and that would be that. But that wasn't the only reason I wanted to go to America. It wasn't even the main reason, actually. The real reason I wanted to leave England so badly was because of my brother."

Lily stared. "Mary'd dad?" she asked.

"The very same," Macdonald replied with a smile. "Mitchell was our parents' favorite: better behaved, a better student. He was also fourteen years older than me, so while I was still in my awkward years, moaning about my unrequited crushes and rows I'd had with my friends, he was already working a good job at the Ministry and dating Mary's mother. He was never unkind to me, of course. Neither were my parents; they were all supportive. But I was just so convinced that if I stayed in England, I would always be living under his shadow. That's what my seven years at Hogwarts were like; he had been a prefect and Head Boy, of course, all of my professors always told me how very impressive he was, and how many grand things they had heard about him since he'd left. And at seventeen, I was sure that nothing would ever change. So, I packed up everything I had, hopped on a boat, and headed across the pond. And even though I was wrong about Walk, I was right about the rest of it. Everything was different when I left home. I didn't have my parents, I didn't have my brother. After the first couple of weeks, I didn't have Walt. I was alone. And I was bloody terrified."

"Why are you telling me this, professor?" Lily asked when Macdonald paused. She didn't want to be rude, but she was thrown by the deviation from the normal formula that student-professor meetings usually followed, she was tired from crying, and she just wanted to be alone.

Professor Macdonald smiled at her, but it wasn't the patronizing one she had gotten from teachers before. It was sincere. "Because I sense that you are on the cusp of a very similar crisis. I think you sense it too."

Lily felt a touch of defiance at this. "What makes you say that?" she challenged, affronted by the term and sentiment of crisis being applied to her situation.

"Because, from what Mary has told me, you don't seem like the type who would normally be more scared of her own mother than of a dementor."

This was it, Lily thought. They had gotten to the heart of it. She sighed. "She's unwell," she murmured, looking down at her hands and twisting them in her lap.

"I guessed that," Professor Macdonald said, not unkindly. She waved her wand and two cups of hot coco appeared on the desk in front of them. Macdonald reached for hers and took a sip, never taking her eyes off Lily. "I know we don't have the excuse of a dementor this time, but you should drink that."

"Why?" Lily asked. "Does it help with run-ins with boggarts?"

"Not necessarily, but it is delicious." She took another sip.

Lily laughed. She reached for her coco and took a sip; it was good. It seemed to slip into her stomach and warm her from within. She wrapped her hands around the mug and studied Macdonald surreptitiously. The auror was tall, like Mary. She had a pretty face and blue-grey eyes with just the faintest trace of wrinkles around them, the kind of wrinkles her father called "laugh-lines." He now had a few of his own, only they were from worry. Lily wondered if she would get them too, one day.

"It's called Early Onset Alzheimer's," she said abruptly. "It's a Muggle disease, the kind that wizards just call 'being batty.' It's going to make her forget about us; my dad and my sister and me." Lily felt tears well in her eyes, and she reached up to wipe them with her sleeves. Professor Macdonald waved her wand and a handkerchief appeared in the air before Lily. She grabbed it and mopped her cheeks. "Thanks," she whispered.

But Professor Macdonald didn't seem to have heard Lily. She had finally taken her eyes of her. She stood up and crossed to a large bookcase on the opposite wall. She looked up and down the rows, as though searching for something. Lily took the opportunity to finish drying her eyes, grateful for the measure of privacy and suspecting that the auror had arranged it intentionally.

"Have you thought at all about what you want to do when you leave Hogwarts next year, Lily?"

"Yes," Lily said, feeling much more composed. "I'd like to go into Healing."

Professor Macdonald turned back to her and gave her another brief, appraising look. "Because of your mother's illness?"

"Partially," she said. She was surprised that she felt so comfortable and open with the other witch; she had barely even spoken to her friends about the matter. They knew she was interested in Healing, of course, and they knew that her mother was unwell, but she had not told them the specifics of her condition or how it played into Lily's own plans for her future. "But I've wanted to learn more about Healing since before she was diagnosed."

Macdonald turned back to the bookshelf. After another moment of searching, she reached decisively forward and pulled down a book. Then she crossed back to her desk, sat down, and held the book out to Lily.

Lily took it. The cover read The Journal of Amalia Coding. She'd never heard of it. She looked back up at Macdonald, who said, "that is the journal of a twentieth century Healer from America. I suppose you could call it her memoir. I picked it up in a shop years and years ago on a whim, and even though I never had much interest in Healing, that book has always stayed with me. I think you might like it."

Lily stared down at the black leather cover, tracing the raised lettering with her finger. She was touched by the gesture, touched that Professor Macdonald cared enough to make it. "Early Onset Alzheimer's is genetic," she suddenly heard herself saying. She didn't know what had prompted it; it was something that she hardly ever spoke about, not even with her own family. But she felt compelled to continue. "Since my mother has it, I'm at a higher risk of getting it, too. It could start as early as my mid-twenties. I could start to forget who I am. I could forget everything."

Professor Macdonald opened her mouth, but didn't say anything. She closed it again. Lily thought that the auror looked a bit shocked. But after a moment, her face cleared and she leaned toward Lily. For the first time since meeting her, Lily thought her professor looked weary. "Lily, I'm going to tell you something that my first mentor told me when I was training to be an auror. By this point, I had been in training for nearly two years, and I had seen enough that should have proved this point to me already, but I somehow never thought about it. At least, not as much as I should have…" She stopped and looked at Lily determinedly before continuing. "It is a sad truth that not all of us are granted the lives that we deserve. As hard as we work toward our goals, as careful as we are, and no matter our skill or talent…. Even if everything goes right every step of the way, even if there is no warning, it can all end in a moment. Muggles and wizards alike have railed against the whims of Chance ever day of our history, and we are still no closer to being able to control it. I won't call it 'fate' or 'destiny,' because I think that implies that there is some measure of order or reason behind it. In truth, the casts of our lives are completely random. We go about our days with our plans and our goals as anything that truly up to us, but there isn't.

"Pursue Healing if that is what you want to do. I sincerely hope that you can find a way to help your mother. And I sincerely hope that you will never had to face this illness yourself. But don't let your fear follow you. Don't let it be a shadow over your life. I can't promise you that everything will turn out and your future will be perfect; nobody can. But worrying about it won't change anything."

Here, Macdonald reached out and took Lily's hand, the one that did not hold the cup of coco, in hers. "'It is a sad truth that not all of us are granted the lives that we deserve.'" She quoted to Lily again, looking intently into her eyes, as though she were trying to tell Lily something. "Make sure you make the most of your life, Lily, so you can hold the rest of us in yours. And so we can return the favor, if we are granted that honor."

The professor broke off. She cleared her throat and stood up abruptly. "I hope that our talk has helped you make sense of things, Lily Evans, and the book," Professor Macdonald said crisply, holding her hand out to Lily to shake and inclining her head to the memoir on the desk between them. "Make sure you read it carefully. I hope you will understand."

Lily nodded, though not at all sure whether or not she understood what her professor was trying to say, or whether she was even meant to. She took the auror's hand and shook it firmly, somehow aware than the weight of the duty she had just taken on was more than the sixteen year old was ready to bear.

"I'll read it, Professor. I'll understand," she said.


	4. Chapter 4

Lily returned to her dormitory ten minutes later, the book Professor Macdonald had given her still clutched to her chest. The room was mercifully empty, and Lily trooped over to her bed and lay down fully-clothed. It was just past lunchtime, which she thought must account for her roommates' absence, but much as Lily might like to fall asleep, she didn't think she would have time for a proper nap before her next lesson, Charms. Still, she was glad for the solitude, which could be hard to come by at Hogwarts. She closed her eyes and thought about the boggart, and about her conversation with Professor Macdonald. She was trying to decide how much of it she would be willing to recount to her friends when they inevitably asked when the door opened.

The three witches came in, chattering about Dorcas's Muggle Studies class, but they broke off from their conversation abruptly when they say Lily.

"Lily! Are you alright?" Dorcas asked, hurrying forward to sit on the end of Lily's bed. Lily sat up to make room for her. Mary and Alice followed and took seats on Dorcas's free bed directly across from Lily's.

The other girls were watching her with concern. Lily sighed. "I'm alright, really. I just…I wasn't expecting to—"

"We know, Lily," Alice cut in before she could finish. "It must have been upsetting, having that sprung on you right after dealing with the dementor."

She nodded, glad that her friends weren't going to make her recount the experience with the boggart. Judging by Dorcas's look of stoic concern, she must have already heard about what had happened, and for that she was grateful.

"What did my aunt want?" Mary asked next.

"Just to talk," Lily said truthfully. "She wanted to make sure I was alright, and that I knew I could talk to her if I was upset. And she gave me a book." She held up _The Journal of Amalia Coding_ to show them.

Dorcas put her hand on Lily's. "Are you alright now?"

"Yes."

"Do you want to talk any more about what happened?" she asked.

"Not remotely," Lily said resolutely.

"Then we won't," Dorcas said with a smile.

Lily smiled back, glad to have someone like Dorcas to talk to. As wonderful as Mary and Alice were, they could be a bit too inquisitive, sometimes more focused on satisfying their own curiosity than what the other person wanted. Dorcas was different; she paid attention to other people's cues and let them lead the conversation. Lily supposed that had to do with her family; Dorcas had no siblings and her father had died when she was young. Lily had met her mother when she went her to visit her friend a couple of summers before, and she had the same manner as her daughter. Something about growing up with just one other person in your family must teach you a lot about the importance of listening. It was the sort of thing that Lily sometimes envied, but it didn't do to dwell.

"So!" she said bracingly. "What happened after I left with Macdonald?"

"Well, class was dismissed," Alice said. "Most everyone left without saying much. I think we were all still spooked by the dementor."

"Except for Potter, of course," Dorcas added.

Lily scowled. "Potter," she fumed. "He's just the same as he's always been! I talked to him yesterday on Platform 9¾, and I thought that maybe he had grown up a bit over the summer, but no! He still says whatever pops into his head, as if we all need to hear his every thought, no matter how it effects everyone else!"

Mary leaned against the bedpost, watching her. "That might be a little harsh, Lily. He felt horrible about what happened. You should have seen him at lunch a few minutes ago."

"He should feel horrible! He _was_ horrible!" Lily exclaimed.

"Well, it's not like he could have _known_," Alice said. "I mean, you never talk about your mum, and I don't think James has ever met her, so he wouldn't have known what she looks like."

But Lily was impervious to their excuses. "He still should have know better than to mock someone for their fears. I wouldn't have laughed if the boggart went after him and turned into…into…the Slytherin Quidditch Captain holding the Quidditch Cup!"

"Yes you would! We all would!" Alice said, rolling her eyes.

Lily let out a frustrated breath. "Well, that's not the same! Being afraid of losing at Quidditch is ridiculous! Losing your mother is—"

She broke off. Even after everything they had seen, and even though her roommates knew that her mother was ill, Lily still wasn't comfortable talking to them about it. She had never mentioned the looming threat of inheriting the disease herself. The other girls looked away, equally uncomfortable, as though they sensed Lily's reluctance and residual fear.

"We have to get ready for Charms," Dorcas said after a moment of tense silence, and the discomfort in the circular room passed. The witches gathered their books and belongings and filed out of the room. Alice and Mary struck up a conversation about their homework over the summer and Lily tried to join in, but her mind was still riffling through snippets from her conversation with Professor Macdonald, and the memory of her mother's voice as it came out of the boggart. She scarcely paid attention to where her feet were carrying her. It wasn't until a voice called her name that she looked up and realized she and her friends had already reached the Charms classroom.

"Evans!"

She turned around. James Potter was dashing up the corridor toward her. She scowled and made to duck into the classroom.

But James followed her. "Wait! Lily!"

"What do you want, Potter?" Lily wheeled around. "Come to insult my father, too? Or maybe you'd like to have a go at my Great Aunt Lydia this time? She died of pneumonia two years ago, but surely you, oh great master of comedy, could find some way to make a joke of that. Isn't that right?"

And she stalked into the room slamming her bag on the table and earning herself a reproachful look from Professor Flitwick. Her spirits did not lift when she saw Potter make to follow her, or when Alice gave him a subtle shake of the head and he stopped, looking at her. But she tried not to feel too pleased when his shoulders slumped and he instead trooped to the back of the room and dropped into a seat.

Dorcas and Mary came over and took seats on either wide, with Alice on the outside next to Dorcas. She leaned over to address Lily. "He was just coming to apologize, you know," she said.

Lily didn't care. "He can save it," she hissed back, for Professor Flitwick had just climbed onto his stack of books to begin the lesson. "And I'll thank you not to help Potter orchestrate any more 'apologies' in the future!"

Alice looked rather offended, and Dorcas admonished Lily under her breath, but Lily ignored both of them. She felt guilty for snapping at Alice, but she was still too irritated with James to care. She forced herself to pay attention to the tiny wizard as he explained their lesson for the day: Self-Replicating Detonation Charms. (Based on the appreciative chuckled coming from the back corner of the room, not all of the Marauders were too dejected to pay attention to the lecture.)

The remainder of the lesson passed much the way Charms lessons usually did: with plenty of noise and laughter from the Marauders, and a fair amount of explosions. Professor Flitwick had given the class balloons to practice the spell on, and before long, Sirius was not only charming his balloons to burst one by one, but to sneak up behind other students and burst in their ears, causing more than one of their classmates to jump out of their seat and fire retaliatory spells without meaning to. It was slightly amusing, Lily had to admit, when he did it to Amy Adkins of Hufflepuff, and her involuntary tickling jinx hit her friend Miranda Hopkirk, and the two of them dissolved into laughter (Miranda from the spell, Amy from surprise). It was less amusing when he did it to Corbin Yaxley, who leapt to his feet and shot a Stunning Spell back at Sirius, which missed and blasted a candle-holder from the wall. Though Yaxley, Lily thought, may not have used the curse involuntarily.

* * *

By the time Lily reached the Hospital Wing for her first day of her apprenticeship, she thought that she herself was about to pass out from hunger. She regretted skipping lunch, and she wished, for the first time in her Hogwarts career, that she knew where to find the kitchens so she could beg some food off the house-elves. Instead, she peeked her head inside the Hospital Wing just as Madam Pomfrey was coming out of her office with a handful of empty potions bottled. "Ah, Miss Evans," the matron said when she saw her. "Excellent, you're just in time to help me with something!"

"Alright," Lily said, perking up and striding into the room. She had been worried that her apprenticeship might get off to a slow start; due to the nature of the posting, there was no guarantee of consistent work to do, as it was reliant on student accidents and illnesses.

She was therefore less excited when Madam Pomfrey held the bottles out to her. "My supply of sleeping draught expired over the summer and needs replenishing. Will you take these to Professor Slughorn and ask him if he could brew more?"

Lily accepted the bottles, struggling not to drop any of them as they changed hands. "Of course, Madam Pomfrey. Or I could brew it myself. I'm good with Potions; I got an 'O' on my O.W.L." she offered hopefully.

But the matron had already turned back to her office. "That's very kind of you, my dear, but I'm afraid I cannot allow you to brew any potions for use on students yet. I will have to observe your work for several months at least before that happens."

Lily did her best to hide her disappointment. She transferred the bottles to her bag so she wouldn't drop them. "Do I need to ask for any specific kind of sleeping draught?" she asked, making sure to keep her tone light.

"No," the Healer called over her shoulder. "Professor Slughorn will know what to make. But please hurry back! I'm in the middle of inventory, and I'll likely need you to run some other errands."

"Yes, Madam Pomfrey," she said, barely containing a sigh. She stumped out of the room and made for the Potions Master's dungeon classroom.

The rest of the hour passed slowly for Lily. Even Professor Slughorn's excitement at having her show up in his classroom hadn't been enough to lift Lily's spirits, for not only had he taken the opportunity to pass on an invitation to one of his parties, he pulled her aside while she was leaving and whispered, "I have it on good authority that both you and Mister Snape will be in my class first thing tomorrow. I'm assigning a complicated potion to test out the N.E.W.T students, and I'll make sure the two of you can work together."

She tried hard to sound excited, and the old man must have believed her, because he gave her a wink and smile before telling her that she could come back to pick up the Sleeping Draughts later that week.

When she'd returned to the Hospital Wing a few minutes later, Madam Pomfrey had sent her right back out to ask Professor Sprout for mandrake leaves, and then to Professor Kettleburn immediately after for Flobberworm mucus (which Lily absolutely did not want to know the use for in Healing).

It was in much lower spirits that Lily finally made her way back to the Common Room after the matron dismissed her for the day. She was exhausted and still starving, she'd humiliated herself in Defense, had it out with Potter and one of her friends, and it looked like her apprenticeship - the thing she had been looking forward to the most over the summer - would involve much more errand-running than Healing. Overall, it had been her worst first-day of lessons she ever had at Hogwarts.

And it might be about to get worse. She gave the password to the Fat Lady and the portrait hole opened to reveal Alice standing there with her arms crossed and a stern look on her face.

Lily stopped, one hand still on the edge of the Fat Lady's ornate frame. "Er—hello?" she said.

Alice watched her imperiously for several seconds, and Lily's heart sank. She was just trying to come up with a good apology when Alice smiled. "It's alright, Lily, you don't have to say anything," her friend said. "You were miffed at Potter, and I got myself in the middle."

Lily sighed, slumping right against the edge of the wall in weary relief. The Fat Lady cleared her throat irritably from the other side of the canvas, but Lily ignored her. "I'm sorry, Alice," she said. "It was just…_Potter_, and I knew that you were trying to get him to talk to me, and I just _couldn't_, and—"

"Lily," Alice cut her off. She moved forward and climbed through the portrait hole so they were both standing in the corridor. (_Ahem_," the Fat Lady cleared her throat irritably.) "You don't need to apologize. James _needed_ to apologize, and I'd told him so at lunch, and he decided he'd better to it in Charms, and I could see that you didn't want to see him, and I tried to stop him, but—"

It was Lily's turn to cut Alice off. "No, Alice, you didn't do anything wrong. I know you tried to stop Potter. It isn't your fault he's an incorrigible git."

"True," Alice said, nodding. Lily grinned and Alice returned it. Then she said something that made Lily smile even bigger. "Now, how about we go down to dinner?"

* * *

James Potter felt like the first week back was never going to end. Between the disastrous first Defense lesson, his thwarted apology later that day, and every other attempt he had made to apologize to Lily over the past few days, he was quite sure that he would never get to even finish another sentence in Lily Evans' presence, much less ask her on a date, and much, _much_ less convince her to agree. Not only was Lily herself utterly uninterested in anything he had to say (as she had made clear that Tuesday in Potions, when she shouted it across the dungeon in front of a rather amused Professor Slughorn), the other Gryffindor sixth year girls seemed to have banded around their classmate to form a sort of anti-Potter shield. Even Alice, whom he had grown up with and normally considered a close friend, had stopped talking to him and refused to pass along his messages.

So that left him with two choices: give up and wait for Lily to forgive him, or for his fixation with her to pass, whichever came first (and he wasn't confident that either one would happen any time in the next century), or to find another way to get his message to her. He had chosen the latter.

And that was how he found himself barricaded in the owlery that Friday evening with Remus, Peter, Sirius, and about thirty owls borrowed from the school or various owl-owning friends. He had already tried sending a long apology letter to Lily that morning with his own owl, Higgins, but she had refused to take the letter, eventually storming out of the Great Hall without eating anything when Higgins got a bit too impatient and tried to nip a lock of her hair. ("Like owner, like owl," Alice had muttered with equal parts irritation and amusement as she passed James on her way after Lily.)

"Why are we doing this again?" Peter asked as he held a scrap of parchment against the wall, scratching out a long letter that he was copying from another sheet James had given him twenty minutes ago when they first arrived.

"Because Lily is going to have to read my blasted letter eventually," James said, finishing up another copy of the letter and signing it with a flourish.

Sirius snorted. "What makes you think she'll accept the letter this time?"

"Because it won't be from Higgins this time, for starters. And because, if you lot will hurry up and finish your copies, there will be too make letters for her to ignore."

"I still think this is a bad idea," Remus said, holding a letter up so he would read it in the light of the candle mounted on the stone wall.

James rolled his eyes. "I'm _apologizing_, Moony," he said. "Just like you bloody told me to!"

At that moment, an owl perched above Remus let out a squawk and a large dropping splattered across the letter that he was still holding up. "Eurgh!" he shouted, dropping the parchment. "This is stupid, James! I told you to apologize to Lily, not bombard her with owls until she's either forced to forgive you or give up and join the bloody flock!"

Peter giggled, presumably at the mental image of Lily engulfed in owls and covered in feathers. James scowled. "All she needs to do is take one of the letters and read it. I'll have apologized, she'll have forgiven me, and I'll be one step closer to getting her on a date."

"How do you know she'll accept your apology?" Sirius asked, handing a parchment to James for him to sign.

James took it and waved the letter in his friend's face. "Have you read this letter, mate? It's the best bleeding apology ever written! I could end wars with this letter. I could get The Vampire Revolution back together with this letter!" he said, invoking Sirius's favorite band to demonstrate his point.

Sirius rolled his eyes. "I don't think The Vampire Revolution would really be that impressed by two teenagers getting over a row," he said.

"That's because they've never read my letter," James said bracingly. "But they're not the ones who need to. How many more do we have to do?"

Remus picked up the stack of completed letters and rifled through them. "Twenty-eight, not including my last, which got shat on. I'm assuming you don't want to send Lily that one?"

James shook his head, signing another letter handed to him by Peter. "No, I think the message might get a bit muddied if I give her a shit-smeared letter, no matter how good the writing is. One more, mates, and then we can go!"

Peter and Remus gave weak cheers, and Remus grabbed another sheet of parchment and started copying out the last letter.

Five minutes later, hands tired and with a few stray feathers stuck in their hair, the Marauders unsealed the owlery door and trooped down the staircase and back into the castle.

* * *

Lily sat down to breakfast the next day, looking forward to a relaxing Saturday. She had woken up in a surprisingly good mood, considering the week she'd just had, and she was eager to keep up the positive energy. And her friends seemed to be picking up on her mood, too.

"Morning, Lily," Mary said as she took a seat next to her friend. "Feeling chipper today, are you?"

"Yes, surprisingly so," Lily answered, smiling. "Not sitting with Sirius today?"

"No, not today," Mary answered. "I think he's up to something with James and Peter."

The news that James, Sirius, and Peter were "up to something" was not encouraging to Lily, nor was the fact that Remus, her fellow prefect, seemed to be abstaining from whatever it was. But before she could ask more about it, Alice and Dorcas arrived and took seats across from Lily.

"Good morning," Dorcas said to both of them. "You two were up early," she remarked.

Lily shrugged. "I wanted to get an early start on the weekend."

"And I wanted to meet Sirius," Mary said.

Alice made a face. "And I do _not_ want to know where you 'met' Sirius." She put a delicate emphasis on the word.

Mary stuck her tongue out at Alice, who returned the gesture and muttered something that sounded like "bloody nauseating." Lily smirked.

"How are things going with you and Sirius, then?" Dorcas asked, looking across the table at Mary as she spread marmalade on a piece of toast. "Still as blissful as last year?"

"Still good, yes," Mary said with a smile. "The summer was a bit off, though. Did I tell you he's moved in with the Potters?"

"And how's Frank, Alice?" Lily asked loudly, staving off a prickle of annoyance at the mention of Potter. She shot an apologetic look at Mary, who looked half annoyed and half amused at the interruption. "How's post-Hogwarts life treating him?"

Alice looked caught off guard by the abrupt change in the direction of the conversation, but she recovered quickly. "Frank is fine. He's started the auror-training program. Says it's harder than he expected, but he seems to be enjoying it."

Lily nodded. She'd known Frank Longbottom for nearly three years; he and Alice had started dating during Alice and Lily's third year, Frank's fourth. In that time, the only thing he had ever expressed interest in after finishing school was becoming an auror.

"How are you coping with the distance?" Dorcas asked.

Alice shrugged. "I miss seeing him every day, but he sends letters a couple of times a week, and he says he should be able to meet me on Hogsmeade weekends sometimes."

"Speaking of letters," Mary said, looking up as the sound of flapping filled the hall. "I think the post is here."

Lily looked up. Owls were streaming into the Great Hall in a multi-colored cloud - more owls than usual, she thought. They soared down over the House tables, searching for students and dropping parcels. Lily scanned the air for the school owl that she had sent to her parents earlier that week, a handsome screech owl. But before she could locate it, another owl landed in front of her. Confused, she reached for the letter tied to its leg, but before she could undo the knot, a second owl dropped to the table. And then a third. And a fourth. And they kept coming. Owls of every size and color were soon covering the table in front of her and the clear space in the bench next to her. There were even a few owls hopping up and down in the floor next to her seat at Gryffindor table.

"Er, Lily?" Dorcas practically shouted over the cacophony of screeches and flapping wings. "Is there a reason you have an entire flock of owls fighting to bring you mail?"

"I don't know what's going on," Lily shouted back as even more owls landed around her. She waved her hands over her plate, trying to keep the birds from standing in her breakfast. But when a tiny scops owl landed right on her half-eaten scone, she gave up. "Help me get these letters off of them so they can leave!" she called to her friends, who were now at risk of getting lost within the flapping mass themselves.

She grabbed the scops owl and pulled the letter from its beak. It took off at once from the table. Lily turned next to a large barn owl that held its leg out imperiously and waited while she untied the letter before also flying away.

Within a few minutes, the majority of the owls had cleared, relieved of their letters. As the swarm of birds diminished, Lily got a better view of the hall around her. Students at every table were looking in her direction, clearly as bewildered as she was. Professor McGonagall had stood up at the staff table, watching Lily's end of the table for the source of the commotion. But the watchful eye of her Head of House wasn't what made Lily's heart sink and her face redden. It was the sight of James Potter, standing up at the opposite end of Gryffindor table, the broad grin on his face mirrored on Sirius and Peter's faces next to him. She glared at the stack of letters on the table. She suddenly had an idea what the letters were for. But before she could open one to see, Dorcas unrolled the letter she had just accepted from one of the last remaining owls, read a few lines, and scoffed. She threw it down and grabbed another from Lily's stack. She tutted and shook her head, and handed the letter to Alice and Mary, who compared it to letters in their own hands. Alice groaned.

Lily clenched her jaw. "They're all from Potter, aren't they?" she ground out between her teeth.

Mary nodded. "They're apologies," she said. She was clearly trying to look disapproving, but there was a growing twinkle in her eyes, and she looked like she was fighting down a chuckle.

Annoyed as ever, Lily grabbed a letter, wadded it up, and threw it hard in James's direction.

She didn't wait to see whether it hit him. She pushed the bench back and stomped out of the Great Hall, vaguely aware of her fellow students' eyes on her, and that she had never stormed about this much until Potter started paying her so much attention.

Dorcas and Alice caught up with her before she reached the marble staircase leading to the upper floors. "Lily, wait!"

Lily didn't stop. She wanted to get as far away from Potter, and his friends, and everyone else who had witnessed the humiliating scene. Alice reached her and looped an arm through Lily's. "Let's go for a walk on the grounds, shall we?" she asked, putting on her sweetest voice.

Lily stopped. While she was considering the offer, Dorcas climbed the stairs to Lily's other side. She took her other arm. "Yes, please, will you come with us, Lily?" she added, also sweetly.

She didn't say anything. On one hand, she'd been intending to spend the rest of the day in her dormitory, hiding from Potter, his friends, and everyone else who had been witness to the humiliating scene. On the other hand, it was a beautiful day, warm and sunny. She'd scarcely been outside at all that week, ad she might be able to chat with Hagrid if she met him on the grounds. She was just about to take a step down the staircase with her friends when James Potter himself came out of the Great Hall with Remus, Sirius, and Peter. The four boys made their way outside.

"Oh," Dorcas said, letting Lily's arm drop. "I forgot, James is doing Quidditch try-outs this morning."

"Well," Lily said, "in that case, I'll be hiding out in our dormitory." And she stomped the rest of the way up the staircase.

Author's Note: Hello again, and sorry for the delay in updating. I intended to post a new chapter every weekend, but I have a new baby, and it can be hard to find the time. I'm also sorry, to those who are getting notifications and those who read early, for the technical difficulties when I've published the last couple of chapters. I'm not used to this site's interface, and it keeps making my chapters show up as a jumble of html code for the first hour or so after I publish. At least, it does when I try to check it. If anyone has also noticed, I'd appreciate a heads up.

Hope you enjoyed!


	5. Chapter 5

"I can't believe she didn't ready a single bloody letter!" James fumed, climbing the sloping lawn toward the Quidditch Pitch. "Thirty owls, thirty letters, all of them all over Lily, and it's _Dorcas_ who opens the first one."

"Well, Mary said Dorcas _told_ Lily that they were apologies from you. Isn't that good enough?" Sirius asked.

"No," James said sourly. "She already knows I want to apologize and it hasn't done any good. She has to actually _read_ what I wrote, or let me tell her myself, and I haven't had any luck with that either."

"You're going about this the wrong way, mate," Remus said as they crested the hill. James led the way toward the changing rooms, already pulling his plain school robes over his head. "You can't force someone to accept an apology just by writing it in a letter. Yes, even if it's the best apology letter ever written," he added quickly, seeing James's face as he emerged from within his robes.

James, who had opened his mouth to retort, closed it again. But he rallied quickly and plowed on. "No, I'm telling you, if she reads that letter, she'll _have_ to forgive me. It's just a matter of tricking her into it."

Remus threw up his hands, but didn't respond. James pulled his team robes on and inspected his reflection, making sure that the Team Captain badge was perfectly positioned on his chest. "You lot sure you don't want to try out?"

Sirius, who was sprawled out on one of the benches, shook his head. "I can't, remember? McGonagall pre-emptively banned me at the end of last year."

Peter, who had picked up a Beater's bat that was lying in the corner, gave it an experimental swing and asked, "How come?"

"Remember how Mardock, the Slytherin Keeper, couldn't play in the final match last year because his head got stuck in a pumpkin?"

Peter sniggered and took a swing with the bat at a passing moth. "Yes. And then his face was orange for a week when Madam Pomfrey got it off?"

Sirius grinned at the memory. "Well, Old Minnie reckons I had something to do with it."

"You _did_ have something to do with it," Remus reminded him. "You jinxed him because he threatened to knock Mary off her broom during the match."

Sirius shrugged. He didn't look remotely abashed. "Anyway, I made the mistake of asking about the Beater position while McGonagall was telling me off, so she said she'd make sure I couldn't go out for it."

"How?" Peter asked.

"She made it a condition of my team captaincy this year," James said, turning to face his friends, satisfied that his badge was optimally visible. "She sent a letter with my supply list saying that if I gave Sirius the spot, she would make King the team captain instead and chuck Sirius off the team anyway."

"And the only thing James cares about more than Gryffindor winning the Cup again is the bragging rights of being captain of the winning team," Sirius said. "Besides, I can still commentate."

"What about you, Remus?" Peter asked next.

Remus rolled his eyes. "Oh, yeah, I would make a great member of a competitive, organized team. James here would just have to ignore the fact that I missed practice a full week every month because I could barely get out of bed, and make sure no games lined up with the full moon."

"But," Sirius piped up, "you'd have the perfect threat for the other teams! 'Get in my way on Saturday and I'll arrange a surprise for you next full month.'"

Remus shot Sirius a glare, but at that moment, Peter made another wild swipe at the moth, which was fluttering around the gas lamp, and the bat flew out of his hand and shattered the glass shade. He squeaked and clapped a hand over his mouth.

James, who had flung up a hand against the shower of glass, lowered his arm and glared at his friend. "And Peter here was just kind enough to demonstrate why he can't even be trusted to _hold_ Quidditch equipment." He picked up the bat from the other side of the changing room while Remus repaired the light. "Well, let's see this year's crop of recruits." And he squared his shoulders and marched out onto the field.

Sirius, Remus, and Peter made their way into the stands to get seats. There were about twenty students milling about on the field. They looked up as James approached. Among the assembled students were Mary Macdonald, James's fellow Chaser, Anthony King, the Seeker, Emma Court, their Keeper, and the sole remaining Beater, Chester Biggs. They were already wearing their Quidditch robes and were eyeing the prospective players appraisingly.

As he neared, James took the opportunity to check the hopefuls out for himself. A small group of fourth years stood talking in the back. He recognized four fifth years, a tiny and rather nervous looking second year, and two seventh year girls. He checked his watch, which read five minutes past ten o'clock, just after the time he'd listed on the fliers. "Alright you lot, Beaters on the right and Chasers on the left," he called, and the players shuffled around each other until they had formed separate clumps. "We're going to do some drills with the Chasers first. Beaters, you can wait in the stands."

* * *

Half an hour later, James would have given anything for Sirius not to have been pre-banned from the team. The Chaser try-outs had been decent; nobody had the brilliance of Cameron Digby, the Chaser who had graduated the previous year, but James thought he found a suitable replacement in Chelsea Wright. She was only a third year, which made James nervous, but she flew pretty well and scored more goals than any of the others. The Beater try-outs, however, were not going well.

"Oy! Wilson, I've already told you you're out of the running! Now if you don't get off the pitch, I'm having Remus dock you ten points!" James bellowed from the air. ("You can't do that, James!" Remus called from his seat in the stands.) Andrew Wilson, one of the already-rejected Beaters, was standing on the pitch below him, trying to wrestle a broomstick away from his brother, Edmund, whom James had just called to take his turn.

Andrew scowled and shot James a rude hand gesture but released the broomstick to Edmund and stomped off. James sighed and shook his head. He'd already gone through seven of the nine prospective Beaters, and he wasn't satisfied with any of them. So it was with a measure of desperate hope that he watched Edmund climb onto his broomstick and take to the air.

That hope was short-lived. Edmund had barely reached James's height before he glanced down at the grass below, and his eyes bulged. James watched as a sweat broke out on the fourth year's face and his skin turned grey. Wilson swayed on his broom. His eyes fluttered.

James realized what was about to happen an instant before it did. Wilson was going to faint. James sped toward the younger boy just in time to grab him by the back of his robes before he slipped off the broomstick. His own broomstick sagged, struggling to remain airborn with both of their weights. He shot a glance at Mary Macdonald, who was nearest and shouted, "Help me get him to the ground!"

Mary sped forward and grabbed Wilson under the arm, and she and James managed to lower the boy safely to the pitch. "Almost makes you wish Sirius had just let Mardock knock me off my broom last year, doesn't it? That way he could have tried out and we wouldn't have had to deal with this toss," Mary muttered to James as they released the prone fourth year.

He grunted, relieved that he hadn't had to be the one to say it. "I have a feeling that if McGonagall were here to see this lot, she'd let Sirius on the team anyway."

"Should we wake him?" Mary said, nodding to Wilson, who was lying on the grass, still out cold.

"Nah," James replied. "Maybe if he wakes up and sees the rest of us successfully flying, it'll give him some courage for next time."

They both took to the air again and James called for the last prospective Beater to take his turn. Lawrence Fishbourn, a skinny fourth year with a round face and wide-set eyes, flew up on one of the old school brooms. James barely managed to suppress a groan.

After watching the first thirty seconds of Fishbourne's try-out, James felt like crying. Fishbourn could barely keep the broomstick pointed in the direction he wanted it to go, and if the broom had been faster or more powerful, he likely would have crashed. James kept him in the air for only a minute before dismissing him and sending him back to the ground.

He called for the other members of the team to the ground with him. King had barely landed before he said, "Not much of a turn-out this year, eh?"

Biggs joined them and grunted, "I can't work with any of that lot."

James nodded; he agreed. Mary, Emma Court and Chelsea Wright joined them, both looking similarly unenthused. "What are you going to do, James?" Emma asked.

He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "Andrew Wilson flew the best out of all of them, though that isn't saying much. And we saw his reaction when I turned him down. I don't think much of having him on the team."

They were all silent, thinking that over. "Adrian Mank had pretty good aim, I thought," Emma offered after a moment, referring to one of the seventh years.

"Yeah, but he's in my year and he's an idiot," Biggs replied. "And he has a standing detention with Kettleburn every Tuesday and Thursday for teaching the jarveys to swear."

As much as he appreciated the antics, James had to admit that the detentions would be too big a hurtle for the training schedule he had in mind. Plus, if Biggs wasn't on board with whomever James picked, the two wouldn't work as well as a pair.

"So…what happens next?" Chelsea asked.

"Well…I suppose I could call a second try-out. But I'm not sure if anyone else will come," James said. "And I don't fancy sitting through any more of those wankers again."

Mary suddenly looked up, a thoughtful, determined expression on her face. "I have an idea. Wait here!" Then she jumped back on her broom and flew off towards the castle.

James and the rest of the team exchanged bemused looks. "What was that about?" King wondered, but nobody answered.

After a bit more whispered discussion, James dismissed the hopefuls who were still waiting on his decision on the new Beater. He didn't know what he was going to do, but he knew that no one who had tried out was good enough for the team.

Just as James was about to give up and send his players back to the changing rooms, he spotted two figures approaching the pitch. He thought he recognized one as Mary, walking back with her broom over her shoulder. It wasn't until they reached the field that James recognized the other person; it was Alice.

Mary was beaming as the two witches reached them. Alice looked bashful, but she gave James a wide smile. "Hello. If you haven't found anyone else, I…I'd like to try out."

"For Beater?"

Alice nodded.

James held in a frown. Beaters were typically the biggest players on a Quidditch team, much bigger than short little Alice. He walked around Alice, studying her posture and build. By the time he had circled her once, the shy smile had dropped from her face and been replaced by a fierce glare. "Are you going to let me try out, Potter, or keep judging me like a prize hippogriff?"

He grinned at her. She definitely had the attitude of a Beater even if she didn't have the physique. "Go on, then," he said, and the team took to the air again.

Alice, James thought after a few minutes of watching her fly, was superb. Especially compared to everyone else who had tried out for the position. True, she didn't have quite the same strength as Biggs when she smacked the Bludgers with the bat, but she aimed well and nearly unseated James with a particularly good shot.

"Why didn't you come to tryouts straight away?" James called as he signaled the team back to the ground. He met Alice on the pitch and had to stop himself from hugging her.

She shrugged at his question, but Mary, who had landed next to them a second before, cut in. "Because she's too bloody hard on herself," she said. "I tried all summer to convince her to go out for the team, but she said she wasn't good enough. She wouldn't even come down today until I told her about Wilson fainting and Fishbourne showing up with an old Shooting Star."

"Well, I think it's safe to say the Beater position is yours," James said, and Alice beamed.

* * *

After their first practice the following Tuesday, James trooped back to Gryffindor Tower in good spirits. Alice and Chelsea Wright were already proving to be worthy additions to the team James. They had six weeks until their first game, and James planned on using every practice to unify the team and blend the new styles that the two new members brought. Not that he had much work to do on that front. Chelsea had good form and followed directions well. Alice seemed eager to learn and followed Biggs' lead devotedly. In fact, Biggs seemed to enjoy teaching Alice as much as he enjoyed playing.

The Beater hung back from practice after the others had gone to the changing rooms. James, who was packing away the equipment, found him standing on the field, staring after the others. "You alright, mate?" James asked as he drew level with him.

Biggs jumped when James spoke. He didn't take his eyes off of the retreating figures in the distance. "She's amazing," he breathed.

"Who?"

"Alice," Biggs said, turning for the first time to face James.

James rolled his eyes. "Yeah, she's good," he agreed, "but you'll want to be careful. She's got a boyfriend."

Biggs shrugged. James chuckled and shoved the Beater lightly as he made his own way back toward the changing rooms. "And he's an auror."

He didn't look back to see Biggs' reaction to that piece of news. James locked the equipment away and made his way up to his dormitory.

"Thank Mary again for dragging Alice along, won't you?" James said to Sirius as he flopped onto his bed and pulled open his trunk. "She saved the whole bloody team if you ask me."

Sirius gave a noncommittal grunt, and James looked up at his friend. There was an ugly look on his face, and James thought he knew why. "Look, mate, you know I'd rather have had you for Beater. If you'd been allowed to play, I'm not sure I would have even had tryouts."

"Yes you would have," Sirius scoffed. "It's part of being captain."

"Yeah, well…" James grumbled. It was true, of course; he would have wanted to see who else was interested and what they could do before making a decision. But after witnessing Gryffindor's "best offerings" a few days earlier, James knew that Sirius would have had the spot if he had been eligible. "Look, Biggs will be gone next year. I'm sure Minnie will let you go out for Beater then. Just try not to jinx anyone on the other teams this year."

"Yeah, let Mary fight her own battles. You know she can look after herself," Remus added.

"Especially with an aunt like Professor Macdonald," Peter piped up.

James, Sirius, and Remus exchanged smirks. Peter had seemed rather enamored with their Defense professor ever since their first day back. In fact, his preoccupation was resulting in a pretty dismal performance from him in her classes.

Peter saw the looks his friends were exchanging and frowned. "I'm just saying," he continued in a high, nasal pitch his voice adopted whenever he was angry, "she's an auror and apparently she's good enough to have been dragged here from another country."

"Yes, yes, Peter, you'll be popping the question any day. And a worthier choice you could scarcely make. We get it," Remus said placidly.

James, having extricated the item he was looking for from his trunk, stood up. "And speaking of popping the question, I think I have another plan for getting Lily to listen to my apology."

"For heaven's sake, James! You can't force her to read the damn letter!"

"I'm not going to force her to read the letter this time, Remus," James said, his mounting excitement battling down a stab of annoyance. "In fact, she won't have to _read_ the letter at all." And, with a showman's flourish, he pulled his hand from behind his back and showed his friends what he was holding.

Sirius and Peter's eyes widened. Remus looked impressed in spite of himself.

"I've…I've never seen one so…still before. And silent," Peter whispered.

"Where did you get it, James?" Sirius asked.

James smirked, pleased with their reactions. "Rakepick," he said, referring to their friend Patricia Rakepick, a former Gryffindor who had left Hogwarts a couple of years prior. She had been something of a mentor to the Marauders when she was still a student. "I wrote her last weekend for it, and she sent it last night."

"Does she know what you're going to do with it?" Remus asked.

"Of course! You can't keep secrets from Rakepick. Plus, she probably wouldn't have agreed to get it for me if I hadn't told her what I needed it for."

Sirius raised an eyebrow. "So Rakepick is running errands to help you get a bird? That doesn't sound like her."

James shrugged. "She can tell a worthy cause when she hears one," he said simply, then he turned his attention back to his recent acquisition. "Now…do any of you know what do to with one of these things?"

Author's Note: Short chapter this week, but I have some nice, longer ones in the works. Let me know what you thought, if you can spare a minute. Thanks for reading!


	6. Chapter 6

Lily awoke the following Saturday to a soft tap, tap, tap. She rolled over and pulled her pillow over her head to block out the noise. She felt groggy and exhausted, a sure sign that it was still early in the morning.

_Tap, tap, tap._

She stifled a groan and kept her eyes shut. One of her roommates must be up already, getting ready for the day. Though she couldn't understand what the tapping sound might be...

_Tap, tap, tap._

Another groan came from the bed adjacent to hers, which she was now awake enough to note was Mary's.

_Tap, tap, tap._

It was louder now, more insistent. Lily pulled the pillow away and sat up just as a voice she recognized as Dorcas's grumbled, "whoever is tapping, will you _stop?_"

"It isn't me," the last sleepy voice said, and the sound of curtains being open came from the direction of Alice's bed.

"Then who is it?" Lily mumbled, pulling her own curtains wide and peering around the room blearily.

_Tap, tap, tap!_

The sound was coming from the window. Lily got up and went to the window in the corner, wiping sleep from her eyes and brushing her long red hair behind her ears.

_Tap, tap, tap!_

She blinked through the light streaming in from outside. It was an owl, flapping in front of the window, every now and then ducking forward to tap its beak against the glass. The bird was clutching a brightly colored envelope, and Lily immediately reached forward and opened the window to let it in.

The owl swooped inside and dropped the envelope on Lily's bed. Her half-asleep brain was still trying to make sense of the situation when Dorcas asked, "is it bringing you post, Lily?"

"Why didn't it wait until breakfast?" Mary asked before Lily could answer that she could have done anyway. She felt a surge of panic as her thoughts raced to her parents. Could something have happened to her mother? Something that couldn't wait for the normal post?

But then she took a closer look at the owl. And then she took a closer look at the envelope.

It wasn't a school owl, like the kind she would have sent to him, and the kind he would have sent back to her. And it wasn't a regular envelope, the kind her dad would have used if he had written to her.

It was a Howler.

And the owl was—

"Oh, no," Alice said, coming to stand behind Lily as she stared in horror at the owl. "It's Higgins! So that must be from—"

"James _POTTER!_" Lily shouted. She stomped her foot, wheeled around, and ripped her dressing gown from its hook on the wall. She pulled it on furiously and, not caring that she was in her pajamas, not caring that her hair was a tangled mess, and not even noticing that the bright red envelope was beginning to smoke, she stomped over to the door, yanked it open, and stormed down the steps to the Common Room.

She had just reached the bottom when she heard a small explosion echo down the staircase from her dormitory - accompanied by squeals from her roommates - and, half a second later, a voice that she thought she'd be able to recognize anywhere. "LILY EVANS," James Potter's voice boomed, carrying clearly down the staircase and into the Common Room. "IT IS WITH THE UTMOST RESPECT AND HEARTFELT REGRET…"

"JAMES POTTER," Lily bellowed as she stomped into the room and saw Potter himself sitting the corner by the open window, Sirius and Peter alongside him, and Remus standing a short distance off with his arms crossed. James had evidently been staring out the window in the direction of the girls' tower, no doubt trying to watch his owl's progress. He whipped around at both the sound of Lily's voice in the doorway, and his own coming from the Howler upstairs.

"…REGARDING THE UNFORTUNATE INCIDENT WHICH PLAYED OUT IN DEFENSE AGAINST THE DARK ARTS ON MONDAY LAST…" the Howler shouted.

Lily didn't listen to a word blaring down from the enchanted letter in her dormitory. She was focused on James, who was staring at her in horror, clearly having not expected this outcome. But Lily didn't care. "SO _THIS_ IS HOW YOU'RE TRYING TO APOLOGIZE NOW? BY SENDING ANOTHER BLEEDING _OWL_ WITH WHAT'S BASICALLY _A SMALL BOMB_ TO SHOUT YOUR PATHETIC APOLOGY FOR _THE ENTIRE BLOODY HOUSE TO HEAR?_"

"…PLEASE KNOW THAT IT WAS NOT MY INTENTION TO CAUSE YOU…" the Howler bellowed.

"I DON'T _CARE_ THAT YOU FEEL BAD ABOUT WHAT YOU SAID, POTTER! I DON'T CARE THAT YOU'RE _SORRY!_"

"…AND I WILL DO WHATEVER IT TAKES TO MAKE THIS UP TO YOU…"

"IT WAS FOUL AND _MEAN_, JUST LIKE _YOU!_ YOU STILL DON'T GIVE A DAMN ABOUT ANYONE BUT YOURSELF, AND I'M DONE, POTTER. _DONE!_" Lily shouted.

"…LOOK FORWARD TO REPAIRING OUR FRIENDSHIP, AND…"

"I DO _NOT_ ACCEPT YOUR APOLOGY! I DO NOT WANT TO TALK TO YOU AGAIN. I DON'T EVEN WANT TO _SEE _YOU AGAIN! IF YOU REALLY WANT TO MAKE THIS UP TO ME, YOU CAN JUST _BUGGER! OFF!_"

"…MOST SINCERELY YOURS, JAMES POTTER," the Howler finished.

Silence filled the Common Room and Lily turned on her heel and stomped back up the stairs. But she hadn't quite made it around the first spiral before she heard James's stunned voice float after her: "She's the most amazing girl I've ever seen."

Lily scowled harder and continued up the stairs. She'd scarcely noted the absence of the Howler's shouting when she became aware of a different sort of commotion coming from her room above. It was her roommates, shrieking and evidently running around the room in states of panic. Lily took the last few steps at a run and she burst into the room to see Dorcas and Mary beating her bed with blankets, Alice dashing toward them with the pitcher of water that normally sat on their windowsill, and thick smoke filling the air. She ran over to them, peering over their shoulders just as Alice splashed the water on the smoldering remains of the Howler.

"It…it exploded on your bed and set your curtains on fire!" Mary gasped, staggering away from the other three girls, coughing.

Dorcas stepped back to her own bed and sat down hard, wiping soot from her forehead. "I tried to put it out with _Aguamenti_, that water-conjuring spell from Charms last week, but I couldn't do it! I was too panicked!"

"And…and I…I didn't even think to use magic," Alice admitted in a small voice, still holding up the empty pitcher.

Lily looked from Mary, who was still coughing, to Dorcas, her face smeared with soot, to Alice, who looked a bit embarrassed, at the soggy scraps of red envelope on her bed, and at her singed and blackened curtains. She started to laugh.

Her friends looked up at her as one, their faces concerned. "Lily?" Dorcas started, and made to get up from her bed.

Lily waved a hand to keep her back. She shook her head and tried to pull herself together long enough to explain herself, but she only laughed harder. She leaned against her bedpost for support, then gave up and sank right down to the floor, overcome with mirth.

"D'you think she's in shock?" Mary asked, sounding rather alarmed as Lily continued to chortle.

"I dunno," Alice replied. She put the pitcher down on her bedside table and sank down to meet Lily's eyes. "Lily, are you alright?"

Still laughing hysterically, with tears in her eyes now, Lily managed to nod. She took a few gasps of breath and forced out, "I'm…I'm fine…I just…" She relapsed into giggles and her roommates exchanged worried looks. "It's just so…so _funny!_" she finally managed, and then she started to laugh all over again.

"Funny? But Lily, James—"

"He's just…so _annoying!_" Lily gasped, wiping her eyes. "He won't leave it alone, and he keeps coming up with these stupid stunts, and…" She chuckled again. "Oh, you should have seen the look on his face. I don't think he thought this through at all! He looked so shocked! And then the bloody Howler _set my bed on fire!_" She broke off, once again overcome with mirth.

Alice looked between Lily, who by then was clutching her aching sides as she gasped for breath between gales of laughter, then back at Dorcas and Mary, and then at the charred remains of Lily's curtains. She started to laugh too. Then Mary did, then Dorcas. Soon, all four witches were in hysterics, too stunned by the ridiculousness of the situation to care that their dormitory was still filled with smoke or that their housemates could probably hear their laughter and thought them mad. Lily peeked through her still-tearing eyes and loved over at Higgins. The owl had perched himself on Mary's bedpost and was watching them laugh. Maybe Lily was imagining it, but she thought there was something familiar about the owl's smug expression.

* * *

"She's the most amazing girl I've ever seen," James said, watching Lily as she disappeared up the staircase to the girls' dormitory. Her voice was still echoing in his ears, and all he could think about was the way her green eyes flashed while she shouted at him.

"Alright, James, up you get," Sirius's voice said, breaking through James's concentration as a hand gripped his upper arm firmly. He was suddenly aware that Sirius had been speaking to him for at least a minute, but he had no idea what his friend had said. His head was spinning in a pleasantly distracting way.

He looked at Sirius. "What?" he asked him.

Sirius chuckled. "Get _up_, Prongs. I'm trying to get you to our dormitory."

"Why?" he asked. His head still felt fuzzy and Lily's face swam hazily through his mind.

"Because you're making a bloody fool of yourself, that's why," Remus's voice cut in next.

James turned and stared blearily at his other friend. "I am?"

And suddenly Peter was there too. "You've been staring after Lily for ages," he said, barely containing a giggle.

"It's pathetic," Sirius said, not entirely hiding a smirk as he gave James's arm another tug. "Help me with him, will you?" he said to Remus and Peter.

Remus took James's other arm and James felt himself being hauled to his feet and steered toward the staircase to their dormitory.

Abruptly aware of how he must look to the rest of the students in the Common Room, who were watching James with everything from exasperation to amusement. James pulled his arms from his friends' grips and marched the rest of the way up the spiral staircase himself. But by the time he had reached their room and dropped onto his bed, his thoughts were back on Lily. "She's even beautiful when she first gets out of bed," he said in a dreamy tone he was not altogether proud of being able to produce.

Behind him, Sirius made a loud retching noise, Peter sniggered, and Remus muttered, "oh Merlin."

"Alright, you lot are never allowed to make fun of me and Mary again," Sirius said, shaking his head. "I didn't used to be this bad, did I?"

James ignored him. His thoughts were back on Lily, and the way the sun hit her fiery red hair. "Did you see her face when she was shouting at me?"

"Yes, Prongs," Remus said patiently. "But did you by chance catch any of what she was saying?"

He waved a hand dismissively. "At least she talked to me," he said.

"If you can call that talking," Peter chuckled.

Remus crossed his arms and leaned against his bedpost. "What happened, anyway? I thought you said the Howler wasn't supposed to shout."

James shook his head to clear it of images of Lily's pink-cheeked face and tried to focus on Remus's question. "It wasn't," he finally managed. "Rakepick said it was an ordinary dictation-Howler; it was supposed to just read the letter normally."

"Well, it didn't. Do you think she sent the wrong one on purpose, as a joke?" Sirius asked.

"Not a clue," James said, forcing his thoughts from wandering back to a certain classmate. "But it sounds like the kind of thing she'd do."

"Especially since you told her you wanted it do you could make up with a girl," Remus added.

"What do you mean? Why would that matter?" James asked, trying not to think about how Lily's hair was apparently slightly wavy in the mornings.

Remus scoffed. "Because of Dahlia Rift?"

"Dahlia Rift?" The name sounded familiar, but it took James a moment to place it, distracted as he was by Lily. "Oh! That Racenvlaw I took to Hogsmeade last year?"

"Yes. She's Rakepick's cousin," Remus said.

"So?" he asked.

Sirius laughed. "Isn't she the one you snogged at Madam Puttifoot's and then ditched right after using the invisibility cloak?"

James scowled. "I did not _snog_ her. I barely even kissed her."

"That's not what you told us afterwards!" Peter exclaimed. He sounded almost offended.

"Anyway, how do you know, Moony?" James asked quickly, looking to divert the direction the conversation was heading in, and preferable in a direction closer to Lily and how cute she was in her plaid pajamas.

Remus shrugged. "Rakepick told us that Dahlia was her cousin. Specifically so none of us would get any ideas about her. But that's not the point—"

James cut him off. "The point is whether or not Rakepick sabotaged my apology!" he said. He felt rather betrayed at the idea; he and his friends had always looked up to their predecessor in mischief, and she had always been willing to help them with their plans before.

"No," Remus interjected. "The point is what you should do now. Or rather, what you should _not_ do."

"Well I'm certainly not using a Howler again," James said, already back on his goal. "I should probably give up on the letter completely. Shame really, that letter was quite good. Maybe I could corner her somehow. I could lock her in the Potions supply room and not let her out until she talks to me."

"Or you could drop it," Remus said.

James stared at him. "Drop it? Just…let her hate me forever?"

"How's that going to help him bag Evans?" Peter asked.

"It won't. I think you need to give up, James."

Everyone paused.

Sirius gave his bark-like laugh. "When has James Potter ever given up on anything?"

Remus sighed. "This isn't just a matter of _pride_, Sirius. Another person is wrapped up in all this."

"Who?" Peter asked, furrowing his brown, evidently puzzled.

"_Lily_," James replied at the same time as Remus. His friend's voice was filled with aggravation, his own was filled with wonder. But they were both right. Lily was just as involved in this debacle as James was; probably more so, because she was the one with a decision to make. James knew that he wanted to repair his relationship with Lily. He _knew_ that he wanted a deeper relationship with Lily. Hell, after their exchange that morning, he was pretty damn sure he was in _love_ with Lily. But if Lily wasn't sure she wanted to forgive him (James couldn't allow himself to believe that she had really made up her mind to hate him forever), she would have to decide for herself when she was ready. Gaining her forgiveness wasn't just a matter of impressing her with his determination. He had to show her that he was sorry and wait to see if she accepted. And based on what he knew about her, he wasn't going to do that through elaborate schemes.

Besides, as beautiful as she was when she was angry, it was nothing to how great she looked when she was happy.

"Okay," James said after a moment. "Remus is right. No more plots, no more scheming. Not when it comes to Lily, anyway."

Remus looked relieved. Sirius and Peter looked aghast. "You…you're cracking, mate," Sirius sputtered.

"No," James said, sighing and running a hand through his hair thoughtfully. "I'm growing up."

The dormitory was silent as the statement struck them. They must have all been very impressed, James thought.

"Now," James said bracingly, jumping up from his bed and beaming around at his friends, excited by the morning's revelations. "Who wants to help me slip a dungbomb under Snivellus's chair at breakfast?"

* * *

When James had committed to leaving Lily alone while she found it in her heart to forgive him, he hadn't expected it to take so long. Nearly four weeks had passed since the Howler incident, and he had made good on his resolution to not pester Lily with apologies, but she was still as uncaring toward him as ever. True, when she had finally emerged from her dormitory for dinner after receiving the Howler, she had looked more relaxed than James could remember seeing her since the previous year, but she still didn't spoken to him, or even _look_ at him for the rest of the night.

But Alice was speaking to him again, and Mary was being perfectly pleasant to him whenever Sirius brought her along with them, so James was hopeful that Lily at least wasn't cursing his name quite so much anymore (though he still wasn't sure whether he should have believed Mary when she told him a couple of weeks later that said cursing had become something of a ritual for Lily). It seemed she had, at least, disbanded the anti-Potter shield.

In fact, when James called an end to their Quidditch practice on the first Thursday of October, Mary brought Lily up herself. "You know," she said to James as she helped him force the Bludgers back into the equipment box, "Lily mentioned you the other day."

"What?" James cried in a sort of strangled yelp. The Bludger took advantage of his distraction and shot out of his hands and back into the air, but James barely noticed it. He was staring at Mary, who was looking determinedly at her own Bludger as she forced it into its holder, a sly smile on her lips. "Was…was she upset? Did I do something wrong?"

"No," Mary said simply. She looked up at James with a knowing glint in her blue eyes. "And she wasn't cursing you to the depths of Hell, either."

James held his breath, waiting for Mary to continue, and after a moment, she obliged. "She really just mentioned you in passing. She said that it's been awhile since you pulled a prank, and that she expected you to do something at the Halloween Feast."

"Did…did she sound cross, or excited, or…" he trailed off, forcing his voice to remain casual. Surely Lily would be cross at the notion; she was a prefect, generally a rule-follower, and she'd always maintained an stony disapproval at all of the Marauder's mayhem.

Mary thought about it. "More resigned, really. After five straight years of pranks, I think she just expects you to do something again this year."

"Oh," was all James could think to say that. He didn't expect an admonition from Mary on the matter. She was, after all, dating Sirius Black, James's primary partner-in-crime and fellow master of mischief. If any of the Gryffindor girls could be expected to appreciate a good prank, it would be Mary. But she was also the only person he was acquainted with who was both close to Lily and appreciative of his and his friends' particular brand of cleverness.

The witch took her time securing the chains holding the Bludger down, and then she carefully placed the two Beater's bats in the trunk and stood up. James did the same, still watching her. "I'm not saying that anything you do is going to impress her, and I know better than to suggest you skip this year to get back in her good-graces," she said, and James felt a wave of relief. If he had to decide whether to skive off their upcoming prank for Lily, he wasn't sure what he would do. "But if you want to minimize the fall-out, I would avoid any major mayhem this year. Go for innocent laughs and keep the destruction contained."

James gave Mary a grateful smile. "I can work with that, no problem. Thanks, Mary!"

Mary put her hands on her hips but gave him a warm smile. "You're welcome. And good luck, James. In more ways than one."

"What's that supposed to me?" he asked.

"Oh, nothing," she said, and she shouldered her broom, turned around, and made her way back to the castle.

James watcher her go, still puzzling over what she said. It wasn't until the loose Bludger came hurtling down and hit him squarely in the back of the head that James remembered what he was supposed to be doing. He pinned the Bludger to the ground when it came around for another hit, and then forced it back into the box, locked it in place, and carried the box back to the Captain's office in the changing rooms by himself. His head ached where the Bludger had struck him, but he barely noticed it. He was too distracted by the pounding in his check and the swirl of fresh ideas filling his mind.

Author's Note: Hello, dear readers. I'm still trying to find a good rhythm for posting new chapters of this. I have quite a bit written ahead, but it's still a struggle to find time to do one last edit, fix formatting, and publish. I don't want to rush and submit a sub-par story, so that unfortunately means there may be longer gaps between chapters. As a peace offering, I uploaded this chapter early! Let me know what you think, what I should work on, what you like, etc.

Acknowledgment of something that I think may be scaring readers off: I am aware that making members of the original Order of the Phoenix Lily & James's school friends is over-done in this genre. Let me reassure you that Alice and Dorcas are the only ones. You may see familiar names here and there, but they are not Hogwarts-aged kids. I included Dorcas and Alice thoughtfully; in the HP books, Harry encounters several of James's old friends, but none of Lily's. Considering Lily's inherent kindness, I imagined she would surround herself with equally kind people, and I found it hard to believe these kind and thoughtful people would intentionally leave Harry alone in a hostile world (both Muggle and wizard). I, therefore, concluded that the only realistic explanation is that they were unable to reach out to him after Lily's death, and, since we all know the unfortunate fates that await Alice and Dorcas, I decided that they were prime candidates. Mary was pulled purely for her brief mention in DH, because I needed a forth roommate for the Hogwarts sixth-year ladies. Still, I hope to make each of these ladies distinct, worthwhile characters, no matter their pre-determined fates (or obscurity, as the case may be).


	7. Chapter 7

Lily made her way to Professor McGonagall's office the evening of October 13th in good spirits. She had just come from the Hospital Wing, and from what had been the first day of her apprenticeship that had gone more or less as she had hoped her Tuesday and Thursday evenings would since learning she would be working for Madam Pomfrey. The Healer had progressed from using Lily to run errands to letting her observe her while she treated patients after the first week, but it wasn't until that day that the older witch had actually allowed Lily to attempt a healing spell. True, Lily had practiced the charm on herself after she accidentally sliced her finger open while cleaning up a broken drinking glass, but she managed to heal the cut on her first try, and Madam Pomfrey had seemed pleased.

In fact, it wasn't until the matron had pointed out to Lily that she had been there for almost an hour longer than her appointed time that Lily remembered the prefect meeting she was supposed to be attending that night, and she had hurried out of the Hospital Wing.

Lily caught up to Ramona Malkins, one of the new fifth year Gryffindor prefects as she climbed the staircase to the Transfiguration corridor, and the two spend the rest of the walk to McGonagall's classroom discussing Ramona's adjustment to the new role.

"Dennis didn't tell you why McGonagall called this meeting so suddenly, did he?" Lily asked, referring to Dennis Finch, the Head Boy, who had caught her at lunch and told her about the meeting.

"No, he just said that we had a meeting today and we'd learn why when we arrived. I'm not sure if even he knows what's going on," Ramona said.

Lily fretted. "I hope nothing bad happened."

They reached the classroom at the same time as Severus Snape and Marjorie Burke, the Slytherin prefects from Lily's year. She avoided looking at Severus, mumbling her thanks to her feet as he held the door open for them, aware that he was watching her intently and not liking it. Fortunately, before he had a chance to say anything to her, she spotted Remus and made her way toward him. "Do you know what we're meeting for? Has McGonagall said anything?" she whispered to him as she took a seat.

"No," he whispered back. "But I think she's about to start the meeting." He nodded toward their Head of House, who had stood up behind her desk and was watching the last couple of prefects find empty chairs.

The whispering broke off as the door closed. Professor McGonagall surveyed them all for a moment, sweeping the room to see if anyone was missing. Apparently satisfied that everyone was present, she cleared her throat. "You may be wondering why you were all summoned this evening, and on such short notice. I have some unfortunate news to share with you. A resident of Hogsmeade was found dead in his home in the early hours of this morning. The Dark Mark had been set over the house. It looks as though he was killed by Death Eaters."

A few of the others gasped. Lily's eyes widened as she looked around surreptitiously at her fellow prefects' reactions. Remus had his hands clenched at his sides. Ramona and Dan Goldstein, the other new Gryffindor prefect, were exchanging dark looks. Amy Amely of Hufflepuff had her hands over her mouth. Most of the assembled students looked shocked or frightened. Severus Snape, on the other hand, wore a carefully guarded expression. Rabastan Lestrange, a seventh year Slytherin, looked unconcerned, almost bored.

Professor McGonagall pursed her lips and waited for the whispers to die down before continuing. "Due to the proximity of this Death Eater activity, additional security measures will be put into place inside the castle. These measures will include increased nighttime patrols by teachers and prefects—"

Here, some of the prefects groaned or muttered complaints to one another. Lily stayed silent, but she shared their frustrations. Prefects were already responsible for patrolling the corridors for a few hours after curfew, but they usually did it alone, infrequently, and only for one- or two-hours shifts. There had been a few weeks their previous year when patrols were increased due to suspected Death Eater activity, and it had resulted in longer and more frequent shifts for all of the prefects. Lily hadn't enjoyed the loss of sleep and study-time any more than the others had.

McGonagall glared at the noise. "This," she continued in a louder voice, "is for the safety of your fellow students. It is the Headmaster's hope that we will be able to discontinue the patrols if there is no more Dark activity in the area over the next few weeks or months. In the meantime, I have asked or Head Boy and Girl to prepare schedules for all of you. Prefects will patrol in pairs for four-hour shifts. Each group will be assigned to one floor of the castle. If you have anything to report outside of normal student infractions, you will notify the nearest staff member immediately."

The professor glared around at them all again before nodding her head and dismissing the meeting. More grumbled complaints filled the room as the students got to their feet. Dennis and Katherine Kadence, the Head Girl, began moving among them distributing schedules.

Lily took a sheet of parchment from Katherine and looked down the row. She stifled a groan. She was patrolling with Severus that very night. _Wonderful_, she thought bitterly. _Just what I need: four hours alone with Severus_.

She peeked over at Severus to see his reaction to their assignment, but his face was still deliberately blank as he looked over his parchment. Lily had half a mind to ask Remus if he would trade shifts with Severus, but before she could do anything else, Severus folded up his schedule and swept out of the room.

Now feeling slightly desperate, Lily scanned the room for someone she could swap with. Lily caught up with Ramona just as the younger witch reached the door. "Ramona!" Lily called, and she turned around. "Is there any way you can take my patrol tonight?" she asked in a quieter voice, looking over her shoulder to make sure nobody was listening. The only thing worse than patrolling with Severus would be for him to know she had ducked out of patrolling with him.

Ramona shook her head. "I can't, Lily, I'm sorry. I have Astronomy tonight."

"That's alright," Lily said, fighting back a sigh. She turned and looked around at the remaining prefects; almost everyone had gone.

But she spotted Hazel Sprig, a Ravenclaw sixth year Lily knew fairly well. Lily hailed her next, feeling desperate by now. "Hazel, can you possible trade shifts with me?"

Hazel looked at Lily and bit her lip. "I'm sorry, but I can't. I have…I have my Herbology club tonight."

She looked almost guilty when she said it, and a pink blush crept into her cheeks. Lily wondered at it for a second before she realized why. Herbology club wasn't until the next week. She was about to say so when Hazel grimaced, glanced around, and then beckoned her to lean close.

Lily did so. "Okay, that isn't the real reason why. I can't trade shifts because, well, because I'm assigned to patrol tomorrow night with Regulus Black."

"Regulus Black?" Lily asked. She knew Regulus was Sirius's younger brother and the Slytherin prefect for the fifth years, but she didn't know much else about him, except…

"Yes," Hazel breathed, and her blush darkened. "I fancy him. But you can't tell anyone!" she added quickly.

Lily sighed. That was what she had been guessing. While Regulus hadn't inherited quite the same good looks that Sirius had, he still held something of a dark glamour in his year, and Lily knew plenty of the younger girls fancied him. "I won't tell anyone. Thanks anyway," she said to Hazel.

By the time Hazel hurried away, still blushing, the room was practically empty. Lily had made her mind up to find Dennis or Katherine and ask them to change the schedule when she realized that they were both gone. The only two still in the room were McGonagall and a seventh year that Lily didn't know, who were deep in conversation about some Transfiguration homework.

Feeling a crushing combination of defeat and dread, Lily trooped out of the room and down to dinner in poor spirits. She wasn't looking forward to her patrol. There were only two ways the night would go: they would spend the four long hours in awkward silence, or worse, Severus would try to talk to her. Either way, Lily was going to be glad when it was over.

* * *

Had Lily thought there were only two options for the patrol? If so, she had been wrong. There was a third: Severus just wouldn't show up.

As Lily stood waiting, arms crossed, at the top of the staircase leading into the Entrance Hall from the dungeons, she tried to decide whether this was better than the other two outcomes. On one hand, she didn't have to spend the next few hours with Severus. On the other, it looked like she would be doing the patrol alone. She pulled out her schedule and checked it again, but she was in the right place and at the right time. Their patrol should have started ten minutes ago, but it looked like Severus wasn't coming.

She sighed as she folded up her schedule and pocketed it, but she couldn't have said if the sigh was aggravated or relieved.

With nothing else to do but go and report Severus, which she was not interested in doing, Lily pulled out her wand and began her patrol alone.

Lily (and Severus) had been assigned the ground-floor of the castle. It was the largest floor, and while it didn't have rows and rows of classrooms like most of the floors above, it did have some of the biggest (and, in Lily's opinion, spookiest) rooms for her to inspect. Fortunately for Lily, she typically didn't have to physically inspect them very carefully.

"_Homenum revelio_!" she said, as she pushed one of the doors to the Great Hall open and stuck her wand inside the darkened room. Nothing happened. She hadn't expected it to; the lights were off and the door had been locked when she checked it. Lily closed the door again and locked it with magic before continuing on her rounds. She had already walked all the way around the ground floor a dozen times, and there was another hour left of her patrol. It was past midnight, and Lily was ready to go back to Gryffindor Tower and to bed.

She glanced at the four hourglasses which recorded House points as she passed. She was trying to keep herself entertained by tracking the movement of points as the night progressed, guessing at who had been caught doing what as she watched the gemstones' progress up and down each time she walked by. Even as she looked, a couple of stones dropped to the bottoms of the Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw hourglasses. Lily was just wondering if a professor had caught a student from each House snogging when she heard footsteps echoing down the marble staircase. She doubled back to see who it was just as Preston Macmillan came creeping down the steps. His hair, she noticed, was rather disheveled, and there was something that looked like lipstick smeared on the corner of his mouth.

He jumped when he saw Lily standing there, then blushed and muttered, "Flitwick already caught me. I'm going back to my dormitory." Lily nodded and let him go.

She continued down the hall and was just passing the Artefact Room when she heard a _thunk_ come from inside. Lily paused, listening as more sounds of movement came through the door. The Artefact Room was scarcely used by students; she didn't think she knew anyone who had made use of it in all her time at Hogwarts. It was possible that the noise was Peeves, and if that were the case, the poltergeist would probably love nothing more than the chance to pop out at Lily and scare her if she went in to investigate. On the other hand, knowing what she knew about the Hogwarts student body, students had found odder places than the old storeroom for snogging sessions.

Lily pulled out her wand and held it up, ready to use as she reached for the door handle. The rummaging sounds from within the room continued. Lily braced herself, tried to steel her nerves in case Peeves was waiting for her, and swung the door open.

It was dark inside the room, but Lily thought she could make out a person in the back corner. She heard a muffled oath and the rustling of fabric just as she shouted "_Lumos!_"

The air in the corner rippled strangely as her wand lit, but by the time the light had filled the room, there was nothing there. Lily froze, peering into the far corner. She was sure someone had been standing there when she opened the door. The room was still, but Lily didn't move from the doorway. She waited. It occurred to her that there was a chance, however faint, that the Headmaster's precautions had been correct, and there was something more nefarious going on in the cramped little room than just hormonal teenagers or some antic of Peeves's.

She was just about to call out for assistance when she heard a sigh. The air rippled again, and a hand appeared in the apparently empty space in the corner and pulled the nothingness away.

Lily took an involuntary step back in fright. What was going on?

And then a face appeared.

"Potter?" Lily asked.

Sure enough, James Potter's head became visible where, a moment before, there had been nothing. It smiled guiltily.

"Alright Evans, you caught me," he said.

Lily blinked. "What's going on?" she asked as Potter's hand moved to the side and the rest of him was revealed. "Is that…is than an invisi—" She broke off, a curious mix of exasperation, horror, and anger filled her as she realized what James Potter was holding.

"Yeah, it's an invisibility cloak," James said, holding up the sheet of silvery fabric.

"Oh, this explains _so much!_" she burst out, throwing her hands above her head in frustration. "_Of course_ James Bloody Potter has an invisibility cloak! Why wouldn't the most…_obnoxious_ boy in the school have an invisibility cloak?"

James smirked. "What, you don't like it?" he asked. He swirled the cloak flamboyantly around his shoulders, which disappeared along with everything else from the neck down, but Lily could tell he was posing. "I think it looks quite good on me."

Lily growled and threw her hands up again. "I don't have time for this!" she shouted.

"_Shhh!_" James hissed, and he moved past Lily and shut the door behind her. "Do you want to get us caught?" he asked, though his words were rather dampened by the smile still spread on his lips.

Lily sniffed. "I have permission to be here, Potter. What are you doing here, anyway?"

James's smile dropped. "Nothing," he said lamely.

"Nothing?" Lily asked, her voice dripping with sarcasm. "You're in the Artefact Room at nearly one o'clock in the morning for _nothing_?"

"It's a…a homework project," James said resolutely. Lily watched his eyes dart back to the corner he had been standing in when she had discovered him.

She crossed to the corner and march into the corner to inspect it. Most of the wall was covered by a bookshelf. Lily started to look through the objects on the shelf when James made a frustrated noise and hurried forward. "I wasn't looking at anything over there. I was looking at…this." He picked up a book from a nearby table and held it up to show her.

Lily looked at the cover of the book and then back at James. She arched an eyebrow. "_Seven Secrets for the Wistful Witch, a self-help guide for the lonely and heartbroken_?" she read from the cover. "Was my rejection last year really that brutal?"

James blushed and turned the book around to see the cover himself. He glared at it, as though the book had set him up somehow. "Maybe that's not what I was looking at…" he mumbled.

"What _were_ you looking at, then?"

He didn't say anything.

Lily let out a breath loudly and reached up to massage her temples, which were beginning to throb. Probably from aggravation. "Does this, by chance, have anything to do with whatever you're planning on pulling on Halloween?"

"What makes you think I'm pulling something on Halloween?" he asked.

"Because you always pull something on Halloween."

They stared at each other. Lily was glaring, James looked like he was sizing her up. "Alright, fine," he said after a moment. "We're planning on pulling something on Halloween."

"Is there any way I can convince you not to?"

James paused again. His face was conflicted. "I don't think so, Evans. You could convince _me_, no problem, but you'd also have to convince Sirius, Peter, and Remus, and you don't have the advantage of the three of them being both forever in your debt and hopelessly in love with you."

At that, Lily blanched. "Forever in your debt" she understood, not that she would describe their dynamic that way. It was more like "forever waiting for absolution of sins." As for him being hopelessly in love with her…

"You're not in love with me, James," she said. She sat down on the floor and folded her legs underneath her.

"Yes, I think I am," James replied evenly, and he sat down too.

"You hardly even know me," Lily countered, annoyed.

"I know enough," James said. He was staring right into Lily's eyes, and she didn't like it.

She looked away. "No you don't," she insisted, glaring at her hands.

James leaned his head back against the cabinet behind him. When Lily chanced a glance back up, she saw that he was now looking at the label on the barrel she was sitting against. "I know you're a Muggle-born, and you're not ashamed of it. I know you're friends with Alice and Mary and Dorcas, and you used to be friends with Sniv—with Snape," he caught and corrected himself quickly, then continued. "You're best in our year at Charms and Potions. You're in the Slug Club and you actually go to those parties that Slughorn throws. And I know you're absolutely beautiful when you're cursing my name." They both smiled at that. "I know you're working with Madam Pomfrey in the Hospital Wing this year. I know you're a prefect, and you seem to enjoy it, somehow. You befriend first-years and help them with their trunks on Platform 9¾. You encourage other people to do the same. You apparently don't like to swear unless you're cross, which you always seem to be when it comes to me. And I know that I'm sorry for always making you cross."

Lily watched him. His hazel eyes had found hers again by the time he got to the end of his speech, and this time, Lily didn't look away. "Why can't you just leave me alone, James?" she asked, and then immediately wished she hadn't. That wasn't what she had meant to say. Or rather, that wasn't how she meant for her question to sound.

James winced. "Guess I deserved that one," he muttered after a second.

"What I meant was…" Lily continued, but the trailed off, not entirely sure what she _had_ meant. "Well, why are you so…interested in me? So desperate for me to forgive you?"

James didn't say anything at first. He looked like he as thinking hard. "I dunno, I suppose. Because of all the things I said a minute ago, about befriending first-years, and all the rest. You know, me and my friends, we're all the same, mostly. Sure, we have some differences; Remus is more cautious, Peter is shyer, less confident. Sirius and I are the most alike, but we're different in smaller ways, like our upbringing and our families. And the similarities are why we all get along so well. But you…you're different. You're thoughtful and sensitive, but you're still brilliant and funny. And you care so bleeding much about _everyone_ and _everything_! I remember the first time we had to use live beetles in Potions and you cried. And the first time we transfigured animals into objects, you asked McGonagall what happened to the animals' souls after they were transfigured. That's a perfect example; you're clever enough to think of the question and kind enough to care about the answer."

Lily looked down at her hands in her lap. She was surprised that James remembered those moments from years ago. "And how long have you been…_interested_ in me?" she asked, refusing to use the word "love."

Based on the expression on his face, Lily though James guessed exactly what she hadn't been willing to say. "I'd say I've been the most _interested_ since…the Howler." His eyes flicked to her again, as though he was apprehensive about bringing the incident up again. Lily tried to keep her face blank; as far as she knew, none of her roommates had said anything about the hilarity in their dormitory after the incident in question. "But I've been generally interested since last year, and more so since, well…"

"Since the day of our Defense O.W.L.?" she guessed.

He nodded. "You know, when I asked you to go to Hogsmeade with me last March, I sincerely meant the invitation. I wasn't trying to trick you, or annoy Snape, or anything."

She was momentarily thrown-off by the mention of the incident which had occurred several months before. "I know," she said after a moment. "And I think I knew that at the time. I didn't turn you down because I suspected ulterior motives. I turned you down because I didn't feel the same way."

James smiled, but it didn't quite meet his eyes. "You know, you're the only girl who's ever turned me down, Evans."

"I'm flattered," she said dryly, and James smiled wider.

She returned the smile for a moment, and then looked away and around the room at the strange assortment of objects stacked around them. "Is there any point in asking you again what you were doing in here?"

James's eyes twinkled. "Maybe it's like I said. Maybe it's something for a homework assignment. Maybe it's something to do with my personal plans on Halloween. Or maybe I was just waiting for you to find me."

"If you wanted to be found, you wouldn't have bothered with the invisibility cloak," Lily countered.

"Then maybe I _didn't_ plan this little meeting; maybe it was fate," he said.

Lily met his gaze and held it for a moment. "Maybe," she finally agreed, though she knew she was just humoring him. Then she stood up. James did the same. "I need to get back to my rounds. And _you_ need to get back to the Common Room."

"You're not going to dock points or report me, are you Evans?" James asked, feigning anxiety.

She lifted her eyes to the ceiling. "Not this time, Potter. Just don't let this happen again."

"Ah, but where's the fun in that?" And then he slipped the invisibility cloak over himself again and vanished from sight. Lily was on the point of retorting, but then she heard footsteps crossing the room, the door opened and shut, and she knew that James was gone. She sighed, shook her head, and went back to her rounds, now with something far more interesting than the House hourglasses to occupy her thoughts.

* * *

James made his way back to Gryffindor Tower slowly, mulling over his conversation with Lily. He was starting to feel the kind of confidence that he hadn't felt since that day on Platform 9¾, and that made him nervous. He hadn't even made it all the way through their brief interaction those few weeks ago without doing something to muck it up with Lily, and their relationship had worsened pretty drastically since then.

Much as he might like to think it otherwise, he was beginning to consider even neutral interactions with Lily as merely harbingers of disasters like their first Defense class. He hoped that whatever was coming to sour their relationship wasn't related to the Hallowe'en prank.

Because he was really hoping to have turned a corner with Lily. And while she hadn't actually said the words "I forgive you," she also hadn't shouted at him again. In fact, James realized as he gave the password to the Fat Lady and climbed through the portrait hole, she may have let something even better slip. Her words echoed back through his memory: "I turned you down because I didn't feel the same way." She _didn't_ feel the same way. As in, she didn't feel the same way _at the time_? Then did that mean that she did _now_?

A few weeks later, on Hallowe'en night, James and his friends sat uncomfortably in the Great Hall, pulling at the collars of their dress robes. "Why do we have to wear these things ever year?" Sirius muttered irritably.

"Relax," James whispered. "Another hour and you'll have an excuse to take them off."

Sirius smirked and brought his hand down from his collar. "When is the feast going to start, anyway?" he asked, picking up his knife and fork and glancing up at the head table. Professor Dumbledore and the rest of the teachers were already seated. James looked around at the House tables and saw that they were filled too. He shrugged at Sirius.

Across from them, Remus was also glancing around, looking distinctly nervous. He caught James's eye and leaned forward, beckoning. James looked at Sirius and they each rolled their eyes, but leaned toward him across the table. "What?" James hissed.

"Maybe we should call this off," Remus said. Up close, James could see his forehead was beaded with sweat.

"I told you!" Sirius said, elbowing James. "I told you, once the moon finished waning, he would change his mind. Didn't I?" James nodded. When he had suggested the idea for the prank a week earlier, Remus had thought it was brilliant, along with the rest of them. Now that the full moon was drawing nearer, his friends' mood had become accordingly more pessimistic.

Remus ignored their ribbing. "I'm not kidding, James, Sirius. They're going to know it was us, Professor Dumbledore and McGonagall."

"So what?" James replied. "They can't prove anything."

"What if they question the house-elves?" Remus insisted. "They know we were down there."

"And if they do?" said James. "The house-elves just know that we were _there_. They didn't see me do anything. I don't think it's necessary against any school rules for us to visit the kitchens. After all, it's not like we're made to feel unwelcome there." That was perfectly true; the house-elves positively delighted in giving them food and offering favors.

At that moment, the platters and jugs in front of them filled with food. The feast had begun. James, Sirius, and Peter dove forward and began piling food onto their plates. Remus just sat back, watching them with distaste. James took a large bite from a chicken leg and leaned forward to tip a baked potato onto Remuss' plate. "Relax, Moony! Eat! Enjoy yourself! Unwind!"

But Remus was still looking anxious, and he ignored the food that Sirius had now joined James in forcing in front of him. "This is a bad idea, I'm serious," he began.

"Relax, Remus!" James said. "We're not going to get in trouble! Everything is going to be brill. It'll be the best Hallowe'en prank yet."

"Yeah, now have some ham," said Sirius, spearing a large piece on the end of his fork and dropping it onto his friend's plate. "It'll look suspicious if you aren't eating."

Peter, who was halfway through his first plate, was oblivious to their conversation.

Remus grimaced. "There's nothing I can say to stop you, is there?" he asked darkly.

"Nothing at all," Sirius said cheerfully, pushing a dish of stewed carrots in front of Remus.

"Don't forget, you thought the plan was a good one a week ago," James said.

"Because it is! Your best yet, Prongs," Sirius added, grabbing a chicken leg and pulling a chunk off with his teeth.

Peter leaned forward and grabbed a gravy boat. "What are you talking about?" he asked.

"Our soon-to-be legendary prank and why Moony here needs to relax and enjoy the show," Sirius said, and they lapsed into silence, broken only by chewing, slurping, and a few loud belches from Peter. A short while later the golden plates and serving dishes cleared of the last few crumbs, and James, Sirius, and Peter exchanged gleeful looks. Even Remus, whom they had eventually convinced to eat about half his plate, finally looked excited. One by one, the plates and bowls refilled themselves, this time with cakes, pies, ice cream, and every other dessert one could think of.

James pulled out his wand and grinned at Sirius. "This is it," he said. He glanced around quickly to make sure nobody was watching him, then pointed his wand at the nearest pudding. "_Ignicio replicatus_!"

Nothing happened.

"Is that it?" Peter asked, crestfallen.

James frowned. "_Ignicio replicatus_!" he said again, pointing at the pudding. Nothing happened. He looked up at Remus. "That's the right incantation, isn't it?"

"Yes," Remus said, looking troubled.

Around them, their fellow students had started on the desserts. All across the hall, the puddings were making their way onto plates.

"You try, Sirius. You're good at that charm," James said.

Sirius obliged, then Peter, then Remus. There was no change in the puddings. "I wonder what went wrong," Peter mused, looking mournfully around as more and more students helped themselves to the various treats. A few seats away, Chester Biggs was tucking into a scoop of rice pudding. At the next table, Katherine, the Head Girl, was halfway through a blancmange.

"James must have made a mistake when he cast the first charm down in the kitchens," Sirius said resignedly, taking a piece of the pudding and taking a bite.

James started to object, but before he could get the words out, a great frosted cake at the Slytherin table exploded, sending bits of crumb and icing all over the far table. James spun around to see, but before he and his friends could let out more than a shout of laughter, a pudding on the opposite end of the Gryffindor table burst, followed by one at the Hufflepuff table, then the head table, then the Ravenclaw table. And it didn't stop there. Soon, the entire Hall was filled in exploding desserts. Students shrieked and laughed in equal measure, diving underneath the tables, or else simply shrugging and licking sugar from their lips and fingers. James and Sirius roared with mirth, not even stopping when the pudding they had all been studying a moment before blew up and showered them with sticky syrup.

Up at the head table, most of the professors had sprang to their feet and were attempting various spells on the remaining sweets. Professor McGonagall tried to vanish a rice pudding in front of her, but the moment she brought her wand down the pudding exploded with twice the intensity of any of the others. Flitwick was running up and down the tables, crying "_Finite_!" and pointing his wand at the puddings still on the House tables, but none of his attempts were more successful than McGonagall's. Professor Dumbledore was still seated, chuckling as he surveyed the scene. James watched him help himself to a slice of lemon tart, wiping whipped cream from his glasses as he did so.

Five minutes later, the last of the puddings, a large meringue at the heart of the Hufflepuff table, burst in a shower of sugar that splattered every wall of the Hall. After a few seconds filled with only the sounds of latent laughter, the students began to emerge from underneath their tables, wiping the residue of half-a dozen desserts from their faces and laughing at each other's shell-shocked expressions. Tiny Professor Flitwick trooped back to the head table, covered head to foot in chocolate, banana cream, and caramel. A rumble of laughter built up inside the Hall, growing until it seemed to rattle the windows. James, Sirius, Remus, and Peter joined in, laughing until their sides ached and tears streamed down their faced, immensely pleased with their work. It was another few moments before the hilarity subsided.

That was when the belching started.

A loud burp gurgled through the Hall, and James looked up in time to see Katherine Kadence clap a hand over her mouth, her face red with embarrassment. Two more belches rose from the Slytherin and Hufflepuff tables as James looked back to his friends, bewildered. A moment later, Chelsea Wright burped loud enough to make a first-year sitting next to her jump, and Alice Fortescue giggled. Another half-dozen students added their burps to the growing din of belches and laughter. "Was this part of the charm?" James half-shouted to the others, a grin lifting his lips.

"I don't think so," said Remus, puzzled but undeniably amused. "It must have been the delayed reaction? If you eat the puddings before they explode…"

"Well that's just gr-UUUUUUURGH!" Sirius began before his sarcastic reply turned itself into a gurgling burp.

James lost it, slumped over the table, back aching, in absolute hysterics. Peter let out a giggle, and even Remus couldn't hold back his laughter. Sirius gave them a fleeting look of admonition before Professor Dumbledore himself stifled a belch from the head table.

It might have been a perfect night—a perfect prank—if only James hadn't seen Lily Evans scoop banana pudding onto a plate five minutes earlier, as soon as the desserts had appeared on the tables. He surreptitiously spied on her throughout the belching until, with a look of pure astonishment, her perfect lips parted and she let out a burp loud enough for James to hear from the far end of the table. He had just enough time to think that she was even beautiful when she's burping before she shot him a glare that told him clearly that she knew exactly who was responsible for the indignity.

A few minutes later, the burping finally subsided. Professor Dumbledore got to his feet once again, still smiling widely at the sticky and heartily embarrassed students and staff. "Well judging by the feedback, I dare say we have all enjoyed the pudding." Even through glasses smeared with whipped cream, James swore he could see a twinkle in the Headmaster's blue eyes.


	8. Chapter 8

Lily, Alice, and Dorcas made their way down the town to Hogsmeade in high spirits. The Gryffindor sixth year ladies, minus Mary, who was spending the day with Sirius, were looking forward to a day of relaxing. It was the first Saturday in November, and the Hogsmeade weekend had come as a bit of a surprise: it was supposed to have been the previous weekend, but it was cancelled due to the threat by the Death Eaters. But after another week of inactivity in the little village, Dumbledore had consented to reschedule the break. He had made the announcement only the night before.

Alice was entertaining them as they walked with stories from Quidditch practice the night before. It turned out that the other Beater, Chester Biggs, was developing something of a crush on Alice. "…and then when James flew over to correct my grip on the bat, Biggs started arguing that I was holding it 'better than any Beater has ever held a bat,' and that we should just change the rules so that all Beaters had to their hold their bats that was from now on. I'm telling you, I didn't know if James was going to laugh or start shouting at him. Especially when Biggs insisted on carrying his bat the wrong way for the rest of practice to prove a point."

"And did he do any better holding his bat your way?" Dorcas asked, chuckling.

"Can't say that he did," Alice replied, her brown eyes twinkling. "James was so smug I thought his face was going to crack."

Lily laughed along with her friends at the mental image and the three witches crossed through the gates and into the main road of Hogsmeade, "Where should we go first?" she asked as they passed the cottages that dotted the first few blocks of the village.

"We could go to Zonko's," Alice suggested.

"I'd rather not," Lily said delicately. Zonko's was the most likely place to find Potter and his friends, and she didn't think that, as a prefect, she could stand by as the biggest trouble-makers in the school stocked up on joke products. Afterall, she still thought her hair smelled of chocolate after their exploding pudding prank; the boys did quite well enough without magical aides. "How about the Three Broomsticks?"

Dorcas shook her head. "We should save that for last; get some shopping done and then stop in to warm up over a butterbeer."

Lily nodded at the suggestion. The weather was changing and it was just starting to get cold. A fact Lily hadn't realized when she dressed that morning; she wished she'd brought a sweater. "Where are we going then?" she asked as they reached the shops.

Alice pointed at the brightly colored candy shop a couple of blocks away. "How about Honeydu—Honey…_Frank?!_" she cried, then she dashed forward and threw her arms around the wizard who had just come out of the building in front of them. Sure enough, Frank Longbottom stood on the sidewalk in front of them, arms now wrapped securely around Alice's waist as she kissed him.

The two eventually broke apart and Frank smiled over Alice's head at Lily and Dorcas. "Hello," he said cheerily.

They returned the greeting. Lily stared at Frank while he turned his attention back to Alice. She thought he looked different; leaner, maybe, but also grimmer. She guessed it must have something to do with his auror training.

"What are you doing here, Frank?" Alice asked, bewildered but obviously pleased to see her boyfriend.

"I heard that you lot had a Hogsmeade weekend today, and I had the day off, so I thought I'd come down and surprise you," he said, smiling down at her. "Surprised?"

Alice beamed at him. "Very," she said. She turned back to face Lily and Dorcas, wrapping an arm around Frank's waist as she did so. "Do you mind if I skip out on shopping?"

"Not at all," Lily said, and Dorcas repeated the sentiment. Neither of them could blame their friend for wanting to spend the day with her boyfriend. Alice and Frank had gone from seeing each other every day to having to rely on letters to stay in touch now that Frank had left Hogwarts; of course they would want as much time alone as possible on the rare occasions they were back together.

Alice mouthed "thank you!" and winked as the two turned around and headed in the direction that Lily strongly suspected would take them to Madam Puddifoot's. She rolled her eyes and turned back to Dorcas, who was also smiling after their friend. "where to now, then?" she asked, turning to Dorcas.

Dorcas scanned the surrounding blocks, but neither of them expected to see anything new. Hogsmeade almost never got new shops. In fact, the only changes in recent years were from shops closing, due to the increasing discontent in the wizarding world.

"We could go to Shillings," the other witch suggested after a moment, and she pointed at the tiny little antiques shop they had discovered a couple of years prior. Lily agreed and the two headed for it. She liked exploring Shillings. The store held a constantly-rotating inventory of everything from junky, rusted telescopes to glazed ceramic cauldrons with intricate designed that Mary always described as "kitschy." That was one of the things Lily loved about the shop: it was like a catalogue of old trends in the wizarding world, and Lily learned so much from listening to her friends' comments on the various wares.

She followed Dorcas into the shop and they wound through the packed shelves and aisles to the back counter, which held a variety of jewelry; brightly colored gems in tarnished silver and gold settings. Many of the pieces were accompanied by scraps of parchment bearing descriptions of their special properties. Lily had just bent down to look at a single amethyst earring that supposedly contained a healing charm when Dorcas gasped and grabbed Lily's hand.

Lily whipped upwards and turned toward the door, where Dorcas was staring with an expression of horror. But Lily relaxed again once she'd followed the witch's gaze. It was only Roger Nix, a Ravenclaw seventh year with whom Dorcas was rather taken.

Dorcas was still staring at him with wide eyes when he glanced over at the two witches, smiled, and crossed the cramped shop toward them (Dorcas hastily averted her eyes and fixed them instead on a gaudy pearl necklace on a mannequin next to them. A blush bloomed on her dark cheeks.

"Lily, he's coming over!" Dorcas hissed out of the side of her mouth, still clutching Lily's hand. "What do I do? What if he talks to us? What is he talks to _me_?"

Lily sneaked a glance at Roger, who was indeed looking directly at Dorcas. "I think he _is_ going to talk to you," she whispered back. "Just act natural. Talk to him like a normal person. Pretend that you _are_ a normal person."

Dorcas cast Lily a panicked look, clearly not in the mood for Lily's jokes. Lily giggled, but didn't have time to reassure her friend further. At that moment, Roger reached them and cleared his throat.

Lily turned around to face him and smiled pleasantly. "Hello, Roger. Dorcas and I were just looking around." She gestured to Dorcas, who had also turned around but was staring at Roger's shoes. Lily nudged her, hoping that Roger wouldn't notice, and Dorcas finally looked up to meet his eye. She was definitely blushing now.

"H…hello," her friend managed to stammer out.

If Roger noticed anything off about Dorcas's behavior, he didn't say anything. "Hello," he greeted them both, then his pale blue eyes flicked to Dorcas. "I was just wondering, Dorcas, if you might want to join me for a butterbeer?"

Dorcas stared at Roger without speaking for a second too long. Lily gave her another surreptitious nudge, and Dorcas jumped. "Y—yes! I'd like that," she finally said, and then a broad grin spread across her face. Roger returned the smile. Neither of them said anything else.

Lily watched their thoroughly silent exchange with increasing amusement. When she thought it had reached an unflattering length, she cleared her throat. Dorcas and Roger both jumped this time. "I'll catch up with you later then, Dorcas?" she prompted.

"What? Oh…oh, yes. That'll be fine. See you, Lily!" Then Dorcas followed Roger through the shop, turning around to smile nervously at Lily when he held the door open for her. Lily winked at Dorcas, and then she was gone.

As the bell above the door jangled, announcing their exit, it occurred to Lily that was had been intended as a day to catch up with her friends had quickly turned into a solo-trip while her friends were whisked off to various dates. Lily tried not to let it bother her as she turned back to the jewelry display, and then to the other items in the shop when the earrings and bracelets failed to hold her attention. But the little shop just wasn't as interesting without Mary exclaiming over the old wicker wand-stands "just like the one my gran had," or Alice recounting a story of when her older cousin Molly took her out on an old flying carpet.

She ended up leaving the shop without buying anything a couple of minutes after Dorcas and Roger. They had likely gone to the Three Broomsticks, and while Lily didn't want to disturb their privacy, she figured she would go as well and hopefully run into someone else she knew. So it was in as good a mood as she could muster that Lily started up the lane toward the pub.

The atmosphere was crowded and lively when she pushed the wooden door open. The proprietor, Hops Rosmerta, a jovial middle-aged wizard whom Hogwarts students referred to almost exclusively as "Papa Hops," and his daughter were behind the counter. They both looked slightly frenzied, perhaps unprepared for the rush of students, given the short-notice by the Headmaster. Lily scanned the rest of the room and her eyes eventually fell on Mary and Sirius sitting at a booth in the corner.

They appeared deep in conversation and Lily didn't want to crash their date, but before she could look away, Mary's eyes found hers, and she smiled and beckoned Lily over to their corner.

The last thing Lily wanted to do was play third-wheel to a couple that included Sirius Black, but she figured she should at least go and say hello. She wound across the room to their table and greeted both of them

Sirius grinned at her and said, "why if it isn't the esteemed Miss Evans! Tell me, have you any suggestion on where one might find a decent chocolate custard around here?"

Lily rolled her eyes and Mary reached across the table and slapped him playfully on the shoulder, but the effect was rather ruined by both witches' good-natured smiles. "Have a seat, Lily, go on," Mary prompted, scooting over on the bench and patting the empty seat beside her.

"Oh, I really couldn't. Thank you, though—" Lily began, but Mary shouted her down.

"No, please stay, Lily. Really, we want you to!"

"I don't want to interrupt," she continued.

Mary arched an eyebrow and gave her a look that Lily recognized after knowing her friend for five years; a look meant resistance was pointless. "I insist," Mary said firmly, and Lily believed her.

Still with a measure of hesitation, Lily took the empty seat. "You don't mind, do you Sirius?" she asked.

But far from looking as though he minded, Sirius beamed and leapt up from the booth. "I don't mind at all! Just…stay here!" Then he hurried away and around the corner.

Lily looked after him as he went. "What on earth was that about?"

Mary shrugged, but she didn't look quite as casual as she probably hoped. "I dunno. Probably just the loo; he'll be back."

Sure enough, Sirius returned barely a minute later, tucking something rectangular in his pocket. Lily thought, judging by its size, that it might have been a book. But she was distracted from whatever he was carrying by the grin on his face. The wizard was far too excited at the prospect of having his date crashed.

And the reason why turned up shortly thereafter: James Potter, slightly out of breath, as though he had ran there from some distance away.

James approached their table and greeted Sirius loudly, then made a show of turning to Mary and jumped dramatically when he found Lily by her side. "Why, Lily, I didn't see you! Whatever are you doing here?"

"Subtle, mate," Sirius commented at his friends histrionics. Mary giggled.

Lily rolled her eyes and shot Sirius a look. "How did you do that?" she demanded.

He raised an eyebrow. "Do what?"

"Tip Potter off that I was here."

"I didn't. I brought him here with a particularly strong Summoning Charm, of course," Sirius said, leaning back and crossing his arms over his chest. "You may not realize this, but I am a very powerful wizard, Lily."

Mary laughed aloud at this and James chuckled appreciatively at the joke. Even Lily could keep a stony face.

After Mary recovered, she half-glanced at Lily, who was still smiling, then turned to James. "Would you care to join us too, James?"

Lily didn't have to see his reaction to know what he was going to do. Sure enough, James grinned broadly and plopped down onto the seat next to Sirius, pushing him over to make room.

She scowled at Mary, but her friend was looking deliberately at James with a curious glint in her eye, as though she was trying to tell him something. But what that might be Lily hadn't a clue. She should have known something like this would happen if she joined Sirius and Mary; Sirius had been pushing her to "give James a chance" since their previous year, and Mary had taken up the cause too in recent weeks, though with more subtlety than her boyfriend.

But before Lily could brood too much on the attempted set-up, Papa Hops approached their table. "Anything to drink?" he asked.

Mary and Sirius, whose mugs of butterbeer were both nearly empty, ordered another round. James also asked for a butterbeer, and Lily decided it was just easier to join them than to have to explain to Potter why she left as soon as he sat down. She ordered one as well. Papa Hops blustered off to the bar again.

"So," James began casually. "What have you lot been up to on this fine Saturday in Hogsmeade?"

"A bit of early Christmas shopping," Mary said. "We went to Zonko's, of course, and then to Scrivenshafts to look at quills. And to the Post Office so I could order something for my aunt."

Lily sat up, interested. Ever since their talk on the first day of lessons, Lily had quite admired their professor, and she was curious what the auror's niece would know of her interests. "What did you order her?" she asked.

"I special ordered something called Giggle Water from America. She mentioned missing it a few weeks ago, so my dad did some research and sent me the information on the brewer, and they ship internationally."

"Who is the brewer?" James asked, leaning forward attentively.

Mary opened her purse, pulled a scrap of parchment, and read it. "Someone called Harrison Glug."

"Never heard of them," James said, sitting back.

"Well, you wouldn't have done," Mary said, looking back at the parchment, which she then held up so they could see it was part of an advert. "It says here he _officially_ established in 1933. 'Officially" is emphasized…"

"Oh."

Lily, who couldn't see why James was so interested in the brewer, changed the subject. "What's Giggle Water?"

"Some kind of drink," Mary replied. "I don't know much about it?"

James smiled mischievously. "How much did you order?"

"Enough for all of us to try," Sirius cut in, with a matching smirk.

Lily frowned. "We're really not supposed to drink anything strong while we're at school, you know," she started, but Sirius cut her off.

"Aw, Evans, don't be such a stickler. What are you, a prefect or something?"

"And Head Girl next year, if she's not careful," James added, and he pretended to shudder in horror.

Mary laughed. "You should be so lucky, James! I think I'd die before I saw _you_ become _Head Boy_!"

James scoffed. "I'd be brill as Head Boy!"

"You'd have to follow the rules. Or at least _know _them."

"Point taken," James said.

"Besides, I don't think Giggle Water is alcoholic, exactly," Mary cut in.

"What do you mean 'not alcoholic exactly?" Lily asked.

But before Mary could answer, Papa Hops returned with a tray of foaming butterbeers and passed one out to each of them. Sirius handed him a couple of coins for his and Mary's, and Lily reached into her pockets for her own money. But before she could hand her payment over, James slipped Papa Hops some money and said, "I'll take care of hers, too."

Papa Hops thanked both wizards and hurried off to the next booth. Lily looked across the table at James, who had picked up his mug and was drinking deeply, a familiar twinkle in his hazel eyes. "You didn't have to do that, James. I can pay for myself," she said.

James lowered his mug and gulped, wiping foam from his upper lip as he did so. "Relax, Evans, it's the least I can do."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing," James replied. "I just wanted to do something nice, since you were such a good sport about the whole pudding incident last week. And besides, the blokes are supposed to pay for the butterbeer on this kind of thing, aren't they?" He took another drink.

Lily looked at James, whose smirk was clearly visible even with the mug still in his face, and at Mary, whose eyes were wide, as if James had given something away. Then she looked at Sirius, who was looking between Lily and James, expectantly, excitedly. Then it all fell into place.

"James Potter, this is _not_ a date!" Lily half-shouted, and she leapt up from the bench.

James put the mug down and looked up at Lily. He did not seem remotely repentant. "Well, not a _proper_ date, I'll grant you that. When we go on a proper date, I won't bring along these two," he nodded toward Mary and Sirius, the former of whom waved cheerily, the latter of whom merely smiled guiltily.

"No, Potter," Lily growled. "Not any sort of date! You two…you _three_ planned this, didn't you?" she asked, glaring from James, to Sirius, and to Mary.

Mary gave Lily her sweetest smile. "Not exactly," she hedged. "We didn't know you were going to meet us here. How could we? But once you turned up…"

"I thought it only right, as James's best mate, to tip him off that you were here and that you might be agreeable to some more company and a butterbeer or two." He raised his mug in a mock-toast.

Not even bothering to ask how Sirius had tipped James off, Lily turned stood up and stalked out of the pub. And, because James Potter never did know how to just sit back and appreciate a dramatic exit, he followed her. _Of course_ he did.

Lily made it all the way to the corner of Honeydukes before James caught up to her. "Wait Evans!" he called, and he reached forward and grabbed her around the elbow. Lily whipped around and pulled her arm out of his grasp.

"You never learn, do you, Potter? I thought you were starting to wise up, to get better at reading people, but it's always one step forward and two steps back with you, isn't it?"

"What's that supposed to mean?" James asked. He sounded stung.

She knew it shouldn't, but it greatly satisfied Lily to see that arrogant smirk wiped off of James's face for the first time since he'd appeared at the booth in the Three Broomsticks. He looked unsure for the first time in weeks. She continued, "I had just gotten to the point where I could _tolerate_ having a _conversation_ with you. So, of course, you had to test that with your little stunt on Hallowe'en. Then, as soon as you got an inkling that exploding puddings and some burping wasn't going to send us right back to square one, you found another bleeding way to push the boundaries! And that's what they are, Potter: boundaries. And that's what I need more of with you: _boundaries_."

James stared at her with a curious mix of emotions on his face. For a second, Lily thought he as about to apologize. Then, that damn twinkle was back in his eye, and he smiled again and said, "so I guess the date didn't so that well?"

Lily made an exasperated noise and was just about to set off down the high street again when James chuckled. "Okay, okay, I'm sorry, Evans. I shouldn't have said it was a date. It was just two people who are already dating sharing a drink with two other people who are inevitably going to _start _dating in the near future," he amended.

"Potter!"

"Was the last bit too much?"

She crossed her arms. "You could say that."

"Then let me try again: it was four friends having a drink, two of whom are in a romantic relationship, but never mind about them. Is that better?"

Lily thought for a moment, and then nodded. "Just four friends having a drink," she clarified. She could tolerate being friends with James Potter. "Friends," after all, was not as much of a commitment.

"Alright then, friends," James said. He looked like he was playing the word over in his mind. Apparently he liked the way it sounded, because he grinned at her again. "Then how about we go somewhere else now, friend? Unless you'd like to go back to the Three Broomsticks? I seem to recall that you did not have a single sip of the butterbeer that one of your _dear friends_ was kind enough to buy for you."

She tilted her head to the side and considered. "Alright," she agreed, "we can go and meet Mary and Sirius again and finish our drink."

James shook his head. "If I know Sirius, he and Mary are long gone by now."

Lily thought about what she knew of Mary and Sirius. James was right; they had probably slipped off the first chance they got for some alone-time.

"Fine, just the two of us then, friend," she said, adding the last part forcefully as a reminder to him.

* * *

They walked back to the Three Broomsticks in silence. Lily was staring straight ahead of her, as though afraid she would find James looking at her if she turned to face him. And James was watching her, in utter disbelief that he was there with her, in Hogsmeade, about to go share a private drink in the Three Broomsticks.

Still, he couldn't help but notice that Lily was keeping a little more distance between them than was strictly necessary. It was as though she wanted to make it clear they weren't really together, lest any passers-by get the wrong idea. And when they reached the still-bustling pub, Lily went straight for two empty stools at the busiest part of the bar instead of the more secluded tables along the wall.

James quirked an eyebrow at her choice of seating, but didn't comment on it. In fact, he didn't say a word until Papa Hops' daughter, Fiona Rosmerta greeted them. "Two butterbeers," he said, glancing over at Lily to confirm.

She nodded, and immediately pulled a sickle out of her pocked and slid it over the bar to Rosmerta. He watched the movement and one side of his mouth lifted in a smirk, but again he refrained from commenting. She was clearly determined to make sure he didn't pay for her again. He supposed he should consider himself lucky she hadn't insisted on paying for _his_ drink, too.

"So," he began once Rosmerta accepted his coin and passed two mugs over to them. But then Lily looked up at him and those brilliant green eyes met his, and James forgot everything he was going to say. Every carefully constructed joke and quip he had spent the past five months thinking up to impress Lily Evans flew out of his head as he stared at her. _Damn it, Potter, get yourself together_, he thought to himself desperately.

Lily was looking at him expectantly and he cast about for something to say. "So…so, it's starting to get colder…" James finally said, then felt himself inwardly cringe. The weather. He had Lily Evans alone with him in an at least moderately romantic setting, and all he could think of to talk about was _the weather_.

She didn't seem to mind, though. She just nodded and looked toward the window near the door, out at the grey sky that peeked in from between the buildings outside. "Yes," she said. "I was just thinking that I should have brought a scarf; it might be colder later when I go back up to the school."

"Here, then, take my coat," James said, and he nearly jumped off the barstool to remove the garment. Lily stopped him with a scowl before he had it all the way off.

"Friends, Potter. We're _friends_," she reminded him sternly. "And friends don't lend friends their coats just because it's cold out."

James pulled the coat back on and sat down again, cursing his over-eager nerves. He took a sip of butterbeer to calm down and tried to rally a good response. "Friends do so lend each other their coats. And hats. And wands, and glasses, and anything else they may need."

He thought there was the trace of a smile on Lily's full, perfect lips as she studied him. "You and your friends lend each other your wands?"

"Sure we do," James insisted. "With four blokes in one dormitory, there's bound to be a time or two when you need a wand fast, and you can't always be bothered to find your own."

"You could if you just kept track of where you've left it," she countered.

James scoffed good naturedly. "You're telling me you've never grabbed Alice or Mary's wand when you were in a hurry? Not even in the middle of the night?"

"No," she said. She definitely sounded amused now. "I keep my wand on my bedside table while I sleep. And why would I need a wand in the middle of the night, anyway?"

James fought the urge to roll his eyes at that. Clearly Lily's experience sharing a dormitory with three classmates was different than his own. Though, now that he thought about it, the Gryffindor sixth year girls might make more courteous roommates than the boys. Barely a week went by without Sirius (or James) jinxing one of the others while they slept.

"More to the point," Lily continued, ignoring James's scoff, "you're the only one of your friends who wears glasses. Who are you trading with?"

"Well, I'm not exactly trading. Sometimes they just take my glasses for a laugh."

"For a laugh?"

"Sure, for a laugh. Of course, they might not mean for it to be a laugh every time. Sirius used to borrow my reading glasses before he started seeing Mary to impress birds. He thinks they made him look clever."

Lily smirked. "And did they?"

"Well, no," James allowed, returning the smile. "They just made him look like a wanker wearing stolen specks. But if he ever asks you, tell him I said they made him look suave and debonair."

Then Lily laughed. A real, full, authentic laugh. James loved the way it sounded. He loved her. He wanted to tell her, to proclaim it for the entire pub to hear. But he knew that was a bad idea. After all, they were just friends, and friends did not declare their undying love for each other in public (except for him and his friends, who did it at least once a week, but Lily clearly didn't share that friendship dynamic).

So to prevent himself from doing anything hasty, James took a large gulp of butterbeer. Too large, as it turned out.

James choked on the warm, sweet liquid. He coughed, sending spatters down onto the bar in front of him (Fiona Rosmerta shot him a glare and went to grab a towel from the back). He sucked in a lungful of air, then expelled it again along with another few drops of butterbeer. His eyes were streaming and he knew his face was going red. _Get it together, Potter_, he told himself sternly as he struggled to regain his breath and calm down.

Lily had stood up by this point and was patting him hesitantly on the back. James wanted desperately to sink into the floor and disappear. He even thought, for an instant, about the invisibility cloak tucked his pocket, but then he reminded himself that Lily already knew about the cloak and would know what he had done. And if there was one thing worse than the concerned, slightly pitying look in Lily's eyes, it would be her knowing that he, James Ignatius Potter, had run away.

So he forced in another lungful of air, turned his face away from her to wipe his eyes, and willed his cheeks to lose some of the latent color.

"Are you alright?" Lily asked, still sounding concerned.

He nodded, still not quite able to meet her eye.

"Good," she said uncertainly.

He nodded again, determinedly studying the wood grain of the bar.

Lily chuckled quietly and he looked up at her. "What?" he croaked, his throat still sore and raw from coughing.

"Nothing," Lily said, but she chuckled again.

"_What_?" James asked again, not bothering to hide his impatience.

She was still smirking. "That was just…_smooth_, Potter."

He felt his cheeks grow red again and he crossed his arms. "Aren't you supposed to be a Healer now, or something? Shouldn't you be a little more concerned that I could have _died_?"

"Oh, James, don't be dramatic," Lily said, rolling her eyes again.

"I was choking! It was serious!" he insisted.

"It was just a little too much butterbeer," Lily said patiently. "I think you did a fine job of clearing your throat on your own. Now, if you were choking on something really dangerous, like, say, some candy floss from Honeydukes or something _truly lethal_ like that, I may have had to intervene."

She was teasing him, and he didn't like it. Or he did like it. He wasn't sure. He wanted to kiss her. He wanted to tell her that she was perfect. But she wouldn't like that. Friends didn't kiss friends (except Peter, whom he and Sirius had once tricked into kissing Remus back in their third year). Friends didn't tell each other that they were perfect (except for him and Sirius, and they both knew they were lying through their teeth). But Lily _really_ was perfect, and he really, _really_ did want to kiss her. Instead, he took another drink of butterbeer, more carefully this time, to stifle the impulse. But after forcibly expelling a large mouthful of the sugary drink from the wrong part of his throat a few minutes prior, James found he was no longer enjoying the drink. He grimaced as he pulled the mug away from his face and pushed it away across the bar.

"What's wrong?" Lily asked, all trace of teasing gone from her voice.

"Nothing. I just want something else to drink," he said, and he stood up and craned around for Rosmerta or Papa Hops.

"Are you sure you can handle something stronger? You seemed to have enough trouble with butterbeer."

He could tell that she was smiling again without even looking at her. He could hear her amusement in her voice.

"What I'd really like is a firewhiskey, but something tells me that I'd get caught by some nosy prefect and reported to McGonagall if I even ordered it," he said, giving up his search for the bar staff and sitting back down.

"'Nosy prefect?'" Lily quoted back to him and raised an eyebrow. "And I thought we were supposed to be friends."

"We are friends," James replied. "But you're still a prefect, and you're still a bit nosy."

Lily adopted an air of mock indignation. "How exactly am I nosy?"

"Well, take that night a few weeks ago in the Artefact Room. What were you doing poking around strange parts of the castle in the middle of the night?"

"You just said it, Potter: I'm a prefect. And I was on my rounds."

"I thought prefects were doing their rounds in pairs now," James countered. "You were alone."

Lily sniffed. "I was _supposed_ to do my rounds with Severus Snape, but he didn't show up."

James clenched his jaw. Severus Snape. He had hated that Lily was friends with Snape even before he had started to fancy her the year before. It just wasn't natural for Gryffindors to be so chummy with Slytherins, especially given the present atmosphere in the greater wizarding world. But he knew better than to bring it up; Lily had always been a touch defensive about her friendship with the slimy git, and even more so since he had shown his true colors. "So Snivellus isn't doing his prefect duties, eh?"

"Why do you care, Potter? You just called me nosy just because I'm a prefect," Lily snapped.

So he was right, she was sill sensitive about Snape. "I didn't say you were nosy just because you're a prefect."

"Oh, so I'm especially nosy? Is that it?"

"No, you know that's not what I meant," he disagreed, confused at how their conversation had gotten away from him so quickly.

But then Lily sighed, and she leaned her elbow against the bar and rested her head in her hand. "I'm sorry," she said after a moment. "I'm being rude. And friends aren't rude to friends."

Except for him and his friends, James thought. They were rude to each other as a matter of course.

"No matter," he said after a moment. "I think I've been accidentally rude to you enough times."

"And you know what they say about accidental rudeness," Lily said, a wry smile twisting her lips. "Anyway, I might ask you what you were doing in the Artefact Room in the middle of the night a few weeks ago."

James internally cursed himself for bringing up that night in the Artefact Room at all. He should have known that Lily would circle back to what he had been doing there. The truth was that he had gone to the little room in search of an old scroll that Nearly Headless Nick had mentioned to him in passing a few days before, which, if the ghost was to be believed, contained blueprints to the castle. Legends of various hidden chambers throughout the school had been bandied about between Hogwarts students of every generation (the Cursed Vaults and the infamous Chamber of Secrets, to name a few), but James and his friends were looking for conclusive proof. Not only would he love to add the new areas to the Map, James thought it would be brilliant to be the first students to explore hitherto undiscovered sections of the castle. But most unfortunately, he had not been successful in locating the blueprints. Still, he couldn't bring himself to be disappointed that Lily had caught him; for one thing, their ensuing conversation had been most enjoyable. For another, he had already gone through most of the room before Lily interrupted, and he had found neither the scroll nor any of the other things the ghost insisted could be found on the dusty shelves.

But he had to think of something to tell Lily, and he didn't think she would approve of the idea of him and his friends breaking into secret, cursed, and most likely dangerous vaults, no matter how legendary they may be. He settled on a half-truth: "Sirius and I have a private competition to see who can find and destroy the most copies of the Sacred Twenty-eight. I heard a rumor that there was one hidden in there." It was, after all, true that he and Sirius had such a competition (Sirius was currently winning with fourteen copies. James was close behind with twelve, or twelve and a half if you counted the partial list James had ripped out of a library book in fourth year.)

"The Sacred Twenty-eight?" Lily asked, lifting her head from her hand and looking interestedly at James, apparently satisfied that their conversation had strayed away from her former friend. "What's that?"

James looked down, abruptly uncomfortable and wishing he _had_ kept the conversation on Snape. "It's a list of the twenty-eight oldest and 'purest' wizarding families. Pureblood maniacs consider it a great honor to be on the list. The rest of us just consider it a coincidence."

"The rest of us?"

James looked back up at her, surprised this time. "My family is on it. So is Sirius's."

"Oh," Lily said. She too sounded surprised. "Your family, the Potters, they're an old wizarding family, then?"

He nodded. "We go back centuries."

Lily looked down at her mug and fingered a lock of her hair. She seemed to be mulling something over, and James found he was wary as to where the topic of conversation may have taken her thoughts. He was just casting around for something else to talk about when she asked, "why are you so interested in me, then?"

"What do you mean?" he asked quickly.

"I'm Muggleborn," Lily responded, as though it was the most obvious thing in the world.

James didn't know what to say to that. He tried to hedge. "I can be friends with any sort, Lily," he said hesitantly.

"That isn't what I meant and you know it, James," she said.

Her eyes met his again, and James felt his heart clench. It was a more alarming sensation than he was used to when he looked at the girl sitting next to him. "Well, like I said, some families think of their history and their so-called purity as an honor. I just think it's a coincidence. Coincidence that my surname hadn't died out, and that none of the Potter heirs married Muggles or Muggleborns. Sirius says it's the same with the Blacks, expect he reckons that some of the Blacks _did_ have Muggleborns and half-bloods in their bloodlines but they just cut them out of the family and pretend it never happened."

She was still staring at him, and for the first time, James would rather she not. "It wouldn't bother you then? To be involved with a Muggleborn?" she asked.

James frowned, stung that the idea would be anything of a surprise to Lily. "Of course not."

Lily nodded and looked down at her butterbeer again. She didn't say anything, and silence grew between them. James was watching her, wondering what was going on in her head, and then—

"Wait, why do you want to know?" he asked quickly.

"No reason," Lily said simply. James wasn't sure whether to believe her. Normally, he would have pushed the subject, made a joke, teased Evans about secretly wanting to be with him after all. But something told him to refrain, and he did. Instead, he turned the subject back around to Lily.

"I would have thought you would have heard of the Sacred Twenty-eight before, considering the Macdonalds are on it."

"What? Mary's family?" Lily asked, puzzled.

James nodded. "Yeah. Technically, they should have been taken off about thirty years ago when Olin Macdonald, Mary's dad, married a Muggle, but the list was made ages ago. Hasn't she ever told you?"

"No," Lily said. "She's told us her mum is a Muggle, but she didn't say anything about her dad's family being that old."

"Well, they are. The Macdonalds are older than my family, even. I've heard it was a pretty big scandal in the magical community when Mary's brother was born, since it meant that that next Macdonald heir was half-blood. My parents reckon they were almost thrown off the list themselves because word got out that they'd sent the Macdonalds a congratulations over the baby. But they were too well connected."

Lily frowned at him, clearly thinking something over. "And this was thirty years ago? How old are your parents?"

"Old," James said. "My dad is in his seventies and my mum is in her late sixties. I was a surprise," he added as an afterthought.

"And what a lovely surprise you were. A great gift to the wizarding world," Lily retorted, raising her eyes to the ceiling and taking a sip of butterbeer to hide her smirk. She wasn't entirely successful.

James smiled back and, after a split-second's hesitation, chanced a wink. Lily didn't return it, but neither did she throw her butterbeer at him or start shouting at him, so he figured it was toss. When she lowered the mug to the bar again, she still wore a faint smile.

Silence grew again, butt this time it was comfortable, companionable. Then something else occurred to James. "Where are the rest of your friends? Why were you alone when you met Sirius and Mary?"

"Frank surprised Alice and met her this morning. Dorcas went to have a drink with Roger Nix."

"Finally," James said. "Roger has been mad for Dorcas for months."

"And Dorcas is the same, trust me," Lily said. She took another drink from her mug. "What about you? Where are Remus and Peter?"

"Peter stayed at the castle to finish that essay for Flitwick. Remus is ill."

In truth, Remus was holed up in their dormitory in preparation for the full moon that night, and Peter was keeping him company. James had been keeping him company too, until Sirius had called him with their two-way mirrors, but Lily didn't need to know any of that. "What were you doing before you met up with Mary?"

Lily nodded toward the high street through the window. "Dorcas and I were in Shillings."

James raised an eyebrow. "That old junk shop?"

"_Antique_ shop, yes," Lily corrected him.

"Do they have anything good in there?" James asked, letting his disbelief color his voice.

She shrugged. "That depends on what you mean by 'good,' I suppose. I think it's all very interesting."

"Let's go, then," James said, and he leapt up from the barstool and offered his arm for her to take.

Lily looked at the proffered arm, then back to James's face, and she rolled her eyes again. She slid off her stool and put her hands on her hips. She gave James an expectant look. He wasn't quite sure what he was missing. Then she looked pointedly again at his arm, still held out for her to tale, and her lips tightened. "What?" he finally asked, still feeling like he was missing something.

"Friends don't just casually walk about arm-in-arm."

"Says who?"

"Have you ever walked around arm-in-arm with any of your friends?"

"No, but there's a first time for everything."

"Well, I'd hate for you to ruin your first time by having it be with someone unworthy," Lily deadpanned, and she brushed past him toward the door.

James stood stunned, his arm still held in offering to the now empty stool. It took him perhaps three seconds to get himself together and run to catch up with Lily, who was wearing a deeply satisfied smirk. She had done it. She'd out-quipped him. He didn't like it. But he sort of loved it. He loved Lily. And he almost told her so.

But at that exact second, a loud boom sounded through the village. James and Lily whipped around in the direction of the blast. Smoke was pouring from a building a ways off the main road. Screams filled the air and people were running away from the source of the commotion. "What happened?" Lily cried.

"I don't know, but you stay here!" James shouted, and he started running in the direction of the still-smoking building.

Lily followed him. _Of course she didn't stay there_, James thought angrily as he pushed through the growing crowd of people fleeing the scene of destruction. James didn't have time to stop her. As he neared the building, he saw that a large section of the roof had been blasted away. People were scrambling out of the door, coated in dust and rubble, and with stunned expressions on their faces. Some of them were sporting clearly broken limbs and bleeding gashes. More screams issued from the building. A few people Disapparated where they stood, casting last terrified glances back at the building the instant before they disappeared.

Evan as James reached the building, he saw what looked like a structural beam fall inside, and another section of roof collapsed. He pulled out his wand and made to enter the building.

"James! James, what's going on?" Lily had caught up to him. She grabbed his arm to stop him. "What is this place?" she asked, looking at what remained of the structure with wide eyes.

"It's a local branch of the Ministry," he shouted back over the noise around them. He wasn't surprised that she didn't know what it was; most students didn't bother exploring this part of Hogsmeade, and even if they did, they'd have no reason to go in the government building.

But based on the way her expression hardened and her eyes flashed, Lily grasped the significance right away. "Death Eaters?" she asked in a low voice.

James nodded. It would make sense for Death Eaters to target the Ministry outpost.

"We have to help," Lily said and she took a step toward the door.

James held her back. "You can't go in there, Lily!"

"But—" she broke off as another crash came from inside the building and the screaming grew louder. She turned her wise, frightened eyes to James.

Before he could decide what to do, he heard another voice call his name. He turned around and saw Sirius sprinting toward them with Mary at his heels.

"Lily!" the other witch cried when she saw her friend. She ran forward and embraced her. Sirius had reached James and grabbed his shoulder. "What's happened, Prongs? Did you see—"

"No," James shouted back. "But I think there are people trapped inside. Come on!"

He and Sirius made for the door and the two witches started to follow them. Sirius turned around and grasped Mary by the shoulders. "Mary, you can't go inside. It's dangerous."

"But…" she sputtered. "You're going inside!"

"I'll be fine," he assured her. "You stay here!"

Mary shook his hands off. "I can't just stay here if people are trapped in there!" Lily was nodding fiercely, looking from her friend to the building, and then back at James, as though challenging him to tell her to stay outside too.

James ran a hand through his hair, mind racing. "Lily, Mary, stay here and help the injured. You're good with Healing spells, right Lily?"

Her eyes met his reluctantly, but she nodded. She still looked like she waned to argue, but before she could start, an elderly witch stumbled from the building carrying a wailing child with a deep gash on his leg. "Help! Help me!" the old woman cried.

Lily turned instinctively to the old woman and her jaw set. She glanced back at her three classmates. "Help me, Mary," she said resolutely, pulling out her wand. "The incantation to heal cuts and minor injuries is '_Episkey_.' We probably shouldn't try fixing broken bones, we might do it wrong, but you can bind them with '_Ferula_.' Come on!" And she dashed toward the still crying child and helped the old woman carry him to a safe distance.

Mary gave Sirius a blazing look, grabbed the front of his jacket and pulled him toward her. She kissed him once and then went after Lily.

James and Sirius exchanged tense looks and both boys pulled out their wands, then they headed inside the crumbling building.

Author's Note: I hope you'll forgive the fluff since I mixed in some action. More in the next chapter. Hope you enjoy!


	9. Chapter 9

The inside of the building was worse than James had imagined. Smoke poured from a fire blazing in an office off to the side. A large portion of the roof had collapsed, and cracks were spreading up the walls and across the remaining ceiling, widening even as he watched. The screams were louder now. James peered through the smoke and saw a middle-aged witch wearing Ministry clerk's robes pinned underneath a beam that had fallen from the ceiling. The witch was lying on her stomach, arms stretched out in front of her for a wand that had rolled just out of her reach. She looked up at the two boys as they came further into the room and cried, "Help me! Please—my wand!"

James pointed his own wand at the beam. "_Wingardium leviosa_!"

The heavy wooden post creaked and shifted upward, but it didn't raise enough for the witch to scramble out from underneath it. It was too heavy for the simple charm. "Sirius, help me!" James shouted, then he coughed as he breathed in the thick smoke.

Sirius ran over, swished his wand, and joined his spell with James's. Their combined effort lifted the beam higher, and the witch was able to crawl to safety before they let it fall again with a crash that shook the floor.

The witch grabbed her wand from the floor and fled the building without a backward glance.

"You two! Over here!" a new voice suddenly broke in. James looked around, squinting through the haze of smoke for the speaker. He saw a hand waving frantically from the far corner, near the burning office. James and Sirius made their way as quickly as they could, climbing over rubble and broken office furniture to reach the man.

He was straining against a thickly hewn wooden desk, which had been blasted off its legs and was leaning against the wall. James had a moment of disbelief; surely the man wasn't trying to save the desk? "What are you—" James started to ask as they reached the wizard and watched as he made another attempt to push the desk away from the wall. Before he could finish the question, James saw what else the desk was leaning against: a door. The sounds of shouting and panicked voices could be heard coming from the other side.

"There are people trapped," the man said shortly as he gave the desk another hearty shove.

Sirius looked at him incredulously. "Where's your wand?" he shouted.

"Snapped," the man grunted, still struggling with the heavy desk. "In the explosion."

"What about the people inside? Can't they blast their way out?"

"Not without bringing down the rest of the building."

As if to illustrate his point, a loud crack split through the air and one of the few remaining windows shattered and another chunk of roof fell. As clean air rushed in from the broken window, the fire in the side office flared and a tongue of hot flame shot out toward them.

"Out of the way then, and hurry!" Sirius warned, and he raised his wand. He cast a locomotive charm on the desk to move it from teh door. James, who had thrown up an arm to shield his face from the wave of heat, sent a spray of water over the flames spreading into the room to buy them more time.

As soon as Sirius had cleared the door, the portly man rushed forward, seized the handle, and pulled. It didn't open. "Damn!" he swore. "It's stuck!"

"What?" Sirius shouted, a note of panic creeping into his voice. The hammering coming from the other side of the door picked up as the trapped people beyond it panicked.

"Security measure. There are automatic Sealing charms on the doors, so they can't be forced open during an attack," the man said bitterly, and James knew the irony was not lost on him.

James swore too and ran his hand through his hair again. All three of them were coughing heavily, and the water he was still sending at the fire was having little effect against the furious blaze. "This is stupid," he growled and ended the spell. He pointed his wand instead at the door and desperately cried, "_Finite_!"

To his immense relief, the door burst open. Five people ran out, coughing more than James and his comrades, and made for the exit. As they went, they brought another gust of air from the room they had been trapped in, and the fire surged forward again. James, Sirius, and the portly wizard were forced back again by the heat. As James stumbled backward, he tripped over the leg of a chair. But before they could be separated in the gloom from the smoke, a hand gripped James under the arm. It was the portly wizard. "Up you get, son. We have to get out of here!"

Somewhere, another trapped victim was still crying out, but James gave in and allowed himself to be steered out of the ruins of the building, still coughing. His throat and lungs ached from the smoke.

The other man released him once the three of them were outside, and James gasped in deep breaths of the clean air. But he could still hear faint crying. The portly man ran off, shouting for someone called Annette, whom James supposed must have been one of the people trapped by the desk.

James looked around at Sirius, whose face was smeared with dust and sweat. "There's someone else in there," his friend panted, pointing inside.

"I know," James gasped. They both looked back at the building. The smoke billowing out through the hole in the roof and the doorway was blacker and thicker than ever. Sirius wore a determined expression that James supposed must be on his own face, too. They both knew what they were going back in. "Bubble-head charms?" James asked.

Sirius nodded, and they had just raised their wands to perform the spells when another massive hand closed around their arms. James looked up; it was Hagrid, the Hogwarts Gamekeeper. "Can't let yeh boys go back in there," he grumbled. "Stay here an' help th' others. I'll get 'em."

They nodded and the giant strode forward and ducked through the door to the now thoroughly demolished building. James craned around to look for Lily. Sirius pushed ahead of him and started calling Mary's name, but he couldn't make himself heard over the rabble of voices coming from every direction. Before James could locate Lily, a wand was thrust up in the air over the heads of the jumbled rescuers and victims, and a voice shouted an incantation.

James couldn't make out what the voice said, but something huge, green, and glittering shout into the air from the wand's tip. It hung over the building and cast an ominous green light over the scene. It took several seconds before the smoke cleared enough for those on the ground to see what it was: the Dark Mark.

Screams and oaths broke out around James as the surrounding witches and wizards realized what it was. Swirling cloaks and pops filled the air as more and more people Disapparated.

James stared at the hazy green skull and clenched his jaw. He and Lily had been right. It had been the Death Eaters.

_But wait_, James thought as he looked from the Dark Mary to the rapidly thinning crowd. You-Know-Who's sign was only used when someone had been killed. So that meant…

"Lily!" he shouted desperately, whirling around and looking everywhere he could for Lily. He spotted her a half-second later, and his heart clenched again. But this time it wasn't from nerves. It was from dread.

She sat on a curb a few yards away. Mary was crying quietly with her arm wrapped around Lily. But Lily herself only stared. James dashed across the street and crouched down in front of the two witches. "What happened? Are you alright?"

Lily nodded numbly. She wasn't looking at him, instead staring at the ground. James looked next to Mary for an explanation, but she just shook her head and cried harder. Before he could question either of them further, Sirius appeared at his shoulder and pulled Mary up from the ground, crushing her in a hug. James had never seen such a look of relief on his friend's face.

But James couldn't focus on Sirius and Mary. He turned back to face Lily. "Lily, are you okay?" he asked quietly.

She didn't answer him, but she finally raised her eyes to his. He almost wished she hadn't; her eyes were dull, empty, devoid of their usual fire. He was about to ask Mary if she had been cursed when movement over her shoulder caught his attention. Two wizards wearing green Healer's robes had shaken out a sheet and were draping it over something on the ground. As the sheet settled onto the prone figure, James realized what it was: a body. Someone had been killed.

Lily, who had jumped at the noise made by the billowed sheet, started to turn around, but James put his hands on her shoulders to keep her still. "Don't look, Lily. You don't need to see. Now what happened?" he asked more urgently.

She didn't answer right away, and James took the opportunity to inspect her more closely. Her face was pale and drawn. Her hair, which she must have tied back in a knot at some point, was coming loose, but she didn't seem to notice. But the thing that alarmed James the most was the dark stain on her shirt. It was blood.

"Lily?" James prompted her again, trying to make his voice as gentle as possible.

"She's dead," Lily said. Her voice was flat, lifeless. "I tried to save her. I tried…"

James's hand gripped Lily's shoulder harder, and he forced his fingers to relax so he didn't hurt her. "Who's dead, Lily?"

She shook her head and squeezed her eyes shut, as though she was trying to block out the question. "I don't know. Nobody I've met before. But she…I tried everything I know, and all my spells _seemed_ to be working, but then she just…fell. And I couldn't wake her up again."

"You didn't do anything wrong," said a new voice from above them. Lily and James looked up to see a grim looking wizard standing on the sidewalk, frowning down at the sheet covering the body. James recognized the wizard, but it took him a moment to place him. He was an auror. James's mum had introduced James to him once when the wizard had come to their house. His name was Alastor Moody.

But if Moody remembered James, he didn't acknowledge it. "Killing Curse," the auror growled. "I'd recognize it anywhere. Must have hit her from behind while you were still treating her," he continued, directing the last part to Lily.

Lily nodded weakly, but she still looked devastated. Still, it was better than the listlessness she had shown earlier. Even as James watched her, tears began to roll down her cheeks.

"Do you need anything else from us, Mister Moody?" James asked the wizard quietly. Moody gave James a hard look, then his beady eyes flicked to Lily, apparently sizing them up. He shook his head. "Not right now, son. Someone from D.M.L.E. might need to interview the both of you later, but you should go back up to the school until then."

James nodded. He had expected the Department of Magical Law Enforcement to get involved, and they would want to talk to everyone who was there.

But Lily shook her head at Moody's words. She stood up to face him. "No, I can stay here," she said, wiping her face with her sleeve. "I'm good with Healing spells, I can still help."

James opened his mouth to protest at the same time that Moody shook his head. "The Healers from St. Mungo's are here now. They're taking care of the injured. You've both already done more than you should have; you're still kids." James knew better than to protest the term, and he couldn't deny that the only thing he wanted just then was to get Lily away from the scene. He put an arm firmly around Lily's shoulders and started to lead her away. Then he stopped and looked back at Moody.

"Did you catch them? The Death Eaters?"

Moody didn't say anything, he just turned to the side and spat bitterly on the ground. James took that to be as much answer as he needed.

James turned around with Lily and started leading her back to the school. Normally, he would have loved to be walking through the village with his arm around Lily Evans, but at that moment, all he could think about was how he had been worried a few days ago that a silly school prank would be the thing to sour their relationship next.

* * *

"I can walk just fine, you don't need to help me," Lily protested as James continued to steer her up the lane to the castle. As the air had cleared of smoke, so had her head, and it hadn't taken long to realize that she was uncomfortably clsoe to James Potter He hadn't taken his arm from around her shoulders the whole way, and while she appreciated that he just wanted to help, it did make walking more difficult. She tried harder to wriggle free, and this time, James released her.

"Are you okay, Evans?" he asked as he finally removed his arm and instead took her hand. "_Really_ okay, not just capable-of-walking-unassisted okay?"

"I'm really okay, James," Lily said, though she wasn't entirely sure it was the truth. She couldn't rid herself of the mental image of the other witch's terrified face when she'd suddenly gasped, and then buckled forward against Lily. By the time Lily had lowered her to the ground and turned her over, the other witch was dead. Lily didn't even know her name. All she'd been trying to do was bind her sprained wrist and heal a cut on her cheek.

And the auror, who James had told her was called Moody, his words had done little to reassure Lily. Sure, she had been relieved to hear that it wasn't any misstep on her part that resulted in the witch's death, but she couldn't take comfort in knowing how senseless the death was. Or in knowing how close she herself had come to a Killing Curse. And nothing he could have said could make her forget that the woman had died in her arms.

Death Eaters in Hogsmeade.

She'd known already that they had been there before; McGonagall had told them weeks ago during their prefect meeting. But knowing vague details about something that had happened hours before while she was sleeping safely in the castle was very different than being there while it happened and seeing it with her own eyes. She couldn't believe the evil she had heard about in the outside wizarding world could be so close to the safety of her school.

Not that she thought the walls of Hogwarts were completely free from You-Know-Who's influence. She knew quite well that several of the older Slytherins were already planning on joining his ranks, and she suspected that some of the nastier attacks in recent years were done as sort of try-outs for prospective Death Eaters. The year before, Mary had been cursed by Malcolm Mulciber, a Slytherin in their year, and had spent nearly a week recovering in the Hospital Wing. A seventh year had been expelled and sent to Azkaban two years ago for performing the Cruciatus Curse on a first year Muggle-born. And Rabastan Lestrange and his friends seemed to be involved in minor skirmishes nearly every month, though they had been careful to escape much notice by the faculty so far.

But Lily, her friends, and the Marauders recognized the attacks for what they were: Dark Magic, and exactly the kind of Dark Magic peddled and revered by You-Know-Who and his servants. She had no doubt that recruiters were hard at work within the school, cultivating and brainwashing the next crop of Death Eaters.

In fact, Lily had wondered, when she first met Professor Macdonald, if the auror had been appointed as professor to stamp out that very network. From what she had observed, and from what Mary had let slip during late night discussions in their dormitory, Professor Macdonald had been carefully but skillfully trying to infiltrate the network. She was arranging important meetings, asking significant questions, and making well-placed comments in her classes. Subtle enough that the younger students, even the ones who were already in the process of being recruited, wouldn't pick up on it, but concrete enough that there could be no question where the professor's own loyalties lie, and where she was trying to lead her students.

Lily thought back to one of their Defense classes the previous week. Professor Macdonald had abruptly cancelled their class earlier in the week, and when she returned that Thursday, she'd declined to discuss where she'd been. She had instead started a lesson on a series of security spells, ones that could be used to guard residences from attacks. "Now," she'd said to the class, "should you find yourself having to use any of these spells, trust that as long as you were adequately determined when you cast them, they should hold against all but the strongest attacks. If you find yourself trying to break through any of these spells, stop, go home, and think about what has lead you to that point. Or," there, she had stopped and looked directly to the Slytherins seated in the back of the room, "come and talk to me, because, as I hope you all know by this point, my door is always open."

Yaxley and Murk had bristled at this, but Adonis Greengrass had merely stared down at his desk. That night, Lily and Remus, who were doing their prefect rounds together on the third floor, had run into Adonis on his way out of Professor Macdonald's office. His eyes had been a bit red, but Lily had thought he looked calmer and more cheerful than she remembered seeing him look all year.

But, Lily thought as she was snapped back to the chilly lane between Hogsmeade and Hogwarts, where she stood with a very concerned James Potter, one auror was no match for the entirety of Voldemort's might.

James was still looking at her, the concern evident on his face. "Do you want to, er, talk about what happened?"

Lily watched him for a moment, considering. Yes, in truth, she probably did want to talk about it. But not with James Potter. She admired his willingness to put himself at risk to help strangers, but she wasn't sure she trusted him quite yet to have a serious conversation without making a joke or using it as an excuse for self-promotion.

Then again, he hadn't made a joke or an otherwise insensitive comment once since the explosion. Sure, it had annoyed her that he'd tried to keep her back and make her sit on the sidelines when she had wanted to help, but hadn't Sirius made the same request of Mary? It wasn't because he didn't think she would do it; he had just been trying to keep her safe. And he also hadn't said a word about his own role in keeping the attack from being as deadly as it could have been (and was surely intended to be). The James Potter she had shouted at at the lake last term would have been running ahead of her to the castle, all in a twitter about how he deserved at least fifty points to Gryffindor for his heroism. But here he was, hanging back, waiting with her, entirely focused on making sure she was okay.

So the question remained: did she trust James Potter?

Lily thought she did. And that scared her.

But, she reminded herself firmly, that was perfectly normal. People trusted their friends, right? She trusted Mary and Alice and Dorcas. And she was sure she would feel the same bubble of admiration growing in her chest if any of them had charged into a collapsing building to save a handful of strangers, right? And if any of them had been standing there with her in the deserted lane, staring so intently into her eyes with such a genuine look of concern on their faces, surely she would have appreciated it just as much as she appreciated James just then. Surely she would felt comfortable talking to them.

Still, Lily found the intensity of James's gaze disconcerting. She averted her eyes. "I'm fine," she whispered. "Thank you, though."

James continued to stare at her for a minute, his hands still firm and warm on her shoulders. The feeling made Lily's skin tingle in a way she didn't want to think too hard about, for she was sure, despite her earlier insistences to the contrary, that she would not have had the same reaction to any of her roommates' hands on her shoulders. Finally, James released her and stood up straighter.

"You're sure you're alright? Completely alright?"

"Yes," she said, a stab of her old annoyance with James resurfacing. That was better, more familiar.

"Alright, then," James said, and he again offered his arm for her to take, the way he had before they left the Three Broomsticks. He was smiling at her, a teasing, jovial smile that was clearly intended to elicit a similar response from her.

Lily rolled her eyes and brushed past him, playfully swatting his arm out of her way. She heard him chuckle quietly before he started after her. She was just trying to decide whether she wanted him to catch up to her and try to take her arm again (and whether she even _wanted_ to be having that internal debate in the first place) when she rounded a bend in the lane and the two of them came across another couple, this one apparently much more decisive about their intentions. Mary and Sirius stood in the lane some distance away, wrapped in a tight embrace and kissing fiercely.

James rounded the bend a second after Lily did and he was met with the same sight. "Oy! Break it up, you two!"

Mary and Sirius broke apart and looked around at James and Lily. Mary blushed, but Sirius looked quite unabashed. "What?" he asked. "We just survived a highly dangerous rescue operation; Mary and I were just congratulating each other on our admirable acts of bravery." He reached back out for Mary and wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her in again and kissing her loudly on the cheek.

"Sirius! Quit it!" Mary protested, trying to push him away half-heartedly. The effect was rather ruined a moment later when she giggled and blushed darker. She turned her twinkling eyes back to Sirius and kissed him lightly on the lips. He grinned down at her when she again pulled back.

For some reason, the display of affection made Lily feel a bit embarrassed, and she fought the urge to take another couple of steps away from James, as though he were amplifying her discomfort.

Fortunately, before Lily could brood too much on this latest puzzle, Mary and Sirius released each other and closed the distance between themselves and Lily and James. "You okay now, Lily?" Mary asked kindly.

Lily nodded. "Yes. And you?" she asked, remembering how upset her friend had been earlier, though Mary's tears had had more to do with concern for Sirius. Even in her daze, Lily remembered the heart-stopping moment, barely two minutes after James and Sirius had disappeared into the smoke pouring from the doorway of the Ministry office, when another loud crash had issued from the building and the flames roared so high they were visible through the hold in the roof. Lily had felt too numb to really think about what was happening, but Mary had been beside herself with worry.

Mary nodded at Lily's question. "I'm fine. I was as soon as I saw this prat again," she smacked Sirius playfully on the chest.

"Why am I a prat?" Sirius asked with mock indignation.

"You ran into a burning building!" Mary exclaimed.

"So did James!"

"Well, he's a prat too, then!"

"Oy!" James said.

"It's true and you know it!" Mary insisted, but she was smiling again.

Lily watched the exchange and shook her head, a smile spreading across her own face. "She's right, though, that running into the burning building may not have been the best idea. Even Muggle children know not to do that."

"Yeah, well, Muggle children don't know how to do extinguishing charms," James said.

"But they do know 'stop, drop, and roll,'" Lily countered.

Mary, James, and Sirius stared at her. "They know _what_?" Mary asked, as though she was sure she had heard Lily wrong.

"Stop, drop, and roll?" Lily repeated, looking between her three friends. "You don't know what 'stop, drop, and roll' is?"

"Well I'm guessing it involved stopping, dropping, and rolling?" James said.

"How would that help in a fire?" Sirius asked.

Lily was drawn up short. She didn't think she knew. "I think it has something to do with the ground helping to put you out if you catch on fire?"

Sirius scoffed. "Water is better at putting out fires than dirt. Surely even Muggles know that!"

"Nevermind, that isn't the point," Lily said, crossly now. "The point is that you two were prats for running into the building that was not only about to fall down on top of you, but _on fire_ to boot!"

"I don't think we were prats, do you, mate?" Sirius asked, turning to James.

"Not at all, Sirius," James agreed solemnly. "I think we were rather brave. In fact, when we get up to the school, I wouldn't be surprised if McGonagall gives us round about a hundred House points for our gallantry."

"Oh!" Lily exclaimed, simultaneously amused with their antics and a bit troubled that she had predicted James's behavior so well. Clearly he had held himself back when he was still worried about her, but the influence of his best friend and fellow Marauder overpowered his politer instincts.

"What?" James asked, misreading her reaction. "I think we exemplified Gryffindors perfectly back there! We were daring for running into the building—"

"And we showed nerve by staying inside to get those people out," Sirius added.

"And for wanting to back in, afterwards—"

"You wanted to do _what?_" Mary cried, smacking Sirius on the arm again.

"We were going to do Bubble-head Charms first," Sirius defended himself to his girlfriend. "We're brave, but we're not daft."

"What about telling me I wasn't allowed to go in with you, then?" she countered.

"Chivalry, of course," Sirius replied, as though it were obvious.

"Oh!" It was Mary's turn to exclaim.

Lily watched the couple bicker with a grin. She turned to James and saw that he was doing much the same, his arms crossed and an amused expression on his face. Mary and Sirius continued to argue light-heartedly, each grinning even as they tried to one-up the other.

Mary was still insisting that Sirius should have tried Finite on the Sealed door straight away (clearly he had wasted no time filling her in on what had transpired inside the building), and that it had brainless to not use a Bubble-head Charm before they went inside the first time. Sirius was shaking his head in mock offense. "It was not _dumb_, Mary. It was just…a mild oversight!"

"A mild oversight made by a mad wanker and his equally mad friend!" Mary insisted.

"I'm not a wanker! I'm the cleverest wizard in the school! Here, I'll show you. James, bung me your glasses for a second," he said, turning to James and holding out his hand.

Lily watched as James shot her a smirk and said, "of course you can borrow my glasses, _mate_. What else are _friends_ for?" Then he took his glasses off and handed them over to Sirius, who put them on with a flourish.

"See!" he said, turning his newly-spectacled face to show Mary his various angles. "I think I look _quite_ clever!"

Mary rolled her eyes at her boyfriend. Lily shook her head at James, who was still smiling broadly. He winked at her, and Lily answered it with a smirk.

"And speaking of other completely normal friendly activities," James said loudly, speaking over Mary and Sirius's continued argument. He marched forward and grabbed Sirius, wrapping his arm firmly around the other wizard's elbow. Sirius, for his part, only looked confused for hand a second before returning the gesture. And then the two boys marched, arm-in-arm, back to the castle ahead of the two witches.

Mary gave Lily an inquisitive look as she watched her boyfriend go, but Lily just shook her head and muttered "don't ask."

Author's Note: Two chapters in two days! Hope you enjoyed.


	10. Chapter 10

On a normal day, the attack on the Ministry outpost would have been the most exciting thing to happen to James and Sirius, even by Marauder standards. But as it happened, November 8, 1976 was eventful in more ways than one. It also happened to be a full moon.

And the Marauders also happened to be exceptional teenage boys, even by Hogwarts's standards. For one thing, Remus Lupin was a werewolf; he had been since he was very young. James, Peter, and Sirius had known of Remus's condition for years, and the year before they had finally managed a feat that they had been preparing for nearly as long as they had known Remus's secret. They had become Animagi. And ever since then, the four friends had spent the night time hours of every full moon with Remus, keeping him company as animals while he was transformed. They all thought it was brilliant, mostly.

"Hey, do you want me and Prongs to show you the Ministry building tonight?" Sirius asked Peter and Remus later that afternoon.

They were in their dormitory, preparing for their upcoming adventure. For Sirius, Peter, and James, that meant chatting and lounging about. For Remus, it meant sleeping, which was hard to do when the other three occupants of the room were giddy with a combination of anticipation and the candy that Sirius had brought back from Honeydukes. "No," Remus's groggy voice said from behind the crimson curtains of his four-poster. "I don't want to go into Hogsmeade again. Remember what happened last time?"

James rolled his eyes and ripped open another liquorice wand. "That thing last year with the cat? Relax, Moony, you just spooked it. No harm done."

"I could have killed it," Remus muttered moodily, and James could tell by the rustling sound behind the curtains that he had rolled over, facing away from them.

"You _didn't_ kill it, mate. And it was just a cat. It wouldn't have been a huge loss," Sirius said from his bed, where he was stretched out, reading a Muggle magazine about automobiles.

"Try telling that to the poor old dear who owns it, _mutt_," Remus grumbled.

Sirius chuckled. "Touchy today, aren't we, Moony?" There was no answer from Remus's bed. "And watch who you're calling a mutt. I happen to be the finest pure-bred to ever grace the halls of Hogwarts. I could be in one of those competitions where rich Muggles show off their pets."

Remus snorted. James and Peter exchanged grins, and Sirius looked over at them and winked. "What's the snort for, half-blood?" he shouted over at Remus.

"Oy!" With a clatter and swish of fabric, Remus ripped open the curtain on his four-poster. He was glaring at Sirius, anger beating out exhaustion on his pale face.

"Relax, Moony," James said again. "He's just yanking your wank. And you," James turned to Sirius with a tone of mock-seriousness. "Didn't your mum ever warn you not to bait an angry werewolf?"

Sirius let the magazine fall onto his chest as he crossed his arms behind his head, leaning further back against his pillow. "My mum had rather different advice on what to do with werewolves, actually," he said casually.

"Does blood status still matter if you're a werewolf?" Peter wondered aloud.

"Blood status never matters, Peter," James told him.

"In fact," Sirius continued, ignoring James and Peter's exchange, "if my mum knew I've been willfully conspiring with a werewolf for the past five years, she may never have gotten so caught up in the whole 'blood-traitor' bit. Especially since she could blame the whole thing on Remus for being such a negative influence. But it isn't his fault; you know what they say about Dark creatures, it's just in his nature."

Remus was still glowering at Sirius.

"He's going to bite you tonight if you don't cut it out, Padfoot," James warned his friend.

Remus turned and glared instead at James. "Don't even _joke_ about that, Prongs, or you lot can just stay here tonight."

"And miss all of the fun? Not a chance!" Sirius protested.

"Besides," Peter said, "it wouldn't be the first time you bit one of us."

James and Sirius shouted "Peter!" at the same time that Remus yelped, "what?!"

Remus stared between the three of them, wide-eyed. Sirius and James glared at Peter, who clapped his hands over his mouth.

"What is he talking about? James? Sirius?" Remus asked, a note of panic in his voice.

Sirius shot Peter one last glare before turning to Remus and saying in a placating tone, "It's not a big deal, mate. You took a snap at me a few months ago during the full moon, but the bite healed up alright, no harm done."

"No harm done?!" Remus repeated, horrified. "I _bit_ you! While I was _transformed_! And…and you're alright?"

"Fit as a fiddle," Sirius said, nodding. He held his arms out for them to see, as if demonstrating his point.

But Remus wasn't so easily reassured. "But did you know that at the time? I mean, sure, we knew that I wouldn't actively try to _hunt_ you if you were animals, but we didn't know for sure what would happen if I bit any of you…"

"We had a pretty good idea," Sirius hedged.

"A 'pretty good idea?'" Remus repeated, incredulous.

"Well, yeah. I mean, we took some precautions the next full moon, just in case," James said, struggling for nonchalance. "We locked Sirius up, in case he transformed."

Remus sputtered, his face even paler than before. "But," James continued loudly before Remus could say anything else, "he didn't have any symptoms leading up to the full moon, so we were fairly sure he hadn't been infected."

"He scared us half to death, though," Peter grumbled. "We'd locked him in an empty classroom in the dungeons, and he turned himself into a dog and started howling."

Sirius grinned at the memory.

Remus, however, looked even more horrified than he had earlier. "When did this happen?" he demanded.

James, Sirius, and Peter exchanged another furtive look. "Last December," Peter finally admitted.

"December?" Remus cried. "That was the first time you lot transformed with me!"

"Yeah, and we didn't know everything then that we know now!" Sirius said. "But we figured it out after the first couple of months. And yeah, we hit a snag the first time around, but it hasn't happened again!"

Far from being reassured, Remus groaned and collapsed back onto his bed with his hands over his face. "I can't believe I bit one of you," he mumbled from between his fingers.

"Honestly, we'd thought you would remember that part of the night, Moony," James said. "We were pretty surprised when you didn't say anything about it the next day."

Remus mumbled something else and rolled over. He groaned again.

Sirius, who had picked his magazine back up and started to read, looked over at Remus. "Well, grouchy stage started about five minutes ago, and I think he just went through the panicking stage, and now he's onto whining," he said, referring to the pattern James, Peter, and Sirius had noticed that Remus typically went through in the few hours before his transformation was set to begin. "What's the time?"

Peter checked his watch. "Ten minutes to six," he said.

"Right on schedule," Sirius said, sitting up and discarding the magazine.

"I'm not whining," Remus said sulkily. The other three boys exchanged grins.

James and Sirius helped him to the Hospital Wing, Peter trailing behind with an excited grin on his face. Remus, James noticed, seemed to be slipping in and out of consciousness. He turned to look at Sirius around Remus's slumped head. "Is it just me, or is he worse this time?" he asked, gesturing with his chin at their semi-lucid friend.

Sirius looked at Remus, hanging limply between them, and nodded. "You're right. I wonder what's going on…"

"It could be because of the eclipse," Peter piped up behind them.

"What?" James and Sirius stopped and turned around to face Peter.

His face fell. "The eclipse?" he continued hesitantly. James and Sirius looked at him blankly. "There's supposed to be an eclipse tonight. A penumbral lunar eclipse. Surely you heard about it…"

James shook his head and Sirius shrugged. Neither of them had continued on in Astronomy. Neither, James thought, had Peter. He was about to ask how he'd heard about an eclipse when Remus lifted his head. He groaned. "He's right," he said weakly after a moment. "There _is_ an eclipse tonight. They always make me feel worse before transformations. _Damn_, I forgot."

James frowned. Being a werewolf must be awful. "Is there anything we can do?"

"No, there's noth—" Remus broke off suddenly. The little of his face that James could see went green. For a second, James thought he had passed out again, then Remus chocked out, "Let me go," and pulled himself out of James and Sirius's arms. He had time to draw his wand, twirl it, and conjure a metal bucket before he retched into it.

They looked pointedly away, trying to give Remus as much privacy as they could. James was personally impressed at his friends' spellwork at a time like this, but he knew better than to comment on it. Remus, always the most private out of all of them, hated being coddled or pitied.

Remus coughed into the bucket another couple of times and sat back against the wall. "_Evanesco_," he muttered, pointing his wand at the bucket without looking at it.

James didn't know what to say. Judging by the uncomfortable look on his face, Peter didn't either. But Sirius did.

"There's nothing like a hangover to make you reconsider all of your bad decisions, eh, Moony?" he said cheerfully, striding over to where Remus sat on the floor and offering out a hand to pull him up.

Far from looking offended, Remus smiled weakly. "Thanks, mate," he said and grabbed Sirius's hand. James hurried forward and he and Sirius again supported Remus down the corridor.

They reached the Hospital Wing without further interruption or comment. It was, mercifully, empty. Madam Pomfrey usually did what she could to make sure it was empty when Remus arrived before the full moon, but there were occasionally other patients there, and the risk of awkward questions. The nurse emerged from her office as soon as James and Sirius had deposited Remus onto a bed.

Madam Pomfrey gave them the same crisp greeting she always gave them every month, as had become their tradition: "Thank you, boys, I will take it from here. And I will be speaking to Professor McGonagall about you."

From any other member of staff, that would have been a pronouncement of certain doom (or certain detention, rather). But from the matron, it was a compliment. She surely knew that they were aware of Remus's condition. Perhaps it was admiration of their loyalty, or perhaps James was just flattering himself. Either way, every month at least one of the Marauders escorted Remus to the Hospital Wing before the full moon, and every month, when they walked past the Gryffindor hourglass the next morning, it was a bit fuller than it had been the night before.

James nodded to Madam Pomfrey, and she smiled. They turned to go.

"See you in the morning, Remus," Peter called as he made his way to the door.

Remus raised his hand and waved, a small smile playing at his lips.

An hour later, Peter the rat led the way across the grounds to the Whomping Willow. Sirius, in his dog form, nipped at the bald, skinny tail as it slid through the grass. James followed at a run, still not having transformed himself. Unlike his two friends, James's animal form was significantly larger than his human one, and trying to fit antlers through the narrow tunnel under the Willow was not easy. He had to wait until they reached the Shrieking Shack to transform, which made the timing of their arrival tricky; if they didn't reach the house before Remus transformed, James wouldn't be able to enter without risking attack, something Remus was adamant that they never attempt.

"Hurry up, Wormtail," James called across the darkening grounds. He had outstripped the rat and was waiting just outside the Whomping Willow's range. The great black dog that was Sirius came bounding up to him and wagged his tail, then stiffened out his spine and pointed in the direction of the hole beneath the tree's roots. The dog whined. "Yeah, I know, Padfoot, we're cutting it close. But I'm not the one who couldn't stand to part from his girlfriend without snogging for ten bleeding minutes."

Padfoot growled, but the way his tail started wagging a second later rather undercut the effect. James made a face. "You better not be thinking what I think you're thinking," he said. The dog tilted its head to the side, puzzled, but James didn't elaborate. Wormtail had reached them and scampered forward to the massive tree's trunk, climbing up and pressing the knot to freeze it.

The Whomping Willow immediately grew still. James darted forward and, before the rat or the dog could reach it, slipped down the tunnel and started down it at a run. He could hear Padfoot's paws hitting the dirt floor behind him. They would easily outstrip Wormtail at the pace they were going, but he would catch up before the real action started.

James reached the ladder up to the Shrieking Shack quickly. He climbed to the top but paused before pushing open the trapdoor, listening. For a second, he couldn't hear anything. Then, a moment later, he heard a harsh cry that he recognized as Remus's. _So the transformation is just starting_, James thought. It usually took several minutes for Remus to turn into a wolf, which meant James still had time to complete his own, much quicker transformation.

He pushed the trapdoor open and climbed into the rather dingy sitting room. Behind him, Padfoot took a bounding leap, pushed off a rung of the ladder with his back paws, and clambered into the room himself. But James wasn't paying attention to the dog. His mind was focused on what he needed to become: the stag.

James closed his eyes and concentrated on the form he wanted to take. He tried to let the mental image saturate every particle f his body, and willed himself to change. The first sign of success was the odd rippling sensation through his muscles. Then a tingle over his skin, and an abrupt dampening on his thoughts. The lack of mental fortitude never bothered James while he was Prongs. In fact, he never even noticed it until he changed back. His animal-self operated much more on instinct than conscious thought. He knew it was the same for Peter and Sirius. They had read that this lessened over time for experienced Animagi, and they certainly hoped it was true. The first time they had managed the change, all three of them had been disorientated and more than a little panicked. It had been lucky that Remus had the foresight to suggest they try it before their first full moon escapade, and lucky that the thunderstorm necessary for the final part of the transformation process had occurred on an ordinary night several weeks before the next full moon. It had taken James and Sirius two days to change themselves back, and four days for Peter to manage it.

But James wasn't think about that just then, as he stood proudly in the Shrieking Shack. In fact, James wasn't thinking much of anything. Prong's attention turned to the sounds of agony coming from the upstairs bedroom where Remus transformed. When an anguished howl reached his ears, he started and took a couple of steps backward before the more human part of his brain reminded him that all was well. The predator upstairs would not hurt him. The predator upstairs had a different kind of prey in mind.

Not that it would find that prey. A loud bang echoed down to the sitting room and the werewolf appeared at the top of the stairs, teeth bared. It stared down at them and growled. Padfoot gave an answering bark, this one friendly, and he sank down, extending his front legs flat on the ground and leaving his back legs straight and upright. He wagged his tail.

The wolf upstairs watched the dog with keen eyes. The dog held his pose, the invitation to play. Then the wolf's tail wagged too. His posture relaxed, and he climbed down the stairs and sniffed the dog, then padded over to Prongs and did the same to him. Peter climbed into the room a second later and squeaked loudly, but the wolf merely glanced over at him before turning back to Padfoot and Prongs.

It took Prongs another moment to remember what they were planning to do that night. Despite Remus's protests from that afternoon, Prongs was determined to show Moony and Wormtail the scene of the attack in Hogsmeade. But not yet. It was still early, and the village would be far too active to take Moony anywhere near there. That would have to wait until the early hours of the morning when nobody would be about. In the meantime, they would stick to their original plan: to find the wild wolf-pack that lived in the Forbidden Forest.

James and Sirius had grown up listening to stories about Hogwarts, including rumors that werewolves lived in the dark forest at the edge of the grounds. Once they arrived, met Remus, and learned the truth about werewolves, they had dismissed those particular rumors as mere legend used to frighten students away from the forest. But they had been out on the grounds and in the forest at night enough times by now to know that there was some truth to the stories about the wolves that haunted the ancient woods, and they had observed enough of the pack to know that they were not normal wolves. The Marauders had decided some time ago that it was time to investigate.

Prongs threw his antlered head, snorted to get the others' attention, and started toward the door on the other side of the room. The boards that crisscrossed the front door had long been pulled loose. From the outside, it still appeared secure, but the boys had carefully removed the nails securing the door in place in order to facilitate their escape from the building every month.

Wormtail, seeing where Prongs was heading, darted in front of him and clambered up and onto the door handle. The rat spun the knob until the door clicked open, and Padfoot moved forward and pushed the door open with his nose. Moony immediately took a couple of gamboling steps toward the door, but Padfoot swung around and blocked his way. The dog and wolf stood so close together their noses almost touched. Padfoot stared at Moony and the scruff on the back of his neck raised; a warning for the wolf to follow his lead. Then they both wagged their tails and Padfoot turned again and ran outside, Moony following after him.

Prongs made his own way to the door, stopping and bowing his head before he passed through to allow Wormtail to climb onto his antlers. Then he galloped after the other two.

Padfoot led them down the side of the hill and into the Forbidden Forest. The trees closed around them and they were soon covered by a darkness that human James would have found oppressive. But Prongs felt comfortable within the familiar trees. They had been deep in the forest many times before; deeper than any other Hogwarts student, and likely even deeper than Hagrid had ever ventured. They had met the centaur herd (though of course the centaurs thought them nothing more than an odd grouping of animals), they had explored the arcomantula nests (Peter barely escaped from a particularly quick spider), and they had been through nearly every cave and crevice that dotted the old woods.

But familiarity with the forest only went so far. They had spotted the unusual wolves that lived in the forest on previous expeditions, but only individual members of the pack or the occasional pair. Prongs, with Wormtail, followed Padfoot and Moony deep into the trees. Moony climbed a ridge and peered through a gap in the canopy above them. The full moon appeared, a slight shadow covering one side of its face and growing every second. Something in Prong's mind stirred in recognition:_ the eclipse_. Above the others, Moony threw back his head and howled to the moon. The sound made Prongs start, and he heard Peter squeak in fright. But Padfoot spun in a couple of quick circles, excited, and he raised his own chin and let out a broken, yowling howl. When he was done, he lowered his head and looked back at Prongs and Wormtail, his tongue lolling out of the side of his mouth in a dog-like smile.

Moony, from the top of the hill, looked down at Padfoot with something akin to noble disapproval. Far from being abashed, Padfoot gave a quick bark and spun again, chasing his tail to show his excitement.

Communication between the four of them had been something of a problem the first few months after James, Sirius, and Peter became Animagi. Moony and Padfoot communicated fairly well, being such similar animals, but Prongs and Wormtail were effectively mute to the others. And Moony was quite different to the rest of them in other ways; Wormtail, Prongs, and Padfoot retained their personalities when they transformed, even if they didn't keep everything from their human psyches. Moony lost every trace of Remus when he transformed. At least, he had the first few times. In recent months, it seemed like there was more humanity in the werewolf's eyes, more of Remus's care and restraint in his actions. But perhaps Prongs was just imagining that; they never asked Remus too many questions about his lycanthropy, they didn't want to pry into the details of what they knew were unpleasant experiences for him.

Now, the group communicated primarily through body language, though they were so familiar with each other after five years of friendship, and growing more familiar with each other's animal forms that they did get occasional instances in which they knew exactly what the others were thinking. Such an instance happened as Moony came down the hill and the animals exchanged looks. The question seemed to pass between them: where to now?

As if in response to the question, all four of them raised their noses and sniffed the air. Prongs smelled the earthy scent of the trees and undergrowth, the musky smell of the small animals hiding in their burrows and the birds in the branches above them. He also thought he could detect the familiar scent of centaur, and another that he thought might be from a unicorn. But before he could communicate this to the others, the wind shifted. Moony picked up a new scent and whipped around to the north. He howled, another long, chilling cry. Far in the distance, they heard several answering howls.

Moony took off in the direction of the howling. Padfoot and Prongs followed, Wormtail clutching a tine of Prong's antlers between his paws as he was carried through the trees after the werewolf. They ran for several minutes. Prongs followed, but he could not smell anything he might associate with the wolf-pack, just the usual smells of the woods and animals that they always encountered. Moony and Padfoot were in front of him and he tried snorting to get their attention, but they did not turn or slow down. He snorted again and pulled back, hoping they would notice the receding sounds of his hooves hitting the ground. He had not yet come to a complete stop when the wind shifted again, carrying a powerful new scent toward him. Before his animal brain had time to fully process the new smell, an instinctive sense of alarm zinged through him. Prongs trumpeted in alarm and took a few steps forward, but he had not yet managed to catch up with his friends when something huge and grey flew out of the trees to his right and landed on his back.

Prongs was pushed to the ground and tumbled once, twice, three times. Wormtail was thrown from his antlers with a terrified squeal. Prongs looked around, terrified, and tried to stand again. But before he could do so, another shape detached itself from the darkness around him and leapt into the clearing where he had landed. It was a wolf, huge and proud, with long, shaggy fur. And it wasn't alone. As Prongs watched, another six wolves came out from between bushes and trees. Prongs trumpeted again in alarm but stood up, waving his antlered head at the pack as if to keep the animals away.

The wolf who had leapt on Prong's back moved forward and bared his teeth. Prongs whipped his head back and forth, looking desperately around for his friends, but the only one he thought might be close by was Wormtail, and a rat wouldn't be much help against seven massive wolves.

Every instinct in Prongs' head screamed at him to run, but he knew it would be pointless. He was surrounded, and the wolves were faster.

The wolf in front growled and crouched low, ready to spring. Prongs was just berating himself for falling back from his friends when another dark shape flew over his head.

Prongs staggered back as massive paws hit the ground in front of him and he saw what it was. Relief, pure, human relief flooded his body as he realized it was Moony. And if Prongs had thought the wolves that had attacked him were huge, they had nothing on the fully-grown werewolf in front of him. He had somehow never realized exactly how intimidating Moony was, but as his friend let out a low, guttural growl and pulled his lips back over his teeth, Prongs suddenly remembered every warning Remus had ever given them about how dangerous he was. He hadn't done it justice.

Even as sure as Prongs was that Moony wasn't a danger to him, he still took a step back. So did the other wolves.

Moony snarled and prowled forward, snapping his jaws at the lead wolf. Some of the smaller wolves who stood on either side skittered back another few feet. The lead wolf held his ground.

Prongs stood, terrified and transfixed, watching the showdown in front of him. Then something furry brushed against his side, and he jumped again and swiveled his head back. It was Padfoot. The dog was staring at him with his yellow eyes wide. Padfoot was panting, and he nudged Prong's flank with his head to push him back. Then he moved in front of Prongs to stand behind Moony.

The wolves continued to stare at Moony. Moony stared right back. He growled again, a rumbling sound that filled the clearing where they stood.

Then the wolf in front of the pack sat down. So did the others behind it.

Moony quirked his head to the side, clearly not having expected this. So did Padfoot. Prongs had to fight the urge to do the same, reminding himself forcefully that he was not a dog, and that stags didn't do such things.

The wolf at the front of the pack leaned down and touched his nose to the dirt in front of Moony, his icy blue eyes flicked up to watch the bigger wolf. He held that pose for a moment, and then stood up, whipped around, and disappeared into the trees. The other wolves watched Moony for another few seconds, and then backed out of the clearing after the first wolf.

Moony held his stance for another minute, turning his great furry head back and forth, peering through the trees. Padfoot sniffed the air, then turned to the wolf and yipped softly. Finally, Moony relaxed. He turned back to look at Prongs, his yellow-green eyes unreadable.

A scurrying sound reached Prong's ears, and he jumped and looked around, but it was only Wormtail, crawling out from underneath a nearby bush. He approached Prongs and climbed up his leg and onto his back with a squeak. As the rat crawled along Prong's spine toward his head, Prongs winced as a line of pain shot across his back. Then again. And again. And again. He turned his head and looked at himself; there were four deep gashes running up his side and across his back. Doubtlessly from when the wolf had jumped on his and knocked him to the ground. He snorted angrily.

Prongs fixed one thought in his mind, willing the others to understand: let's go back. He wasn't sure if they understood or not, but he turned around and started galloping in the direction they had come from, the direction he knew led toward the Shrieking Shack.

Many hours later, the four friends made their way back up the rocky hill toward the Shrieking Shack. Prongs had taken them out of the forest as quickly as he could, still shaken by the encounter with the wolves. He had also tried taking the group into Hogsmeade, still in half a mind to show them the wreckage from the Death Eater attack, but he could tell they were preoccupied with what had happened in the Forest, and he gave up quickly.

Padfoot bounded ahead of them and nosed the front door open, and they filed inside one by one. Moony paused in the doorway and turned around, staring once more at the full moon before it sank below the tree line. He sat on his haunches and howled once more, but not as he had done earlier; this one was softer, a cry of farewell. Padfoot nudged the werewolf and he tore his eyes away from the moon and slunk back into the building.

Prongs pushed the door shut with his antlers. Wormtail jumped to the ground and crawled to one of the threadbare sofas and sat on the arm. They looked at each other, sharing another thought. It had not been a fun night, least of all for Prongs. His back still hurt where he had been scratched, and he knew he was bleeding.

The four of them sat in silence, not looking at each other as the sky lightened outside the boarded windows. Pink light began to filter through the cracks in the boards, and, without another word at any of them, Moony padded upstairs.

The light from outside grew brighter and brighter, and after a few minutes, Moony began to howl and whine. The howls gradually turned to screams, and Padfoot, Prongs, and Wormtail winced as one. They exchanged a look and transformed back into themselves.

James felt his skin and muscles ripple and smart over the scratches on his back, and he experienced a jolt of fresh fear and adrenaline as his human brain thought back on what had happened. He ripped off his shirt (wincing again as the movement pulled at his injuries) and crossed to the adjacent bathroom for a better look. The lights didn't work, and James could barely see his reflection in the dirty mirror. He pulled his wand from his pocket and lit it, but he could still barely see his back when he turned around. What he could see didn't look good.

Sirius followed and let out a low whistle when he saw the state of James's back. But before either of them could comment, Peter, who had crept up the stairs to see if Remus had finished transforming back, called them.

Abandoning the effort to inspect his back, James and Sirius followed Peter upstairs to Remus's room.

Remus was sitting up in bed, buttoning up a pajama shirt when they reached the doorway. Peter knocked. "Come in," Remus said in a hoarse voice.

He looked horrible; pale, clammy, and exhausted, with dark circles under his eyes. James had expected it, but he never got used to seeing his friend like that, or to hearing the agonized screams of his transformations. Remus was moving gingerly, and James knew that his joints were sore.

"What happened last night?" Remus continued after a moment, his voice still rough.

Peter exchanged looks with James and Sirius. None of them were sure how much Remus would want to know; he always got upset whenever anything went wrong during the full moons, no matter who was responsible.

But Remus seemed to be piecing it together himself. He looked up at James with comprehension dawning on his face. "Turn around," he ordered sharply, standing up and wincing as his muscles protested the movement.

"I don't think I will, thanks," James replied, lifting his chin stubbornly.

Remus glared. "You got hurt. You had scratches on your back."

"I'm perfectly fine," James said, crossing his arms across his chest (and trying not to grimace as his torn skin stretched painfully).

"Don't make me come over there, James," Remus said.

His tone was threatening, and maybe he meant it to be. But to James, the statement had the effect of a plea. He didn't want to make Remus walk just yet, not until he had recovered a bit more. James sighed and turned around. Peter whistled as Sirius had done downstairs, and Remus swore.

"What happened? Did _I_ do that?" he cried.

James turned back around to hide the scratches. "No, Remus, it wasn't you, I promise. Think back, what else do you remember?"

Remus's eyes held James's for a long moment, then flicked around to Peter and Sirius. "We met the wolf pack," he said flatly. "And they…they…" his eyes darted back to James. "They attacked you!"

James tried to smile. "Barely a parchment-cut," he said, hoping he sounded brave and self-assured. He couldn't quite meet Remus's eye, so he stared instead over his shoulder.

"'Barely a parchment-cut?!'" Remus quoted back at him incredulously. "They ripped your back open!"

"I've had worse," James said airily, waving a hand.

Remus snorted. "Like hell you have!"

He was reacting even worse than James had imagined. James hastened to reassure him.

"Listen, mate, it's nothing. I'll be fine, you don't need to worry—"

"I think Madam Pomfrey left some dittany here somewhere," Remus muttered, not listening to James. He started across the room to a dresser in the corner, wincing as he forced his stiff legs to move. "She used to use it on me if I scratched myself."

Sirius hurried in front of Remus to the dresser and started opening drawers, searching for the dittany. He pulled out two bottles and some bandages after a moment. "Murtlap essence and dittany," he said, holding the bottles up.

Remus motioned for James to sit on the bed, which James did with a sigh. "I'm not sure if these will work," Remus cautioned. "But we should try."

"Why wouldn't they work?" James asked, now slightly alarmed.

Remus bit his lip. "Because those were werewolves. The cuts might be cursed."

"What?" Peter yelped.

"No they weren't," Sirius disagreed, frowning.

"Well, they weren't _true_ werewolves," Remus amended after a moment. His brow was furrowed. "Otherwise they wouldn't have attacked you. And they were too small, and they worked too well together – true werewolves would have fought with each other. But they weren't normal wolves either. They were…sort of like me. Didn't you notice?"

James and Peter shook their heads, but Sirius nodded. He too looked thoughtful. "They looked like they were following your orders," he said to Remus. "They backed off right away when you met them, without challenging you."

"Is that strange?" Peter asked.

"Yes," Remus and Sirius said at the same time.

"Normal wolves would have tried to fight me and Sirius over their prey, over…over James," Remus went on, and he glanced over at James guiltily again.

"So what were they, then?" James asked in what he hoped was a casual, curious tone. He wasn't terribly worried about the answer, but he wanted to reassure Remus.

Remus shrugged, still troubled. "I'm not sure. I'd say some sort of combination of werewolf and normal wolf, but I'm not sure if that's even possible."

They fell silent, wondering.

"So…what now?" Peter asked after a moment.

Remus seemed to snap back to himself. "We try to heal the cuts," he said.

"What? Can't I just go to the Hospital Wing?" James asked, thinking that he could use the opportunity to impress Lily with his resilience and bravery.

Sirius scoffed. "And tell them what? That you were attacked by a mysterious wolf hybrid? Madam Pomfrey knows last night was a full moon, and she obviously knows about Moony, here." He pointed with a thumb at Remus. "She's going to think we snuck out to see him and he scratched you."

Remus put a hand on his forehead. "And I don't even want to think about what would happen then."

James nodded, defeated. He would either have to explain about being an unregistered Animagus, which would surely result in his expulsion, or they would have to let Madam Pomfrey, and most likely Dumbledore, think Remus had scratched James, in which case, Remus would be lucky to get off with just expulsion; he could also face a sentence in Azkaban.

"Fine," James conceded, reminding himself that it was a Sunday and Lily wouldn't be in the Hospital Wing anyway. "What do I have to do?"

"Lay down so I can see your back," Remus instructed.

James did so, grumbling the whole while. Sirius and Peter were watching him curiously. Remus looked fretfully at his still-bleeding back. "Stop staring at me, will you?" James snapped. "I feel like I'm on my bloody death bed and you lot are sitting vigil."

"Now you know how I feel every bleeding month," Remus muttered dryly, reaching for one of the bottles and uncorking it. James grinned at Remus's comment, but stopped a moment later when he felt a painful stinging from the cuts.

"Blimey, what are you doing to me?" he yelped.

"It's the dittany," Remus said. "It stings a bit. Don't be such a baby."

Sirius chuckled. "Still grouchy, I see."

"Keep it up, Sirius, and you might need some dittany, too."

"Is that a threat, oh noble werewolf?"

"Depends. Do you feel threatened?"

"Oy! Less quipping, more healing, if you don't mind," James forced out, wincing as Remus put another dab of dittany on one of the cuts.

"You're lucky you were just scratched," Remus muttered. "You'd make a terrible werewolf."

James tried to sit up angrily, but Remus pushed him back down. "What's that supposed to mean?" he demanded, not exactly sure if he should be offended.

"Nothing," Remus said, and even though he couldn't see him, James thought he was smiling. "You just can't even deal with getting a little dittany on a…what was it you called it before? A parchment-cut?"

Sirius and Peter chuckled. James scowled. "Yeah, yeah, laugh it up. I didn't see you lot getting tackled by wolves, or did I miss that part of the harrowing battle?"

Remus chuckled but didn't reply. He put the bottle of dittany down and picked up the murtlap essence and a bandage. James watched out of the corner of his eye as Remus poured the liquid on the cotton bandage and pressed the cloth over the scratches. The relief from the cuts and the stinging dittany was immediate. "There," Remus said. "I don't know if that will heal it completely, but the dittany looked like it was working. You lot should leave before Madam Pomfrey gets here."

"Yeah, otherwise she'll think you're after her job," Sirius said, motioning to the healing supplies and James's bandaged back. "Come on, mate, let's get you up."

Sirius grabbed one of James's arms and pulled him upright. James rolled his shoulders tentatively, surprised that the scratches on his back already seemed better. "Thanks, Remus. That feels loads better," he said as he stood up and pulled his shirt on over the bandages.

"See if you can nick some more dittany from the Hospital Wing on your way back, just in case the cuts open again," Remus said, ignoring the praise.

Peter, Sirius, and James left Remus in the bedroom and climbed down the stairs, down through the trapdoor, along the tunnel, and back to the castle, their dormitory, and the promise of a nice long lie-in.

Author's Note: I had fun writing this chapter. As you may have noticed, I usually rely heavily on dialogue, so writing a long section where I couldn't use any was a challenge. I hope I did a decent job, but I'm very much open to feedback.


	11. Chapter 11

With the excitement from the attack on the Ministry behind them and the moon once again waning, James's attention shifted to his next pursuit: Quidditch. The second game of the year, Gryffindor's first, was to take place the first weekend in December. James had instituted a rigorous training schedule as soon as he'd assembled a full team, and he upped their number of practices each week as the match loomed nearer.

Unfortunately for him, not every member of the team shared his enthusiasm.

"James, can we _please_ call it for the night? Some of us have N.E.W.T.S. to prepare for!" Chester Biggs bellowed at practice on Tuesday night.

James pulled out of a dive and watched as the Quaffle hit the field below, uncaught. He looked around at his Beater. "I want to run that play again," James said, soaring back up to Biggs's level. "We shouldn't still be making mistakes like that at this point. If we need to use the Staccato Maneuver during the game on Saturday and we drop the Quaffle, we're done for!"

"Oh, James, don't be so dramatic," Mary said, floating airily by. "Staccato Maneuver is only one of the plays we've been practicing. Even if we have to play it during the game and we cock it up, we're not got to have to forfeit the match. Plus, Hufflepuff's Chasers aren't aggressive enough for us to have to use Staccato. You know that."

Alice, Emma, Chelsea and Anthony had joined them by this point, most of them nodding. "Seriously, James, it's almost nine o'clock. If we stay out here much longer we're all going to get a Saturday detention for missing curfew. Then we really _will_ have to forfeit the match," Emma said sensibly.

"I think I already am missing curfew," Chelsea Wright pointed out.

James swore; he'd forgotten that his new Chaser was only in her second year. She was right, she was supposed to have been back in the Common Room nearly an hour ago. "Alright. Chelsea, you're dismissed. Emma, will you go with her? You can sweet-talk her out of trouble if you're caught."

Emma nodded and she and Chelsea flew back down to the pitch and started back to the castle.

"King, you can go too. Same with you, Mary. Biggs, you can go unless you want to stick around and talk strategy with me and Alice," James said.

Anthony King and Mary bade them good night and followed Emma and Chelsea in the direction of the changing rooms. Biggs looked between Alice and his teammates already on the ground. He seemed to be thinking hard. "I'll stay, but make it quick, Captain," he finally said.

James nodded at him. "Won't take long. I just want to remind you to make sure you're keeping track of where the other is. You both wasted time going after the same Bludger a few different times tonight. Biggs, you and Emerit were great about keeping an eye on each other last year. I know I warned you against doing this a few weeks ago, but now, you need to spend _more_ time watching Alice."

Biggs scowled and Alice smirked, but neither of them commented except to nod.

"That's it for the night, but same time tomorrow," James reminded them. His last two players nodded again and all three made their way back to the castle.

* * *

The morning before the Quidditch match found Lily tucking into a bowl of oatmeal in the Great Hall. She kept glancing up at the ceiling, where the sky was cloudy and white, a sure sign that more snow was on its way. The country was in the midst of an early winter. It had been snowing intermittently for a week, and wet, slushy snow was piled up in drifts against every exterior wall of the castle.

But Lily was not worried about the snow. Lily was worried about her mother. She had received word from her father three days before that her mother had had to be taken to the hospital by ambulance. His letter said that she was in "stable condition" and that Lily should stay at school, but Lily was uneasy about the whole business. She had written back right away for details and was in half a mind to ask Madam Pomfrey about it when they next met, but so far she had not received a response from her father. Writing to her sister was out of the question; even if Petunia deigned to respond, all she was likely to say was how awful it was that Lily couldn't even be near her mother in her time of need.

Lily bit her lip as this thought struck her anew, and she looked down from the ceiling and back at her breakfast. Tears welled in her eyes and she was grateful that she'd made the trip down to the Great Hall before her roommates could join her. She had just finished wiping her eyes and taking a few steadying breaths when she heard clapping from the far end of the hall. She looked up to see James Potter and the rest of the Quidditch team filing into the hall, brooms over their shoulders. The Gryffindors already at the House table cheered as their team walked by. Alice and Mary waved to Lily as they came in, but she didn't see them. She was distracted by James.

He was at the head of the line of players, grinning around at the still-clapping and beaming Gryffindors. He wore a grey sweater and a crimson-and-gold striped scarf, which he'd slung, untied, around his neck. He carried his broomstick reverently and he already had a Quaffle under one arm. Lily knew it was just for show; the equipment for the game was kept down at the pitch, James didn't need to bring a Quaffle with him to breakfast. But she watched without comment as he swaggered down the row, enjoying the attention from the rest of his House. When he saw her, he grinned even wider.

"Come to wish me luck, Evans?" he called.

"I was already here, Potter," Lily pointed out. "You're the one who just came in."

"Yes, but surely you came down so early to make sure you didn't miss me," he said as he reached her place at the table and sat down next to her. The rest of the team took seats near him. Alice and Mary looped around the end of the table to sit opposite Lily, and Sirius slid into the empty seat on Mary's other side a second later.

Lily raised her eyes to the ceiling (still no post owls) and shook her head. "You're something else, Potter."

"Yes, yes I am," James agreed. He was still grinning.

She fought the urge to shake her head again and looked instead to Mary and Alice. "So, ready for the game?" she asked. She'd meant the question for both of them, but Mary's attention had become occupied by Sirius, who was trying to muss up her hair. Alice smiled nervously at Lily, and she remembered that it was her first game. She was about to say so when James cut in.

"Sure, we're ready!" he said confidently. "We've been practicing for weeks. Chelsea Wright has been flying like a champ and Biggs finally got over his crush on Alice long enough to put her through her paces. It's the best team I've ever assembled."

Lily frowned at James, though not as annoyed as she once would have been at the interruption. Still, she said, "I wasn't talking to _you_, Potter. I was talking to Alice." She turned back to her friend. "Are you excited? Nervous? First game, and all."

"She's going to be—" James started, but Lily cut him off with a look. ("I was just going to say 'brilliant,'" he muttered.)

Alice still looked apprehensive, but she smiled timidly again. "I think I'm excited," she said in a slightly higher pitched voice than normal. "James is right, we're been training hard. I don't think I could be any more prepared…but I'm still a bit nervous, yes," she finished.

"I'm sure you'll be brilliant," Lily said, reaching across the table to grab Alice's hand encouragingly. "Do you know if Frank is coming to watch?"

She shook her head. "No, he couldn't get off work. He was trying to, but he has an…" She looked around at the people sitting near them, then leaned forward and said more quietly, "he has an assignment."

Lily leaned across the table toward Alice too (so did James, but Lily ignored him). "What sort of assignment? Did he tell you?"

Alice hesitated and then nodded. "He did," she said quietly. "But I probably shouldn't say any more."

"He's an auror, right?" James asked, matching their hushed volume.

"Right," Alice said.

Lily turned her head to face James and raised an eyebrow. "Can we help you, Potter? This is a private conversation."

James looked abashed but Alice chuckled. "No, he's fine, Lily. That's all I was going to say about Frank, anyway: he can't make it because of work. They've been busy since the attack in Hogsmeade."

"Well, he'll be missing a great game," James said bracingly. "But no matter; in another few months, it won't matter that he missed the first game because you'll be able to show him the Quidditch Cup instead, with 'Gryffindor' emblazoned on it in fiery letters!"

"Here, here!" Mary cheered, her attention back on the rest of them.

Lily was about to respond to Mary when there was a sound from above. She looked up as owls poured into the Great Hall and spotted the school owl she had sent her father. It circled down to the Gryffindor table and dropped an envelope in front of Lily. She snatched up the parcel and pushed back from the table. James watched her go but didn't say anything.

She'd intended to take the letter back up to her dormitory to read in private, but she barely made in into the Entrance Hall before she ripped it open and began to read:

_Dear Lily,_

_Your mother is fine. She got out of the hospital this morning. The doctors said she had a minor stroke, but she should recover. She does have another couple of medicines to take, though, and you know the medicine cabinet is already about to burst open as it is._

_We're looking forward to seeing you in a couple of weeks. Try not to worry too much._

_Love, Dad._

Lily read the letter through three times. She let out her breath in a whoosh and realized she'd been holding it since she had stood up from the breakfast table.

She ran a hand over the letter again, studying it. She traced the word "fine," scrawled out in her father's untidy handwriting. Her mother was _fine_. Not _good_, not _improved_. Fine. It would have to do, at least for now.

"Everything alright, Lily?"

Lily jumped. Dorcas was closing the last few feet between them, apparently having been on her way to the Great Hall when she'd spotted Lily.

Lily hitched a pleasant expression into place. "Yes, everything is fine," she said, then smiled wryly to herself at the choice of words. "I just got a letter from home." She held the missive up and waved it demonstrably.

"Ooh, about your mother? How is she?" Dorcas asked, and Lily wasn't surprised that Dorcas had guessed the subject matter. If any of Lily's friends were capable of putting together the clues, it was Dorcas.

"She's okay," Lily said. "She had to go to the hospital a few days ago, but she's home now. The doctors say she had a stroke. My dad says she'd better now."

Dorcas smiled. "Good, I'm glad she's alright."

Lily nodded and returned the smile as genuinely as she could. She still felt a bit shaky. "So," she said brightly, read to change the subject. "Excited about the Quidditch match?"

"Yes!" Dorcas said. "I was actually on my way to catch Mary and Alice before they went down to the pitch. Have you seen them?"

Lily pointed over her shoulder toward the Great Hall. "They're at breakfast with the rest of the team," she said. But no sooner were the words out of her mouth that they heard another smattering of applause from the hall and the Gryffindor team trooped out into the Entrance Hall.

Alice was staring straight ahead, clutching her broomstick with white knuckles, but Mary looked around and skipped over to them. "Morning, Dorcas!" she greeted.

Dorcas returned the greeting. "Ready for the game?"

"Of course!" Mary said. Dorcas's gaze trailed meaningfully to Alice, and Mary followed it. "Oh, don't worry about Alice. She just has pre-game nerves. She'll be great, though."

Lily watched as James looked around for his missing Chaser, spotted Mary, and then spotted Lily. He bade the team to go on ahead of him, and cut over to the girls in the corner. He greeted Dorcas as Mary had done, then turned to Lily. "You okay, Evans? You practically bolted out of the Great Hall a minute ago."

She nodded, tucking the letter into her pocket. "Never better," she said. "Just excited for the game."

"Same," James said, grinning again. "We'll try to make it a good one for you."

Lily returned the smile, scarcely noticing Mary and Dorcas sneaking off with twin smirks. "How do you think Alice is going to do?"

"Alice? I think she'll be brill," he said. "She just needs to get her confidence back, is all. I'm hoping she'll feel better once we get into the air. Still, I wouldn't say no if you offered to wait on the sidelines in case she needs a Cheering Charm."

"Why me?" Lily asked.

"Because you're good with Cheering Charms," James said.

"Says who?"

"Everyone?"

"Who's everyone?" she pressed.

"Can't I just pay you a compliment?" James asked, exasperated.

Lily tilted her head to the side. "Of course you can, but flattering lies aren't the same as compliments."

"Who says I'm lying?" James asked.

"Who says I'm good at Cheering Charms?" Lily countered again.

"I don't know, but you sure do cheer me up every time I see you."

Lily stopped. She put her hands on her hips. "I walked right into that one, didn't I?"

"Sure did," James agreed, cockier than ever.

Around them, the trickle of students leaving the Great Hall and heading out toward the pitch was slowing to a trickle, but neither of them paid them any mind.

"That was quite an elaborate set-up for an average-at-best pun," she said, not able to keep from smiling herself.

"Average at best? I'll have you know I'm significantly above average in every way, Evans. As I'm hoping you'll find out before long," James said. He winked.

Lily held his stare, keeping her face perfectly still. Something about the twinkle in his hazel eyes told her there was more to his statement than his typical puffery. But she didn't know what and she didn't want to admit it.

James watched her as she turned his words over, and his smile widened at her apparent confusion. "Take my scarf, Evans?" he asked after a moment, plucking an end of his Gryffindor scarf and holding it out to her.

She shook her head.

"Come on, Evans, you need something to show a little bit of House spirit. Or are you rooting for Hufflepuff, or something?" he asked, naming their rival for the upcoming match.

"I'm rooting for this conversation to be over," Lily said, but she held a hand out for the scarf. James slipped it off his neck and Lily slung it around her own. It was still warm from his skin. The feeling raised goosebumps that she was glad he couldn't see.

"It looks good on you," James commented, giving her an appraising look.

Lily looked down too, sincerely hoping that the warmth in her cheeks wasn't showing up as a blush. "Thanks."

"Any change of a good-luck kiss?" he asked.

"Don't push it, Potter."

James sighed dramatically. "Rejected again. Still, I had to try, right?"

Lily didn't say anything. James winked again and turned to head out onto the grounds. Lily watched him go, still turning his earlier words over in her head.

Something clicked into place. "Was that a penis joke earlier, Potter?" she called angrily after him.

Unfortunately for her, Professor Slughorn came ambling out of the Great Hall at precisely that moment. "None of that, if you please, Miss Evans!" he said reprovingly.

This time, Lily's face definitely went bright red. James gave a great shout of laughter and turned back to her with his eyes alight. Then he was gone.

* * *

James made it to the changing rooms with minutes to spare. His team had already changed into their Quidditch robes and was sitting, waiting for him. Alice and Chelsea looked nervous; Alice was staring straight ahead, ignoring Biggs who was attempting to engage her in conversation. Emma Court was twisting her brown hair back in a braid to keep it out of her face. Chelsea looked up when James came in and gave him what she probably meant to be a smile but came out more like a spasm. Mary was in the corner, sitting with Sirius, the only person there not decked in Quidditch gear. James knew better than to be surprised by his mate's presence; Sirius had snuck into the changing rooms before every game ever since James got on the team in their third year. He used to have done it to hang out with James. Now he was there for Mary.

The previous captain, Michelle Kenly, tolerated the intrusion because Sirius was the usual commentator and she wanted to keep in his good graces (and, James suspected, because she fancied him). James originally welcomes Sirius because he'd expected to have Sirius on the team this year. Now he welcomed him as a consolation for not being able to. And Sirius certainly looked consoled as he pulled Mary closer and nodded at James. "Finally decided to show up, eh, Captain?" he called as James hurried in. "We were afraid you were going to skive off to chase Evans."

James ignored this. He wanted his team focused on the game, not on their captain's love life. "Alright, everyone, this is it. First game of the season."

Before he could say more, Madam Hooch stuck her head into the room. "You have two minutes, Potter. You'd best get changed, unless you want to play in that," she said, eyeing his sweater and jeans.

"Shit," James muttered under is breath. He hadn't realized he was cutting it quite so close by hanging back to talk to Lily. He looked back at his team; they were watching him expectantly. "Er, this is the best team Gryffindor has ever had. We're going to be brilliant. You're superstars, one and all. Let's go kick some Badger ass. I believe in you. Go team! Anything else?"

Biggs, Court, and King laughed. Mary shook her head, and even Alice and Chelsea cracked smiles. Sirius snorted. "Nice pep talk, Captain."

"Don't you have somewhere you need to be?" James asked him, turning around and heading toward the Captain's office, already pulling his sweater over his head so he could change. He heard Sirius chuckle as he closed the door behind him.

James changed quickly and emerged back into the changing room just as Madam Hooch returned to tell them it was time. Sirius was gone, most likely off to his podium in the stands. James looked again at his team. "Everybody ready?"

"Ready as we'll ever be," Mary said cheerfully. She hopped up and picked up her broom. "Let's go…what was it, James? Kick some Badger ass?"

The team chuckled and stood, grabbing their brooms. Alice still looked a little stiff, but she got into line behind Biggs and raised her head proudly. James smiled. "Let's go," he said bracingly, and he pushed open the door and led his team onto the field.

Sirius's voice boomed across the pitch as they approached the Hufflepuff team, magically magnified so everyone in the stands could hear it. "And Gryffindor is premiering two new team members today: second year Chelsea Wright as Chaser and sixth year Alice Fortescue as Beater, good picks by Team Captain James Potter. Hufflepuff's lineup remains mostly the same. The only change this year is fourth year Dennis Bastion as Beater, now that Ludo Bagman is off playing for the pros. Let's hope Dennis has what it takes to replace Bagman, eh?"

James shot a grin in the direction of the commentator's podium as Dennis Bastion, standing in the Hufflepuff lineup, paled.

Madam Hooch had James shake hands with the Hufflepuff Captain, David Dilworth, and then all fourteen players rose into the air. The Quaffle was released at once into the tangle of Chasers. James swooped forward, grabbed it, and was off. "And it's Potter with the Quaffle!" Sirius's voice called. "Nice early head-start for Gryffindor, my dear old House, you know…" James smirked at his friend's commentary, looped Hufflepuff Chaser Nettie Harris, and shot toward the Hufflepuff goal posts.

The chill air nipped at his cheeks and hands as he flew. He'd long foregone the typical dragon-leather gloves that most Chasers wore, preferring to keep his hands bare. But conditions like this made that more challenging.

"…Potter approaching the Hufflepuff goals, facing off against veteran Keeper Amaretta Flume…" Sirius said.

James watched the Keeper bobbing up and down in front of the center goal. He looked the right goal post and she followed his gaze. He feinted and she swerved to the side, taking his bait. James jerked his broom instead to the left and threw the Quaffle. Flume attempted to pull back toward the left goal post, but she didn't make it. The Quaffle soared through the hoop and a bell rang through the air.

"Gryffindor scores!" Sirius shouted, and one end of the stands erupted in cheers.

Smiling broadly, James flew back to the center of the field, Mary and Chelsea flanking him. Madam Hooch retrieved the Quaffle and threw it again into the air. It was immediately taken by Harris of Hufflepuff. James looked to either side at his fellow Chasers as they made to follow Harris. "Sheep's Head Formation" he shouted to them.

He pulled back and let Mary and Chelsea fly forward, Mary settling immediately behind Harris, Chelsea squeezing herself between the other two Hufflepuff Chasers behind Mary.

"Advance!" James shouted, and Mary ducked a Bludger shot by Bastion and pulled forward ahead of Harris. Chelsea sped up to take Mary's previous position and James did the same with Chelsea, forcing the Hufflepuff players apart before they could rally.

Another Bludger shot into their ranks, knocking the Quaffle out of Harris's hands just as she had lifted it to take her shot. It soared forward, above Mary's head, and she seized it. Then she wheeled around and streaked back toward the Hufflepuff end of the pitch.

James disentangled himself from the Hufflepuffs and pelted after Mary. It had started to snow, but not hard enough to impact visibility. Mary dodged another Bludger by Bastion, ducked Dilworth as he swooped down to block her, and sped forward. She reached the goal post and whipped her arm forward with the Quaffle. Flume lunged to the side but missed by inches and the bell signaling another goal rang out.

"Excellent goal scored by sixth year Mary Macdonald, widely considered the prettiest witch in the school, and an excellent kisser, too," Sirius said. James chuckled as the megaphone picked up Professor McGonagall's reprimand a moment later, and he returned Mary's grin as she passed him, heading back to the center of the pitch.

Madam Hooch flew down to retrieve the Quaffle again and James signaled for his Chasers. He rubbed his cold hands together to warm them as the witches approached. "Nocked Arrow," James called to them, naming a play they had been focusing on in their recent practices. "Chelsea, you lead."

"What?" Chelsea cried, wide-eyed.

"You can do it," James said confidently and Mary nodded. Chelsea still looked unsure. James sighed. "Wright, you've been practicing this maneuver for weeks. You've got it down, I know you do. And if it makes you feel better, the match is only five minutes underway and we're two points up. So no pressure."

Chelsea nodded. Her eyes were still a bit wide as she followed Madam Hooch's progress back up to playing height. But she gripped her broom determinedly and flew forward.

The referee threw the Quaffle and Chelsea shot forward and caught it. She grinned, as did Mary and James as they flew into position behind her.

The three Chasers pelted up the field. Chelsea was holding the Quaffle firmly under one arm, eyes narrowed against the wind as she stared down Flume. Then movement to the left caught James's eye. "Wright, duck!" he shouted as a Bludger came pelting toward them, but before Chelsea had to do anything, Alice appeared out of nowhere and intercepted the projectile. She sent it instead toward Flume, who had to swing wildly on her broom to dodge it. Chelsea took advantage of the Keeper's distraction and scored.

"Another goal to Gryffindor!" Sirius announced. "Great play, that one, featuring both new team members. Yes, Potter has put together a great team," Sirius observed gleefully.

Three plays later, however, the score hadn't changed and the cold was starting to affect them all. Hufflepuff had retaken the Quaffle after Chelsea's goal, but Court was able to keep them from scoring. Then Flume thwarted a play by Mary, and James dropped the Quaffle a minute later as he spun to avoid a Bludger. He was still cursing himself and his numb fingers as he chased Harris, who was again in possession of the Quaffle.

Biggs shot a Bludger at her, but she dodged it. Mary flew forward to intercept, but Harris looped her and kept going. James knew the rest of them didn't have time to catch her. It was just her against Court.

Harris feinted to the right, but Court held her ground. She pulled back center as she neared the goal posts, but then made a quick shot to the left. Court, expecting another feint, didn't block the hoop in time and the bell sounded again, signaling Hufflepuff's first goal.

Court swore and shouted a quick "Sorry!" to James, but James shook his head, dismissing the apology.

"You'll get them next time," he hollered, then wheeled around to meet Madam Hooch when she again released the Quaffle. He had barely flown three feet, however, when a Bludger came out of nowhere and crashed into his arm.

James felt a crunch and a terrible pain. He slipped to the side from the force of the impact, but managed to hold onto his broom and right himself. "Ooh, nasty Bludger hit for Potter," Sirius observed, and cheers rose from the Hufflepuff side for their Beater.

Eyes watering in pain, James was in half a mind to call for a time-out when something across the pitch caught his attention. He sped forward to see better and burst through the jumble of Chasers waiting for the Quaffle to watch as Anthony King and Hannah Deltona, the Hufflepuff Seeker, streaked upwards. James looked ahead of them; there was the unmistakable glint of the Snitch, high above the field.

He watched as the two Seekers raced for it. King had better form, James thought, but Deltona was smaller and faster. They were neck in neck. Then the Snitch changed direction. The change benefitted Deltona and she angled to the side, but before she could grab the tiny ball, King executed a sharp loop around the rival Seeker, knocked her hand out of the way, and closed his fingers around the Snitch.

"King has the Snitch!" Sirius shouted excitedly. "Anthony King of Gryffindor has caught the Snitch! Gryffindor wins one hundred and eighty to ten!"

"Yes!" James shouted. He tried to lift both arms into the air in victory, having forgotten his recent run-in with the Bludger in his excitement, but his left forearm protested the movement and he hissed in pain and clutched it to his chest.

Alice came flying up to him, flurries in her hair. "Are you alright, James?" she cried. "I'm so sorry I didn't block it! I was going after the other Bludger and I didn't notice that Biggs was on that side of the pitch already, and—"

"It's alright," James cut her off, gritting his teeth in pain as he dropped toward the now snow-covered ground. "I was too caught up in the next play. Wasn't paying attention."

He handed heavily and dismounted, Alice still at his side. The other five players landed a moment later, squelching in the slushy snow and ice. King was still clutching the Snitch and beaming, but everyone else looked concernedly at James. "Are you okay?" Chelsea asked.

"I'm fine. Great Nocked Arrow," he said to her through clenched teeth, and she smiled tentatively. He looked next to King, forcing his jaw muscles to relax as the pain ebbed away. "That was excellent, King. Really, great job! I—"

"Potter!" a new voice called. They turned to see Madam Hooch and Professor McGonagall marching toward them. McGonagall pointed at James's arm, which he held pressed against his side at an odd angle. "Hospital Wing, now!"

James rolled his eyes. "Well, thank you, Professor, so much for the extravagant praise. I know, that really was a well-played game, wasn't it?"

McGonagall ignored the jest. "Don't make me repeat myself, Potter. That needs healing at once," she said sternly.

Sirius came bounding up to them a second later, snowflakes stuck to his hair and robes. "Great game!" he cried. He picked Mary up and spun her around. She giggled and kissed him when he put her back down. "Did you like my shout-out, Mare?" he asked her, grinning.

"Loved it," she said warmly and kissed him again.

James groaned. "Ergh, cut it out or I'm going to need the Hospital Wing for another reason; I'm going to be _sick_."

"Yeah, yeah, laugh it up, Potter," another voice cut in as the rest of the team chuckled and Professor McGonagall glared reprovingly at her infatuated students. James beamed and turned around to face the new arrival.

"Evans! Come to congratulate me?"

Lily stood a few paces away, arms crossed and a wry smile on her lips. She was still wearing his Gryffindor scarf and she too had snow in her hair. "You hardly need more praise, Potter. You give yourself so much already. I'm here to take you to the Hospital Wing."

James smirked. "It's an odd place for a date, but I suppose it'll do."

He started toward Lily, and behind him, he heard Professor McGonagall mutter something to herself as she walked off the field. Madam Hooch had already gone to retrieve the equipment from the game, and the team was still standing together, going over the game and laughing. Before James got too far away, Sirius called, "party in the Common Room later, Prongs!"

James looked back over his shoulder and gave his friend a thumbs-up with his uninjured arm. He turned back as he reached Lily. "Alright, Healer Evans, what do I have to do?"

"You have to go to a qualified Healer," she replied right away. "I can't do it yet."

"Are you sure you can't at least look at it?" he asked, offering his arm out to her.

She glared at him. "This again?" she asked. "I'm not taking your arm, Potter; I don't care if you and Sirius do it."

"No," James protested, but he grinned at the memory. "This is the arm that got hit. I think it's broken."

"Oh," Lily said. "Sorry, I thought you were…nevermind. Yes, I suppose I can look at it. But I'm making you go to the Hospital Wing afterwards either way," she warned.

James held his arm out again and Lily made to push his sleeve up, but before she could do so, her hand grazed his. "Blimey, James, your hands are freezing!"

"Oh," James said, looking down at the offending body parts. His hands were ghostly pale and, now that he was paying attention to them, rather cold and stiff. "Well I wasn't wearing gloves, and it was pretty cold up there, now that you mention it."

Lily shook her head impatiently. She grabbed both of his hands in hers, careful not to jostle his arm, and began rubbing them slowly. James looked up at her, surprised. "This is…erm…rather…umm…" he said, struggling to find a word for _intimate_ that was least likely to offend Lily.

But she apparently picked up where his thoughts were heading. "It's skin-to-skin," she explained, a touch defensively, he thought.

"I'll say," James said, raising his eyebrows.

She scowled. "It's a Muggle treatment. They use it on babies."

"Oh, so I'm a baby now?"

"You said it, not me," Lily retorted. She was looking down at his hands, which were in fact already feeling warmed and less stiff, but she was smiling all the same.

James laughed out loud. The students who had already making their way to the castle looked around at the sound, but didn't interrupt. Lily, however, smiled more widely. She continued to rub and squeeze his hands, and he returned the pressure here and there. He didn't know if she noticed, but she didn't confront him.

After another couple of minutes, James's hands had considerably more color to them and his fingers were tingling pleasantly. Lily released him after another cursory look at his hands. For some reason, there was a faint blush in her cheeks. "We should go to the Hospital Wing," she said. "Madam Pomfrey might need my help." She turned and walked started walking back toward the castle.

"Why would Madam Pomfrey need help? None of the other players got hurt during the game."

"None of the other _players_ got hurt, you're right," Lily agreed. "But there was a duel in the stands. Apparently a Ravenclaw and a Slytherin had a row over a bet they had made on the outcome. They both hexed each other and quite a few onlookers, from what I heard."

James shook his head. "Prats," he said lightly. "Can't they just bet on their own games?"

Lily said "hmmm," in agreement, but otherwise didn't comment. James looked at her out of the corner of his eye. Her cheeks and the tip of her nose were pink from the cold, and there were a couple of snowflakes on her eyelashes. He sidled closer and put an arm around her shoulders.

She shook it off at once and glared at him. "What do you think you're doing, Potter?" she asked.

James adopted an innocent expression. "I thought you were helping me to the Hospital Wing," he said, feigning bewilderment.

"I am," Lily said slowly. They had come to a stop at the mouth of the Entrance Hall.

"So aren't you going to help the poor, valiant, crippled Quidditch player get there? Surely you must have realized that I can't possibly support myself under the strain of these injuries?"

Lily rolled her eyes and crossed her arms again. "You're impossible, Potter," she said, but she smiled all the same. She did not, however, offer to take his arm or otherwise help him walk. They resumed their pace.

Silence filled the space between them. James wanted to find a way to fill it, but inside, away from the numbing cold, his arm really was starting to hurt, and he found he couldn't think about much else. But Lily broke the silence after too long a stretch. "Alice played well, I thought," she said.

"Yeah," James agreed. "She's beating herself up over my getting hit, though. If she says anything to you about, tell her it wasn't her fault, will you?"

"Okay," Lily agreed. She looked over at James thoughtfully, but his elbow gave a particularly painful throb at that moment, so he scarcely noticed.


	12. Chapter 12

Lily and James reached the Hospital Wing a moment later, and the rabble of voices hit them before they ever opened the door. "Oh my," Lily said as she pushed the door open and the roar of sound spilled into the corridor.

Nearly every bed was occupied with students. Madam Pomfrey bustled between them, twirling her wand over injuries or summoning bottles of potions, which poured themselves into hovering glasses and waited in the air behind her to be given to patients. The noise was incredible as students moaned, groaned, and, in a couple of cases, shouted at each other.

"You said Gryffindor would 'wipe the floor' with Hufflepuff!" a Ravenclaw fourth year shouted across the ward to a Slytherin fifth year.

"And they did," the Slytherin responded angrily from around a tissue which they held to a bleeding nose.

"Did not! 'Wipe the floor' means the other team wouldn't score at all. Hufflepuff got one goal!" the Ravenclaw retorted.

Another Slytherin, apparently friends with the first, made an angry noise. "That is _not_ what 'wipe the floor' means. It just means winning!"

"Enough!" Madam Pomfrey burst. She raised her wand and all three arguing students were stricken dumb by the Silencing Charm. They continued to open and close their mouths and gesture angrily at one another for a moment, then gave up and settled back into their pillows, glowering.

"Quidditch!" Madam Pomfrey muttered angrily to herself as she hurried toward a Ravenclaw from Lily's year whose ears were swollen to comical proportions. The Healer grabbed one of the floating cups behind her and shoved it at the Ravenclaw. "Drink this," she said, distracted. She turned next to a Gryffindor third year that Lily thought was called Abigail Norris, who was cradling a sprained ankle. She twirled her wand and mended the offending joint at once. Then she ushered her off the bed and it was immediately filled by a Hufflepuff first year who seemed to be leaking purple tears. The Healer pointed her wand at the first year's face and the weeping stopped at once. One more flick of her wand and the purple stains cleared themselves from the girl's face. "Go on, then," she said kindly to the student, and her eyes followed her out of the Hospital Wing. Then they fell on James, who was still holding his arm at an awkward angle. "_Quidditch!_" she burst out again, and she stepped forward to steer James into a bed in the corner.

Lily hurried into the room after her. "What can I do, Madam Pomfrey?" she asked eagerly.

The matron looked over her shoulder again, initially irritated at the interruption, but her face cleared when she saw who it was. "Miss Evans! Thank goodness! Barely a week to go before the holidays and there's an outbreak of _brawling_ at the Quidditch match!"

Lily thought Madam Pomfrey was talking more to herself than to Lily, but she nodded sympathetically. "Is there anything I can do to help?"

"Yes," Madam Pomfrey said. "Give these out to anyone with swollen body parts." She gestured to the cups still floating after her as she darted across the room. Lily grabbed one as it sailed past her and looked down at it. It looked like the same sort of Deflating Draft Lily had made in her second year; an antidote to a Swelling Solution.

Shaking her head at the notion of bringing a Swelling Solution to a Quidditch match, and the doubtlessly incredible sequence of event that had apparently led to it being splashed onto the crowd during a duel, Lily looked around the room for promising patients. She spotted another first year with a set of fingers the size of salamis. She brought the potion over to him. The first year took it with her non-swollen hand and drank it hesitantly. Almost immediately, his fingers began to deflate.

Lily grabbed another two cups as the matron hurried past her and handed them out to a couple of Slytherins with magically enlarged lips and cheeks. They too took their potions and Lily watched as their faces morphed back the normal.

Madam Pomfrey stopped at the end of the beds and looked between the Slytherins and the first year, whose hand had returned to its normal size. "You three may go, unless you have any other injuries," she said.

The three students shook their heads and slipped off their beds.

Lily took the last floating cup of Deflating Draught and peered around the room for more victims of the rogue Swelling Solution, but she didn't see any. She was just about to bring to the potion instead to James and suggest that he take it for use on his swollen ego when there was shout from other end of the room. She whirled around to see a Slytherin seventh year she recognized as Rabastan Lestrange leap up from a bed, pushing Madam Pomfrey away from him as he clutched his left hand to his chest.

"Oy!" James shouted from his bed in the corner, making to get up as well as the Slytherin towered over the older woman. But he accidentally tried to extend his injured arm as he did, and he dropped back against his pillows with a hiss.

Madam Pomfrey just flicked her wand and Lestrange was forced onto his bed. "That wrist is clearly broken, Mister Lestrange. It needs mending," she said sternly.

"I'm telling you it's fine, woman!" Lestrange growled. Lily watched warily. She knew Lestrange by reputation, and something in her head was telling her not to get involved just yet. But she drew her wand surreptitiously.

"Don't be ridiculous, Lestrange. Just let me see it and I'll be able to heal it if a trife," the matron insisted.

But Lestrange stood up again. "Forget it," he grumbled. "I'll fix it myself."

And before anyone could stop him, he brushed past the Healer and strode out of the Hospital Wing.

Lily watched him go, the bewildered expression on her face matched by Madam Pomfrey's flustered one. She shook her head. "I'll have to report that boy," she said to herself, shaking her head. "But I can't pretend we don't need the space. You," she said to a Ravenclaw third year. "Come sit. And Lily, come here, please; I'll need your assistance for this."

Surprised but pleased, Lily hurried forward toward the nurse and her charge.

* * *

It took nearly an hour to tend to all of the victims of the duel. Madam Pomfrey blustered between beds in an increasingly bad temper. Lily followed her, mostly carrying out simple tasks like administering potions or retrieving bandages, but sometimes helping to hold down patients who were unable to cooperate with the matron (as was the case with the second year Gryffindor suffering from a particularly tricky tickling charm), or unwilling (such as the Ravenclaw responsible for the whole duel, who had stubbornly refused to let Madam Pomfrey remove a well-placed Sweating Hex until the Healer weighed in on what she thought the phrase 'wipe the floor' meant).

By the time the last of the victims left the Hospital Wing, the two witches were both fairly worn out.

"Just Mister Potter, then," Madam Pomfrey said, turning to James as the overruled Ravenclaw stalked out of the ward.

James gave Madam Pomfrey what he probably thought was a winning smile. "Did you miss me, Poppy?" he asked, and Lily rolled her eyes.

"Alright, Potter, what is it this time?" the Healer asked disapprovingly.

"It's my arm, Poppy," James said, holding out his injured limb. "I think it's serious; I may never be able to write again."

Lily laughed. "You're right-handed, James. Your left is the one that got hit."

James smirked. "Okay, you caught me, Evans. And here I was, hoping Poppy would write me an excuse to get out doing that Potions essay."

The matron pursued her lips again raised her wand. "Let me see, Potter."

James held his arm out obligingly. Madam Pomfrey motioned to Lily to pull his sleeve up so she could see his forearm and Lily did so, trying to ignore the way James's muscles felt as she drew her fingers up his arm.

Madam Pomfrey inspected James's arm, occasionally pressing on certain points and asking James what hurt. After a moment, she straightened up. "Well, it feels like a clean break. Mister Potter, would you object if I allowed Miss Evans to try her hand at healing it?"

Lily looked up at her, surprised. The only injuries she had healed during the official duties of her apprenticeship were minor scrapes and the occasional bruise. In fact, she had actually received the most experience in the aftermath of the Ministry attack. And now she was being permitted to mend a broken bone! "Are you sure, Madam Pomfrey?" she asked.

"Quite sure," Madam Pomfrey said briskly. "You have been observing and studying for weeks. It's time you got some more practical experience, and I can think of no better subject to test your skills on."

"What's that supposed to mean?" James asked skeptically, as though unsure whether he was being insulted.

Madam Pomfrey fixed him with a stare. "Because you're in here often enough with various injuries; it's only a matter of time before Miss Evans is charged with tending to you. And," here the matron looked like she was trying not to smile. "because I daresay you will be eager to assist Miss Evans in her duties no matter what it takes."

Lily felt her face go red, but James smirked. "Alright then, Poppy," he said cheerfully. He turned to Lily. "Sure, Lily can fix my arm. I trust her."

Far from being reassured, Lily felt an uneasy flutter in her stomach. Not only was James…_James_, newly established friend and the source of more than a couple of confused feelings as of late, he also had considerable standing in the school: Quidditch hero, reigning prankster, popular, generally well-liked, even admired. She could just imagine what it would be like if she mucked up his arm somehow and crippled the star of the Gryffindor Quidditch team. But James was still smiling at her, and he held her gaze with a steady confidence that seemed to trickle into her, too.

"Okay," she finally agreed, and a small smile lifted her own lips as James grinned wider.

Madam Pomfrey nodded and took a step back so Lily could circle around to the other side of James's bed. "The incantation is '_episkey_,' dear," she said as Lily pulled out her wand and surveyed James's arm.

Lily gripped her wand and stared down at the broken arm, trying to ignore the way James was looking at her and the new flutterings in her stomach that she didn't think had anything to do with nerves.

"_Episkey_," she said clearly, waving her wand as she had seen Madam Pomfrey do and pointing it at James's arm in the approximate location of the break.

There was a snap, and James let out a great bellow. He clutched his arm desperately, face screwed up in a grimace. Lily jumped like she'd been electrocuted and Madam Pomfrey hurried forward, wand raised.

But before either witch could do anything, James's shout broke off abruptly and he started to laugh.

Madam Pomfrey was still staring at him incredulously. "What…what is it, Potter?" she asked, baffled. But everything suddenly made sense to Lily.

"That was _not funny_, James!" she snapped, clenching her fists at her side while her heart continued to hammer against her ribs.

"What are you…Mister Potter, are you…?" the matron continued to stammer for a moment, then she looked up at James, who was now red-faced and out of breath, and her eyes narrowed. "I'll thank you not to antagonize my pupil, Mister Potter," she said coldly. Then, before either of them could say anything else, she turned on her feel and marched back into her office and slammed the door.

Lily wheeled back to face James, her heart still beating faster than usual. "Your arm is fine," she said flatly.

James nodded.

"I didn't make it worse?"

He shook his head.

"It doesn't hurt anymore?"

"Never felt better, actually."

Lily clenched her jaw, fighting desperately to resist the urge that was gripping her. "James Potter, you're a _jerk!_" she shouted.

James was still chuckling. He looked completely unabashed. "You've got to admit, Evans, that was pretty good," he said.

"It was _not_ good! It wasn't _good_ and it wasn't _funny_! It was just…_mean!_" Lily spat. Then, to her utter humiliation, she burst into tears.

James sat up quickly, eyes wide in alarm. "Oh, Merlin, Evans, I'm sorry!" he said hastily. "I didn't mean to upset you; I thought it would be a laugh. Don't cry! Don't—"

Lily wiped her eyes with the back of her hand and turned away from James. She couldn't even say if the tears were from shock or anger, though she felt a great deal of both.

She saw, from the corner of her eye, James look helplessly between her and the closed door of Madam Pomfrey's office, and he sighed. "Jeez, you Healer types can't take a joke when it comes to broken bones, can you?" he asked.

"I am not a Healer, James!" Lily burst out, fresh tears spilling down her cheeks again. "I'm not fully trained, and I don't know enough to help yet, and I'm not good enough to help any of the people who need me, and…and…" she broke off as a sob fought its way up her throat. Her emotions were still rather jumbled and she was still shaken by James's outburst, but she didn't think the new tears had as much to do with him anymore. Her worry for her mother over the past few days, the unsatisfactory letter that morning from her father, and more than a year's worth of fear for her own future bubbled up inside her and she cried even harder.

Then James's arms were around her, and Lily found herself turning around and burying her face in his chest. This seemed to surprise James as much as it did her, but after a moment he started rubbing her back comfortingly. As much as she hated to admit it, the contact helped.

After another few minutes, Lily managed to get ahold of herself and pulled away from James. But rather than run out of the Hospital Wing, which she had been ready to do a moment before, Lily sat down on his bed. He moved over to make room. She looked over at him; his Quidditch robes were soaked at the shoulder from her tears. "I'm sorry I cried all over you," she croaked, not quite sure what else to say.

"'S alright," James said. "I'm sorry I yelled when you healed my arm."

"'S alright," Lily mumbled, looking at her knees, suddenly unable to meet his eye.

Neither of them spoke for a minute. James broke the silence. "So…you can tell me if I'm being a nosy git, or something, but…I'm guessing that last bit that you were yelling about didn't have quite as much to do with me?"

Lily nodded, but she still didn't speak. She felt tired and embarrassed.

"Was it…was it about your mum?" James went on a moment later. He sounded hesitant, as though afraid he might upset her by asking.

For just a second, she considered not responding. She was barely comfortable talking about her mum with her girlfriends, much less _James Potter_: the most annoying boy in her year, near-constant bother, and bane of her existence. But, she realized with a touch of surprise, those titles no longer seemed to quite fit him. And, she realized with a much bigger measure of shock, she found that she didn't mind the idea of talking to him about it.

She nodded. "She's not well," she said wearily.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"I think I do," she admitted. "Do you want to go somewhere?"

James gaped at her, apparently having expected her to say no. But he got over it quickly. "Yes! Of course!" He stood up and she did the same. "Where do you want to go?"

Lily shrugged. "Anywhere. Well, no, not anywhere," she amended. "Somewhere without other people. I don't feel much like socializing."

A thoughtful look crossed James's face, then he smiled. "I know just the place," he said.

* * *

James led Lily through the castle with more energy than he'd had since Lily met him on the pitch an hour earlier. Despite her repeated requests, he refused to tell her where he was taking her. They saw plenty of students in the corridors going to and from lunch or lounging around, talking and laughing about the Quidditch match. Several people shot James a thumbs-up or called out compliments. James smiled at each of them but didn't stop as he guided her to the seventh floor. They reached a stretch of hallway adorned with nothing but a tapestry of trolls attempting to do ballet. Lily eyed it.

"Er, is this what you wanted to show me?" she asked dispassionately, considering the tapestry with raised eyebrows. It wasn't exactly the epitome of quality artwork, in her opinion.

James chuckled. "No, not quite. This is what I wanted to show you," he said, and he took her shoulders and turned her to face…a blank wall.

"Umm, what's it supposed to be?" she asked after a moment.

"Nothing," said James, who was for some reason grinning. "Not yet, anyway. Watch."

And he started to walk up and down the hallway, pivoting sharply whenever he reached either of the two large decorative vases spaced about ten paces apart. Lily watched him, eyebrows still raised.

After three passes, James looked around at the still-blank wall. Then he turned back to her. "Er…" he said uncertainly, then he walked back to her and grabbed her hand.

Lily tried to pull it away, but James grasped it firmly. "I'm not trying to put the moves on you, Evans, I promise. I just need you to walk with me," he said. "And think about…think about a place you'd like to go to talk."

Still quite unsure what was going on and slightly concerned for James's sanity, Lily allowed herself to be dragged back and forth along the corridor after James. But she obligingly tried to focus on a nice, quiet place where they wouldn't be interrupted.

"Okay…stop!" James said to her after their third pass. He again grabbed her shoulders and turned her around to face the blank wall. Only, it wasn't blank any longer. A door suddenly stood where before there had just been plain stone.

"What—" Lily started to ask, but before she could get her question out, James stepped forward and pushed the door open. Lily peered through the doorway. "What is this place?" she asked, amazed.

"The Room of Requirement," James said proudly. "My friends and I found it in our third year. It makes itself whatever you need it to be." He stepped aside and held out his arm to invite her in ahead of him.

Lily crossed the threshold and looked around, still not quite comprehending what James was telling her. She was standing in a small, cozy room. The walls were wood-paneled with tall windows set every few feet. Sunlight streamed in, warming her as she passed through shafts of it. An overstuffed couch sat against one wall and a fire crackled merrily in a hearth on the opposite end of the room.

She turned back to James and saw him looking around the room with just as much interest. "Huh," he said, walking over and flopping onto the couch. "I've never seen this version of the Room before."

"Do you use this room a lot, then?" Lily asked.

James nodded. "A fair bit, yes. Usually we use it to hide things, though. Or hide ourselves if Filch is after us. I've never come here to…visit? Chat? Whatever it is we're going to be doing here?"

"Chat," Lily said firmly, crossing to the couch and sitting next to James, eager to talk to him, to get everything off her chest that had been weighing her down for months and months.

"So," James began casually. "I know no conversation with a bird has ever gone the way a bloke wants it to if he starts it this way, but: how's your mum?"

Lily sighed and leaned back into the cushion, running her fingers over the navy velvet of the couch as she did so. "She's…ill." Ready to talk as she was, she didn't quite know how to begin.

But James seemed willing to do the brunt of the work for her. "In what way?" he asked kindly. She looked into his eyes and, for once, did not see the arrogance she was accustomed to. Nor did she see the judgment she feared whenever the subject of her family came up among magical folk, or the condescension with which James used to be inclined to treat the woes of others. Lily just saw James, her concerned friend, for once more interested in listening to the worries of someone else than talking about himself.

And suddenly she was telling him everything. About her mother's diagnosis and its implications for her. About Petunia's derision and her suspicion that her father was keeping the details from her, which she knew he was only doing because he thought he as protecting her, and how that was even more frustrating in its own way. All the while, James listened patiently, occasionally nodding or asking a question when Lily brought up aspects of Muggle medicine that he wasn't familiar with. But he stopped her when Lily got her own plans for her mother.

"Wait, you want to do _what?_" James asked, his face betraying his skepticism for the first time.

"I want to heal her," Lily said firmly. "With magic."

She had been thinking about it for nearly a year, ever since the Christmas holidays the year before when she'd arrived home to find her mother practically bed ridden, and signs around the house that suggested she had been that way for some time. Her father, in his frequent letters while she had been away at school, had not mentioned such a drastic deterioration. When she'd confronted him, he'd given her only platitudes: "The doctors did warn us that the illness is aggressive." "Well, they say she probably still has several years before we really need to worry." And, Lily's least favorite. "I didn't want to worry you."

So Lily had replaced worry with determination. When she arrived back at the castle, she asked McGonagall about what she needed to do to learn about Healing. Then she'd talked to Madam Pomfrey about studying under her. She reminded and pushed and followed-up for the remainder of the year until she got her wish: a N.E.W.T. apprenticeship.

But James didn't know any of this, of course. "Lily, you can't just use magic on Muggles," he said.

"Why not?" Lily said stubbornly. "The Death Eaters do it all the time! It's in the _Prophet_ every day, what those nutters are doing to innocent Muggles. And the Ministry does memory charms on Muggles if they see things they shouldn't. And it's not like I'm trying to hurt her; I'm trying to _help_ her! And Muggles go to St. Mungo's sometimes, so it's not even that unusu—"

James cut her off. "Muggles to go St. Mungo's if they accidentally get mixed up in magic," he corrected her. "Not for treatment of normal Muggle illnesses."

"Well…" she struggled to form another argument, her temper climbing as it always did when James challenged her. "That isn't the point! I don't want to take her to St. Mungo's, I want to just…do it myself!"

"But you're not a qualified Healer, Lily," James pressed, leaning forward and taking her hands in his. "You said it yourself back in the Hospital Wing."

Lily narrowed her eyes. "Oh, like my mum is going to report me for unauthorized Healing Charms," she said derisively.

James shook his head. "That isn't what I'm worried about. It sounds like this…thing that your mum has, it's complicated, right?" Lily crossed her arms but deigned to nod. James went on, "so the treatment, if there even is one in the magical world, would also be complicated, right?"

Again, Lily nodded.

"What if you do it wrong?" he asked.

"Well…" Lily began, unsure for the first time in their conversation. "I'll practice first."

"Practice on who?" James pressed. "I could be wrong, but I don't think there are a lot of, what did you call it? 'Degenerative brain diseases' around Hogwarts."

But anger was pounding through Lily's head, and increasing by the second, and she didn't want to listen. She jumped up from the couch. "You're just like every other wizard, you know," she shouted at James. "You just want to keep magic to yourself. You won't use it to help people! And I'm done!"

James stood up too, desperation and a bit of his own anger in the cast of his brow. "Wait just a minute, Evans. When did I ever say—"

Lily didn't let him finish. She stormed to the door, ripped it open, and tore out of the room.


	13. Chapter 13

Lily didn't know how she got through the last week of lessons before the Christmas holidays. She was still furious with James, and this time he was responding not by trying to apologize, but by giving her a wide berth. On the surface, this was what Lily wanted: to not have to see James or talk to him or think any more than she absolutely had to about their last conversation. But whenever her thoughts did stray to that afternoon in the Room of Requirement, she felt the stirrings of doubt and shame. She didn't want to admit it to herself, so she'd gone about treating James with surly disregard.

Her friends picked up on her mood and her renewed frosty treatment of their classmate within hours of their fight, though they knew better by this point than to bring it up. Alice asked with uncharacteristic timidity on Sunday morning if they were re-instituting the anti-James shield, and Lily told her no, but that was the extent of her explanation.

For the first time, the rest of the Marauders also seemed a bit standoffish toward Lily. A small part of her brain told her that it was because this time, unlike every other time she'd had a row with James, it was because she was at least partially responsible. The realization only increased Lily's feelings of guilt, so she mostly just tried to ignore them.

In fact, she barely spoke a word to any of the Marauders at all that week, even in her Wednesday morning Potions class, where she was partnered with Remus to brew a Darkening Draught. She looked up from the book just in time to stop Remus from adding a bat spleen to their cauldron. "Not until it's simmered for sixteen minutes," she said quickly, grabbing his wrist as he picked up the spleen.

Remus jumped and looked around at her. "Oh," he said. "Sorry, I must have missed that part of the instructions."

"Not a problem," Lily said quietly and looked away from him.

Silence stretched between them, but Lily couldn't think of anything else to say. That brief exchange was the first thing either of them had said in the past twenty minutes.

But after a moment, Remus chuckled darkly. "Don't know why we're even bothering with this potion," he muttered. "All it does is turn things a darker color. We could just use Muggle dye."

"Hmm," Lily said in agreement, but she didn't go on. Still, she thought as she peeked over at her partner, Remus was the most reasonable of his friends, and Lily really did like talking to him. They had spent a fair bit of time together for prefect duties, and they Remus was by far her favorite partner for rounds. And if she was going to bridge the gap between herself and the Marauders, she might as well start with him. She cast about for another topic. "So…are you going to Slughorn's Christmas party on Friday?" she asked. She knew invitations had gone out on Monday morning, having received one herself.

Remus shook his head. "No invite," he said. "Slughorn has never been particularly keen on me."

"Oh," Lily said, momentarily stymied. "I could bring you as my guest, if you'd like."

He shook his head again. "Thanks, Lily, but no."

Lily frowned. "Why do you think Slughorn doesn't like you?" she tried again, deliberately ignoring the edge in his voice.

Remus sighed. "Well, I'm hopeless at Potions, for one," he said.

Lily chuckled, trying to lighten the mood, but it felt forced. It probably sounded forced, too. Still, she went pressed on, "why did you keep on with Potions, then? You could have dropped the subject."

He didn't respond right away, and when he did he sounded like he was choosing his words carefully. "Potions as a field makes some of the quickest advancements in magic. I'm hoping one will come along that I might find…useful."

Lily heard enough in his tone to not press further this time. Clearly he didn't want to talk to her. She just nodded. The silence grew again.

She checked her watch a while later. "We can add the bat spleen now," she said. Remus did so.

"What next?" he asked, and Lily checked the instructions in the book.

"Stir clockwise three times and then add a drop of Peruvian Black Mud," she read, and then watched as Remus did it. Their potion swirled and turned from opaque grey to inky black. "It's done," Lily said, satisfied, as she peered into the cauldron.

"D'you want to test it out?" Remus asked.

"Sure." Lily tore a scrap of parchment from a roll in her bag and handed it to Remus. He dipped it into the potion and it came out black.

Lily nodded. "Yeah, we definitely could have just dyed it," she said, and Remus chuckled.

"But at least we know the potion came out right," he agreed, and they shared a smile.

Their potion now complete and with five minutes left of the lesson, the two devolved once more into an uncomfortable silence. But this time, Remus broke it. "Are Slughorn's parties any fun?" he asked.

She thought about that before answering. "Sometimes," she said honestly. "The ones he throws during the school year can be a bit dull; he mostly just serves us bad food and brings in old pupils to show off how accomplished they are. But the ones at Christmas and the end of exams are usually better. He saves the more exciting guests for them, anyway. More Quidditch players and famous curse-breakers, less Ministry workers."

"Any idea who he's bringing this time?"

"No, the invitation just said 'an exciting guest,'" she said. "I can't decide if he's trying to build suspense or if he's having trouble getting anyone good."

More silence.

"Are you sure you don't want to come?" she asked again, eager to pursue the first polite conversation she'd managed to have with any of the Gryffindor boys in days. "Slughorn won't mind, and he probably won't even talk to us. In fact, if we get there a little late he'll probably be too tipsy to even notice we're there."

Remus grinned at that. "Alright, Lily, I'll go."

* * *

For the first time in the three years Lily had been in the "Slug Club," the promise of one of his parties was the only thing that sustained her through the rest of the week. Whatever she'd told Remus, she had never exactly loved the Potions master's little get-togethers, but after the week she'd had, she was right ready for something to break the gloom the way interactions with the Marauders did, and as Remus was currently the only one willing to speak to her…

"Excited for the party, Lily?" Dorcas asked Friday evening in their dormitory as they got ready.

"Yes, I think so," Lily replied, her head halfway through the collar of the pale green dress robes she was pulling on. With another wiggle, the fabric slipped past her ears and she released it, letting the length of silky fabric drape down the length of her body and rest on the floor. She sat on her bed and shooed Radagast away, then opened her trunk and began sifting around for her shoes.

While she searched, the door opened and Alice came in. She looked from Lily in her green robes to Dorcas, who was tying a ribbon at the neckline of her burgundy robes, and frowned. "I thought you weren't going to the Slug Club party!" she cried, sticking her lip out in a comical pout.

Lily straightened up, one shoe in hand. "I told you yesterday that I was going," she protested. "I'm taking Remus, remember?"

"And Roger invited me on Tuesday," Dorcas reminded her, now applying blush with a rather dreamy expression on her face.

Alice sat heavily on her bed, crossing her arms with a humph and glaring at her dormitory-mates. "I miss Frank," she said grumpily.

Lily gave Alice a sympathetic sort of smile. "You'll see him tomorrow, won't you?" she asked.

"Yes," Alice replied, though she still looked downhearted. "He's picking me up from King's Cross. But I want him _here_. And _now_!"

Abandoning her makeup, Dorcas got up and crossed to Alice's bed. She put an arm around her. "It'll be alright, Alice. We only have until tomorrow and then you'll be able to spend as much time with him as you want," she consoled.

"Yes, but only when my mum and dad _let_ me," Alice reminded her. "And even then it will only be for a couple of weeks. Then I'll be back here, locked away in my tower!" She pulled out of Dorcas's arm and flopped back against her pillow.

Dorcas and Lily laughed at Alice's histrionics. "Okay, well, it'll only be another year and a half after that," Lily offered next. "Then you'll be done with school and off in auror training with Frank."

"Ooh, don't say that!" Alice said, making a flapping gesture to quiet Lily, who grinned. "You know I'm going to fail all of my N.E.W.T.S. _and_ the auror department tests!"

Lily chuckled, crouching down to look under her bed for her missing shoe. She found it behind a box of old letters from home. "What about you, Dorcas? Any more luck in the romance department than poor, downtrodden Alice, here?" she asked as she pulled the shoe out and tapped it with her wand to rid it of dust.

"Well, yes," Dorcas said. "But I wasn't going to say that in front of dear, sweet, much-more-lovable-than-me Alice," she continued, eyes twinkling.

Alice bolted upright again, apparently having forgotten her declarations of heartbreak from a moment earlier. "What's that supposed to mean?" she cried.

Dorcas looked at her funny. "That you're a dear, sweet, loveable—" she started.

"No, not that! What do you mean 'yes,' you're having luck in the romance department?"

"Oh!" Dorcas said, and she smiled. "Just that I'm going to Slughorn's party with Roger, and that I'm hoping it will go well."

Lily and Alice shared a knowing look. "And by going well, you mean…?"

Dorcas smiled wider, now a bit embarrassed. "I mean I'm hoping he'll ask me to be his girlfriend," she admitted.

Alice and Lily squealed and jumped up from their beds. They hurried forward and grabbed Dorcas's hands, and all three witches jumped up and down in a circle, now positively giggling. It was in that state that their last roommate found them when she opened the door a moment later. Mary raised her eyebrows as she watched them dancing and laughing. "Aren't you lot supposed to be hidden the woods around a fire when you do this bit?" she asked sardonically.

Lily burst out laughing, immediately getting the reference to the Muggle mythologies from her childhood, but Alice looked confused. "Why—" Alice began, but Mary cut her off with a shake of her head.

"Nevermind," Mary said quickly.

Still looking unsure, Dorcas released Lily and Alice's hands and stepped back, smoothing out her dress robes and checking her reflection in the mirror. "What about you, Mary? Are you and Sirius going to the party?"

"No," Mary said. "Sirius doesn't go to parties unless he's gate-crashing them, and I didn't want to go on my own. Plus, with most of my friends and most of his friends going to the party, we figured we could get some time alone."

"I'm not going to the party either," Alice reminded her.

"Neither is Peter," Mary retorted. "But he's in detention tonight, and Sirius and I almost never get his dormitory to ourselves…"

The other three witches silenced her with various groans and gagging noises, and Mary trailed off into a snigger.

* * *

James stood in his dormitory, trying to tie the silver fastenings on his new dress robes. Behind him, Remus was considering the two sets of robes laid out on his bed. "Have you picked a bleeding color yet, Moony?" James asked, glancing at his friend's reflection in the mirror as he fought with the knot at his neck.

"Not yet," Remus said fretfully. "Are you sure you don't mind letting me borrow—"

"Of course I don't mind," James said, cutting off the question before it could be asked again. "And neither does Sirius. Now just pick a set and be done with it. It shouldn't be this hard; it's not like you're going on a _real_ date, or anything."

Remus didn't respond to the jibe. He finally reached down and picked up the dark green set that Sirius refused to wear because, as he said, they made him look like a Slytherin. "What do you think?" he asked James, holding them up.

James's eyes flicked to Remus's reflection again. "I think Evans will absolutely fall all over you when she sees you in them," he grumbled.

Remus shook his head. "James, you just said it yourself: it's not a date. She's just bringing me because I didn't get an invitation and she's allowed to bring a guest. You could bring me as _your_ guest if you'd prefer—"

James snorted. "Yeah, Slughorn would love that," he said sarcastically, but Remus just smirked.

Dressed and otherwise presentable, James and Remus descended the spiral staircase to the Common Room, arriving at almost the same time as Lily and Dorcas. Lily looked around at Remus and put her hands on her hips as she took in his green dress robes. "Alright, one of us is going to have to change," she joked, looking pointedly at his robes and then at her own green ones.

Remus laughed, but James rolled his eyes and stalked across the room to the portrait hole. Dorcas caught up with him a second later.

"James, wait up," she called just as he was climbing into the corridor. He stopped, turning around as she hurried up to him. "Walk with me?" she asked. "I'm meeting Roger in the Entrance Hall."

"Sure," James said, hanging back to let Dorcas catch up. He caught another burst of laughter from Lily and Remus just as Dorcas shut the portrait hole and he had to hide a scowl.

Dorcas gave him a knowing look as she took in the expression on his face and opened her mouth to say something. James, not exactly eager to talk about his feelings with one of Lily's closest friends, hastily changed the subject. "So, things are still going well with Roger Nix?"

"Oh yes," Dorcas said happily. Much more happily than James thought was exactly warranted, but he didn't press. He didn't need to, for Dorcas went unprompted: "He asked me to Slughorn's party on Tuesday, you know. It'll be our first proper date, I think, since we've only just been for butterbeer the one time in Hogsmeade and that wasn't exactly pre-arranged…" she babbled happily for a while. James listened with benign interest; he didn't exactly know Dorcas or Roger well enough to be invested in their budding relationship, but he liked them both and he knew they had fancied each other for ages. Dorcas went on, "…but he specifically used the words 'it's a date' when he asked me to the party, so I know he really intended to take the next step. Speaking of, when are you and Lily going to get over whatever little spat you're in and make it official?"

"What?" James sputtered, blindsided by the question, but not entirely able to stop himself from privately commending Dorcas's segue. "What makes you think we're in a spat?" he asked, ignoring the second part of her question entirely, and the way it made his heart jolt unpleasantly.

Dorcas smirked. "Because you've been avoiding her ever since last Saturday, and because she's been moping around the dormitory and shooting you dirty looks in class. And because you haven't been pestering her or showing off as much," she said wisely. "You know, she doesn't hate you as much as she says she does. Not that she's really said anything at all about hating you recently, come to think of it. And I'm sure if you just apologize for whatever you did, she'll—"

"Hang on," James cut in. "What makes you think I'm the one who has something to apologize for?"

"Because…" Dorcas started, her conviction wavering for the first time. "Because you're _always_ the one who has something to apologize for when Lily's cross."

James huffed but otherwise didn't respond. It seemed Lily hadn't recounted the story of their talk in the Room of Requirement to her friends. He didn't know what to make of that information. Whatever Dorcas was thinking, she didn't press.

They walked the rest of the way to the Entrance Hall in relative silence. Dorcas seemed to think she had offended James, because she didn't bring Lily up again. Still, James was relieved when they arrived at the bottom of the marble staircase and Dorcas was greeted by Roger. James gave them both a parting smile and slipped off to Slughorn's dungeon office alone.

The party was already in full swing by the time he arrived. Professor Slughorn was drinking deeply from a goblet of wine, standing next to the door with an older wizard whom James thought he recognized, but whose name he couldn't quite place. Whoever the wizard was, he seemed to recognize James too. His grey eyes narrowed as James entered the room, and he turned his face to watch James's movements as he hurried further into the crowd.

James ducked behind a trio of Ravenclaw seventh years, eager to escape that sharp, cold stare. He didn't like the way that wizard had been looking at him; expectantly, appraisingly. But before he could dwell on it for too long, James was hailed by Nettie Harris of the Hufflepuff Quidditch team. "James!" she called, lunging out of the crowd towards him, a butterbeer in her hand. She seemed a bit unsteady. "The man of the hour! Great Quidditch match, wasn't it? Last weekend, I mean?"

She reached him, knocking aside a Slytherin fourth year, and put one hand on his shoulder for support. Her eyes were a bit out of focus as she stared into James's face. "Er," he started. "Are you alright, Nettie? You seem a little…"

"Drunk?" she guessed, smiling mischievously. James nodded. Now that she was closer, he could smell firewhiskey on her breath. Nettie laughed. "Yes, Dennis Finch said the same thing! He got me this, you know," she held up the butterbeer. "Said I should stick to something light for awhile. Personally, I don't think he knows what he's talking about, because I feel _great_. But when the Head Boy tells you to do something, you do it, y'know what I mean?"

"Sure," James agreed, and he glanced around for something to distract Nettie, or someone he could pass her off to. He looked around at the door just as Lily and Remus appeared in it. As unpleasant as a surly Lily might be at the present time, she was still better than a drunk Nettie Harris. "Look, Nettie, it's been great catching up. We'll have to do it again sometime. But I've got to…. Oh! Here's Dennis again!" he said as the Head Boy appeared at the edge of the crowd. James reached forward and pulled him over. "Dennis, you don't mind talking to Nettie for a few minutes, do you? Great! Bye!"

He made his escape, slipping between a couple of old warlocks as Dennis sputtered and Nettie began jabbering again. James wound his way over to the door and grabbed Remus's arm before he could get lost in the crowd. "Remus," he hissed, pulling his friend closer. "Thank Merlin! I've been here for two bloody minutes and I've already been stared down by one of Slughorn's friends and accosted by a sloshed Nettie Harris!"

Remus looked around for Lily, who had slipped off into the crowd. "I think I'm supposed to stay with Lily," he said. "Since she's the one who brought me."

"You can't leave me alone, Remus, I'm begging you!" James said, "Look, _I'll_ be your bloody date. I'll even kiss you at midnight, if you want, as long as you promise not to get handsy."

"_Prongs!_" Remus said, half reproving and half amused. But before he could go on, another voice boomed out James's name.

"James, m'boy!"

It was Slughorn, wearing sweeping robes of grey velvet that didn't quite fit over his vast stomach. The wizard was red in the face, and the goblet of wine he had been carrying earlier was now empty. Just as James made this observation, a house-elf appeared carrying a new goblet, which Slughorn grabbed and took a sip from.

"I was just telling my associate here about some of the up-and-coming talent as Hogwarts," he said, throwing an arm out and ushering in the intimidating wizard from before. He came forward, still watching James with those eerie grey eyes. "This is Abraxas Malfoy. Abraxas, this is James Potter and his friend Remus Lupin. Both in their sixth year; Gryffindors."

James and Remus nodded politely to Abraxas Malfoy. Remus managed a brief "pleased to meet you," but James didn't say anything. He suddenly knew how he recognized the wizard. Abraxas Malfoy knew his parents. They had known each other for decades, though James was sure that none of the three considered themselves friends. The Malfoys were the antithesis of everything James's parents stood for. Still, Malfoy and his wife, Wilma, had been to James's London manor several times throughout the years for parties and other social gatherings. Appearances mattered in the wizarding world, especially among the old families. And James's parents, though willing to break from tradition when they thought it necessary, also knew when to bow to the pressures of custom.

But that didn't mean they held their tongues. The last time James had seen Malfoy was two years earlier when James's father was escorting him and Wilma out of the house in the middle of the Potter's New Year's party. Malfoy had made some comment to another guest, James didn't know what it was, but it must have been bad. From what James gathered, the incident (either the comment, or the Malfoy's ouster from the Potters' home) had caused ripples in the wizarding community that still hadn't completely settled. And as Malfoy continued to stare at James, James knew that Malfoy had not forgotten the incident either.

Slughorn, on the other hand, didn't seem capable of remembering anything at the moment. "Now, I'm sure you know James's parents, Fleamont and Euphemia Potter," he said, clapping a hand on Malfoy's shoulder.

Malfoy managed a thin smile. "Quite," he said, eyes flashing. "Yes, Monty and I go very far back indeed, Horace."

"There's a good lad!" Slughorn roared genially. He took another swig from his goblet. "Now Mister Lupin, here, you might not be familiar with," he went on, turning Malfoy to face Remus next. "Your mother is a Muggle, isn't that right, Lupin?" Slughorn asked.

Remus nodded, apparently uneasy under the scrutinizing eyes of Malfoy, which had flashed again at Slughorn's words.

Again, Slughorn didn't notice a thing. "But you might know his father: Lyle Lupin. Works for the Ministry in…what department was it?"

"Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures," Remus said.

"That's the one! Knew it was something like that!" Slughorn boomed.

Malfoy gave Remus a curious look. "Lyle Lupin's son. Is that right?" he said quietly. "No, boy, I don't think I have met your mother or father. But you could say I've met your, ah, _real_ parent."

It took James all of a second to register what Malfoy had said and the meaning behind it. Judging by the way Remus's face went quickly from white to red, he understood the meaning just as quickly. "YOU B—" he started, and his hands curled reflexively into fists. James grabbed his arm.

"Time to go!" James said loudly to Malfoy, who was smirking, and a quite shocked Professor Slughorn, and he dragged Remus toward the door. Before they made it out of the dungeon, Lily appeared.

"Remus!" she said, shocked by his shout and the look on his face. "What's going on? What's—"

But Remus shook James's hand off his arm and stormed down the corridor. The flames in the torches mounted to the walls flared as he passed, and James could tell by the cast of Remus's shoulders that he was angrier than James had seen him in a long time. James's own heart was pounding loudly in his ears as he remembered what Malfoy had said.

Lily turned instead to him. "James, what happened? I heard Remus shout and…"

She didn't need to go on. James knew what she was going to say. He too had seen Remus's face, had seen the shadow of the wolf flicker across his furious features. But Lily wouldn't know the reason behind it, and wouldn't have understood Malfoy's words if James repeated them to her. "Nevermind, it doesn't matter," James mumbled, his heart still pounding in his ears. He looked away from Lily, back into the dungeon at the party-goers. Slughorn and Malfoy had turned away from them and were talking to Corban Yaxley of Slytherin. This conversation seemed to be going better; Slughorn was laughing genially again and Yaxley was staring, apparently quite impressed, at Malfoy as he spoke.

"Do you…do you want to go back to the party?" Lily asked. She sounded hesitant.

"Not remotely," James said flatly.

Lily was silent, and James realized a second too late that she may have misinterpreted his tone and thought it was because of her. He turned around to face her again. "I mean," he went on, "we could go somewhere else and talk." Then, remembering the way their last conversation had ended, he added, "if you'd like."

She considered for a moment, also looking back at the party. Nettie Harris appeared in the doorway, her arm draped around the shoulder of Dorthea Hemming, a fellow Hufflepuff. "James! Lily!" Nettie squealed as Dorthea helped her into the corridor and she spotted the two Gryffindors. "Are you having fun at the party? I am, but Dorthea," she swung her head to indicate the other girl, "says I have to leave now."

Dorthea's eyes met theirs and she gave them an apologetic smile. "She's had a little too much…fun," she said to them, still helping Nettie down the corridor. James gave her a sympathetic sort of nod as she passed them, and Dorthea told Nettie, "I'll get you a glass of water when we get to our dormitory, then you really ought to go to bed…"

Lily watched as the two Hufflepuffs reached the corner and turned in the direction of their Common Room. "I think I'm done with the party too," she said lightly.

James didn't know what to say to that. "So…do you want to go somewhere and talk, then?" he asked, not exactly sure what he wanted her answer to be.

She turned back and considered him. "No, I don't think so," she said after a moment.

Disappointment clenched around James's heart and he suddenly knew what he had been hoping she would say. But she went on a second later: "But I do want to apologize."

Surprise mixed in with the disappointment then. "You want to apologize?" he repeated.

Lily nodded. "I don't think I was very fair to you when we talked the other day. I was upset, and you were saying…all the wrong things—"

"And I'm sorry about that," James interjected. "I was just—"

"No, James, you don't have anything to be sorry for," Lily continued, holding up a hand to stop him. "Everything you said made sense. I just didn't want to admit it. Now, I still don't think you're right about this, and I'm not going to give up the idea of trying to heal my mother. But I promise not to do anything that I haven't completely thought out and practiced. And I'm sorry that I shouted at you, and for what I said."

She stopped and looked at him, her eyes clear and expectant. James gulped. It took him longer than it should have to realize that he should probably say something; those green eyes and the expression on her face had caught him off guard. "It's…it's okay, Lily. I'm not angry."

Lily stared at him for another long moment. "I know you're not, James." And she swept down the hall and disappeared around the corner.

James gave Lily a couple of minutes' head start and then went back up to the Common Room, his head once again buzzing with the night's conversations. He was mostly distracted by his last one with Lily, but he was forced to stop the intricate analysis of her every word and expression when he climbed through the portrait hole. He looked around for Remus in the Common Room, but he didn't see him. Either he was in their dormitory or somewhere else in the castle. If it was the latter, James would need the Marauder's Map to find him, and that too required him to go up to the dormitory. Hesitantly, he made his way up to his dormitory and paused outside the door. There were no noises from inside. Sincerely hoping Sirius and Mary were not still alone in there, he knocked twice and pushed the door open.

Fortunately, James was not met by the sight of his best mate and best mate's girlfriend in any compromising positions. He was met by the sight of his two best mates, one sitting silently on his bed, arms crossed, glaring at the opposite way, and the other staring helplessly at the first.

Sirius looked around at James when he came into the room. "Prongs, what happened? Why are you two back from the party so early?"

James's eyes flicked to Remus's stony face. "What did Remus say happened?"

"Remus hasn't said a damn word," Sirius replied, turning to face Remus once more. "He just stomped in ten minutes ago, sat down, and started trying to stare a hole into the wall."

James hesitated. "I think Remus should be the one to decide what he wants to tell you."

"Apparently Remus doesn't want to tell me anything," Sirius said, frowning.

"Then Remus doesn't have to tell you anything," James said.

"Remus has to tell me _something!_" Sirius insisted.

"No, Remus doesn't have to say a bloody word!" Remus said angrily from his bed.

Sirius and James fell silent, watching Remus cautiously, waiting. After a moment, Remus sighed. "Or Remus can stop feeling sorry for himself and trust his friends to be supportive, like they always have been," Remus went on, rubbing a scar that ran across the bridge of his nose, a habit he had had for as long as James had known him. But when he lowered his hand, James saw that his face was clearer than it had been before.

James sat down on his bed, facing Remus. Sirius straightened up and leaned forward. "What happened, Moony?" Sirius said in a tone that suggested it was not the first time he had asked.

"Abraxas Malfoy is a right git," Remus responded.

Sirius snorted. "Well I could have told you that," he said. "All the Malfoys are gits; you should meet his son. But how in particular did Abraxas prove himself a git this time?"

"Who's a git?" someone asked. It was Peter, standing in the doorway, a look of polite curiosity on his round face.

Remus sighed again, sinking back against his pillow and crossing his arms again. "James can tell you," he grumbled.

"You sure?" James asked, raising his eyebrows.

"No," Remus said wearily. "But as Sirius isn't going to leave either of us alone until someone tells him, and Peter will want to know too, and I don't even want to think about what that git said again…" he trailed off meaningfully.

James took it as permission to continue. He explained about their introduction to Malfoy and Slughorn's question about whether he knew Remus's parents. When he told them about Malfoy's response, Sirius leapt up from his bed. "What?" he shouted, incredulous and angry.

But Peter just blinked. "I don't get it," he said.

"His _real parent_, Peter," James said, placing a delicate emphasis on the words.

Peter still looked lost. He turned a studying eye on Remus. "You're not adopted, or something, are you Remus?"

"No!" James and Sirius shouted simultaneously.

"He meant he knows Greyback; the werewolf who bit me, who made me a werewolf too," Remus said darkly. "Werewolves are usually outsiders, but You-Know-Who has been reaching out to them, forming a network, using them to threaten people. Greyback was one of the first he recruited, and he considers infecting me something of an accomplishment, because of my dad's standing in the D.R.C.M.C. I'm sure he would have bragged about it."

"Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures," James added quietly, for Peter looked like he was going to inquire.

Peter's eyes widened. "Oh," he said.

It wasn't so much of a shock to James. They had heard the story before, and he'd already put together the implication of Malfoy's comment, both what he meant by it and the fact that he'd made it in the first place. "Malfoy must be a Death Eater."

Remus nodded. "I worked that part out too."

"I wonder why Slughorn invited him, then," Sirius added, frowning.

"You think Slughorn _knows_ Malfoy is a Death Eater? And he invited him anyway?" Remus asked, skeptical.

"Could be," Sirius said, shrugging. "Maybe Slughorn is trying to help recruit. You know how he likes making connections, sharing the credit."

James raised an eyebrow. "But Slughorn working with the Death Eaters? I'm not sure I believe it." The Head of Slytherin may be a bit pompous and more than a bit power-hungry, but he always struck James as more clueless than cruel. James couldn't imagine the old man wanting to play an active role in Voldemort's mission. "I think it's more likely he just invited Malfoy as a networking tool. The whole Malfoy family is very well connected.

"Apparently," Peter said, with a nervous glance at Remus. James followed his gaze and was glad to see that Remus looked calmer, more interested in the conversation now.

"Should we, I dunno, tell someone?" Remus asked after a moment. "About Malfoy being a Death Eater?"

"Who would we tell?" Sirius asked.

They all looked around at each other, but none of them said anything.

"You could tell your mum, James," Peter said eventually.

James nodded. It was true; his mother was also well connected due to her job. "I could try," he said. "I'm not sure how I'd explain how I know, though," he added with a glance toward Remus. James hadn't told his parents about Remus's condition, not because he thought they would care, just out of respect for his friend's desire to keep it a secret.

Remus, however, sighed and said, "If Malfoy is a Death Eater, it's a big deal, and the Ministry should know. If it takes your parents finding out about me in order for that to happen, it's fine, James."

"Really?" James asked, surprised.

"Really," Remus confirmed.

James thought about that. "Okay, I'll talk to my mum tomorrow, then. But if I can convince her to look into the Malfoys without saying anything about you, I will."

Remus nodded. "I know you will James, I trust you."

The two shared a brief smile, which Sirius was quick to interrupt. "Don't worry, Remus, the Potters won't care about you being a werewolf." Remus started to say something to that, but Sirius went on in a louder voice. "Not when we could tell them _really_ embarrassing secrets about you, like the fact that you referred to yourself in the third-person a few minutes ago. _Twice_."

Peter and James rolled their eyes as Remus threw a pillow at him.

Author's Note: Whew, it's been awhile since I was last able to post. I really don't have an excuse, so I'll have to just beg for mercy. I'm also pleased that I've finally managed to elicit a couple of comments; thank you to those who took the time to leave me a few words of encouragement. It really means a lot.

I hope you all enjoyed this chapter. I'll try to get the next one up within a week, but no promises. Happy reading!


	14. Chapter 14

The sky was a swirling expanse of white when Lily boarded the Hogwarts Express the morning after Slughorn's party. She didn't know how she felt after the night she had just had. It didn't feel like she had been at the party very long at all; she had been separated from Remus almost as soon as they arrived, and accosted by Nettie Harris a minute later. She had barely gotten away from Nettie by passing her off to Dennis Finch and had just started to look for Remus when she'd heard him shout and saw James pulling him away from Slughorn and whoever his guest had been. Then all of that excitement had been overshadowed by the conversation that had followed with James.

That was the part she was most unsure about. She was glad she had apologized to James; she really was sorry for what she had said the weekend before, and she was glad she was able to get some resolution before beginning her holidays. But she didn't want to think about the place that put her in now in relation to James.

The hour they had spent together after the Quidditch game has signaled a significant change in their relationship. No longer could Lily continue to insist that James Potter was just the boy in her year that she hated. He was no longer her best friend's tormentor, since she was no longer friends with Severus. From what she had seen in the past few months, James was no longer the bully she had once accused him of being. And, no matter what she wanted to tell herself, she didn't think he was just her friend, either.

So what was he?

There was an additional problem on the emotional-turmoil front. She had already explained this dilemma to someone, and it was one of the last people she should have explained her complicated feelings about James to. She didn't know what had come over her. If she needed to talk, she should have talked to one of her friends, to—

"Lily?" a voice broke through her brooding.

She looked around; it was Alice. "Are you okay? You look troubled?" Alice asked.

Lily smiled to dispel her continued unease. "No, I'm fine," she said, trying hard to mean it. "Just a little…" Conflicted? "…distracted."

"You're telling me," Alice said, commiserating. "I have another seven hours until I'll get to see Frank. I'm so wound up I could barely concentrate enough to get dressed this morning."

"Oh yeah," Lily said, remembering Alice's preoccupation from the night before as the two witches made their way past half-filled compartments in search of an empty one. "Are you excited?"

"Quite," Alice said, smiling. They passed through the first two cars without finding a promising place to settle for the long ride. Lily readjusted the strap of her purse as they stepped carefully through the connector between the next car, balancing Radagast's basket on one hip and using her free hand to turn the handle. Before Alice could go on, they glanced into the first compartment in the third car to see Dorcas, and they both immediately knew something was wrong. Dorcas was staring out the window, and the half of her face that they could see from where they stood in the corridor was pale and scared.

Lily slid the door open and took a step inside. "Dorcas! What's wrong?"

Dorcas jumped and turned to face them. Her brown eyes were wide and they had a rather manic gleam. Alice followed Lily into the compartment and they both sat down, Alice next to Dorcas and Lily across from her. From inside his carrier, Radagast meowed.

"What happened, Dorcas?" Alice asked quickly. "Was it something with Roger?"

Lily belatedly realized she hadn't spoken or even seen Dorcas since before the party; Dorcas had left Gryffindor Tower for the party before her, arrived back at the dormitory after Lily had gone to bed, and was already gone that morning when Lily up. She hadn't had the chance to ask her how it had gone, if Roger had asked her to go steady, or any of it.

Dorcas stared at Alice for a long moment. Alice and Lily traded nervous glances and then looked back at Dorcas.

After a moment, Dorcas nodded. "Roger…" she said in a slightly hoarse voice but trailed off.

"Did…did Roger do something wrong?" Alice asked quietly, taking Dorcas's hand as though she were ill in the hospital and Alice had come to visit.

Dorcas shook her head.

"Did he do something _right_? Did he ask you to be his girlfriend?" Lily asked next, leaning forward.

Slowly, Dorcas nodded.

"Well, that's good then, isn't it?" Alice asked, trying to interject some brightness into her voice, though she still looked wary when she glanced at Lily again.

Dorcas nodded again.

"Then what's wrong, Dorcas?" Lily asked.

"He…he wants me to…" Dorcas started, but once again didn't finish. Radagast meowed again and Lily stuck a finger into his basket to soothe him.

"What does he want you to do, Dorcas?" Alice asked, sternly now. "Because no matter how much you like this boy, you don't have to do anything you don't want to do. Don't let him pressure you, you understand? Don't—"

Dorcas blinked at the change in tone. She looked confusedly at Alice. "What are you talking about?"

Alice blinked too. "What are _you_ talking about?"

A trace of a smile lifted Dorcas's lips. "Are you…are you trying to give me the sex talk, Alice?"

Alice blushed. "No!" she protested. "I thought you were trying to tell us that Roger was pressuring you to…to…to snog in a broom cupboard! Or sneak back to his dormitory, or—"

"She _was_ trying to give you the sex talk!" Lily said gleefully, smirking as Alice scowled, her own worries forgotten. "Blimey, Alice, where did _that_ come from? I thought Dorcas was supposed to be the group-mum!"

Dorcas laughed loudly at the joke and the look on Alice's face. It was true that Dorcas had been the "group-mum," the responsible, supportive, I'm-not-mad-just-disappointed one in their dormitory since their first year, but she had never gone so far as to lecture them about _boys_ and _responsibilities_.

Radagast meowed again and scratched at his basket, but Lily scarcely noticed.

Alice crossed her arms with a huff. "Well, what did you think she was talking about?" she asked Lily hotly.

Lily shrugged, opening Radagast's carrier to let him out. He jumped onto her lap and started purring. In truth, she had no idea what might be behind Dorcas's behavior. "I dunno. What _is_ going on, Dorcas?"

Dorcas's face fell again when Lily asked the question. Lily was just trying to think about what she could do to prevent her from slipping back into her stupor again when Dorcas mumbled something quietly.

"What's that, dear?" she asked, leaning still closer to hear what her friend was saying.

But before Dorcas could answer, the door slid open again and Mary appeared, Sirius right behind her. "Hello!" she said cheerily. "Mind if Sirius joins us today?"

The three seated witches looked around at the new-comers and shook their heads. "Not at all," Alice said and Mary sat down next to Lily.

Sirius took the seat on her other side. "Hello ladies," he said with far more excitement than he had any reason to feel surrounded by his girlfriend's three best friends. "What are we going to do today? Talk about blokes? Paint each other's nails?"

Lily smirked at Mary, who smiled apologetically. "I asked Sirius if he minded sitting with us, and he got a little overly excited at the idea of 'girl-time,' as he called it."

The train underneath them began to move and Sirius clapped his hands, still grinning excitedly. "Ooh, it's starting!" he said in a much higher voice than Lily would have thought him capable of producing. Radagast meowed and stared at Sirius haughtily. "And there's even a cat!"

Radagast hissed.

"…who doesn't seem to like me," Sirius said, and his face fell.

Mary and Alice laughed, and even Dorcas chuckled. Lily held in a chuckle herself. "Er, Sirius, not that we don't want you here, but why aren't you hanging out with James and the rest?"

Sirius grinned at her and held up two fingers. "Two reasons, Evans. One: Mary asked me to, and when someone that beautiful asks you for a favor, you say yes." ("Awww," Mary said jokingly, pretending to blush.) "And two: James asked me to spy on you and report back to him."

Lily opened her mouth to object to this last statement, but Sirius spoke louder. "Now, I'm not _going_ to report back to him, so you can feel free to say whatever you'd like – profess any hitherto unspoken loves, admire his stupid hair and coo over his Quidditch skills, whatever you'd like – without worrying about it getting out. But between James and Mary, it seemed I was not welcome in the bloke's compartment, and more than welcome in the birds' compartment. So consider me part of the flock!"

"The flock?" Alice repeated, raising an eyebrow.

"Sure, 'the Flock,'" Sirius said, stretching out his arms and wrapping one of them around Mary, pulling her closer. "I think it has potential as a nickname for you lot."

The girls exchanged amused looks but didn't raise any objections.

"So," Sirius went on, reaching a hand out toward Radagast, who glared and went to sit on Alice's lap instead. "Are we going to talk about boys or not?"

He shot a significant look toward Lily, who raised an eyebrow. He winked. But Alice turned back to Dorcas. "I don't know, Dorcas, _were_ we talking about boys?"

Lily expected Dorcas to clam up, as she had done when Alice and Lily questioned her, but instead she blurted out, "Roger asked me to be his girlfriend at Slughorn's party and I told him 'yes,' and he said 'great,' and I said 'brilliant,' and he smiled and I smiled and then he told me that he wants me to meet his parents today at Platform 9¾ and I didn't know what to say so I told him I would and now I only have about six hours and fifty-five minutes to prepare and I don't know what I'm going to do or say or do."

She said all of this very fast. Lily and the others blinked a few times, trying to take it all in. "Sorry," Mary finally said. "Could you say all of that again for me one more time?"

Dorcas sighed and repeated her statement, this time sounding a bit calmer. She looked around at all of them, her eyes resting last on Lily's.

Lily shrugged. "Don't look at me; I've never met a bloke's parents," she said.

Dorcas looked next to Alice. "You've met Frank's parents, right?"

Alice nodded and, for some reason, winced. "Yes, and I wish I hadn't. Frank's mum is terrifying." Dorcas's eyes widened and Lily shot a meaningful look at Alice. "Oh…his dad is lovely, though," Alice continued. "Really. And his mum warmed up to me quickly enough. I mean, Frank says she only hated me for the first year or so—"

Lily shook her head vigorously at Alice and she broke off abruptly, but the damage was done. Dorcas looked more alarmed than ever.

"Erm, I mean, she never really _hated_ me. That was just Frank's joke. He, er, he said she just didn't like me because she thought I was…was going to taker her son away and…" By now, Alice was staring around desperately for something else to say, or for something to take the focus off of her. "Mary! How…how was it when you met Sirius's parents."

Mary and Sirius exchanged the briefest look and burst out laughing. They laughed until their faces were red and tears were gathering in Mary's eyes. Alice, Dorcas, and Lily exchanged confused glances.

Finally, Sirius recovered enough to explain. "Mary has never met my parents and she is never, ever going to," he said firmly. "Not unless some very great misfortune befalls me and the only way to save me if through the magic of a mother's love for her son. In which case, Mary will meet them long enough to tell them that their oldest son is dying and there's no hope at all for recovery."

His tone was still light, but Lily thought she saw a steely glint in his eye. Mary too had sobered up quicker than she might normally had done. "Besides," she said. "The Blacks wouldn't want to meet a half-blood like me, anyway."

Dorcas, far from being reassured, now looked positively horrified. "So those are my options? Never meet his parents or meet them and have them hate me?"

"What?! No, of course not," Mary said. "Sirius's parents are just nutters and Augusta Longbottom is the most terrifying woman to ever carry a wand. But I think the Nixes are alright, aren't they?"

"I don't know," Dorcas said frantically. "Because _I've never met them_."

"Well, there's a first time for everything, right?" Lily said bracingly. "Besides, Roger is nice. His parents can't be that bad."

Sirius snorted again. "Haven't you been listening, Evans? Kids are nothing like their parents! My parents are horrible and I'm wonderful. Frank is nice and his mum is an angry hippogriff in a vulture-topped hat and a handbag. And James's parents are the sweetest people you could ever meet, but look who they have for a son." Here, he winked at Lily too. "As you may find out yourself one day."

Lily ignored his last comment. "Well my parents are quite nice and I like to think I've picked up at least some of that from them. And the Fortescues are just as sweet as Alice, and your mum is like you, right Dorcas?"

Dorcas thought for a moment and nodded.

"So everything will be fine," Dorcas repeated to herself. "Everything will be fine."

"That's the spirit!" Sirius said. "Now, are we going to braid each other's hair or not?"

* * *

The rest of the ride back to King's Cross station passed in a blur. The lunch trolley came along and Alice treated them all to as many Pumpkin pasties, Chocolate Frogs, and Whizzing Worms as they could eat. Mary got Sirius to recount the set-up and planning for some of the Marauder's more famous (or infamous, depending on the audience) pranks. Sirius, never having had the chance to sit and talk to Lily and Dorcas uninterrupted for so long, peppered them with questions about living as a Muggle ("Blimey, they can only teach you so much out of a textbook in Muggle Studies," he observed after Lily explained electric hairdryers to him). And Lily tried not to obsess over who James might be talking to and what hitherto confidential conversations that they might be discussing.

Radagast moved from one lap to another as they talked, avoiding only Sirius.

But all too soon, the Hogwarts Express slowed down and they all stood up and grabbed their bags and as the train made its way into Platform 9¾. Dorcas once again looked nervous, and she kept glancing out of the compartment into the corridor, presumably looking for Roger. Lily gave her an encouraging sort of smile as she coaxed Radagast back into his basket and picked it up.

"Ready to go?" she asked Dorcas. The two of them were the only ones left in the compartment now, Alice having practically flown off the train to meet Frank as soon as it stopped, and Mary and Sirius having slipped off to find a private place to say goodbye.

Dorcas made an odd gurgling noise, but she stood up and followed Lily along the corridor and down the steps onto the platform. Lily was about to turn around and start coaching Dorcas again, but before she could, Roger Nix appeared beside them.

"Dorcas! There you are! I've found my parents, are you ready to meet them?" he asked.

She gave Lily one last nervous look as Roger grabbed her hand and started leading her through the sea of students and their families. Lily smiled and gave her a thumbs-up, and then Dorcas disappeared in the crowd.

Lily turned around and hoisted Radagast's basket more firmly into her side. As she began to make her way toward the barrier that separated the magical and Muggle worlds so she could meet her dad (and, she hoped, her mum), her eyes found Mary, Sirius, and James standing with four adults. Lily recognized two of them as Mary's parents. The other two, she assumed based on the way they were taking it in turns to hug James and Sirius, were the Potters.

She slowed down and ducked behind a pillar, studying them surreptitiously. Mr. and Mrs. Potter were old, far older than Lily would have expected. She recalled James telling her once that he had been a "surprise." He must have meant that he had been born when they were already late in life. But, she thought as she watched Mr. Potter bound around James to pull Mary into a hug, they still acted young and full of life. They must be, she thought, to have raised a son like James. She kept watching.

Mrs. Potter had a kind face and she gave the Macdonalds a warm smile as she embraced Mary. Mr. Potter wore glasses like James and there was still some black mixed in the grey of his hair. He laughed genially at something Mr. Macdonald said and slapped him on the back.

Lily was just wondering what it might be like to be introduced to the Potters, and to have them look at her the way they looked at Sirius, James, and Mary, when a hand grabbed her shoulder.

She whipped around, nearly losing her grip on Radagast's carrier as she did so. She pulled her wand from her purse. But it was just Alice.

Alice didn't look well, though. She seemed nervous. "Lily," she said right away. "Frank isn't here."

Lily frowned and looked around the platform. It was true, she didn't see Frank anywhere, and he was so tall he would have stood out above the heads of the dwindling crowd. "I'm sure he'd just running late," Lily said, turning back to Alice.

But Alice shook her head. "He said he would arrive early, at exactly six o'clock so he could be waiting when I arrived. It's ten past six. And he was supposed to Apparate here, so I can't think why he would be late."

Looking around the rapidly clearing platform once more, Lily thought about what else might have kept Frank. "He didn't have something do so for the aurors, did he?" she asked.

"I don't think so," Alice said, biting her lip. "But—oh! There's Hestia Jones! She's in the auror training program too, a couple of years ahead of Frank. I can ask her."

She dragged Lily along after her to a blond witch about five years older than Lily and Alice. "Hestia!" Alice hailed her, and the witch turned.

"Alice," Hestia greeted her right away. They had clearly met before.

"You haven't heard from Frank, have you?" Alice asked without preamble. "Because he was supposed to meet me and he isn't here."

Hestia looked around the platform, presumable for Frank. "No, I haven't heard from him," she said slowly, her eyes narrowing as she failed to locate her colleague.

"He isn't on a mission, is he?" Alice went on.

"No," Hestia said, frowning. "Not for the Auror Department, anyway…"

Lily didn't know what to make of that last remark, though she thought it sounded rather cryptic.

"Where is he, then?" Alice said, more to herself than to them, Lily thought. She sounded worried.

"I'm sure he's—" Lily started, intending to say "fine," but Hestia interrupted.

"You'd better come with me, Alice. I'll take you home. Then I'll ask around about Frank."

Something in the witch's tone caught Lily's attention, and apparently Alice's too. They both looked at her nervously. "You don't think something bad happened to him, do you?" Alice asked, her voice barely audible over the sounds on the platform around them.

Hestia fixed a smile back on her lips. "I'm sure he's fine, Alice. And if I see him before you do, I'll send him your way and tell him he's a git for making you wait. Now let's go, I'll take you Side-Along."

The two witches walked away, leaving Lily to make her way toward the barrier into King's Cross by herself. She passed Sirius and the Potters as she went, and she smiled to herself as she heard Mrs. Potter ask Sirius, who had turned around to grin at her, "Sirius, who on earth is your hair braided?"

She was still smiling when she stepped through the barrier and looked around the station. Her parents usually waited for her near the ticket stand. She walked through the rush of Muggles towards it, trying not to think about Frank and what might have befallen him. But as she neared the ticket stand and saw not her mother, or even her father, but Petunia waiting for her with a tense expression on her face, Lily felt her stomach drop. Maybe it wasn't Alice and Frank she needed to be worried about.

Author's Note: I'm not exactly pleased with this chapter, but I wanted to get it posted today. Let me know what you think!


	15. Chapter 15

James spent the majority of his Christmas holidays lounging around his London estate with Sirius, occasionally accompanied by Remus and Peter when they came for visits. The visits hadn't been entirely light-hearted; true to his word, he had talked to his mother about their suspicions about Abraxas Malfoy being a Death Eater. He'd found her in her study on his first night back.

"Mum?" James said as he knocked on the door. "Can I talk to you?"

She looked up from the book she was reading, seated in her armchair in the corner. "James," his mother greeted him warmly. "Of course you can. Please come in."

James made his way over to the corner and sat down on an adjacent chair, tapping his foot on the floor, uncharacteristically nervous about talking to one of his parents. He had asked Sirius to help him explain their theory about Malfoy, but Sirius had demurred, and James knew why: despite Sirius's assertions that James should be the one to explain since he was the one who had witnessed the revealing remark, James knew that Sirius just didn't want to try to broach the subject of Remus's lycanthropy with Mrs. Potter.

His mother was looking at him expectantly, but James was having a bit of trouble meeting her eye. Deciding eventually that if he was forthcoming with the important information right away, she might be too surprised to ask questions, James blurted out, "I think Abraxas Malfoy is a Death Eater."

Mrs. Potter did, in fact, look shocked. But her response shocked James just as much as his statement shocked her: "I know for certain Abraxas Malfoy is a Death Eater."

His mouth fell open. "What?" James asked.

"Abraxas Malfoy is a Death Eater," his mother repeated calmly. "I have known for quite some time, as has your father."

James tapped his foot faster. "How long have you known?" he demanded.

She eyed him carefully, considering. He knew he was being impertinent, but he didn't care. "Since our New Years party a few years ago. He made a remark that could not be misinterpreted. That is why your father thre- _escorted_ him out of the house, and that is why he has not been back."

Still not satisfied, James went on. "If you've known he was a Death Eater for nearly three years, then why isn't he in Azkaban?" he challenged, though he already knew what he was going to get: deflection, blind reassurances, chides to mind his own business.

"Politics," his mother said.

That wasn't what James had expected. He gave her a quizzical look, and she continued.

"The Malfoy family is one of the oldest magical families in England, and that gives them power. Not only are they very wealthy, they are very influential within the Ministry. And, though it shouldn't, their blood status gives them additional clout. The Ministry cannot or will not act against the Malfoys without undeniable evidence that they are supporting Voldemort."

James started slightly at the use of Voldemort's name. Most people, especially at Hogwarts, referred to him as "You-Know-Who," a habit James and his friends had slipped into.

His mother did not acknowledge James's discomfort. "The Ministry would lose a valuable supporter and powerful player in our community and alienate many of the Malfoy's contacts in doing so. The Malfoys know this and they are using it to their advantage. Most of Voldemort's agents have to operate in secrecy to avoid exposure. The Malfoys have been testing the water for years, and they have had ample opportunity to see that most wizards will not openly confront them. So they are more open about their loyalties to the Dark side of our world. They can recruit more forcefully and threaten more ruthlessly. It was only a matter of time before they started on the Hogwarts student body." She sounded very grim here, but the look she gave James was alert and piercing. "But how did you discover this, James?"

_Tap, tap, tap_. James's foot sped up. "He was at Professor Slughorn's Christmas party."

His mother's eyebrows contracted at this. "And you spoke to him?"

"Yes."

"What was discussed?" Here, she adopted a professional manner, her "official persona" as James called it. She sounded as though he had been called in front of her department for an interview.

"Not much."

_Tap, tap, tap_.

"Did he talk to you about your prospects after leaving Hogwarts?"

"No."

Did he talk to you about your status or bring up your familial connections?"

_Tap, tap, tap_.

"No."

"What did he talk to you about?"

"Not much. He just said he knows you and dad."

"Yes, he certainly does," she agreed darkly.

James nodded but didn't say anything else.

_Tap, tap_…

"James, stop tapping your foot."

He jumped and looked up at his mother again. There was a knowing look in her eye. "What aren't you telling me?"

"What?" James asked.

"You're tapping your foot," she observed. "You've done that since you were a little boy, but only when you're trying to hide something. What is it? What did Abraxas Malfoy say to you that you don't want me to know?"

James kept very still, resisting the urge to start tapping his foot again and cursing himself internally for the nervous habit. He was being obvious. He should have expected his mother to misconstrue and assume that it was himself he was worried about, that something bad had happened to him. "Malfoy didn't say anything important to me," he hedged.

But Mrs. Potter picked up right away. "Who else were you there with? Was it Sirius? Did Abraxas say something to him?"

She had half-stood and she looked angry. "No, mum," James said quickly. "Sirius didn't go to the party. Malfoy didn't talk to him at all."

His mother sat back down but did not take her eyes off James. He looked away again, but she reached out and put a hand on top of his. "James, whatever it is, you need to tell me. Especially if it's related to the Death Eaters."

James sighed. "Remus was with me. Malfoy made a remark about…about…" He struggled to find the right words, to explain about Malfoy's hint without revealing Remus's secret.

"About Remus being a werewolf?" she said softly.

He looked up, stunned. "You know?" he asked.

She nodded. "Your father and I have known for more than a year," she said. "Rather, we have suspected."

"Why didn't you say anything?"

"Because we didn't want to put you in the position of having to tell us," she replied. "You know that it doesn't matter to us: Remus is a great friend to you and Sirius and will not change the way we think about him. But we also assumed that, if it was true, you and Sirius knew about it and were keeping it a secret as a favor to Remus." Here, her eyes grew rather misty. "And I must say we rather admired that in you boys."

She smiled at James, and he returned it. "Oh _mum_," he grumbled good-naturedly, and she chuckled.

But all too soon, she grew serious again. "James, can you tell me what Abraxas Malfoy said to Remus?"

James considered for a moment and nodded. "He made a comment about knowing…well, he referred to him as Remus's 'real parent,'" here, James made a disgusted face, "but he meant that he knows Greyback, the werewolf who infected Remus."

His mother's hand clenched around her handkerchief and she scowled. "That horrible man," she muttered, and James didn't know if she was referring to Malfoy or Greyback.

James nodded. "And Remus reckons Greyback is already working with You-Know-Who," he said.

Mrs. Potter nodded. "Remus is right," she said. "The Ministry already knows that Greyback is working with Voldemort. But we did not know that his involvement was widely known among the ranks of Death Eaters. I will have to speak with…with some people about this," she said, and she stood up.

James stood up too. "You're not going to tell anyone about Remus, are you?" he asked.

His mother shook her head. "No, James, I won't. One of the benefits of my station is the allowance for confidential informants."

There was a curious look on her face. James frowned. As a rule, the Ministry didn't allow confidential informants, but he didn't press. He was so relieved to have had the burden of knowledge lifted off his chest, to not have had to share Remus's secret, and, most importantly, to have been taken seriously. He wrapped is arms around his mother and hugged her. She hugged him back.

"Thank you for telling me this, James," she said.

James smiled. "Thanks for listening, mum."

* * *

The Potters has a quiet Christmas that year, or as quiet a Christmas as they could have had, considering James and Sirius were under one roof and, for the first time, Sirius was of age and could do magic.

"Sirius, do _not_ charm the turkey!" Mrs. Potter cried at Christmas dinner as Sirius whipped is wand out and pointed it at the roast bird.

At that precise moment, the main course leapt onto the nubs of its roasted feet and began jerking along the table in what was probably meant to be a sort of two-step.

Mrs. Potter jumped to her feet and seized a gravy boat just as the turkey took a gangly step back and nearly knocked it to the floor. James and his father roared with laughter.

"_Sustenis Animatus_," Mr. Potter said and flicked his own wand at a serving bowl of mashed potatoes. The potatoes surged upright, forming a roughly humanoid shape that went running toward the turkey. When the two dishes met, the mashed potato figure pulled its starchy arm back and then swung forward, punching the turkey and sending it toppling back onto the carving board.

"For heaven's sake," James's mum grumbled, but she too laughed as Mr. Potter waved his wand again and the potato-person raised its arms into the air in victory.

Still chuckling and very red in the face, James's dad directed the potatoes back into their bowl.

"It looked…" James gasped out, leaning heavily on his elbows to keep himself from collapsing into his plate as he laughed. "It looked like a potato-yeti!"

Sirius was wiping tears out of his eyes. "Sorry about that, Mrs. Potter," he said. "Didn't mean for it to go that far. I just wanted to make it tap-dance."

She shook her head in faux frustration. "I'll be writing to Dumbledore tomorrow to see if an exception can be made about allowing you to do magic outside of school." She tried to look stern, but her eyes were twinkling.

James grinned between his parents and his best mate. "Just wait until _I_ turn seventeen, Mum," he said, and both his parents pretended to shudder in horror.

"And Remus and Peter," Sirius added. "We'll bring them over once all four of us are of age and we'll blow the whole house up."

"Speaking of which," James said. "Can we invite them to stay over for New Years? And maybe a few days after?"

His parents exchanged confirming looks and nodded. "Yes, of course you can," his father said.

"Only make sure the timing will be okay for Remus," his mother added. "My, it's nice to be able to address that openly for once."

Sirius and James smiled. James had told Sirius about his conversation with his mother the week before, and Sirius had declared that they should have expected James's parents to have cottoned on already.

"Don't worry, the next full moon isn't until the fifth," Sirius told Mrs. Potter.

Mr. Potter chuckled. "Remus is lucky to have friends who are involved enough to keep track of the full moon with him. I have to use the moon cycle every day with my potions, but I still couldn't tell you what the moon is doing without using charts."

"You have no idea, dad," James said, exchanging a sly look with Sirius. "Trust me."

James's parents exchanged a look themselves, but apparently decided they didn't want to know. "Do you boys still have presents to open, or have you ripped through them all already?" James's mother asked a moment later.

The boys nodded. "We only opened the Father Christmas ones," he said. "We left the ones from you two for later."

"Though why you still do Father Christmas gifts for your sixteen-year-old son and his officially-adult best mate is anyone's guess," Sirius added, raising his eyes to the ceiling. "My parents never bothered with Father Christmas gifts; they wanted to make damn sure I knew who should get the credit for everything they ever gave me."

Mrs. Potter said "hmm," and pursed her lips. She didn't like to criticize Sirius's parents in his presence, though James knew Sirius wouldn't care.

"Well, we tried stopping them once James here went to Hogwarts," Mr. Potter said, jerking a thumb towards James. James made a frantic move to shush, but his mother picked up.

"But he pouted for the entire last week of the holiday about it, so we started doing it again the next year."

Sirius's face lit up in a grin. "Is that so, James?" he asked, quirking an eyebrow.

James frowned down at his last few bites of turkey and peas. "It's not that I still believed in Father Christmas," he defended himself. "It's because of the…the _tradition_, isn't it?"

His father smirked at Sirius and his mother whispered, "So you _didn't_ sit up all night when you were eleven waiting to catch Father Christmas when he came to presents?"

"_Mum!_" James protested while Sirius and Mr. Potter roared with laughter.

* * *

James wrote to Remus and Peter on Boxing Day, inviting them to spend the remainder of the Christmas holidays at his holiday and the catch the train at King's Cross together on January 2, 1977. Peter wrote back an affirmative right away, and Remus's reply came the day later, and they flooed in two days before New Years.

Remus arrived first, stepping out of the fireplace in the library and dusting himself off. His new Christmas jumper hung a but big on him and he had the beginnings of shadows under his eyes, a sure sign that the full moon was creeping near again.

Mrs. Potter met him and pulled him into a hug. "How are you, Remus?" she asked.

"I'm fine," Remus said, struggling a little against the embraced, embarrassed as he always was with close-contact. He looked up at Mrs. Potter as she pulled away. "I'm guessing James told you?"

"He didn't need to, dear," she said, ruffling his hair affectionately.

"Turns out my parents are just as smart as the rest of us were when we were twelve," James said, walking up to them and grinning. "Who knew?"

His mother swatted him on the head. "Peter should be arriving in about five minutes. I will be in the kitchen arranging lunch if you want to join me once he gets here," she said, and she turned and left the room.

They waited in the library for Peter. Remus pulled a book off the nearest shelf right away and began rifling through the pages. James and Sirius paced, reading the spines of books as they walked by, but not bothering to open them. Finally, nearly another five minutes after he was scheduled to arrive, the fire once again flared and Peter appeared, spinning very fast.

He came a stop and stumbled out onto the rug. "Finally," Sirius said, bounding forward and helping Peter upright.

James hurried over and took Peter's bag for him. He picked up Remus's from where he had set it by the door to the library. "Follow me," he called over his shoulder. "I'll show you where you're sleeping."

"We _know_ where we're sleeping, Prongs," Peter's voice followed him. "It's not exactly our first time here."

"You have new rooms," James called back. "I moved into the East Wing over the summer after Sirius showed up so our rooms could be closer."

He heard the sound of Remus replacing his book on the shelf and three sets of footsteps following the him down the corridor and up the first of many staircases.

"We're all on the fourth floor now," James said apologetically as they continued to climb. Peter was wheezing by the time they reached the correct landing. "But it's the only floor with two sets of adjoining rooms across the hall from each other. Bit of an oversight in the planning, I think, but it'll do."

He pushed open two doors halfway down the corridor and ushered Peter and Remus inside. He set Peter's bag down on the bed and crossed to the wall to unlock the door that connected the two rooms. Remus followed him into the second and James put his bag down too.

Peter and Sirius followed them in, looking around interestedly. "Don't get too excited," James told them. "The rooms are identical and mostly the same as the guest rooms you had last time. Sirius and I are across the hall."

"Thanks, James," Remus said.

James inclined his head, then gestured out the door and toward the room across the corridor. The other followed him into James's room, which was adorned in Gyffindor scarlet and gold. He immediately went to the bed and flopped onto it. "So," he said once his friends had settled.

"So?" Sirius asked. "We have business to attend to before lunch?"

"Just one item," James said. "My mother. I told her about what old Malfoy said to Moony here the night we got back, and I think she let something slip.

Sirius raised his eyebrows. "You didn't tell me this," he accused.

"I wanted to wait until we were all here," James countered. "Especially since it's thanks to Remus's proclivity for attracting rude comments that I found out about it."

"Spit it out then, James," Peter said while Remus rolled his eyes.

"Well," James said. "My mum already knew about Malfoy being a Death Eater. She says she and my dad have suspected his whole family of it for years."

"Then why hadn't anything been done about it?" Remus asked, frowning.

"I'm getting to that part," James said. "Apparently it's 'politics' or some rubbish like that, so the Ministry isn't going to do anything about it unless the Malfoys do something really bad. But my mum said something else that makes me think that there might be someone, or _something_, outside of the Ministry that _is_ involved in stopping the Death Eaters."

The other three exchanged looks. "What did you mum say to suggest that?" Sirius asked.

James sat up and leaned toward his friends conspiratorially. "First she said she had to 'speak to some people' about it, only she sounded like she'd started to say something besides 'some people,' and caught herself. Then she said something about her station allowing her to use confidential informants. And I don't think she was talking about her job, because you know the Ministry; everything had to be open, by the books, public disclosure, and all that toss. Ever since old Minchum became Minister, I can't see Crouch and the likes letting someone use information from a source without revealing their identity. If anyone tried, Crouch would probably insist on dragging the witness in for questioning to make sure they're trustworthy."

"And Alastor Moody in the auror office would want to interrogate them too," Sirius agreed.

Remus looked a bit nervous at the idea, so James hurried to reassure him. "You're not going to get called down to the Ministry, Moony. My mum wouldn't do that to you. That's another reason I think she was talking about something besides her job."

"What could it be, then?" Peter asked, leaning forward.

James, by contrast, leaned back against his pillows again. "I dunno," he said. "Some secret society, maybe? A group that's trying to fight You-Know-Who?"

"It'll be something off the record, then," Sirius said knowingly. "Otherwise they'd be working with the Ministry, and it sounds like this is supposed to be _outside_ the Ministry.

"And your parents are working with…whoever it is?" Peter said, sounding impressed.

He shrugged, "I guess so."

Sirius grinned. "I love your parents, Prongs. And I really hope that if my parents or any of the other Blacks get arrested, your mum is the one that claps them in irons."

"Here, here!" the rest of them cheered.

* * *

The next three days passed uneventfully enough, especially by Marauder standards. They spent most of their time either playing Quidditch in the Potter's expansive back garden or else lounging around the house. Remus favored the library, and Peter the kitchen where the house-elf, Dooley, prepared iced pumpkin juice and cakes whenever they popped in for a snack. It was on such an occasion that Remus broached the topic that James had been trying not to think about all holiday.

"So James, have you heard from Lily at all?"

James looked quickly down at his half-eaten slice of treacle tart. "No," he said in what he hoped was a casual voice. "I haven't heard from anyone from school."

Sirius and Peter had looked up at the mention of Lily. Sirius frowned. "You know, now that you mention it, Moony, Prongs hasn't brought up Lily at all since the night of Slughorn's party."

"What gives, James?" Peter asked, shocked at this piece of news.

James looked quickly around the kitchen for a sign of his parents, but they were absent. He instead noticed Dooley. "Hey, Dooley, why don't you go take a break?" he said to the house-elf. "We'll clean up after ourselves when we're done."

Dooley peeked at James over the edge of the marble countertop, which the top of her head was barely level with. "Are you sure, Master James?"

"Quite," James said, eager to be rid of the elf lest she repeat any of their conversation to his parents.

"As you wish, Master James," Dooley said in her squeaky voice. "I will go and dust the ballroom." And she left the kitchen and closed the door behind her.

James shook his head. "Doesn't know the meaning of the word 'break,' that one," he said, then he took another bite of his tart in what he hoped was a casual manner.

But when he looked up, his friends were still watching him. Sirius crossed his arms. "Don't try to change the subject, mate. You've been unusually mute on the topic of…what is she currently? 'The most beautiful girl to ever make unfounded accusations against my character?'"

Peter and Remus laughed but James scowled. "I never said that," he grumbled.

"No," Sirius agreed. "But your meaning was pretty clear. You came back to the Common Room the night of the Quidditch match grumbling about birds always jumping to the worst possible conclusions and then ignored Lily for the rest of the week. And you almost bit Moony's sodding head off when he mentioned he was going to Slughorn's party with her. I'll admit, I followed you blindly in ignoring her for a few days, but if she did something really awful, you would have told us. And I don't exactly like ignoring Evans because, let's face it, she's the cleverest girl in our year...after Mary, of course."

"And she was nice enough to invite me to the party," Remus added. "No matter how it turned out. Oh!" he muttered to himself a moment later. "I need to apologize for walking out on her."

"What happened between you two, anyway?" Peter asked.

James sighed and put his fork down. He pushed the rest of the tart away from him. "We got into a fight after the Quidditch match. She was mad at me for something that, for once in my bleeding life _actually_ wasn't my fault, and I was mad at her for being mad. But I got over it and she apologized the night before we left and…that's it."

Sirius, Remus, and Peter looked at him skeptically. "It _really_ wasn't your fault?" Remus asked.

"What? No! I said it wasn't my fault and it wasn't my fault," James insisted hotly.

Peter raised his eyebrows but didn't say anything. Remus put down his fork too. "So where does that leave you two now?"

James thought about that and shrugged. "Right back in square one, I'd say."

Sirius snorted. "Square one my arse! You've never been in _square one_ with Lily. She's hated you since our first bloody train ride because we made those cracks about Snivellus, remember? After that she hated you and you were indifferent to her. Then she hated you and you fancied her. Then she _really_ hated you and you were obsessed with her. Then—"

"Alright!" James cut him of while Remus and Peter sniggered. "We're probably not at square one. Lily is…Lily. I don't know; she's probably gone back to indifference. Better than the beginning of the year, but not as good as…" he stopped, almost having told them about their exchange in the Hospital Wing and the first part of their conversation in the Room of Requirement. But he didn't think Lily would want that repeated. "Anyway. Lily is indifferent and I'm…"

Here, he really didn't know what he was going to say. He was in love with her. Still. He'd never stopped loving her, even after she'd yelled at him in the Room of Requirement. But he was starting to think he should just give all of that up. He looked down, fiddling with a crumb on the counter.

"You're still mad about Lily, James," Remus said easily. "Anyone can see that. And if it helps, I'm starting to think Lily is going a bit mad about you, too."

James looked up so quickly he cricked his neck. "What?"

The corner of Remus's mouth twitched up in a smile. "I said I think Lily is starting to go mad for you," he said.

"I heard what you said! What makes you think that?" James asked, standing up from his barstool and fighting the urge to leap over the counter and grab the front of Remus's robes.

Remus smirked. "Just something she said on the way down to Slughorn's party," he said. "She kept asking if you were angry with her and if you'd said anything to us about her. I told her 'no,' by the way, since I don't consider you angrily grumbling about how unreasonable birds are to be a direct comment on Lily. Then she said she didn't want you to be angry with her because you were only trying to help and that you were, and I quote, 'really a decent sort of bloke.' I think she was talking more to herself at that point, because I still don't know what went on between you two, but I'll say this: I can't think of any other time that Lily has cared one lick what you thought about her."

James sat back down, stunned. Lily Evans thought he was a decent sort of bloke. Not a bullying toerag. Not an arrogant berk. A decent sort of bloke.

A grin spready across his face and he gazed without seeing at the white tiled kitchen around him.

"Oh, Merlin, you've really done it this time, Remus," Sirius complained. "He's going to be _insufferable_ now!"

But James barely heard him. He was thinking about what he was going to do the next time he saw Lily Evans.

* * *

James spent the rest of that night and the next morning on the train brainstorming with his friends and trying to come up with the prefect greeting for Lily after their time apart. No doubt she had spent the two weeks thinking about him just as much as he had been thinking about her, and she would be expecting only the best, he was sure. The problem was, James had no experience in the area of greeting a Lily Evans who was not only willing but possibly _eager_ to talk to him. He'd spent most of the past year trying to convince Lily to even listen patiently while _he_ talked.

By this point, James thought himself quite adept at chasing Lily Evans. But what should one say to a bird that _wants_ to be caught?

Specifically, what does one say to a girl like Lily Evans? James had chased and caught plenty of girls in his time at Hogwarts. Not a huge number, but he'd certainly never lacked for a date to Hogsmeade when he'd wanted one. But now he was on the cusp of the catch of his life. And he had no bloody idea what to do.

"I have _no bloody idea what do_!" James agonized, running his hands through his hair as he paced their compartment on the Hogwarts Express.

"So we've heard," Sirius grumbled. He was leaning back in his seat with a Muggle magazine covering the top half of his face, trying to sleep. On the other side of the compartment, Remus was having better luck sleeping. The shadows under his eyes were darker than ever; it was just a few days before the full moon. And Peter was gone, chasing the food trolley for some more sweets.

"Padfoot, you have to help me," James begged, reaching forward to lift the magazine from his friend's face.

Sirius's hand whipped out and slapped James's hand before he even touched the copy of _Street Chopper_. "Prongs, I've been trying to help you for nearly twenty-four hours," he snapped. "But you don't want to take my suggestions and I think all of your ideas are stupid, so here we are."

James groaned and ran a hand through his hair again. "What did you say when you asked Mary out?" he asked for what was probably the dozenth time.

"The answer hasn't changed, James," Sirius said. "First I asked her if she wanted to go to Hogsmeade with me. Notice that I asked her one-on-one; I didn't shout it at her in front of our entire year while hexing her best mate." He looked sternly at James as he said this, and James sighed.

"That time I asked her out after our O.W.L.'s wasn't the first time I asked her out, Sirius. The first time it was just the two of us and she _still_ said no."

Sirius nodded and sat up straighter in his seat, tossing the magazine to the side. "Yeah, that happens sometimes, mate. Just because it's never happened to _us_ before doesn't make it all that odd."

James made a desperate noise and Sirius held a hand up. "Second," he said louder to head-off James's interruption. "I waited until she had agreed to go on a date with me, which, fortunately, happened right away. And on that date, I was pleasant and I asked her questions about herself and listened to the answers. And at the end of the date, I asked if she wanted to see me again sometime. And she did. Then…" Sirius trailed off. This was the first time James had allowed him to get that far without interrupting. "Well, I won't reveal all of my secrets. Suffice it to say I spent a bit more time with Mary, took her on a few more dates, then I asked if she wanted to be my girlfriend. And she said yes."

James dropped into his seat. "How do I get Evans to say yes when I ask her on a date?"

Sirius frowned, considering. "Well, with your track record with Lily, and with what I know about her…I'd say it's all going to be in the delivery. Because, no offense mate, but every other time I've heard you ask a girl out, it sounds more like you're informing her that you've chosen her as your next date and just sort of assume she'll be flattered. It usually works, but I'm not all that surprised it didn't work with Evans."

James frowned too, remembering that past March when he'd first asked Lily on a date. With a touch of embarrassment, he realized that he _had_ sort of treated it like he was giving her a prize. He'd certainly been expecting her to agree, at any rate, and he'd been surprised when she turned him down.

"So ask her on a date and be prepared for her to say no," James coached himself.

"Hang on, you're not planning on asking her out straight away, are you?" Sirius asked.

"Y…yes? No? I don't know!" James said, flopping his head against the back of the seat and letting his shoulders go limp. "Help me, Sirius, I've forgotten how to talk to girls," he whined.

Remus shifted in his seat. "You two are stupid," he muttered,

James ignored this.

"Don't ask her out first thing. In fact, you probably shouldn't even ask her out at all until you know when the next Hogsmeade weekend is. Just focus on having a normal, polite conversation today."

"How do I do that?"

"I don't know, James! Just…pretend she's one of us," Sirius suggested.

He frowned. "No, that won't do. I don't want to snog any of you lot."

Sirius threw his hands above his head. "This is hopeless! At this rate, you probably shouldn't even try looking at her today."

The train shuddered and then started to slow down.

"Good Godric, we're almost there!" James yelpd, launching himself across the compartment and pressing his glasses to the window. He could see the familiar trees that surrounded Hogsmeade station. He turned back to Sirius. "What do I do?"

"Don't try to talk to her yet, James; you're not ready. Abort the mission!"

Remus sat up, wiping sleep from the corner of his eye. Peter poked his head back in the compartment. "We're here," he reported, unnecessarily.

James looked around in an absolute panic. The train ground to a stop, they heard the sounds of the doors opening, and students began to emerge from their compartments and made for the platform.

Not sure exactly what else to do, James grabbed his belongings and followed the line of students off the train, Sirius at his shoulder saying all the while, "Call it off, mate. This isn't a good idea."

Ahead of him, James saw Alice, Dorcas, and Mary emerge from a train car some distance away. Lily would be with them.

James turned back to Sirius. "I'm going to wing it, mate!" he said. He darted toward the Gryffindor girls as Sirius shouted at him to come back.

Now that James was closer, he could see the back of Lily's head. That red hair would be recognizable anywhere. He focused almost entirely on her, scarcely noticing the grim expressions on Alice and Dorcas's faces or the way Mary was speaking reassuringly to her.

"Lily!" he called and she turned around. As excited as he was to see her, and as hard as his heart was pounding, he didn't notice how pale she was or the blank look in her eyes until he was right in front of her. "Lily, I—what's wrong?" he changed tracks as quick as he could. His heart gave a great lurch and began to thump faster.

She just looked at him vacantly, like she wasn't really seeing him. "My mum died," she said.

Author's Note: My daughter has taken two unexpectedly long naps today, and I took advantage of the time to get this chapter ready to post. I hope you all enjoy! Also, in celebration of my fifteenth chapter, I'm going to do something that I promised myself I wouldn't do: ask for reviews. I'm trying to stay motivated on the few kind words I've received so far, but it would be nice to know who is reading, what you think, and, most importantly, what you think I can improve on.


	16. Chapter 16

Lily's holiday was horrible. From the moment she saw Petunia waiting for her in King's Cross and through the final day, Lily wished the entire thing had just never happened. She knew the only way she was going to get through her first day back at school was to think about what had happened as little as possible. But that was easier said than done, she noted. And if you were trying not to think of something, your brain had a funny way of bringing it up. So it was that Lily found herself again recounting everything that had happened over the last two weeks.

She had hurried up to her sister right away when she saw her standing by the ticket booth. "Tuney, what are you doing here? What's wrong?"

Petunia was twisting a copy of the train schedule in her bony hands, tense. She didn't answer.

"Tuney?" Lily prompted, grabbing her sister's shoulders.

She blinked and looked at Lily, her grey-blue eyes overbright. "Mummy is in the hospital. They took her last night," she said finally in a strangled-sounding voice.

Lily froze, holding her breath, waiting for Petunia to go on, to tell her that their mum would be getting out soon, that she had been checked over, and that she was going to be fine. But Petunia didn't say anything else. She just stared, and from the crease between her eyebrows and the strain in the cast of her jaw, Lily knew there was no good news, no consolation to be shared.

"Come on," Lily said, shifting her grip to Petunia's wrist and leading her out of the train station. "Where are you parked?" she asked over her shoulder. "Or did you take a black cab?"

"A black cab," Petunia managed, struggling to keep up with Lily's pace. "Dad has the car."

Lily pulled Petunia right up to the curb and hailed a taxi. One appeared out of nowhere and pulled up to them so quickly Lily thought for a second it was enchanted, but the driver who leaned out of the window to look at them was definitely a Muggle. "Where to?" he asked in a thick Londoner accent.

Petunia stepped forward. "Central Hospital, Hatton," she told the driver.

"But that's all the way in Warwickshire," Lily protested, opening the door of the taxi and climbing in after Petunia and setting Radagast's carrier on the seat between them. He meowed.

"Mum has been going there a lot lately," Petunia said, a bit of waspishness creeping back into her voice. "You'd know that if you weren't constantly running off to that mad house of yours."

Lily scowled. "I'd know that if Dad would tell me anything in those pitiful letters he sends. Or if you'd write to me at all," she snapped as the driver pulled into the busy traffic outside King's Cross. Petunia didn't say anything. Lily looked over and saw that her sister was glaring out the window at the traffic, sulking. "How bad is she?" Lily chanced asking after a moment.

Petunia shot her another glare. "Bad," she said. "And Dad isn't refusing to tell you because he doesn't want to upset you. He's refusing to tell you because he's in complete denial. It's been…"

Her sister trailed off and Lily looked around at her again. Her eyes were red and her cheeks sallow. Petunia cleared her throat and went on. "It hasn't been easy."

Lily bit her lip and watched as Petunia dabbed at her eyes with the sleeve of her coat. "How's Mum really?" Lily asked hesitantly a minute later, almost afraid to hear the answer.

Petunia didn't even look at her when she said, "Bad," again. She started straight ahead at the street in front of them. Lily didn't ask her to elaborate.

The ride to the hospital took thirty long minutes. By the time the taxi pulled around to the main entrance, Lily was gripping the door handle, ready to launch herself out of the vehicle. As soon as it came to a stop, she did just that, leaving Petunia to pay the driver.

She hurried through the doors and looked around the unfamiliar halls. There was a reception desk straight ahead of her, but it was, of course, unmanned.

"Lily!" Petunia hissed, and Lily turned around to see her standing outside and holding the door open, sticking her head in the building. She was holding Lily's purse and Radagast's basket. "What am I supposed to do with all of this?"

"Damn," Lily muttered, crossing back to the door and outside. She took her purse from her sister but looked worriedly at her cat. "Tuney, can you…could you…" she broke off, biting her lip again. She couldn't bring Radagast into the hospital, but she couldn't leave him outside either. And judging by the expression on Petunia's face, asking her to bring him home or stay outside with him was out of the question. She was still trying to decide what to do when the door behind them opened again.

"Girls!" a voice called, and Lily turned around.

It was her father. He hurried toward them. "I'd just come out to look for you. I was about to call the train station, thought I don't know what I would have said if you hadn't come out from your platform, Lily…"

Lily ran over to him and gave him a quick hug, which he returned hurriedly. "You should come inside, your mother is…" he trailed off again and gulped. "Your mother would like to see you."

"But Dad, I can't, I have my cat," Lily started to explain, but he turned and went back into the building without listening.

She turned back to Petunia just as she pushed Radagast's basket into Lily's arms and took a step to follow their father. "Tuney, wait!" Lily cried, grabbing her sister's hand. "I can't…" she too trailed off.

Petunia glared at her for a long moment, but her brow unfurrowed as she saw that Lily had tears in her eyes. She closed the distance between herself and Lily and leaned down to whisper in her ear. "Can't you…you know…_do_ something? About the cat?"

Lily looked up at her with wide eyes. She blinked the tears away. "I…I could. I suppose. I mean, I'm not _supposed_ to. Not really, but…" she looked around the parking lot. Nobody was watching. And surely nobody from the Ministry would be able to trace her there. A Muggle hospital might be an odd place for a witch or wizard to go, but the Ministry wouldn't spend so much time looking for the source of one innocuous spell or two.

She looked back to Petunia. "Okay, hide me," she said as she lifted Radagast's basket and pulled out her wand. Petunia glared at the thin stick of wood and started chewing her tongue, but she obligingly moved even closer to stand between Lily and a middle-aged Muggle waiting by the curb.

Lily stuck her wand through the basket, taking a deep breath to steady herself before attempting the spell. The last thing she needed to do was botch the transfiguration and have to worry about fixing her cat on top of whatever was going on with her mother. "_Felicitate_," she whispered and poked Radagast with her wand. The cat had time for one annoyed yowl before he was transfigured into a candle. Lily took the candle out and tucked it into her purse, then she tapped the basket with her wand and shrunk it down to the size of a thimble and slipped it in her pocket.

When she looked up at Petunia again, she was glaring suspiciously at Lily's purse, where Lily had tucked the candle that was the cat, but she didn't say anything. Lily hurried after her into the hospital, following Petunia through the maze of hallways and stairwells before they reached the right room.

No matter what her father had put in his blasted letters, her mother was _not_ fine. When Lily and Petunia arrived at the room the nurse had directed them to, Lily was certain for a moment that they were in the wrong place. The woman lying on the bed was, at first glance, unrecognizable as their mother.

Tubes and wires snaked out of her arms and into machines positioned around her bed. Her hair, once brilliantly red like Lily's and only sparsely streaked with grey, was now the color of steel with just a few smatterings of dull amber. And her eyes, normally so bright, were tired and vacant. She just stared straight ahead even though her husband was seated next to her, holding her hand and talking softly to her. "Look, Rose, your girls are here," he said as they walked in and Lily checked on the threshold.

Her mother did not look up, did not give any indication that she knew they were there. She just stared.

Tears sprang to Lily's eyes. She turned and dashed past nurses and visitors as she fled. She glanced up in time to see the sign for a women's washroom, and she pushed the door open and darted inside. It clicked shut just as the first sob ripped its way out of her throat.

* * *

Lily was dragged back to the hospital every day for the first week of her Christmas holiday. And while her father kept up a cheerful monologue from the moment they stepped into the room to the moment they left it, Lily hardly spoke a word. True, Petunia obediently sat by their mother's side, held her hand, and told her about her days – though it was almost all about Vernon Dursley, the man she had been dating for nearly two years, and whom she hoped would be proposing soon. Lily noted with benign interest that Petunia used to tell her mum all about her and Vernon's hopes of one day starting a family, and later started telling her about the type of wedding she'd like to have. It seemed Petunia was scaling back the timeline of life events she was willing to describe to their mother.

And Lily thought she knew why this was. Every time Petunia finished recounting a story about one of her dates with Vernon, their father would clap a hand on Petunia's shoulder and say loudly, "It'll only be a matter of time before you're taking Petunia wedding dress shopping. Isn't that right, Rose?"

Petunia would wince whenever he did this, but Mr. Evans didn't seem to notice. Their mother would not react at all.

Lily herself said as little as she could. As illogical as she knew she was being, she could not think of the shrunken woman in the bed as her mother. Her mother, ROse Evans, had been lively, funny, and dramatic. She had told them silly jokes in the car and sang songs when she put them to bed. She was the only one who knew how to calm Petunia down when she was having one of her tantrums, just what to say to reassure Lily that her sister never hated her, and exactly whether they were in the mood for coco or tea. The woman in the bed just stared.

And all the while, doctors and nurses moved in and out of the room, checking charts and taking readings of this and that. Lily thought, after spending so much time in the Hospital Wing, that she was used to being in a medical setting; magical or Muggle, she had expected all hospitals to be the same. But the way the Muggle doctors interacted with both patient and visitors was entirely unfamiliar. She and Madam Pomfrey, when they treated patients, moved with urgency. When Madam Pomfrey delivered bad news, she spoke with a briskness and honesty that Lily could respect. The doctors who came in every day to exchange murmured tidings with her father moved with a hesitancy that Lily thought was unbecoming of their profession. They gave only vague observations and dumbed-down their explanations. Lily resented them for it. But still, she listened.

In the end, it hadn't been Alzheimer's that took her mother away. It had been another stroke. As Lily learned by listening in when a doctor called Miller came in to talk to her father on the sixth day of Lily's holiday, her mother had had a second stroke the day before Lily came home. Strokes, apparently, became more common when a patient was bedridden. And while the first stroke had been minor, the second was serious. It had resulted in memory loss which, combined with the advanced Alzheimer's Disease, essentially wiped away everything that was left of Rose.

Lily heard Doctor Miller whispering this to her father on Thursday, the day before Christmas, and she knew right then that she would never get to talk to her mother again. When her father chided her in the car on the way home that night for refusing to sit with her mother and tell her about the last few months she had been away, Lily ignored him. Her resentment towards her father was nearly as crushing as her grief for her mother. As far as Lily was concerned, by lying about her mother's health and keeping Lily away at school, he had deprived Lily and Rose of their last chance to say goodbye. And she remembered, late that night as she cried herself to sleep, that she hadn't even said goodbye the morning she left for Hogwarts that Fall, since Rose had been having a "bad day." Now it was too late, because the woman in the bed didn't know that her daughter was near. She didn't listen when she told her that she loved her. The woman in the bed just stared.

* * *

The next morning, Mr. Evans once again woke Lily and Petunia and told them they were going to the hospital. Lily knew better than to protest. She sat up in bed and stroked Radagast, whom she had transfigured back into a cat in the hospital parking lot on the first day of her holiday, and _damn the Ministry_. Then she got dressed and followed Petunia into the back seat of their father's car.

Nobody spoke a word the entire way to Central Hospital.

Lily continued her stretch of silence for the first hour of their visit. She looked down at her hands, trying to ignore the false cheer in her father's voice as he wished the woman in the bed a Happy Christmas and tried to prompt Petunia to pull a cracker with him. But several minutes later, now adorned with an orange paper crown, Mr. Evans put a hand on Petunia's shoulder. "Petunia, let's give your sister a few minutes alone with her mum," he said, and Lily looked up, alarmed.

"No! No, you don't need to do that," Lily protested.

Mr. Evans waved a hand. "Nonsense," he said, now with a touch of steel in his voice. "You haven't had any time just the two of you in…well, in quite a while. Petunia and I will just go to the tea room for a few minutes and let you catch up."

Lily stood up and watched them go with her hands clenched. Petunia glanced back over her shoulder in the doorway and gave Lily a look somewhere between commiseration and pity. The door clicked shut.

With nothing else to do, Lily looked back down at the woman in the bed. She stared. Lily sat down.

Now beginning to feel awkward, Lily glanced around the room. It was sparse, spartan. The walls were painted with a thick, globby white paint and there were no decorations. It looked…sterile. Desensitizing. It wasn't at all the place Lily would choose to die.

As this thought gripped her, a sob escaped Lily's lips and she lunged forward and seized the woman's hand. She felt the engagement ring and wedding band click against the woman's bony fingers as she squeezed. They were loose on her fingers now. She had shrunken, receded.

Lily didn't want to notice that. She didn't want to see it. She turned her face away and squeezed her eyes shut, fighting back tears.

When she was able to chance another peek at her mother's face, she noticed that someone, most likely her father, had put another one of those paper crowns from a cracker on her head. He had probably meant it as a vain attempt to include the vacant woman in the bed in their Christmas celebrations, but to Lily, it looked more like he was trying to pretty-up an accessory to the room. While once they would have gathered together around a Christmas tree, now they gathered around this woman. _Isn't she festive?_

Lily reached forward and took the crown off. As she did so, her fingers brushed the grey hair. As unfamiliar as it looked, it still felt the same.

Lily clenched her jaw. Her mother _must_ be in there somewhere, she thought suddenly, fiercely. She stood up, hand still cradling her mother's head. "Mum?" she said loudly. Her mother just stared. Lily turned away, pulling her hand back, and grabbed her purse from the floor. Heart beating fast, she took out her wand.

She crossed to the door and opened it, peering into the hall. Nobody was around. She pulled the door closed and listened as it clicked shut. In the silence of the room, the sound was like a gunshot. Lily turned and crossed back to her mother.

Once she had reached the staring woman's bed, she hesitated again. She knew what she wanted to do, but not how to do it. With a fleeting surge of hysteria, she recalled that the worst injury she had ever healed was a broken arm.

Wand still raised but not knowing quite what to do, Lily dropped back into her chair. She looked at the staring woman, who did not look back.

Lily inched her chair forward and shot another nervous glance at the door, but there was no movement or noise from the other side. "Er…" Lily began, readjusting her grip on her wand. She remembered vaguely that she'd promised someone she wouldn't do exactly what she was about to do.

But before she had the chance to do anything else, to even try to think of a spell she might use, the woman in the bed blinked.

Lily blinked too. The woman blinked again and, slowly, turned her head to face Lily.

She thought for a moment that she had done magic without meaning to, but she felt no accompanying surge of power, and she hadn't had any idea what spell she would have had to use, anyway.

"Lily?" the woman's asked. Her voice was thin and raspy, but Lily recognized it.

She dropped her wand and it clattered to the floor and rolled under the bed. "Mum?" she asked again, leaning forward to grip her hand again, tightly this time.

Her mother blinked at her again and moved her mouth, as though wanting to speak but not able to think of the right words. After what felt like an hour but was probably only a few seconds, her mother spoke again. "You're…here."

"Yes! Yes, I'm here, Mummy! I'm—"

The door was thrown open and her father appeared carrying a Styrofoam cup. "We got you tea, Lily. Earl Grey with milk and no sugar, isn't that how you take it?" he asked, leading Petunia into the room.

Lily jumped but didn't take her eyes off of her mother's, but the woman on the bed didn't speak again. Though her eyes were still on Lily, Lily was sure that they weren't actually seeing her. The familiar brightness that Lily had caught a glimmer of a moment before was absent again. Lily leaned back and shut her eyes as her father walked in and set the cup down on the windowsill next to her, apparently not having noticed the look on Lily's face.

But Petunia did notice that. She noticed something else, too. "What did you _DO?_" she almost screamed as she pushed the door closed behind her.

Lily opened her eyes and looked around at her sister, who was glaring at something on the floor. Lily's wand. Lily jumped from her seat and dived under the bed, grabbing the wand and shoving it back in her purse as her father turned around at Petunia's raised voice.

"Petunia, darling, please! Your mother needs rest! What are you—"

But Petunia was pointing a shaking finger at Lily. "She did something to Mum!" she shrieked. "She had her…her…her _wand_ out!"

Mr. Evans wheeled back to Lily. "What?" he cried, hurrying forward and taking the woman in the bed's hand.

"I didn't do anything!" Lily said, straightening up and looking earnestly at both of them. "I…my wand must have fallen out of my purse. I didn't use it, I didn't do magic! I swear!"

Her father looked carefully at his wife, taking one hand off of hers and petting her hair, then glancing up at the monitors to read their displays. They didn't make much sense to Lily, but apparently whatever they showed was familiar to him. He stood up again and turned to Petunia. "Darling, your mother is fine."

"No! No! No!" Petunia wailed. "She _did_ something! She _must_ have! Get the doctors back in here, Daddy! Make them put Mummy right!"

Lily gasped, stung by the accusation, but devastated by the hopelessness in her sister's voice. _Put her right,_ indeed, she though weakly.

There were tears in Petunia's eyes when they next met Lily's, but Lily saw in the look they shared that Petunia, just like Lily, knew that nothing could be done to put their mother right. Nothing could be done to bring her back. And Lily could see that Petunia didn't really believe that it was Lily's fault. But if the pain filling her sister's heart was anything like the anguish in her own, Lily knew that Petunia, like her, just needed something to blame.

Lily looked down at the floor. It was too shiny, and the linoleum squeaked as Lily shifted her feet. Her father was still trying to soothe Petunia. The woman in the bed wasn't doing anything. "I'm going to the tea room," Lily forced out, and she walked out of the room.

* * *

Her father found her in the tea room an hour later. He sat down in the chair across from Lily. Neither of them said anything at first. Lily dug her fingernail into the side of her Styrofoam cup, studying the pattern of indentations she had made in the time she'd been sitting there.

Then her father sighed. "Petunia is getting the car," he said. Lily didn't respond. "She knows you didn't so anything to your mother," he went on after another moment. Lily looked up at him. His eyes were tired, and the lines etched into his face we so much deeper than Lily remembered them. The hair at his temples was beginning to go grey.

They grew silent again.

After an endless minute, Lily looked up again. "Why didn't you tell me?" she asked, her voice barely stronger than a whisper.

Her father smiled sadly at her. "Because there's nothing you can do," he said. "And because I didn't want you to have to watch. I've tried to shield Petunia as much as I can, but she's resistant. I know how close you girls always were with your mother, and Petunia isn't going to give that up. Sometimes I think she's trying to take control with the doctors, even. I don't think she trusts me to make the decisions anymore."

Lily bit her lip and forced her eyes to remain dry. In truth, she didn't think that _she_ trusted her father with the decisions anymore, either.

"I know what's going on, Lily."

She looked up again. "What?"

"With your mother. I know what's going on," he said.

"What do you—" Lily began, but before she could ask the rest of her question, someone appeared at their table.

It was Petunia. "I've pulled the car around, Dad," she said, not looking at Lily. "It's waiting for us out front."

"Thank you, sweetheart," he said and he stood up. Lily did the same. She followed Petunia and her father out of the tea room and down the hall. She peeked into her mother's room as they walked past the open door, but all she saw was the unfamiliar woman in the bed, still staring vacantly at the too-white wall.

* * *

Mr. Evans did not insist that they go back to the hospital again, but Lily went every day. In a way, her brief encounter with her mother on Christmas had opened something inside Lily. It had allowed her, in those brief few words they had exchanged, to say both hello and goodbye. Her mother, or all of her that was left, knew that Lily had been there, that she had come to be with her.

She spent the next five days sitting in the plain, sterile hospital room holding hands with the woman in the bed, brushing her hair, and unnecessarily plumping her pillows. She may not be her mother anymore, Lily thought, but no matter who she was, the woman deserved some company.

The woman in the bed never said another word, never even moved her eyes to Lily's face again, but it felt good for Lily to be there.

Petunia went back only once and she split the time between staring sadly at the woman and glaring at Lily whenever she smoothed the blankets or brushed the grey hair back from her forehead.

Her father also went every day, sometimes with Lily and sometimes alone. Lily didn't listen anymore when he talked to the doctors. It didn't matter what they said.

Lily woke up early on the morning of December 31, 1976 to the sound of the telephone ringing. She glanced at her alarm clock and saw that it was half-past five. She got out of bed and opened the door to her room, intending to go to the kitchen for the phone, but her father picked it up on the second ring. Lily drew back, standing in her doorway, listening.

He exchanged a few quiet pleasantries with whoever was on the other end of the line. He said "okay" several times, and then "when?" Then he sighed, thanked the person who called, and put the phone back on the hook. Lily heard the sound of a chair being pulled back from the kitchen table and the creak of wood as he sat down. After a moment, he began to cry.

Movement out of the corner of her eye caught Lily's attention. It was Petunia, standing in her doorway down the hall. Her eyes flicked to Lily and they shared a long, expressionless look. Then Petunia turned around and went back into her room, closing the door quietly behind her. Lily did the same.

* * *

Lily didn't go to the funeral. There was no point. She'd said goodbye to her mother days ago, and putting on a black dress and having her hand shaken by a line of her mother's friends and family members whom she hadn't seen in years wasn't going to do anyone any good. Instead, she packed her bags for Hogwarts.

"Darling, you can't possibly be ready to go back to school," her father insisted the night after the funeral when Lily asked him if she would drop her off at King's Cross the next day.

"I have to go back," Lily said wearily. She had been expecting a fight. "It's the middle of the school year. I can't miss my lessons."

"Lily, your mother just died," he said, and his voice grew quiet when he got to the last word, as though if he didn't say it loudly, then neither of them would have to think too hard about it. "I'm sure your professors will understand if you need to take a few weeks, or even a few months—"

Lily shook her head. "No, Dad! I can't do that. And I _want_ to go back." She didn't explain why and hoped her father wouldn't press her on it. In truth, Lily was desperate to get away from her house. Every time she walked into a room, she expected to find her mother there, cross-stitching on the couch or humming to herself as she washed dishes in the kitchen. But she couldn't say this to her father, not when he had been going to such great lengths to make everything seem normal for her and Petunia.

Petunia came into the room in time to catch Lily's last sentence. "Where are you going, Lily?" she said sharply.

Her father said "nowhere' and the same time that Lily said "back to school." They stopped and glared at each other. Petunia's eyes widened.

"You can't go back to school!" she said shrilly.

Lily turned to her, surprised. "Why?"

Petunia was blinking, apparently surprised at herself too. "Because I…I mean…because it's improper! It's _wrong_!" she finally said, regaining a bit of the sharp tone she usually used when she addressed Lily.

"What do you mean?" Lily asked.

"Mum isn't even cold in the ground yet, and you're just running off back to that freak place so you can pretend it never happened!" Petunia spat, eyes narrowing.

Their father took a step between them. "Petunia, that's enough," he said, and Petunia folded her arms, sulking and glaring at Lily. Mr. Evans sighed and turned back to his younger daughter. "Lily, if you want to go back to school, I won't stop you. but I insist on informing your Head of House before you get there so arrangements can be made for you to come home if you need to."

Lily considered and nodded. "I don't know where I'll get an owl, though," she said doubtfully. But almost as soon as the words were out of her mouth, she heard a tapping sound from her bedroom. She got up and peeked through the doorway.

One of the Hogwarts owls was perched outside her window, a letter in his beak. Lily hurried over to let him in and took the letter curiously. She opened it and read:

_Dear Miss Evans,_

_It has come to our attention that you have recently suffered the loss of a family member. May I first extend my deepest condolences to you and your family. I wish to inform you, on behalf of the headmaster, that procedures can be put in place to accommodate any bereavement leave you wish to take from your lessons. You are, of course, welcome back to the castle at any time you choose. We will do our utmost to minimize any impact this tragic event may have on your studies. Please let me know of your decision by return owl._

_Sincerely,_

_Minerva McGonagall, Deputy Headmistress._

Lily took the letter back out to where her father was standing in the living room and handed it to him wordlessly. He read it through and muttered begrudgingly that it seemed everything had been arranged.

"I can go, then?" she asked.

Her father gave her a long, hard look. "If you think it's best, you can go, Lily. But…" Lily didn't listen as her father went on to suggest her that she come back home for the Easter holidays. She nodded through his talk and then went back into her room to scribble a reply to Professor McGonagall. She sent it off with the school owl, watching it fly away and nursing a strong suspicion as to who had sent tidings of her mother' death to the school.


	17. Chapter 17

James's jaw dropped as he stared at Lily on the platform at Hogsmeade station. "Oh my Merlin, Lily, I'm so sorry!" he said, and before he could think about it, he swooped her up in a hug.

Lily tensed against him. James noticed and, with a swooping feeling of horror at what he had done, started to release her. Before he could withdraw his arms, Lily reached up and wrapped her arms around his neck. They held each other tightly. James, unsure what else to do, ran a hand up her back and she pressed her face into his chest. Her hands knotted on the back of his sweater and she began to shake with what James was sure were sobs.

He wanted to comfort her, to tell her everything would be okay, but he couldn't. Everything would _not_ be okay, he knew. Not for a long time. But he tried to pour all of his love, every ounce of his affection for Lily into the embrace. As the two of them stood on the platform with their peers and classmates milling around them toward the carriages, all James could think to say, to whisper into Lily's ear was, "I'm here for you, Lily."

Gradually, Lily's shoulders ceased their quaking and she grew still and quiet. After a long moment, she pulled away from him. Her eyes, he was alarmed to see, looked dead as she looked first to his face and then down at his chest. "I cried all over you again," she observed listlessly.

James barely spared a glance at his tear-stained sweater. "Doesn't matter," he said, unable to keep the concern out of his voice.

Lily didn't seem to notice. She wiped her eyes and looked blankly around the platform for her friends. "I'll see you around, James," she said, still in that dull voice. Then, without meeting his eyes, she turned around and walked toward the carriages. James saw Dorcas and Alice leaning out of one and she climbed into it and shut the door the second before it took off, bumping and rattling toward the castle.

Sirius appeared at James's side, watching the progress of Lily's carriage. "Blimey, mate, what did you _do?_" he asked.

"Nothing," James muttered, still too alarmed to be offended by the accusation in his friend's voice. "She said her mum died."

There was a pause, and then Sirius swore quietly. "I didn't know she was that sick," he said.

"Neither did I," James said. Lily's carriage was almost out of sight.

Remus and Peter hurried over a second later. "James, we just saw Lily, and she looked…" Peter began.

"What the hell did you say to her, Prongs?" Remus demanded.

"Nothing!" James said, now coming back to himself enough to be annoyed by the implications. "Her mum died!"

Peter gave a small gasp and Remus grew even paler. "Bloody hell," Remus muttered. "Did she say what happened?"

James shook his head. "She didn't say much. I didn't want to ask any questions."

"Mary told me Lily's mum had some Muggle disease that affected her memory. But she said that Lily didn't like to talk about it so she didn't know much more," Sirius said.

James didn't say anything. He didn't confirm or add what he knew about Lily's mother's illness. He was thinking back on his conversation with Lily in the Room of Requirement, his heart sinking further every second as a suspicion formed in his mind. He allowed Sirius and the others to shepherd him into a carriage, but he was silent the entire way up to the castle, and when they reached the Great Hall for dinner, Lily wasn't even there.

* * *

Lily skipped dinner and went straight up to her dormitory. Mary, Dorcas, and Alice went with her, though Lily tried to tell them not to. "Really, you don't need to miss dinner on my account," she said, working hard to force some emotion into her voice. She hadn't realized how _off_ she apparently sounded to other people until earlier that day when she met up with her friends on the train and they'd worked out what had happened over the holidays.

All four girls were halfway up the staircase to their dormitory and Dorcas threw out a hand to stop Mary and Alice from following Lily further. "Lily," Dorcas said firmly, and Lily turned to face her from one step above them, trying to arrange an appropriate expression on her face before she did so. "We want to keep you company, but we don't want to force our presence on you. Do you want us to come with you or do you need to be alone?"

Lily thought about that and she thought about the past few days at home. She, Petunia, and their father had been - consciously or unconsciously - avoiding each other ever since the morning they got the call. Lily had spent most of that time alone in her room, not speaking to anyone. She came out only for meals, which were eaten in silence.

She looked from Dorcas's resolved expression to Alice and Mary's concerned ones. In truth, the real reason she had been so eager to come back to Hogwarts right away was to escape that solitude and the oppressive silence in the house that had become a tomb. And she knew she didn't want to be alone.

"You can come with me," she said. Then, when Dorcas still looked unconvinced, she added, "Please come with me. I…I don't want to be by myself."

It should have horrified Lily, the way her voice shook over those last few words, but in a way it was more like relief. She had been trapped in a haze of grief, all other emotions stifled. "Funeral Fog," someone had called it, though she couldn't remember who. And as she looked between her three best friends, she felt for the first time in days the stirring of something other than sadness: gratitude.

Dorcas, strident as ever, lowered her arm and allowed Alice and Mary to follow Lily up the stairs, bring up the rear-guard herself.

Lily threw herself down onto her bed, kicking her shoes over the edge. Mary, who had been carrying Radagast's basket, let the cat out. He immediately jumped onto Lily's bed and began rubbing up against her side. She scratched his ears idly while her roommates settled themselves.

The dormitory grew quiet. Lily knew why; they were waiting for her to say something, to make the first move. And she wasn't sure what she wanted to say. She didn't know whether or not she wanted to talk to them about what happened. And with Dorcas there as a moderator, she knew that they wouldn't dare ask.

Eventually, she looked up, her decision made. All three witches were watching her carefully, thought they looked studiously away when they saw that Lily had noticed their attention.

Lily tried to hitch a smile onto her lips. "So, how were your holidays?" she asked as brightly as she could manage.

The three witches looked at her, their expressions ranging from incredulity to concern - this time, likely for her sanity.

"Dorcas, how did meeting Roger's parents go?" Lily prompted, hoping she would pick up the cue that Lily wanted to talk about other things.

She did. Dorcas's full lips twitched into a knowing smile that was quickly replaced by a genuine one. "It went quite well, actually," she said, then turned to the others and gave them meaningful looks. They tore their eyes away from Lily's face and looked instead at Dorcas. "And his little brother was there too, so I got to meet him as well. Richard, he's called. He's nine."

"And they liked you okay? They were nice?" Alice asked, and Lily let out a breath, relieved that her friends were obliging her by keeping the innocuous conversation going.

"Yes, they were very nice," Dorcas said, leaning back in her bed and resting her head in her arms. "I don't know what I was so nervous about on the train. They're just like Roger. His dad works for the Department of Magical Games and Sports and his mum is the ambassador to Switzerland for the Ministry. They invited me over on Boxing Day and she told me some of the most interesting stories."

"And gave you some really excellent chocolate, I'll bet. Do they bake cookies on Boxing Day?" Lily asked, settling on her bed. Radagast had curled up against her, purring. Dorcas nodded. "Godric, that sounds good right now: chocolate."

Dorcas beamed, apparently satisfied that Lily now sounded properly alive. And Lily did, surprisingly, feel more alive as she settled into the familiar dynamic of their dormitory.

Mary, who had been standing at the mirror tying her hair up in a ponytail, glanced at Lily through the reflection. "You know, I think I _will_ go down and get something to eat," she said. "Maybe meet Sirius too. I'll be back in a bit." She left.

Lily nodded as Mary closed the door behind her; she'd felt guilty for making her friends miss dinner, but at least Mary had decided that Lily's need for distraction weren't greater than her own need for sustenance. Lily turned back to Dorcas. "So you've met the parents and went for a visit. Did you stay with them too?"

"No, it was just for the day," Dorcas answered and grinned mischievously. "But Roger did kiss me."

Alice sat up and gave Dorcas an almost-accusing look. "You didn't tell me that!" she accused, eyebrows furrowed. "You're on your way to being an honest lady!"

The sentiment didn't quite match the tone, but it sounded natural on Alice's tongue, and Dorcas was certainly used to her strident nature and knew better than to take offense. She simply shrugged and launched into another story from her holidays. After about fifteen minutes in which Alice and Lily questioned Dorcas about everything from where Roger lives (Cornwall) to whether he was a good kisser (he was), Mary reappeared.

Lily was about to comment that she couldn't possibly have had time to eat dinner when she saw what her friend was holding: chocolate. A lot of it. "Oh, Mary, you didn't!" she said, touched.

"I did," Mary said simply. She set the heaping tray down on the end of her bed and threw Lily an éclair, which Lily caught before it hit her bedspread. Radagast sniffed at it hopefully and Lily took a large bite. "You said you wanted chocolate, and a quick trip down to the kitchens was the least I could do."

"You know how to get to the kitchens?" Dorcas asked, taking a slice of a chocolate and raspberry tart from the tray.

Mary chuckled. "I've been dating Sirius Black for about eight months; of course I know how to get to the kitchens. Where do you think our second date was? And our third..." She sat down on her bed with a slice of cake and took a bite, not bothering to grab one of the four forks tucked into a napkin on the side of the tray.

Alice, who had stood up to choose an offering herself, asked, "And the house-elves didn't mind you being there? I mean, they were in the middle of the feast, weren't they?"

"They were right chuffed, actually. They love having students visit, the house-elves. And they didn't mind the timing. They were in the middle of getting the puddings ready anyway. I just nicked all this off the prep-line for the Slytherin table."

All four girls chuckled at that. "Those poor Slytherins," Alice said with mock concern. "Whatever will they do without their trifle?" She took a bite of the dish in question and closed her eyes in delight.

"They'll surely starve," Mary replied, matching Alice's tone.

Lily took another bite of her pastry, listening to her friends' conversation with waning interest. But before she could settle too far into the familiar, protective fog, she remembered something. "Alice," she said, and her roommates looked over at her. "Did you ever find out what happened to Frank? He's okay, isn't he?" She felt guilty, suddenly, for being so preoccupied with her own troubles that she'd completely forgotten Alice's.

For the first time, uncertainty flickered in Alice's eyes, but she hitched a smile up after a mere second's delay. "Yes, he's fine. I heard from him the night we got back to London. He was on a mission and got delayed."

Lily frowned. "But when you talked to Hestia she said he wasn't on a mission."

"Well, it, er, wasn't a mission for the aurors. It was…personal," Alice said. Lily thought she was definitely hiding something, but before she could press, Alice put down her now empty bowl and walked back to the tray on the end of Mary's bed to select another dish. "Have you lot thought any more about doing those extra Apparition practice sessions next month? I think I'd like to take my test as soon as I can."

"Do you think you've got the hang of it, then?" Dorcas asked, rolling over onto stomach and propping her chin in her hands. "I still can't manage it without any consistency. I think I'm not properly determined, or desperate, or whatever it is."

Alice nodded to Dorcas, though she sneaked another peek at Lily before answering. "I can't do it every time yet, but we haven't had too many lessons, have we? I think I'll be ready in time for the test in March. What about you, Lil?"

Lily, who had gone back to petting Radagast, wondering what Alice wasn't telling them about Frank, looked up at the mention of her name. "What? Oh, Apparition. Yeah, I think I'll be ready. Twycross said I have 'the most deliberate twirl he's ever seen.'"

Her friends laughed.

"And you're turning seventeen this month, right? So you'll be ready to try for your license in March?" Alice asked.

She nodded. "Yes. And you're seventeen already," she observed. Alice's birthday had been in December. "Dorcas, you won't be seventeen until…April?"

Dorcas nodded. "April the seventh. I'll have to take my test during the summer."

Mary pouted. "You lot are lucky. My birthday isn't until the nineteenth of July!"

"Well, we promise not to leave you out on our grand Apparition adventures this summer," Alice promised. "We'll take you Side-Along if we have to."

"If I'm not too much of a burden, you mean," Mary sniffed, but she was grinning when Lily looked over at her.

Alice rolled her eyes. "You complain now," she said. "But just you watch, you lot are still going to be young and beautiful when I'm old and white-haired. Being the oldest has its detriments too, you know."

Lily grinned as she listened to their banter. This, she thought, was exactly what she needed and exactly why had decided to come back to school. Distraction, normalcy, something to keep her mind off of her loss. She realized with a stab of regret that that may have been exactly why her father and sister had been so resistant to her leaving. Though, she reminded herself, they hadn't spent much time together in the last week, and at this point, Petunia and her dad were probably more used to Lily being away at school than at home.

She was shaken out of her reverie a moment later by the sound of her name once more. "What?" she asked, looking up. She hadn't been paying attention to their conversation.

"I was just saying," Mary went on, "That with Dorcas dating Roger, Alice being practically engaged to Frank, and me being with Sirius, that you're the only single witch left in the dorm. When are you going to go ahead and give Potter a go?"

Lily blanched and turned away. She looked down at her knees and started petting Radagast again. She hadn't had to think about James or her tangled feelings for him in weeks. She'd only remembered everything that had transpired between them an hour earlier when she'd run into him on the platform. She'd known as he held her what he wanted from her, but she didn't know if she had anything to offer him. Her heart was empty. Or maybe it was missing. Or maybe it had died. She didn't know what her heart was doing or how it felt because she had been carefully avoiding listening to it for weeks. Ever since the day she walked into that hospital room and saw her mother's empty, staring eyes.

To her horror, Lily felt tears well in her own eyes. The last thing she saw was her roommates exchanging anxious looks as she nudged Radagast to the side, slid under her covers, and pulled the curtains closed on her bed.

* * *

Lily skived off her lessons the next day, and the day after. Her roommates left her alone for the most part. Professor McGonagall came to visit her on Monday night to see how she was doing. The older witch reminded Lily than she was welcome to take as much time away from lessons as she needed, and encouraged her to reach out if she needed anything from the school or if she wanted to go home. Lily told her that she didn't need anything and that she didn't want to go home, and McGonagall didn't press further.

She stayed in bed again on Wednesday morning and didn't go down for breakfast. Dorcas brought up some toast and pumpkin juice after their Potions class and made Lily eat, but then left her alone again in the dormitory a few minutes later to go to Astronomy. Lily didn't mind. She'd known when she decided to go back to school that she wouldn't always have her friends around to babysit her. And though the witches were always willing to draw her out in conversation whenever they could, Lily could only take a few minutes at a time before she lost interest.

Lily spent Thursday morning in her bed again, crying off and on and reading _The Journal of Amalia Coding_ whenever she got bored. But once she got about a quarter of the way into the book, the passages became more directly related to healing, which reminder her too much of those days she had spent in the hospital. She put the _Journal_ down. Not knowing what else to do, she pulled her curtains closed and took a nap.

Some time later, she woke to the sound of a knock at the door. She sat up, rubbing her eyes and peeking through her curtain. Judging by the light streaming through the window, it was sometime in the afternoon. None of her roommates were in the dormitory. "Come in," Lily called sleepily.

The door cracked open. To Lily's great surprise, it was Professor Macdonald's eyes that peered into the room. "Miss Evans?" she asked when her eyes found Lily.

Lily hurriedly sat up, running her fingers through her tangled hair and pushing it behind her ears. She stood up and pulled on her dressing gown, then turned to face her Defense professor. Never, in all her time at Hogwarts, could she remember hearing of any professor who wasn't a Head of House visiting the dormitories, but there Professor Macdonald stood, looking quite comfortable in what, Lily reminder herself, may have once been her own dormitory.

Macdonald looked at her closely, no doubt taking in Lily's eyes, which were red from another crying fit, and her face, haggard from her fitful sleep. She didn't know what the professor saw, but Lily was willing to bet it wasn't good. Professor Macdonald took another step into the room, conjured an armchair with a wave of her wand, and sat down. She motioned for Lily to do the same and she did, sitting on her bed again.

"How are you holding up, Lily?" she asked.

"Fine," Lily said quietly.

Lily could tell that neither of them believed her.

Professor Macdonald watched Lily, studying her carefully in a way that Lily was starting to find familiar. "I was surprised when I heard you came back to school so soon. Most students in your position would take at least a week or two away, probably more."

Lily nodded, not sure what to say to that. "I wanted to come back," she said eventually. Her voice was hoarse from sleep and from crying.

Macdonald gave her a hard, piercing look; the same look she had given her when they met all those months ago after the incident with the boggart. "Do you really want to be here, or are you just trying to get away from your home?" she asked, blunt but not unkind.

Lily nodded, too shocked to try to deny the truth in the older witch's words. She was again thrown off guard by Macdonald's candor. Everyone else, even her father and Petunia, had been dancing around the truth ever since her mother's death, or even before, and it was unbearable. "When I was home, nobody talked about what happened. I knew we were supposed to, and my dad kept telling me and Petunia, my sister, that we could talk to her about everything…but we never did. And he never tried to talk to us. Tuney and I hardly ever talk even at the best of times, and…" She trailed off.

"And have you been talking to anyone here?" Professor Macdonald prompted.

"Yes," Lily said.

"About what happened?"

"No."

"Do you want to?"

Here Lily hesitated, considering. She had appreciated Dorcas's willingness to give her space, to talk only when she wanted to and to keep the conversation on other topics, but in a sense, she felt like she was using it as a crutch. Lily knew she was going to have to open up eventually. Dorcas and the others were just humoring her and they all knew it. It couldn't continue. "Yes," Lily finally decided, and she looked up into Professor Macdonald's clear, sharp eyes. "I want to talk about it."

Macdonald nodded. "Do you have anyone particular in mind to talk to?"

Lily thought about that for another minute. She could talk to her roommates, of course. Dorcas would be a great listener. Alice would make connections that Lily couldn't and would suggest practical advice. Mary would just _care_ so damn much; almost enough to lift the burden from Lily's shoulders and onto her own. Lily briefly considered talking to James about it, but after the way their last conversation about her mother had ended, she didn't think that would do. James, her friends, they wouldn't understand; they had never experienced loss like this. Then Lily recalled something from her first meeting with Professor Macdonald. "You've lost someone, right? Your mentor in America?"

She nodded. "Heather Woods," Macdonald said. "She was an amazing witch and my first boss in the Auror Division of MACUSA. Very talented, very kind. But she knew how to light a fire under someone when they needed it, and I very much needed it when we first met." She chuckled. "Without Heather, I don't think I would have managed to stay in America, to finish training, or to have the career I've had. Heather's motto was: 'if I can do it, you can master it,' She'd had a hard life; she was born into a family of Muggles who rejected for because of what she was. The magical community where she lived wasn't welcoming either. They were suspicious of Muggleborns, they didn't understand where her powers had come from. A few even accused her of stealing them, as though that's possible. Faced with that hostility, she ended up moving across the country under an assumed identity when she was twenty. 'Heather' wasn't her real name, and I never found out what it was." Professor Macdonald stopped, staring unseeingly out the dormitory window. It was several minutes before she looked back at Lily. "Anyway, Heather ended up in New York City, as so many travelers in America do, be they magical or Muggle. There she joined MACUSA, became an auror, and was running the department by the time she was thirty-five. That was about when I arrived. She took me under her wing straight away; I think she identified with me, since I was an outsider in the ranks of new aurors: British, younger than all of the other trainees, since they don't come of age until eighteen in America, and full of the bitterness that only comes from heartbreak at a young age." She smiled to herself and shook her head.

"What happened to her?" Lily asked, and them immediately wished she hadn't. She knew how this story ended. But Professor Macdonald didn't look bothered by the question.

"She died," she said simply. "On a mission. I had been there for eight years, a fully-qualified auror for five. I wasn't assigned to that mission with her, but I was one of the aurors who responded after. It was horrible. I'll never forget it." Again, her eyes held a faraway look, and Lily knew she was thinking back to whatever she witnessed that day.

Lily knew all to well what that was like. "I feel like my mother died twice," she heard herself say, and then clamped her jaws shut in surprise. It was the first time she had spoken the thought, or even articulated it into words, and here she was blabbing to a witch she'd only met four months earlier. But Professor Macdonald didn't look shocked or confused. She just twirled her wand and conjured two familiar mugs out of the air. She caught them both and handed one to Lily. "Now we're getting somewhere," she said with an encouraging smile. She nodded for Lily to continue.

Lily took the mug and held it firmly, letting the warmth seep into her hands. "She'd had…do you know what a stroke is?" she asked, and Macdonald nodded.

"Well, she had one about a week before the holidays began. It wasn't bad, and she recovered. But then she had another one, and it was worse. By the time I reached London, she was…gone. It was like she was just a shell." Lily's throat tightened and tears prickled at her eyes, but she kept going, pausing only to pull a handkerchief out from her bedside table. She didn't know why the words that she hadn't been able to say to her closest friends were so easy to say to her professor, but she let them all spill out like water over a dam, "But we visited every day. My dad made us. I didn't see the point, but of course I couldn't tell him that. He hadn't accepted that she was gone. I'm not…not sure whether my sister had, really. But to me, she had already died, and I was trying to accept that. Visiting, having to pretend that everything was normal, just made it worse. But then, on Christmas…"

Her voice shook more than ever and fresh tears sprang up to make the well-worn path down her cheeks, though she didn't pause her story. "It was like she came back for a moment. She looked at me, she said my name. I tried to talk to her, but I'm not sure how much she heard. It was only for a moment, then she was gone again. She died that night, after we'd gone home. I never told my dad, Petunia, the doctors, or anyone what happened."

She looked down at her mug of coco and took a sip. It was just as good as she remembered.

"Tell me about her," Professor Macdonald said softly, watching Lily intently again.

And Lily did. She told her professor about the way her mum used to throw elaborate tea parties when Lily and Petunia were little; she'd bring out the good china - the set she'd gotten as a wedding gift. She'd have them write invitations for their stuffed animals, and she didn't scold them when they put far too much sugar in their tea. Lily told Professor Macdonald about her mother's songs and jokes, the way she refereed Petunia when she started in on Lily those last few years once they'd found out she was a witch. Se told her how involved her mum tried to be in Lily's schooling when she started Hogwarts, even though she couldn't really understand the material. And she told her about when they'd begun to notice that she was getting sick: the way she'd started to forget recipes that she had known her entire life. The tiny notes her mother left for herself around the house and even had to keep in her purse after a while. The way she fumbled over her friends' names when she met them around town, and eventually, her own family's names. Lily hadn't been there for most of it, but she noticed it whenever she was home. The changes in her mother's behavior, the changes in the way her father and Petunia looked at her. First there was concern, then stiffening resolve as he worked up the courage to acknowledge the growing problem. She was first diagnosed the summer between Lily's third and fourth year at Hogwarts. The doctors told them that the decline would be gradual at first, and then there would likely be a sudden drop-off. But he couldn't tell them when it would be. He'd said it might not be for another ten years, or it might be only two or three.

Professor Macdonald didn't speak a word as Lily spoke. She didn't interrupt whenever Lily dabbed her eyes with her handkerchief, which she did several times before she was finished. Even after Lily grew silent, her teacher didn't speak; she allowed the silence to grow, and Lily took the empty time to think and to remember.

Neither of them broke the silence for several minutes, and for that Lily was grateful. She was just about to ask Professor Macdonald another question when the door opened. Mary and Alice came in, complaining loudly about their Herbology homework. They froze a couple of steps into the room as they saw Professor Macdonald.

"Oh! Hi Auntie— er, Professor Macdonald," Mary amended hastily.

"We're not in class, Mary, 'Auntie Diana' will do just fine," Macdonald said, smiling. "I hardly think it will corrupt Lily and Alice to start disrespecting my authority. Maybe refrain around some of the Slytherins, though."

All four of them smirked at that.

Alice was shooting Lily an inquisitive look, and Professor Macdonald noticed and said, "I was just taking a few minutes to talk to Lily about what we've been working on in class."

Lily knew the professor was trying to cover, to keep Lily from having to have a conversation with her friends that she might not be ready for, but Lily suddenly knew that she was ready. "And we were talking about my mum," she said with more conviction than she'd been able to feel or fake in weeks. Professor Macdonald glanced back at her but didn't say anything. Alice and Mary exchanged surprised looks. Before she could add anything else, however, Dorcas arrived. She too stopped in the doorway when she saw the Defense professor.

Professor Macdonald stood up and vanished her chair and the now-empty mugs. "If you'll excuse me, ladies, I have a lesson to prepare for. I'm covering hinkypunks with the third years."

"Good luck," Dorcas said, shuddering. She'd hated studying magical creatures.

Macdonald smiled and nodded at the younger witches, then slipped out the door.

* * *

Lily went down to breakfast the next morning with her roommates. The three witches kept close to Lily and glared at the students as they whispered to each other when they saw Lily. But Lily didn't mind the whispering. She'd known that rumors would fly around the school during those three days she'd spent cloistered in her dormitory. Her friends kept most of it at bay; nobody approached Lily or tried to bother her. Nobody asked her questions of even tried to strike up a conversation. Nobody, except…

"Walk away, Potter," Alice warned as they reached the Gryffindor table. "You don't have business with anyone here."

James, who had leaped up from his seat and practically ran toward them when he saw Lily come into the hall, stopped five paces away. His eyes sought Lily's but Alice moved to stand between them.

Lily chuckled, noting benignly that it was the first time she'd done so since the train ride to London. "It's alright, Alice," she said. "I can stand to talk to James."

Alice glanced over her shoulder at Lily, but was apparently relieved to see her smiling. She stepped to the side. "Sorry," she said. "Force of habit."

Lily winked and nodded at her. "I'll be fine, really. You lot can go sit. I'll find you before I leave."

She felt fine as her friends left and took seats at the table. She felt confident as she turned back to James, who was watching her warily. She had prepared for this, her next conversation with James, and she knew what she needed to do. "I'm fine, James," she said before he could even open his mouth to speak.

He blinked. "You're fine?" he repeated her, skeptical.

"Yes, James, _fine_," Lily emphasized. "I don't want to talk about what happened and I don't want to talk about me. I actually want to talk about you."

"Me?" James repeated, sounding even more confused.

"You," Lily confirmed. "Specifically, I want to thank you for everything you've done for me the past few months. I think we've had a lot of good talks that we haven't been able to have before. And I'm grateful for that." She put a hand on his shoulder. "It really means a lot to me to know that I have such a great friend like you."

Author's Note: Hopefully this will give you a few minutes of entertainment during your quarantines. Happy social-distancing, everyone!


	18. Chapter 18

_Friend_. The word echoed in James's mind with a grim finality. Lily kept speaking, telling James how much she appreciated having the support of her housemates and how much it helped knowing she had people to talk to, and James listened closely. But every word she spoke sent his heart sinking deeper and deeper. Every beat resounded with the dreaded word. _Friend. Friend. Friend. Friend_.

They were friends. And the meaning was clear, in Lily's words, the firmness of her voice, and the careful distance he could see in her eyes. _Just_ friends.

It made sense. James had known that Lily would need space. He'd known that he would have to give her plenty of time before he even thought about trying to pursue anything with her. And he was willing to do it, because he didn't want to put pressure on her. He didn't want her feelings for him tainted by her loss. And he wanted her to be able to recover without worrying about him or his expectations. He wanted to let her make up her mind free of outside influence. But it sounded like she had already made up her mind, inexorably and completely. She wanted to be friends. Just friends.

"…you've been a good listener and a good shoulder to cry on. Literally. And I can't promise that I won't need it again. But I don't want you to worry about me, because I'm going to be okay. Especially knowing I have people like you to help me. So thank you, again."

James nodded as Lily finished her speech with a congenial squeeze of his shoulder. Her eyes met his with a hard resolve as she stopped speaking. They carried a warning: keep back.

He didn't say anything. He kept back.

After a moment, Lily gave him a small smile, squeezed his shoulder again, and hurried past him to the empty seat next to Mary.

James watched her go and allowed himself a single moment of utter self-pity. Everything they had been working towards, all of the progress they had made, the bridges they'd crossed together, _gone_. He was, for the first time, in the place he'd never wanted to be with Lily: Square One.

He hated Square One.

But this wasn't about him, he reminded himself forcefully as he walked back to the breakfast table on leaden legs. His feelings were not the ones that mattered. James didn't want to be handled, and he didn't want to be managed. And he didn't want to be something that _needed_ to be managed. He didn't want to be an obstacle, a burden for Lily to deal with in order to heal uninterrupted. If that meant he had to wait, he would do it. And if that meant he had to give up on her and forget about how he felt…well, he didn't think he could _quite_ manage that. But he could do his damnedest to make sure it didn't impact Lily.

James tried to tell himself that everything was fine. He tried to force himself to focus on his breakfast and not the way his heart was still dully beating out the deplorable word. Something of his internal anguish must have shown on his face, though, because Sirius looked up at James as he sat back down and his brow furrowed. "You alright, mate?" he asked.

"Fine," James said blankly, unintentionally quoting Lily.

He had caught Remus's attention by now, too. "Did something happen with Lily?"

"No," James replied, still in that blank voice. "She says she's fine. She wants to be friends."

Sirius looked horrified. James wondered idly if Sirius was reading as much into the word as he, James, had when Lily had said it a moment ago. Sirius exchanged a loaded glance with Remus and Peter. "We need to get him out of here, now," he declared.

The other three boys stood up but James remained seated, staring down at his bowl of soggy cereal. His friends stared at him, then Sirius came around the table and pulled James to his feet. His legs felt stiff, like he couldn't walk. He only half paid attention to where he was being led. It wasn't until he was ushered into a familiar room that James broke out of his stupor. But it was not to a pleasant, distracting sight.

He was in the Room of Requirement, the same room he had gone to with Lily after the Quidditch match. The wood paneled walls were still warm and familiar and the fire was still crackling away in the heart. It was the space the Room created when the wisher wished to talk. The only difference was a second couch facing the first. He sat down on the first couch with Peter. Remus and Sirius took seats opposite him.

Sirius leveled him with a look. "Lily said she wants to be friends?" he asked.

James nodded.

"Did she use the words 'just friends?'"

James shook his head. "Not exactly. She didn't _say_ the 'just' part, but it was there," he said bleakly.

Sirius groaned and sank back into the couch. James did the same and put his face in his hands.

They each stayed that was for a moment until Remus cleared his throat. "Do either of you want to tell me what you're on about?"

"Lily wants to be friends, Remus," Sirius said impatiently. "_Friends_."

"So?" Peter asked, clearly not getting the implications.

"_So,_ I think Prongs was going more for something like _girlfriend_," Sirius explained slowly.

James groaned again as Peter's eyed widened in understanding.

"Oh, come off it, Prongs," Remus said. James couldn't see him, but he thought he sounded torn between amusement and exasperation. "You've been friends with Lily before. In fact, you spent the first few months of this term trying to _get_ Lily to be your friend. And you seemed to be enjoying it well enough once you got there."

James let his hands drop but kept his head leaned back against the couch cushion. "But that was supposed to be temporary!" he said in a voice unflatteringly close to a whine. "I was trying to work our way to something better!"

"Well, maybe that was the problem," Remus said reasonably. "Aren't you supposed to make friends because you truly _want_ to be friends, and not just as a segue to an eventual romantic relationship? Or don't tell me this is still all about just getting one date with Lily?"

"_No!_" James practically shouted. "That one-date-and-then-I-can-move-on thing ended months ago! Now I…I…" he cut off, gulping around the words, not quite able to admit to his friends that he was in love with Lily Evans. "I fancy her. Sincerely. And yes, I was hoping she would eventually start to fancy me too, but that's not the only reason I've been trying so bleeding hard to get her to like me!"

Remus raised an eyebrow. "Sounds a little manipulative to me, mate."

"Urgh! That's not what I'm trying to say!"

"Am I the only one who's lost, here?" Peter asked.

"Probably," Sirius said. "Or maybe not. James does seem to be changing his mind rather a lot."

James threw his hands into the air, exasperated. "Look, I'm not saying Evans _owes_ me a date, or anything like that. Just…I fancy her and I think we could be grand together and I…I was really hoping she would see that too," James finished in a small voice, staring down at his hands, settled once again on his knees. "And I know she's upset about her mum; of course she is. I wasn't going to push her for a relationship any time soon, I just didn't think she would make her mind up so quickly. That's all."

There was a pause. "I'm still lost," Peter muttered.

Sirius sighed. "Prongs is trying to get Lily to go out with him right?" Sirius said and Peter nodded. "And Lily obviously just had something bad happen to her, right?" Again, Peter nodded. "And she's obviously been thinking things over since then, and the first time James tried to even _talk_ to her about it, she starts going on about how they're just friends. She might as well have written it on his forehead: 'Friend only. Do not date.'"

James gave something like a whimper and curled up on his side against the velvet sofa.

"Oh, Prongs, stop being pathetic," Remus said. "You're lucky Lily can't see you now or she'd probably never give you a date. You're going on like some kid whose dropped his lolly!"

James opened his eyes and looked over at Remus, adjusting his spectacles after his unflattering sideways maneuver. Remus looked terrible; pale and clammy with deep lines etched into his forehead. The full moon was that night. Remus must be feeling poorly, but here he was, coaching James on his love-life. James's suddenly didn't blame Remus for his impatience. He sat up straighter. "Fine," he muttered.

Remus looked like he had exhausted his pep-talk. "What are you going to do now, James?" Peter asked instead as silence took over the room.

"There's nothing I _can_ do, is there?" he said. "If Lily needs a friend, I'll be the best damn friend she's ever had. It's better than not getting to spend any time with her at all."

Sirius looked disbelieving and Peter horrified, but when James glanced at Remus, he seemed rather impressed. "What?" James asked, suddenly defensive.

"Nothing," Remus said. "I just didn't expect you to have figured that out on your own."

James sniffed. "What did you expect me to do, moan about being _owed_ a date?"

"Well, pretty-much. Muggles have a different term for it, though."

"Oy!" James said, reading the meaning behind Remus's words.

Remus chuckled. "You came close enough to it at the end of last year and over the summer. And you didn't exactly back off gracefully at the beginning of term when Lily started hating you again. You remember that bit with the thirty-something owls, right?"

"But I didn't think Lily _had_ to date me! I just…thought she should give me a chance," James defended feebly.

"Yeah, big distinction there."

He scowled. "Well, it's not as though she even would have considered me her _friend_ at the end of last year, anyway. _Or_ the beginning of this one. And considering what happened in our first Defense class, I suppose I should just be grateful she's speaking to me at all." He ran a hand through his hair and squeezed his eyes shut. "I still can't believe I insulted her mother."

"Boggart-mother," Remus corrected.

"Yeah, big distinction there," James muttered sarcastically. Remus and Sirius smirked.

They lapsed into silence, which seemed to bounce around the empty air, filtering the sunlight streaming through the windows with a subdued cast.

"Where are we, anyway?" Peter said after a moment, peering around the space. "I've never seen this version of the Room before before. Have any of you?"

Sirius and James shook their heads, but James nodded. "I brought Lily here after she took me to the Hospital Wing last month and this is what it looked like. We talked about her mum, and…" James trailed off, pensive. He was reminded of his suspicion about Lily and her plans for her mum. After their last conversation, he wasn't sure if he should still try to talk to her about it. After all, friends didn't make serious accusations against their friends…

* * *

Lily got up from breakfast a few minutes later and followed her friends out of the hall. They kept glancing back at her nervously but Lily didn't speak. She was preoccupied with the whirl of thoughts going through her head.

She'd known ever since she saw him on the platform three days prior that she would have to do something about James. It had taken her until that morning to decide what that should be. In truth, Lily did not know what she wanted, not really. In a way, she wanted to be with James. Hard as that was to accept, as guilty as it made her feel, and as impossible as it would have been for her to believe just a few months ago, Lily couldn't deny it: she fancied James. But she also knew that her heart was not ready for it. It was not ready to feel again. She was just barely getting through the days by shutting her heart down as much as she could, and every time she stopped to listen to it, the pain threatened to overwhelm her.

No, the last thing Like needed to do was open her heart more. She knew it was unfair, after everything she had shared with James in the last few months. She knew she was being selfish, but she had to be. Opening up her heart, she was sure, would kill her.

As this thought swam to the fore of her mind, Lily felt her eyes fill with tears. Dorcas noticed and shot another nervous look back at Lily. She hung back, allowing Alice and Mary to go in front of her. "Lily, are you alright?" she asked quietly. "Do you want to back to our dorm?"

Lily tried to blink back the tears, but they started to fall. "Yes, I think so," she whispered. "Apologize to Professor Macdonald for me, will you?"

"Of course," Dorcas said, not bringing up the fact that she didn't have that class. Lily knew she would get the message to her anyway. That was just the way Dorcas was.

This thought made her tear up even more with gratitude. "I'll try to meet you during free period later," Lily said, and she broke away from her friends and hurried up the staircase. She passed students, teachers, and ghosts as she navigated through the castle, though she didn't know where she wanted to go. She knew she could have some privacy in her dormitory, but after the holing up there for the last three days, it was the last place she wanted to go. Under normal circumstances, she'd go to Professor Macdonald's office to see whether they could talk again, but of course the professor wouldn't be there. Instead, she found herself on the seventh floor, facing a familiar tapestry of dancing trolls.

She stared at it for a moment, trying to make sense of why she recognized the tableau. Then she remembered. Immediately, she wheeled back around toward of the ornate vases on either end of the stretch of corridor. _I need a place to be alone_, she thought. _I need a place to be by myself._

Thrice she walked back and forth between the vases. She completed the last turn and opened her eyes, facing expectantly toward the wall. It was empty. Why hadn't it worked?

Frowning, Lily looked up and down the corridor again, between the two vases and across to the tapestry. She was definitely in the right place. Trying to think of a different way of phrasing her need, she started to pace back and forth again. She had just completed the second turn when she opened her eyes and found herself face to face with the last person she wanted to see at that moment, frazzled and red-faced and with tears still clinging to her eyelashes: Severus Snape.

"Sev!" she gasped, taking a hasty step back to keep from walking straight into him. "I— I mean, Sever…er...Snape. I'm sorry, I didn't see you."

He too took a step back, his dark eyes darting up and down both ends of the corridor, presumably to make sure they were alone. Lily scowled. He had always done that, even in previous years when they were still friends. She knew he was looking out for other Slytherins, to make sure nobody from his House saw them together. "Evans," he said quietly in acknowledgement.

Lily didn't know what else to say. The familiar greeting was unfamiliar in his voice; he had always greeted her by her given name, and in a much friendlier tone. But she didn't say anything about it. She didn't say anything at all.

After a tense moment, Snape made to brush past her, but Lily stopped him, reaching out for his sleeve. "Wait, Severus, I…" she paused. She didn't know how she'd meant to finish the sentence. She didn't know what she should say to Severus, if she should acknowledge the event that had shaped her return to the castle. Even at the best of times, he had been mostly ambivalent towards Lily's family. She knew better than to think he could care about her mother's passing, but she still had to ask…

"Did you write the school about my mum dying?" she heard herself say.

Snape blinked. He looked a bit surprised. Then, slowly, he nodded.

Lily nodded too. Unlikely as she would have thought, she'd know _someone_ must have notified the school. No other magical families lived near her and she hadn't told any of her friends what had happened until she met them on the train. She'd passingly wondered if it had been James, but he had been so shocked to hear about her mother's death that day at Hogsmeade station, so it couldn't have been him. Snape must have seen the hearse come to her house after the funeral to drop off her dad and Petunia.

Again, she heard herself speak before she'd fully made her mind up to do so. "Why?"

He breathed out through his long, hooked nose and glanced once more around them. "I thought someone should," he said simply. He started to move past her again.

This time, Lily let him go. She watched him stride down the hall. Just before he was out of earshot, she said, "Thank you."

Snape looked back over his shoulder at her but did not make eye contact. He gave one short jerky nod, and rounded the corner.

Lily let out a breath and turned back to face the wall behind which the Room of Requirement was hidden. She supposed, now that she had been distracted from her first attempt to access, she would have to have to start over. She tried to fix again in her mind what she wanted from the room, but before she even began her first pass between vases, she gave up. She couldn't focus, and even if she could, she had no reason to go to the room. Magical or not, the Room of Requirement could not give her what she really wanted.

Resigned, confused, and in need of a good nap, Lily went back to her dormitory.

* * *

Inside the Room of Requirement, the four boys weren't speaking. James was pacing by the door, still consumed with worry about Lily. Remus had stood up and was staring out the window, squinting against the glare from the sun. Sirius had relocated to the sofa facing the window and was stretched out in the pool of sunlight, warming himself. Peter had pulled a napkin full of crackers from his pocket and was nibbling on them.

After a minute, Remus looked at his watch. "We need to go to Defense; it starts in five minutes."

James started at his friend's voice; he had almost forgotten they were there. "Right," he said distractedly, but crossed back to the sofa and picked his bag up from where he'd left it. Remus did the same and Sirius and Peter stood up. James led the way to the door, still preoccupied. But before he reached it, he stopped, listening.

He could hear two people speaking, and he thought it was a man and a woman. He couldn't make out what they were saying.

James peered back over at his friends and held a finger up to his lips, warning them to be quiet just in case the people in the corridor could hear them too. They didn't know how many students knew about the Room of Requirement, and they didn't know if they were necessarily allowed to use it. It would be a bit of a giveaway if they walked out the door and right into McGonagall's hands, though.

James was just thinking that he wished he could see who was outside when he looked back at the door and found a peephole. He leaned eagerly forward and peeked through it.

Lily and Snape stood in the corridor outside. They weren't speaking, but James stared between the two of them. Snape looked tense, wary. Lily's eyes were red. James was just about to open the door and confront them when he saw Snape pass Lily and walk down the corridor, out of James's line of sight. Lily said something else to Snape, but James couldn't make out her words. If Snape replied, James couldn't hear that either. When Lily turned back around to face the Room of Requirement, James froze. Could she see the peephole? Did she know someone was there?

If she could, she gave no indication. She just closed her eyes for a moment and then signed. Without so much as a glance back at the presumably blank wall, she turned and walked away.

James waited until she was gone and then threw the door open. He stalked down the corridor in the direction Snape had gone.

"Prongs, you're going the wrong way!" Remus called after him, following him into the corridor with Sirius and Peter right behind.

James didn't stop to explain what he had seen or where he was going, He continued down the corridor and whipped around the corner. Ahead of him, he saw Snape.

"Snape!" James shouted when he drew nearer.

The moment Snape's eyes found him, he whipped his wand out. He started to wave it, but James drew his own wand and shouted, "_Expelliarmus!_" Snape's wand flew out of his hand and into James's.

"Nice one, James!" Sirius called, grinning. He raised his own wand.

"No!" James shouted back to Sirius. "Don't do anything! I want to talk to Snivellus."

Sirius lowered his wand, looking confusedly between James and Snape. "You want to _what_?" he asked, as though sure he had misheard.

Behind them, Remus and Peter stood still and quiet, watching. Remus looked tense, Peter excited.

"I want to talk to him," James repeated firmly. "You lot go ahead, I'll catch up."

Far from complying, Sirius planted his feet and crossed his arms. He looked like he was going to say something else, to object, but Remus marched forward and pulled Sirius with him down the corridor. Peter followed, glancing repeatedly back at James and Snape before they turned another corner.

Snape was glaring at James, his dark eyes flicking from James's face to the tip of his wand. "What do you want, Potter?" Snape asked.

"To warn you," James said, walking forward until he was very close to Snape. "Stay away from Lily. Whatever you want her, forget about it. Don't speak to her again, don't even _look_ at her again."

Snape sneered. "How touching; the noble Potter watching out for the poor, heartbroken Evans. Tell me, Potter, how does it feel to be on this side of Evans's pain again? Aren't you usually the one upsetting her in the first place?"

James raised his wand to Snape's face. It shook in his hand. "No – that's your job, isn't it?" James spat back, his mind thrumming with Snape's slur, 'Mudblood," from the year before.

Snape gave him a cold, almost defiant look. "Yes, Potter, that is my job," he whispered.

James advanced on Snape again, forcing him back against the wall. "One more word, Snape, and you'll wish you hadn't said _anything_. This isn't a discussion, it's a warning: stay away from Lily." He threw Snape his wand back and Snape caught it, a surprised expression crossing his face. He raised his wand warily, but James was already walking away.

Author's Note:

I have no excuse for my absence but this: I was playing Animal Crossing and trying to adjust to life with COVID-19.

This chapter may be a little hard to swallow. I know a lot of readers don't like to read about James pining for Lily. However, I was once an exceptionally romatically-stunted teenager, and I still remember the heartbreak, angst, and misguided frustration that is so rampant among such heartsick teenagers. It seemed downright negligent to not include a couple of good, long, dramatic sessions of self-pity in a story that, to this point, is centered around the follies of young love. Please rest assured that James's story will not be this pitiful for long.

This chapter was pretty short by my standards, so I'm hoping to post another one tonight or tomorrow. If I don't, please feel free to spam me until I do. I could, you know, use some reminders that there are people out there reading this story and hopefully willing to read more of it.

Also, I hope you like my little shout-out to my favorite moment from the Deathly Hallows novel (and least favorite moment from the Deathly Hallows film...). Bonus points to anyone who can name the reference.


	19. Chapter 19

Despite her assertions that she wanted to remain friends with James Potter, and his despite his offer of continued support, Lily spent the better part of the next few weeks avoiding him. Every time they did cross paths, every time she saw his face, her heart gave a great shudder. At first, she thought that it was the familiar excited pangs that had gripped her those last few times they met before the holidays, and the very though gave her a sick feeling of shame. Was she really like Petunia said: ready to run off at the first opportunity, to forget about her mother before she was cold in the ground?

But after one sleepless night in which Lily allowed herself to indulge the idea of ignoring her guilt, ignoring her shame, and dating James Potter, she knew that wasn't it. Her heart wasn't hammering out of excitement whenever she saw those hazel eyes and that tousled black hair. It was not singing out for James to hear. It wasn't singing at all.

Her heart was trembling. And not with the thrill of new love, but with the fear of love lost. To love, Lily decided during those long hours of staring at her canopy, was to open yourself up to its inevitable loss. Especially in times like these, in the midst of the wizarding war, when love could be snatched away not just by the fickle tides of longing but by more permanent loss. To offer up your heart, Lily decided, was foolish.

Love did not make you stronger, it crippled you.

Love did not open new joys, it expanded your capacity for grief.

Love did not make promises, it made threats.

And Lily wanted nothing of it.

She poured herself into her lessons, her hours in the Hospital Wing, the rhythms of the school, her prefect duties, and every other aspect of life in the castle that she could, trying to find something to distract her. She had limited success. Every time she opened the Daily Prophet, the names of Voldemort's latest victims jumped out at her. and around the Great Hall or the common room, she could hear the gasps as her peers made the same grisly discoveries. She eventually stopped reading the paper, but she had only to walk down the corridors to hear the whispered tidings of classmates who had lost family members to the Death Eaters. She began to subconsciously judge her relationships with others based on their likelihood of dying and how much it would hurt when it happened.

To that effect, she made an even greater effort to avoid James Potter.

"Hey Lily, I'm going to Hogsmeade with Sirius and his mates today. Do you want to join?" Mary asked her the last Saturday in January.

As it always did when she thought of James, Lily's heart wobbled unpleasantly. "No. Thank you, Mary, but I'm just going to stay here."

"But you've hardly been out of the castle all month," Mary pressed, coming to sit on the end of Lily's bed. Lily, who was rereading the closing paragraph of her most recent Potions essay, pulled up her knees to make room for her friend.

"I'll be fine here," she said. But when she glanced up to Mary's face, she saw that the other witch did not look convinced. "Go on without me, really. Enjoy your date."

"It's not really a date," Mary said. "Not if Sirius is bringing friends. That's why I want you to come: so I'm not _completely_ outnumbered!"

Lily didn't say anything. She stared down at her essay, a well-worn crease finding its way between her eyebrows.

"Please, Lily? Please come with me? Otherwise it'll be me, stuck in the Three Broomsticks with Sirius, Peter, and Remus. And—"

"Not James?" Lily asked quickly, looking up from her essay, quill frozen in midair, the sentence she had been about to scratch out quite forgotten.

Mary shook her head. "Not James. He's in detention with Hagrid this afternoon."

"What for?" Lily asked, mildly surprised she hadn't heard of James's latest indiscretion. Though she really shouldn't be; she had made a thorough job of ignoring everything related to James the past few weeks.

"Well, something rather sweet, actually. He got caught teaching a couple of Gryffindor first years how to get into the Ravenclaw Common Room so they could visit their friends. McGonagall supposedly almost let him off without docking points or anything, but one of the first years has already been caught sneaking into Hufflepuff, and McGonagall reckons James put him up to it that time, too."

Lily set her parchment and quill down and Radagast jumped onto her knees, taking advantage of her empty lap. She scratched his ears. Her heart gave another painful wobble as Mary told the story, and Lily pushed it forcibly back down and tried to keep her voice light when she asked. "And did he?"

Mary shrugged. "Not as far as I know. Sirius didn't say he did, anyway. But the Marauders can't be the only students in the school who know how to break into the other House common rooms, can they?"

Lily shrugged back, then went back to stroking Radagast until he purred and closed his eyes in contentment.

Mary watched her the whole time. "What do you say, Lily? Come to Hogsmeade with us?"

She frowned down at Radagast, who just meowed. It was true that she hadn't been outside in weeks, not even out onto the grounds. She'd remarked just the night before that she was starting to look frightfully pale. Getting out of the castle would be nice; and her birthday was coming up in just a few…

"Merlin! My birthday is tomorrow!" she shouted, leaping up from her bed. Radagast skittered to the floor and shot her a reproachful glare.

Mary grinned. "Caught on, have you?"

"I'm going to be seventeen!"

"Yes, you are," Mary agreed.

"I'm almost of age!"

Mary nodded, amused.

"I can do magic outside of school!"

"Well, it's Hogsmeade, so you can already do magic there. And your birthday isn't until tomorrow, so you can't _legally_—"

"I can't believe it!" Lily said, though this time it was more to herself than to Mary. Had she really forgotten her own seventeenth birthday? She knew she had been disconnected lately, operating on auto-pilot as much as she could, but was this really the first time that she thought about her looming coming-of-age?

Mary stood up too and held out a hand. "What do you say, Birthday Girl? Let us take you out to celebrate?"

Lily hesitated again. She _did_ want to get out of the castle, but she wasn't sure she was up to any type of celebrating. And if James had been going, she certainly wouldn't have agreed. But she couldn't deny that she missed the Marauders (even though they too gave her a sinking feeling in her stomach when she thought about how much danger they liked to put themselves in…). She forced her thoughts away from this track. Thinking about that wouldn't do her any good, she reminded herself. Besides, she was just being morbid; none of them were in any real danger. And she really should go out and try to enjoy herself. After all, she was only ever going to have one seventeenth birthday. And what would Professor Macdonald say?

These thoughts flew through Lily's head very fast, and she almost had to sit back down on her bed as the whir threatened to overwhelm her, but she landed instead on something that had become a bit of a mantra since her most recent conversation with the Defense professor: What would Professor Macdonald say?

Professor Macdonald would tell her to go.

She looked up and Mary and grinned. "Let's go."

* * *

An hour later, Lily found herself wrapped in a jacket, gloves, hat, and scarf, pushing her way through the snow into the Three Broomsticks with Mary and three Marauders right behind her. She pulled her scarf down from her face and turned to the others. "Where should we sit?"

Remus raised a gloved fist and pointed to an empty booth next to the window and they all headed over, shedding their outer layers inside the warm pub. Lily slid in by the window and Mary followed her. Peter and Remus sat opposite, and Sirius set his jacket down next to Mary before making to slip off to the bar. "Butterbeers all around?" he asked and they nodded. Lily started to pull her wallet out of her pocket, but Sirius shook his head. "My treat, Evans. It's your birthday." He walked away.

"Not until tomorrow," Lily said feebly, but nobody paid her any mind. She tried to keep her thoughts from straying to the last time she was here and let a boy buy her a drink. But she shifted next to the attack on the Ministry building, and that was only slightly less upsetting than thinking about her afternoon with James. "So!" she said with forced levity, looking for something else to distract her. But all she could think to follow that up with was, "Have any of you heard what's going to happen with that old Ministry outpost?"

Peter and Mary shook their heads, but Remus said, "My dad said over the holiday that they're planning to demolish it. The Ministry's official line is that it collapsed due to structural instability. They're still refusing to acknowledge that it was Death Eater activity."

"But the Dark Mark was over it!" Mary protested, frowning.

"Doesn't matter to the Ministry, does it? They're trying to keep the whole thing quiet. We think they're hoping that if they don't give You-Know-Who publicity that he and his supporters will just give up," Remus continued. "And besides, I thought you already knew that. The D.M.L.E. sent someone to interview you two, right?" He addressed this last part to both Mary and Lily.

Sirius returned just then, sliding into the seat next to Mary and setting a tray of butterbeers down. "Those tossers?" he asked, having caught what Remus said. "They only came to talk to us so they could check off on their little list that they did it. Moody made them, I'll be you anything."

"Who did you talk to?" Peter asked.

"Some low-level berk from D.M.L.E. They didn't even send a real auror," Sirius said contemptuously.

Remus frowned and picked up his mug of butterbeer, taking a sip before he asked, "What did they ask you?"

Sirius snorted. "Not much of use. First, he thought James and I were _responsible_ for the whole thing. Apparently, our reputation precedes us at the Ministry. Took a while to convince him that wasn't true. Then when I told him about going in to get the survivors, he scolded me for getting involved. And he didn't much like it when I said that I wouldn't have had to get involved if the Ministry would open their eyes and take proper precautions."

"And what did they say about the Dark Mark?" Remus asked.

He rolled his eyes. "That they had no proof it was there and that all of the claims to the contrary were 'unverified.'"

This part caught Lily's attention. The D.M.L.E. representative she spoke to hadn't mentioned that. "Hang on," she said. "_Moody_ saw the Dark Mark! How is he an unverified witness? He's a Ministry employee!"

"Apparently he wasn't supposed to be there; he was off duty. So they treated his testimony like they would any other citizen's. But I guarantee they're only doing that because they'd have to accept that it was true, otherwise."

Lily huffed, putting down her butterbeer before her shaking hands let it spill. "That's…that's…"

"Erumpent shit?" Sirius replied. "I agree."

She crossed her arms, so angry she wished she hadn't brought the matter up at all. But Remus noticed her mood.

"Alright, new topic, anyone? We're upsetting the birthday girl."

"What does the birthday girl want to talk about?" Mary said sweetly, turning to Lily.

Lily started to open her mouth, but before she could speak, Sirius cut her off. "I know what the birthday girl needs," he said, smirking. "Firewhiskey."

She frowned. "The birthday girl does _not_ need firewhiskey because the birthday girl isn't officially of age until midnight. And what the birthday _wants_ is for everyone to stop calling her 'the birthday girl' because she's turning _seventeen_, not _five_." She crossed her arms and glared huffily at her butterbeer.

"Oh! Wait, I know what she needs!" Mary said a moment later, sitting up and staring excitedly at Sirius. "Gigglewater!"

"Gigglewater?" Lily asked. The term took her back to again to another conversation from the day the boy bought her a drink. It felt like it had taken place years ago, though she knew it was really months. "That stuff you got for your aunt?"

"Yes," Mary answered. "But we got extra because we wanted to try it too. It's still up in your dormitory, right?" she asked Sirius.

He nodded, his face lighting up. "We were saving it for a special occasion, and I think we just found it."

The rest of them grinned and started in on plans. There was much talk about raiding Honeydukes and the kitchens, but Lily barely paid any attention. She could hardly back out of the soiree - it was being thrown for her – but sitting in the Three Broomsticks with Remus, Peter, and Sirius was one thing. Hanging out in James's dormitory, where he would certainly be, unless his detention was absurdly lengthy, was another. She fiddled with the end of her scarf while her companions made plans, excited and unaware of their celebrant's trepidation.

* * *

But Lily needn't have worried. When she and Mary arrived to the sixth year boys' dormitory that night with Dorcas and Alice in tow, James was still absent from the Marauder's ranks. Alice noticed straight away. "Where's James?" she asked as the boys welcomed them in and she took a seat next to Remus.

"Detention still," Sirius replied promptly, though Lily noticed Peter's eyes darting to him suspiciously. "We haven't spoken to him all day."

"I should think not, if he's in detention," Dorcas said, striding over and dropping onto James's empty bed. She beckoned for Lily to join her, and she did.

The circular room was identical to Lily's dormitory in size and layout, though much messier. Apparently event Hogwarts' famously efficient house-elves couldn't keep up with the Marauders' messiness. There was also a definite odor to the room that seemed to come from the very walls; no doubt caused by several centuries worth of male, teenaged residents. She thought it rude to point this out, however, so she said nothing as she settled herself down next to Dorcas.

Mary found a seat net to Sirius and looked around at them excitedly. "And you ready?"

"Not so fast, Mary," Sirius said seriously, holding a hand out for to her. He pulled a pale blue bottle about the size of a bottle of wine out from under his bed. "I've checked this stuff out, and it says on the label that it shouldn't be drunk on an empty stomach if you're not used to it. Apparently, it can cause 'hysterical laughter, delusions of grandeur, and latent fits of maudlin.'"

"What in Ptolemy's name is 'maudlin?'" Peter asked.

"Haven't the foggiest," Sirius replied straight away, still in that grim tone. "But I think we should listen to the warnings. I'd hate for any of us to get into any trouble."

He looked around at them solemnly for a long moment. Mary laughed first, and she was soon joined by the rest of them. "Oh, of course, Sirius, I'm sure you couldn't stand for any of us to risk a little hysteria," Mary sniggered.

"Well, they don't call me 'serious' for nothing," Sirius said, grinning.

They all groaned, unimpressed by this new version of Sirius's favorite running joke. "Yeah, mate, you're a right lord of caution," Remus said.

"That's my name: Sirius Caution Black," Sirius said, still smirking. "But really, we've got a load of sweets from Honeydukes and we practically pillaged the kitchens before you lot showed up, so there's plenty of food." He pointed to the top of his dresser, which was indeed piled with candy and every other snack Lily might want. "Now, let's crack these things open!"

* * *

An hour later, Lily knew she needn't have worried about the party in the boys' dormitory. All seven of them had spent the last forty-five minutes laughing so hard they could barely speak. They had gone through three bottles of Gigglewater and were nowhere near running out.

"And then, if you can believe it," Sirius said, then broke off, doubling over and clutching his stomach as he laughed. "Flitwick shows up! And there we were, James and me, half-way through slinging toilet paper all over the bleeding Charms classroom! And he just walks in and turns on the lights, sees the two of us practically covered in soggy white toiley—I mean, _toilet_ paper, and we freeze, and he freezes, and we all just look at each other..." He broke off again, wheezing. "And then Flitwick just _walks out_. Turns off the lights, closes the door, and leaves! He never said anything about it to McGonagall, didn't dock points, nothing!"

They all collapsed back onto the beds howling with laughter. "I can't…I can't believe that was you!" Dorcas gasped, wiping tears out of her eyes a few minutes later when she managed to sit up. "We thought for sure it was one of the older students, didn't we?"

Lily, Alice, and Mary nodded. "Yeah, we thought it was Emmeline Vance and Katherine Karuso. They were seventh years, Hufflepuff, and they liked to do mad things like that," Lily said, still giggling. She felt better than she had in over a month. The whole thing reminded her of the train ride to London before Christmas. She was even braiding the boys' hair again.

Sirius smiled proudly at Lily and Dorcas. "Nope! It was a couple of first years! The Charms department wasn't the same for the rest of the year. And James reckons you can still see a little bit of toilet paper in the upper corner of Flitwick's room."

Lily giggled and leaned back against the wall. "Bung me those crisps, will you Mary?" she asked, and Mary obligingly grabbed a bag and threw it across the room. It hit Remus, who was seated in front of Lily while she pulled his light brown hair into a French braid, right in the face.

"Oh, I'm sorry Remus!" Mary cried while Sirius, Peter, and Lily lapsed into hysterics again. Lily gave up with the braid and put her hands over her face while tears streamed down her cheeks from laughter.

"It's quite alright," Remus said, chuckling himself as he ripped the bag open. "Only I'm claiming this bag now; it _chose_ me." And he collapsed to the side as he roared with laughter alongside Sirius and Peter.

Mary, quickly getting over her guilt with another swig from the blue bottle, picked up another bag and tossed it more gently over to Lily. Too gently, as it turned out. It started to sink while it was still halfway across the room. Sirius dove forward to catch it, but before he could, Lily whipped her wand out and pointed it at the bag saying "_Accio!_"

The bag soared into her hands as Sirius landed in a heap on the floor with an "_oof!_". "Not fair!" he complained, pushing himself up and pouting. "I was going to catch that! And it would have broken my fall!"

"But then it would have burst open and the crisps would have broken," Alice pointed out.

"Oh, so you care more about the crisps than you do about me?" Sirius complained.

"Pretty much," Alice retorted. Sirius pouted more. "Oh, stop! You have Mary to care about you!"

Sirius grinned and plopped back up on his bed, wrapping an arm around Mary and pulling her close. "And she does it so well."

Peter pretended to retch and Mary responded by throwing another bag of crisps at him. This one hit home and they all, minus, Peter, cheered.

Lily chuckled to herself as she opened her bag of crisps. "You know, we probably should have eaten something before we started on the Gigglewater," she remarked.

"Booooooo!" Mary said loudly. "Take that responsibility drivel somewhere else, Prefect!" She flicked a cork at Lily.

"Yeah, I don't know what you're talking about, Evans!" Sirius said.

Lily quirked an eyebrow. "I think all of us qualify as 'hysterical' right now," she said, but she took another large pull from the nearest bottle anyway.

Sirius scoffed. "Maybe you lot are. _I_ am feeling tip-top! I'm the most level-headed wizard in the entire blooming castle. I could run for Minister if I wanted to and get it, and the seat isn't even vacant!"

"There's the delusion of grandeur," Dorcas deadpanned, and the sound of their resultant laughter practically rattled the window.

"Now all that's left is the latent fits of maudlin," Remus said, still slumped over on his pillow.

They all grew quiet for a moment, privately wondering again what maudlin was.

"Sirius?" Alice asked after a minute. She was lying flat on James's bed, staring at the canopy. "What's your middle name really?"

"Orion," he said, taking a gulp of Gigglewater and smacking his lips before he went on. "After my dad. And if you can believe it, I think 'Caution' would suit me better."

Alice lifted her head to look at him. "Why?"

Sirius scooted back on his bed and leaned against the wall. Mary went with him and took his hand in hers. "Because I'm nothing like him. I'm nothing like any of the Blacks, you know that. My parents are…well…"

They grew silent again. Then—

"What about Regulus?" Lily asked, her head resting against the bedpost.

"Regulus is…" Sirius started, then trailed off again. "Regulus is a Black through and through. And a Slytherin through and through. Clever, cunning, ambitious," he listed the attributes off on his fingers. "'Cept he only _thinks_ his ambitions are worthy ones. He wants to be a Death Eater."

"What?" Alice cried, launching herself upright.

Sirius nodded, staring vacantly at the opposite wall while Mary traced patterns on the back of his hand. "He wants to be a Death Eater. He hasn't said so to me, but I can tell. And my parents are encouraging him, of course. It's one of the reasons I left home last summer."

"New topic!" Dorcas said bracingly, making them all jump. "Alice, how was your day in Hogsmeade? You met Frank, right?"

There was a pause.

"I miss Frank!" Alice said, frowning and blinking her suddenly over-bright eyes.

Dorcas rallied quickly. "Er, Lily! How are your classes going?" she asked, turning to Lily instead of Alice.

But all the talk about parents and problems with siblings and family conflicts had dragged up some emotions that she had been trying to push down for days. "I miss my mum," Lily whimpered before she could stop herself, and her eyes filled with tears. Then, to her horror, she started to sob. Immediately, Mary, Alice, and Dorcas leaped up and made their way over to Lily, pushing Remus out of the way and onto the floor so they could all hug her.

"Oh, it's okay, Lily," Dorcas murmured. "You'll be alright."

"Cheer up, dear," Alice said, sitting next to her and taking her hand.

"We'll get you through this, Lil," Mary added, her arms around Lily's shoulders.

Remus, crawling out of the tangle of legs surrounding him, made his way across the floor toward Sirius's bed. "More Gigglewater, anyone?" he asked loudly, popping a cork.

* * *

Another hour later, with some food in their stomachs and more than a little more Gigglewater consumed, the seven Gryffindors were back in good spirits. Lily actually felt even better after her outburst. So much so that when the door to the dormitory next opened, she joined the others in happily shouting, "James!"

And there he was, standing in the doorway with wide eyes, looking around at the seven of them as though they'd lost their minds. Which, Lily reminded herself absently, they sort of had. "D'you want some Gigglewater, Potter?" she asked, holding a bottle out toward him.

James gave her an odd look and his eyes flicked to the bottle. Then he turned to Sirius. "Is this the brilliant plan you told me about earlier?" he asked.

"The very same," Sirius crowed, raising an identical bottle in a toast.

"Hang on," Alice said, frowning at him. "I thought you said you hadn't spoken to James all day."

Remus raised his eyebrows. "You know Alice, you have all the makings of a good auror."

Alice beamed, turning to him instead. Lily saw James throw him a grateful look. "I do?" Alice asked hopefully.

He nodded. "You're clever, you remember things, and you make connections quickly. Plus, you're good with people and good with a wand."

"Oh, stop it Remus, you're making me blush!" Alice joked.

Peter gave a high-pitched giggle. "Enough flirting, you two!" he said.

The rest of them raised their eyes to the ceiling. "Oh, Peter, they're not flirting," Mary said patiently. "Alice here is practically engaged to Longbottom, and Remus isn't her type."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Remus asked in mock-indignation.

"Nothing," Mary said innocently, nudging him with her foot.

"Don't know why it matters to you, Moony," Sirius added. "You're celibate, aren't you?"

They all laughed at that, even James. He came into the room and sat next to Lily while Remus sputtered. "I'm not _celibate_, Padfoot, I'm—"

"Why do you lot call each other those names, anyway? 'Moony' and 'Padfoot' and the rest?" Lily asked thoughtfully.

"Oh let me!" James said, leaning forward eagerly and grinning at the other boys. They nodded, amused, and sat back. "We call Peter 'Wormtail' because of this one time he got a Flobberworm stuck in the back of his trousers in Care of Magical Creatures. We call Remus 'Moony' because…because he sleepwalks naked ("James!" Remus grumbled). And we call Sirius Padfoot because…er…because he…" James trailed off, staring around the room desperately, like he was searching for inspiration.

"Ha!" Sirius laughed, sitting up and pointing at James. "You lose!"

Lily and the other girls exchanged bemused looks. "I think we're missing something," Dorcas observed.

The boys grinned again. "It's a private challenge," Remus explained. "Whenever someone asks about our nicknames we have to come up with fake stories for them."

"Why? Are the real stories bad?" Alice asked.

"Not necessarily," Remus said, hedging. "They're just…secret."

"You know," James said, standing up suddenly. "I think I _do_ want some of this Gigglewater."

He picked up a bottle and raised it to his lips, but before he could drink, the other seven Gryffindors shouted "No!" and Lily's hands shot out to take the bottle back.

"You shouldn't drink it on an empty stomach!" she warned.

James frowned. "Why?"

"Because it'll make you hysterical and delusional and maudlin," Alice supplied after taking another long swig from her bottle. She sniggered again.

"What the hell is 'maudlin?'" James asked.

"Dunno," Sirius said, handing James a Cauldron Cake. "But the last think you need is more delusions of grandeur, so eat up!"

* * *

Two hours later, fresh out of Gigglewater, the Gryffindor ladies were ready to go to bed. Dorcas stretched and yawned first. "We should get back to our dormitory before we fall asleep," she observed.

Sure enough, Lily, Alice, and Dorcas were stretched out on the boys' beds, having kicked the boys onto the floor.

James, who had had an entire bottle of Gigglewater by himself, lifted his head. "Oh no! The Flock is leaving!" he said, suppressing a giggle.

Mary snorted as she disentangled himself from Sirius's arms. "Are you lot still on about that 'the Flock' business?"

James nodded. "It's a fitting title," he said. "You know, because you're birds and you're always together. Plus, it's easier than saying 'Lily, Mary, Alice, and Dorcas,' every time we have to talk about you lot."

"And do you talk about us often?" Alice asked shrewdly, but the boys didn't answer.

"Why not just 'the sixth year Gryffindor ladies?'" Dorcas suggested.

"It's a little wordy, don't you think?" Remus asked.

"Yeah, 'the Flock,' has a much nicer ring to it," Peter agreed.

Lily exchanged looks with her roommates. They shrugged. She shrugged too. "I suppose it'll do," Alice said after a minute. "But the Flock needs to go home to roost."

The rest of the girls stood, stretching and rubbing their eyes. Lily felt exhausted, physically and emotionally. The effects of the Gigglewater were definitely starting to wear off, though fortunately she no longer felt weepy. She followed her friends down the stairs to the Common Room, thinking of nothing besides a long shower and her bed.

But before she got past the first step toward her own dormitory, footsteps echoed down the staircase to the boys' tower. She turned just as James came into the Common Room. "Lily," he called softly.

* * *

James watched Lily and the other girls file out of the room, torn. Despite the lingering influence of the Gigglewater, he wasn't sure how he felt about the evening. He hadn't intended to be part of their little party at all; he'd snuck out of Gryffindor Tower almost as soon as he got back from detention and Sirius told him what they had planned, and he'd expected the girls to be gone by the time he got back. He should have known Lily would pick that night to be lax about her usual bedtime.

But as he watched her disappear down the spiral staircase, James knew he couldn't pass up the opportunity to talk to her. He got up and, without answering his friends' questions about where he was going, followed her.

"Lily," James called, reaching the Common Room just as Lily started up the staircase to her dormitory. She stopped, facing away from him, and he knew she was deliberating; trying to decide whether to ignore him again, like she'd been doing ever since their talk in the Great Hall the first week back, or to stay.

Eventually, she turned around. Even in the dim light from the dying fire, her green eyes burned into him and he had to swallow a sliver of nervousness. Now that he had her here, now that she'd agreed to stay, he didn't know what he wanted to say to her. But he crossed the room to her anyway.

She took a small step back as he neared, and he stopped, standing three feet away from her. He looked down at the floor, at the space between them. "Are you alright, Lily?" he asked quietly.

"I'm fine," Lily said, matching his volume. It sounded like an automatic response, like she had gotten so used to the question she didn't even think about it before answering. She too dropped her eyes.

"Are you really?" James asked before he could stop himself. He chanced another look at her.

Her eyes met his, but she didn't answer right away. Lily looked tired, and not just because of the late hour. Her face was lined and her eyes were tired. The frown, which seemed to have become a permanent fixture as of late, deepened. "Of course I'm not, James," she murmured.

He winced and nodded, regretting asking the question. "I guess I knew that," he muttered. He couldn't think of anything else to say. Lily didn't speak either. The two of them just stood there, a bit farther apart than strictly necessary, alternating between staring the ground and quick peeks at each other.

James took a step toward her and reached out, but Lily leaned away and he let his arm drop. "Are you…are you talking to anyone, Lily? About what happened?"

"I talk to my friends," she answered, and James tried not to be bothered that she hadn't included him in their number. "And I've talked to Professor Macdonald a few times. It's helped, but…" She didn't finish her sentence. She didn't need to.

"It must be awful," James observed. "I can't imagine what you must be feeling."

"No," she agreed quietly. "You can't. But thank you for acknowledging that."

He looked up, surprised. She was looking at him, too, and this time, neither of them looked away. "You just wouldn't believe how many people keep coming up to me, assuring me that they know just what I'm going through because their cat died last summer, or their favorite cousin moved away, of their great-grandfather who they'd never met died. It's…"

"Not the same?" James suggested.

"Bullshit," Lily finished.

James quirked an eyebrow at the unfamiliar phrase, but he grasped the meaning all the same. "I…" he started again, then stopped. "Would it be a cliché to tell you that I think you're very brave? To have all of this happen and still come back to school, pick up, and carry on?"

"Not a cliché, no," Lily said. "I mean, I've heard the sentiment a few times already, but not in so many words.

"Well, they're true. I think you're the bravest person I've ever met."

"Thank you, James," Lily whispered. She looked back at the floor. In the low light from a dying fire, James saw a tear glimmer in Lily's eye.

Before he could stop himself, before he had even grasped what he was doing, James had closed the space between them. His heart was pounding, urging him on. He pulled Lily toward him and she didn't object. Her arms reached up and wrapped around his neck and he held her close. On the wall above the fireplace, a clock chimed, ringing out twelve times.

"Happy birthday, Lily," James whispered. Then, without thinking, he lowered his face toward hers. She raised her face to meet his and a tiny gasp slipped out as their eyes met, much too close together. James's lips had just barely grazed hers when Lily pushed herself away.

"What are you doing?" she asked, her voice still low and quiet, but crackling with tension. Or perhaps it was anger.

James, still a bit stunned by the moment they had just shared, stammered. "I…I don't…I mean, I'm not sure, I—"

"Why would you do that?" Lily gasped, tears now gathering on her lashes.

"I didn't, I mean, I—"

"What are you playing at, Potter?" she cried, her voice breaking and her eyes flashing.

"I love you!" James whispered desperately.

Lily froze. So did James. His heart was throwing itself against his ribcage, beating out a different rhythm. _Stupid! Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!_

He looked desperately into her eyes, wanting to take it back, to explain without words. But all he saw when he looked at her was the same wall, carefully constructed to keep everything in. Or to keep everything out. He saw the same warning in her eyes that he saw in the Great Hall all those weeks earlier: keep back. He didn't know if he could this time. Until—

"I don't love you, James."

Her voice was low and urgent, forceful in its cruelty. James bit back a gasp of his own.

"I don't love you, and you don't love me. I don't _want_ to love you; I don't want to love _anyone_. Or to _feel anything_."

"I'm sorry, Lily," James said, insistent. "I'm so sorry! I wish I could take that back, but—"

She said something else, but James couldn't be sure what. It might have been "good night." Or it might have been "goodbye." Then she was gone, up the staircase, leaving James standing alone in the darkening room.

Author's Note: The Fantastic Beasts films have their problems, but they have one detail I enjoyed: Gigglewater. I hope you enjoyed my take on it.


	20. Chapter 20

Lily awoke the next morning, so miserable she thought for a moment that she was still stuck in a nightmare. It took a moment to remember what had transpired the night before; the look on James's face when she faced him in the Common Room, the way his eyes gleamed when he pulled her toward him, her lips burning where his had touched hers, and how quickly that burn had traveled to her heart when he'd said the terrible words: "I love you."

The burning was not the warming glow she may once have expected to feel upon hearing those words. It was a force of pain, destruction. With those words, James Potter threatened to burn down every scrap of defense that Lily had managed to build up, every barrier she had constructed around the aching emptiness of her heart. With those words, James Potter offered her what he probably thought was a promise but was really a curse.

James Potter didn't know it, but Lily did.

Lily rolled over, burying her face in her pillow and groaning as the image of James's devastated expression again swam in her mind's eye. She forced the memories away and willed the tears back.

"You too, huh?" a groggy voice said from somewhere in the room.

Lily sat up. She was still wearing the sweater and skirt from the night before, having been too upset to change before she went to bed. She pulled open her curtains to see Alice, pale and peaky. "What?" Lily croaked.

"You're feeling bloody awful too, aren't you?" Alice asked, blinking miserably from the gap in her curtains.

Lily nodded. It was all she had the energy for.

"It's from the Gigglewater," Alice said. "We must have had one too many last night. Mary said it's an—"

"An 'emotional hangover,'" Mary finished for her, flinging the dormitory door open and coming inside carrying a tray of food. The smell of bacon and maple syrup wafted across the dormitory to Lily, but for once it held little appeal. She felt too drained to eat, or even to get out of bed.

Mary, on the other hand, seemed downright chipper. "I've just been to visit the blokes. They're not doing too much better than you lot. Well, Peter is fine. Remus is a bit glum, which I didn't expect; I guess something was bothering him last night too. Sirius is also feeling down, probably from all that talk about Regulus and his parents. And James…well, I don't even want to know what happened to James. We could barely even wake him up."

Alice's eyes flicked to Lily, and Lily was sure that Alice had noticed her belated return to the dormitory the night before. Fortunately, she didn't bring it up.

Lily didn't want to think about anything, especially James. In fact, the only thing she wanted to do was go back to bed. She was just reaching for her curtain to pull it closed again when Mary turned to her and snatched it out of the way. "Oh no you don't!" she said. "It's your birthday and I demand you wake up properly so we can celebrate!" She ripped the curtain open the rest of the way and the sunlight from the window streamed over Lily.

"But Mary…" Lily whined, closing her eyes and scowling against the light.

"No buts!" Mary said in a voice that would have been stern if she weren't so damn cheerful. "You just need to eat. Fat and sugar: the two best ways to start the day!"

Lily flopped back against her pillow but Alice crawled out of her bed and accepted a plate from Mary. "Where's Dorcas?" she asked a moment later between bites.

"She met Roger for breakfast," Mary replied. "But she said she'd come back up when she was done so we can give Lily her presents."

For some reason, the idea of Dorcas off with her new boyfriend made Lily even sadder, though she quickly stifled those new feelings before she had time to explore their meaning. "You didn't need to get me anything," Lily mumbled instead, sitting up and swinging her legs over the edge of her bed.

"Don't be silly, of course we did. You're seventeen! It's a big birthday!" Mary said, and Alice managed a nod. She did look better now that she'd had a few bites of breakfast.

"She's right, Lily," Alice said. "You lot dragged me out last month on my birthday. We're not going to skip yours just because we overindulged a little last night."

Lily frowned but didn't bring up the fact that it was more than just the Gigglewater that she'd had a bit too much of last night.

"Hey, I bet we could sneak out to Hogsmeade for your Ritual, Lily," Mary said. "That was you won't have to wait until the Easter holidays!"

Lily stared. She had no clue what her friend was on about.

Mary looked at her like she was missing something obvious. "Your Ritual! It's something the Marauders came up with to celebrate coming of age at Hogwarts! We'll take you just outside the Hogsmeade village limits and you can do any spell you'd like as an official adult! I can ask the Marauders to take us; they sneaked Sirius out for his birthday in November."

"No," Lily said forcefully, more forcefully than she'd meant to. She didn't even want to think about facing James again. "I mean," she amended hastily, seeing the hurt look on Mary's face. "I suppose we can try to go, maybe. But just us girls, er, just the Flock, I mean," she added, resisting the urge to roll her eyes at Sirius's nickname.

Mary grinned at the sobriquet, but then she bit her lip. "We can try," she agreed. "But I'm not sure how we'll get out without the blokes."

Lily didn't say anything. She couldn't deny that that was true. Even if she weren't a prefect, she hardly knew how she could manage to sneak all the way out to the village without getting caught. "Okay, Sirius can come, I suppose. He knows how to get there?" she asked, though she was sure she knew the answer already. Sirius and his friends had a knack of turning up with wares from the shops in Hogsmeade on occasions when they had no reason to have them.

"Oh, they've been doing it for years. How else do you think they always manage to get butterbeer and Honeydukes for parties after Quidditch matches?" Mary asked.

Lily was spared having to come up with a response to that by the appearance of Dorcas. "Good morning!" she said, sailing blissfully into the room. She sat down on her bed and turned to Lily. "And happy birthday, Lily!" You're an old crone now!"

"That's me," Lily said dryly, again oddly bothered by Dorcas's new-relationship-glow.

Dorcas didn't notice, though. She just extricated a brightly wrapped parcel from her pocket and tossed it to Lily, who caught it.

She opened the wrappings. Inside were several bars of chocolate. Lily couldn't read the labels, which she guessed were written in Dutch, but even wrapped up the chocolate smelled amazing. "Thank you, Dorcas!"

The other witch beamed. "I had Roger write his mum for it, since you sounded so enthused about it the other day. He just got it in the post this morning. I'm sure it won't be as satisfying as puddings pinched from the Slytherin table, but it's still quite good."

Lily returned her smile and opened one of the bars. She broke a piece off the corner and took a bite; it truly was excellent and seemed to chase away some of her lingering melancholy. She took another bite. Chocolate really was wonderful.

"Mine next," Mary said, opening her trunk and pulling out a long cylindrical box. She handed it to Lily.

"It's not Gigglewater, is it?" Lily asked, only half-faking the nervousness in her voice. The box was the approximate size of the bottles from the night before.

Mary laughed. "No, not quite," she said, and Lily unwrapped it.

It was a bottle of Rummy Spicer's Spiced Rum. Lily recognized it from the shelves at the Three Broomsticks, and she thought she may have spotted it at Mary's house on her occasional summer visits. "Surprise!" Mary trilled at the same time that Lily hissed. "Mary!"

Lily shoved the bottle under her pillow, out of sight. "I can't have this! It's contraband! I'm a _prefect!_"

"Oh, live a little, Lils," Mary said, grinning. Lily started to protest again, but Alice cut her off.

"It'll be fine, Lily," Alice said. "You're of age, so it's not like it's illegal for you to have it."

"But we can't have liquor at school!" Lily argued.

Dorcas intervened this time. "Nobody is going to find out, Lily. When has McGonagall ever had to search our room?"

"And even if she did, we could get around that. Sirius and James always have booze in their dormitory, and McGonagall has had the house-elves turn it over plenty of times and they've never found it," Mary said. "Plus, that stuff is excellent; it's my dad's favorite."

So Lily was right about having seen it at the Macdonald's home. "How did you even get it?" Lily asked her.

"Dad sent it to me. I told him what it was for and he obviously didn't have an objection. And if the head of the Improper Use of Magic Office doesn't care about a little rum at Hogwarts, then I say we're in the clear," Mary said succinctly. And Lily had to admit she may have a point; Mr. Macdonald's job involved keeping track of what school-aged witches and wizards were up to, and if he was willing to bend the rules…

Then again, she thought about a conversation she had had several months ago about Mr. Macdonald's willingness to bend other rules and norms of wizarding society. Maybe he was just inclined to take risks. Nonetheless, Lily smiled at Mary and thanked her. Mary grinned back.

"I guess I'm last, then," Alice said, passing Lily a small box wrapped in bright blue paper. Lily opened it. It contained a small enamel pin in the shape of a rose. Lily picked the pin off from its cushion and studied it. "For your mum," Alice said quietly. "I hope you don't think I'm overstepping; I just saw it at Shilling's yesterday and it reminded me of you."

Lily couldn't speak. Her throat felt tight, but for the first time in weeks, the tears that swam in her eyes were not from sadness. She got up and hugged her friend tightly. "Thank you," she whispered.

Alice murmured, "You're welcome," as she returned Lily's hug. Lily went back to her bed and picked up the pin again. She ran her finger over the polished surface. The enamel was bright red, threaded through with copper to form the shape of the petals. Lily was touched by the thought behind it; Alice must have picked it knowing Lily's mum's name was Rose. It was the type of gift she would have expected from a sister, quite unlike the practical ones Alice typically picked.

"Oh, bollocks," Lily said then, breaking the tender mood in the dormitory. She slapped a hand to her forehead as her roommates looked around, startled. "I forgot to send an owl home so my dad and Petunia could send me something! I have to go to the Owlery!" And she grabbed a scrap of parchment and a quill and dashed out of the room.

* * *

James opened his eyes the next morning to a bright, sunlit dormitory. Outside the window, the sky was blue and a couple of puffy clouds drifted lazily over the distant trees. A bird flew by at a leisurely pace and landed on the sill, warbling a little song.

It made him sick.

He rolled over, facing away from the window, with a huff. "Ruddy birds," he muttered to himself.

Or he thought he was muttering to himself. "You're telling me," another voice grumbled back, and James jumped. He sat up and peered around the edge of his bed, picking up his glasses from his nightstand and putting them on.

"Padfoot? Is that you?" he asked.

"Yeah, it's me," came the reply, accompanied by a sigh. "I see you're still not feeling up to your usual morning cheer either."

James didn't bother responding to the observation. "What happened to us?" he asked, benignly aware that the weight pressing on him was more than just the normal morning fog.

"Gigglewater," Sirius growled. "Gigglewater and nosy birds."

"The _Gigglewater_ did this to us?" James asked, frowning.

Yet another groaning voice came from the opposite direction, from Remus's bed. "Partially," the voice said. "Don't you remember anything from earlier this morning? Mary was here; she explained it."

James shut his eyes and tried to think back. He had a vague recollection of someone yanking the curtains open, an annoyingly cheerful voice calling for them to get out of bed, and of being very, _very_ annoyed with it. Beyond that, the last thing he remembered was…Lily. His eyes flew open and he collapsed back onto his pillow, groaning as those last few minutes in the common room came rushing back to him.

From Sirius's bed came the sound of more groaning. "Bloody 'emotional hangover.' She wasn't kidding, was she?"

"'Fraid not," came Remus's voice again.

James turned the unfamiliar phrase over: emotional hangover. It sounded like something a girl would come up with. But there was no denying how exceptionally awful he felt, even considering the spat with Lily. He squeezed his eyes shut, trying to block out the memory of her words, but it was no use. "I don't love you," rang in his ears, resounding and cruel.

And as though the universe wanted to make sure he was reminded of them…

"Where did you go last night, Prongs?" Remus asked.

"To get my bloody heart broken," James muttered.

Silence met these words. Sirius even stopped groaning. Then he heard the rustle of sheets and two sets of footsteps.

Someone pulled his curtains the rest of the way open and James opened his eyes to see Sirius and Remus looking down at him. "What do you mean?" Sirius asked cautiously.

James sat up and put his head in his hands. "I mean I'm an incorrigible git who doesn't know when to stop."

Remus and Sirius exchanged a look. "Which is to say…" Remus tried next.

He sighed. "I mean I tried to kiss Lily."

Both of his mates whistled softly.

"That about sums it up," James muttered.

"What were you thinking, James?" Remus asked. His voice was harsh, though James knew he was trying to restrain himself. "Her mum just died!"

"Yes, I _know_ that, thanks," James snapped. "And I knew that last night, just…I dunno."

The sequence of events that had led to the regrettable event was still a bit muddy to James, no doubt because of the Gigglewater. He remembered talking to Lily and Lily being upset. He remembered she had cried, and he'd wanted to comfort her. And he'd felt oddly relieved, because even though she was crying, at least she was talking to him, and then…"

"I told her I love her," he said quietly.

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw them exchange another look. "D—_do_ you love her?" Sirius asked. "Or was that the Gigglewater talking?"

"Both," James said. "I do love her. I've love her for…well, I don't know how long. I thought I'd loved her since the thing with the Howler, but now…" He paused and put a hand over his face. "I don't know how long I've loved her, but I know I do. And I wouldn't have said it if not for that stupid Gigglewater. I wasn't planning to when I went after her, I just… Ergh! She's been avoiding me and I wanted to talk to her just the two of us. And then I kissed her, or almost kissed her, and…and I mucked everything up."

All three boys were quiet for a long moment after that. Then Sirius muttered, "Ruddy _maudlin_."

* * *

Somehow, James, Remus, and Sirius managed to get dressed and down to the Great Hall in time for a late breakfast. James had just poured himself a cup of coffee and was reaching for the sugar bowl when a figure appeared across the table from James. He jumped, thinking for a moment that it was Lily, but when he changed a glance up, he saw that it was just Mary. She sat down next to Sirius and greeted them with just as much cheer as she had done when she'd done that morning in their dormitory. Scowling, James abandoned his reach for the sugar and instead poured a healthy measure of cream into his coffee; he no longer felt in the mood for anything sweet.

Only Sirius managed a reply, but Mary didn't seem to expect much more. Nor did she push any of them to make further conversation, for which James was grateful, both because he didn't have the energy to do anything other than stare grumpily at his poached eggs, and because he took it as a sign that Lily hadn't told her friends about what had happened the night before. If she had, Mary would undoubtedly have peppered him with questions and accusations the moment she sat down. Though, at the same time, he hoped Lily's apparent discretion wasn't a sign that she was once again sinking into her emotional numbness.

Before he had too much time to dwell on that worrisome idea, another figure appeared at their table. It was Professor Macdonald. She was passing behind Sirius and Mary on her way to the staff table when she stopped, looking over at the boys with a raised eyebrow. She turned to them and crossed her arms. "Let me guess: you lot got into the Gigglewater last night?"

Mary jumped and turned on the bench to face her aunt. "Oh! Well, yes," she said. James couldn't decide whether she sounded guilty or whether he was just projecting. Now that he thought about it, he wasn't entirely sure whether they were allowed to have Gigglewater.

Professor Macdonald didn't look angry, though, when James looked up at her. "Emotional hangovers, eh?" was all she said, still with an eyebrow raised.

James, Sirius, and Remus nodded mutely. Mary smiled guiltily.

The professor shook her head but returned her niece's smile. "Well, I recommend strong coffee," she said, nodding towards James's mug. "And some fresh air. You lot should spend some time on the grounds, if it isn't too cold."

"We'll do that," Mary promised, and the boys nodded. Professor Macdonald moved on, shaking her head but still smiling to herself. When she was out of earshot, Mary leaned forward. "Listen, I have a favor to ask," she said.

"What?" Sirius asked, reaching for the coffee and pouring himself a mug. Remus did the same when he was done.

"I want to take Lily out to Hogsmeade for her Ritual," Mary said and James's insides shriveled. He couldn't even bear the idea of _seeing_ Lily again after what happened last night, much less throwing something else together to celebrate her birthday.

Sirius, however, looked enthused by the idea. "Sure, we could do that," he said, looking from Mary to Remus and, belatedly, to James. If he saw the problem of involving James in the plan, he didn't let on. "We could take the lot of you down later today."

James quickly rifled though the believable excuses to get out of going. He couldn't schedule a Quidditch practice, because then Alice and Mary wouldn't be able to go either. The girls would believe it if he said he had detention, but his friends wouldn't. And claiming he had to study would be even more unlikely, as he never started revising until the week before exams. But Sirius wasn't waiting for an answer.

"Moony, Lily doesn't have any prefect duties today, does she?" James asked desperately.

Remus shook his head. "Neither of us do until tomorrow."

"And she doesn't have homework; she got caught up with it yesterday," Mary said happily.

"She'll never agree to sneak out, though," James said in what he hoped was a reasonable tone. And it was perfectly true.

He was therefore surprised when Mary shook her head, grinning. "She said she'd go; I asked her this morning."

James, Sirius, and Remus raised their eyebrows. "She agreed?" James asked incredulously.

Mary nodded again. "She did indeed. Didn't even seem bothered when I told her that you lot sneaked out in November. And what's more; I smuggled her a bottle of rum for her present and she was only scandalized for about a minute before we convinced her to keep it."

Sirius chuckled. "I think you're a bad influence on her, mate," he said to James, who scowled.

Mary didn't notice James's reaction, though. "Now, she said she only wanted it to be the girls, but I imagine she'll have changed her mind once she starts feeling better. I'll bring her some coffee and try to take her out for a walk, too. Not surprising given that bit about her mum last night, but she was feeling pretty low this morning."

James didn't say anything; he just took a large gulp of his coffee, sure that it was more than missing her mum that was responsible for Lily's mood. Remus's eyes flicked to James, but he refused to meet them and Remus didn't push.

* * *

After a few minutes in which James managed to make some progress on his coffee and breakfast, he was starting to feel better. Sirius and Remus were perking up as well, and Mary whisked a couple mugs of coffee up to her dormitory for Lily and Alice. James was feeling completely awake and in considerably better spirits by the time they reached the Entrance Hall and headed out to the grounds.

They had just descended onto the sweeping lawns when heavy footsteps and panting breaths reached them and Peter appeared on the steps above them. "There you are!" he gasped, hurrying down. "I went to check on you lot and you were gone. Then it took me nearly five minutes to find you on the Map. What are you doing out here?" he asked.

"Going for a walk on the grounds," Remus replied. "Professor Macdonald's recommendation."

Peter nodded sympathetically and fell into step behind Sirius and James. "Are all three of you still feeling out of sorts?" he asked, and apparently took their lack of response to mean yes. He looked curiously between them. "Sirius, I think I know what has you down; all that talk about your family, right? And the full moon is coming up, so that must be what's wrong with Remus. But James, what happened to you? Something in detention yesterday?"

If Peter noticed Sirius clenching his fists or Remus sighing, he didn't recognize them for what they were: clear signs not to go on. But even Peter couldn't misinterpret James crossing his arms and stalking off ahead of them, treading the familiar path to the beech tree. James flopped down on his back in the snow and glared up at the barren branches above him without a thought for his cloak, which would be soaked through within minutes. Peter certainly seemed subdued and a bit nervous by the time the rest of them caught up to James. Remus cleared a patch of snow with a Warming Charm and sat down on the dead grass, but Sirius fell face-first into a drift, only to pop up a second later with a sound of displeasure and his face flushed from the cold.

Neither Remus nor Sirius seemed inclined to talk, and Peter didn't try again to bring up what was bothering James, but James couldn't stop thinking about it. No matter what Professor Macdonald said, coffee and fresh air could only do so much. James's ears were still full of Lily's declaration. _I don't love you_.

And James wasn't too impressed with himself either, at the moment. What had he been thinking? What had he hoped to accomplish? Or had he not thought that part through at all? Had he done again what Lily once accused him of: thought only of his own needs and nothing of anyone else's? Becuae he certainly hadn't been thinking, in that moment, of Lily's needs.

Or maybe he had, and he'd just gotten it wrong. Had he secretly been hoping that she would…reciprocate? Be thankful? Had some part of him assumed that his love was what she wanted, what she needed, what would make her better? Or had—

"Oy!" Something cold struck the side of James's head, and he suddenly became aware that Sirius had been trying to get his attention for nearly a minute. He put a hand where he had been hit and brushed away the remains of a snowball, the thing that Sirius had apparently thrown at him.

"What?" James snapped, unsure whether to be glad that Sirius had pulled him from his stupor.

"We were just trying to decide how we can sneak the Flock out to Hogsmeade this afternoon," Sirius said. "I think we should use the One-Eyed Witch's passage."

"And I pointed out that if we did, we'd have to sneak eight people through Honeydukes. It's hard enough to get the four of us out. Even if we make it out of the cellar without being spotted, the Flumes will want to know what eight students are doing in the village on a Sunday," Remus pointed out.

Sirius crossed his arms but didn't respond. Peter piped up, "We could use the one behind the mirror on the fourth floor."

James considered. "We could," he allowed after a moment. "But do we really want the girls knowing about that one?"

"Why wouldn't we?" Peter asked.

"Because it's the only one without any security measures on the other end. It just opens up in that cave. Keeping a bottle of rum is one thing, but I'm not sure if Prefect Evans is ready to keep something like that a secret," Sirius said, picking up James's trail of thought.

Peter nodded thoughtfully. "What about the one that opens up to the sewer?" he suggested.

Remus wrinkled his nose. "I hate using that one. We all do. You're the only one who can tolerate it. I can't imagine the girls being too thrilled about going though a sewer."

"Yeah, I can just picture it: 'Happy birthday, Evans. You're an official adult. Now let's poke around a load of smelly pipes for twenty minutes to celebrate.' Somehow I don't think they'll go for it," Sirius said.

"We could use the one that comes out in Maestro's. We'll have to get the Flock up to Ravenclaw Tower, but I think we can do it," Remus said.

"And if we get caught sneaking up, Dorcas can just say she'd there looking for whats-his-name," Sirius said.

"Roger," Peter supplied.

The four boys looked between one another for a minute, but nobody offered any objections or additional suggestions. "Great," James said after they all exchanged resolute nods. "You'll have to tell me how it goes, then."

The other three turned to him. "What do you mean?" Peter asked, frowning.

"I'm not going," James said somberly. "I hardly think Lily wants to see me."

"How come?" Peter pressed. Remus put a hand on his shoulder and shook his head minutely, but James sighed. He'd have to fill Peter in eventually; he might as well get it out of the way.

"Because that's usually what happens when you tell a grieving girl that you love her barely a month after her mum dies and then try to kiss her at midnight on her birthday."

Peter gave a low whistle, just as Sirius and Remus had done earlier that morning. James sighed again and sat up, wrapping his hands around his knees. "So I've heard," he said darkly.

"What did she say after?" Sirius asked. "Did she tell you off or ignore you?"

"She told me she doesn't love me," James muttered squeezing his eyes shut as though to ward off the images that once again flashed through his mind: Lily's narrowed eyes, the hard cast of her lips. Bloody emotional hangover.

"Well, it isn't that bad, is it?" Peter asked after a moment. "She's had it out with you before and said worse than that. Remember after the Howler, she told you not to even look at her again?"

"Yeah, I do remember that, Peter, thanks," James said shortly.

Remus rolled his eyes. "James, you're feeling sorry for yourself. Sure, declaring your love and trying to kiss her probably wasn't the best idea, but she'll get over it. She always gets over the mad things you do. I think the best thing you can do now is pretend that it didn't happen, act normal, and let the whole thing blow over. Follow Lily's lead, and if she doesn't bring it up, then great."

"So that's what I'm hoping for now: that we can go back to Square One again?" he asked grumpily.

"It's better than her hating you, mate," Sirius said evenly. "I agree with Moony; act like nothing happened and maybe you'll both forget that it did.

James didn't bother responding. He highly doubted that Lily would forget what happened in a hurry, but they were right that she'd probably be willing to pretend she had for the sake of civility. And if that was the best he could give her, so be it. _Happy birthday, Lily. As a gift, I won't make you acknowledge my love for you_. His thoughts flashed to the small wrapped box in the drawer of his bedside table, but he forced them away again. Giving Lily the gift he'd originally had in mind was out of the question now.

Bloody Gigglewater.

"And you should come with us this afternoon for Lily's Ritual. If you're going to start acting like nothing happened, then start now. If nothing had happened last night, you'd want to come along, right?"

James nodded. Of course he'd have wanted to take Lily out to celebrate, and she'd have expected him to. And if they really were friends, like she'd said to him weeks ago, she'd surely welcome his company, right? "Okay," he said after a moment's hesitation. "I'll go."

Author's Note: Three chapters in two days. The fanfiction gods have smiled upon me. I'll try to keep up the pace, but I can't make any promises.


End file.
